i had sooo much fun!!!

well it's monday and i'm sleepy as hell. i would have called in sick but we are being audited so i MUST be here!!

i had sooo much fun on saturday. All the people that said were coming showed up and then some!! Cracked Chancla arrived first so i had some time to talk to her...i really do enjoy our conversations. Unfortunely cracked chancla had to leave early but not before santis got there!! Santis was actually there pretty late. Him and my nephew, rocker dude, seemed to be having fun...rocker dude calls him tio now because mr. bean kept telling him that they both looked alike. Mr. bean and mr. motorcycle did not leave until 5 in the morning!! Mr. motorcycle really wanted to leave already but mr. bean was too busy flirting...with me!!! it really was funny.

Every body seemed to like the food. i changed the menu a bit. i had steak tacos, tostadas de pollo, tostadas de atun, rice, beans, quesadillas, and mexican cole slaw. i made hot and mild salsas. i was actually quite impressed with myself. lo unico que faltaba era la agua de orchata y de jamaica ;-)

i really did enjoy myself. i tried not to get too drunk because my nephews were there and so i HAD to be the adult that i am. They tell me that they had fun. rocker dude really seemed to like santis. spikey hair was not really in a good mood. you see his girlfriend was there earlier during the party but had to leave...she wasn't allowed to sleep over so they were both quite upset...not at me but at the girlfreinds parents. i'm the cool tia 'member so they couldn't have been upset at me, ehehehee.

oh my god!! i almost forgot talk about how bad kachito took all of this. My poor kachis was sooooo angry at everybody including me!!!! he hissed and meowed and tried to bite my guests!!! i felt so bad but i also had to tell some guests to "LEAVE THE CAT ALONE!!!" because some of them thought it was funny to get kachito even more upset!!! "well how would you like it if people kept picking on you while you were already freakin' out, frustrated and angry!!!" is what i really wanted to tell the people, one in particular, that kept annoying kachis. my kachis was back to normal yesterday though. we hung out in the leaving room watching a movie...21 grams...and then went to bed. i still can't get over his hissing. good times, good times...

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!! IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!...

okay it's not today but tomorrow!!! i am sooo excited about tomorrow!!! i have like 30 people coming over!!! YAY!!!!! i'm sure some will not show up at the last minute but that's okay...they have a life too, i guess...ehehhehehhe.

anywho, everybody have good weekend!!!

good weekend!!!

well i had the most exciting, tiresome and relaxing weekend!!!

On Friday i went to the Orgullo en Accion event right after work. it was held at the Chicago Cultural Center. I saw alot of people i hadn't seen in a while, one of them being Mariposa!!! it was soo nice see to her. Afterwards i headed over to Circuit in boystown for the ALMA event. i had to leave early though because i was a little tipsy...ok ALOT tipsy...by the time i got there so i didn't get to see the wet underwear contest :-( however the bouncer and one of the bartenders promised me a private dance later on this week!!! am soooo looking forward to that!!!

On Saturday i got up early...like around 12 in the afternoon!!hehehe... and went to go get my bike fixed. yay for me!!! i also went to replace my phone because i accidently broke my other one. Later on i walked over to the red line train to meet up with Mr. Panther and then we were on our way to the Gay Games Ceremony. I had alot of fun!!!! i have to admit that it dragged but it's all about the people your with!!! there were sooooo many people!!! it took us about 2 hours to get back home but we made it. i was sooo exhausted!!!

On Sunday, i woke up early...9 in the morning...to go to the store to pick up some frozen burgers, hotdogs, buns, and other stuff for the pool party at mr. motorcycles. ms. j picked me up around 1:30 to then head over to the mexican store to get some arrachera and tortillas. Once we got to mr. motorcyles place we changed into our bathing suits and jumped in the pool!!! the water felt awsome!!! mr. motorcycle cooked while ms. j and i were in the pool. Later mr. bean came along with pokey reese. mr. policeman and ms. forever future wife also stopped by. we were all in the pool accept for pokey reese...'member he broke his leg...and ms. forever future wife who forgot to bring her bathing suit. i was just chilling in the water and flirting back at mr. bean (he's such a goof ball!!) i had alot of fun...i suggested we do that again next sunday!!!

oh almost forgot...so on saturday on our way back home as mr. panther and i rode on the bus three guys started a conversation with me. Two of them had the gay games official book with them and i tell one them "not to toot my own horn but my picture is the book" and so they start looking for it and then scream out "heeeeyyyy we have a celebrity among us!!! she's giving out autographs!!!" i was soooo embarrassed!!! one of the guys tells me after signing his book "i'm going back home to tell everybody that i met you!!!" i must admit i was very honored and i was cheesing...as my santis says...as well.

good times!!! good times!!! this week i will be getting and preparing stuff for this saturday!!! 'member it's my b-day party!!!

latinas hating on latinas!!!

i didn't have problems with a title for this one!!!

I can't stand it when i see a latino/a that doesn't seem to like other latino/as!! we don't have to like each other but i believe that we should all be supportive towards one another in our work place, especially if you work at a place in which there are only like 5 latinos working in it!!!!

where is all of this coming from? there is a nurse, whom we will call j-lo because she swears she looks like her!! anyway, i started working here before nurse j-lo and when i heard there was going to be a native spanish speaking nurse in the medical services team i got really excited!! we have alot of latino patients but the doctors don't speak spanish, well some of them do but it's very limited, so i would usually be called to translate...which i didn't mind at all. Anywho, i thought things would be different in the medical area in regards to the latino patient. Well to my suprise, i was still being called once in a while to translate. i just figured nurse j-lo was busy or something but then i was told by a few patients that they were told by nurse j-lo that she recommended they go to another clinic in which the doctors spoke spanish because she was not being paid to translate!!! what the fuck?!?!? okay so i agree that we are not being paid to translate but seriously then take that up with your supervisor and not the patients!!! i of course brought that up to MY supervisor who then spoke to the medical services head person and since then i haven't been called to translate...unless nurse j-lo isn't there.

another reason why i don't like nurse j-lo is because she seems to talk to all the latinos but seems to dislike the latinas that work here!!! what the fuck is that about?!?! she has dated two lab guys, one of them already left and was replaced by another latino whom she is dating at the moment and the computer guy....those have been the only latino straight men that have/are working here. seriously, i don't mind what she does in her personal life but why be a bitch to me when i haven't been anything but nice to her!!! i see her in the clinic and she completely ignores me, i see her out with co-workers during lunch and she completely ignores me while the other co-workers greet me. She has been like this with me ever since she started working here!! The girl didn't even know me and she was already hating!!

seriously, what is this girls problem!!! hmmm? or is it my problem?

i can't think of a title...

so i'll be honest...i'm not doing too good. i can't seem to shake off this freakin' depression!! i'm trying though, i really am.

so yesterday when i got home after work i told myself "okay sonrisa!! enough is enough!!!" i cleaned my apartment, did laundry, washed the dishes and cooked myself some dinner!! later during the evening mr. panther called me to invite me to the opening ceremony of the gay games this saturday!!!! yay for me!! i'll also be going to a few parties tonight which i'm not really in a mood to go to but i've got to represent ya' know?!?! on sunday i'll be hanging out with the gang...ms. j, mr. motorcycle, mr. policeman, pokey reese, and probably mr. bean. i'm soooo looking forward to this sunday!! we'll be going to mr. motorcycle's place and he has a pool so i'll be bringing my two piece!!! NOT!!!!

anywho, i hope you all have a good weekend :-)

it's over...

before i start let me apologize for the mistakes on my last post...i didn't proof read it before i posted it and i noticed that there were waaay more mistakes then usual...sorries :-( but i think i got my points across.

anywho, fluffy and i broke up!!! yes it's true!!! why? because we couldn't really enjoy our relationship due to the fact that dork kept creeping into our minds!!! it happened on Friday night and we both cried like babies...okay I cried like a baby and he cried like a guy. damn, i really miss the guy. we both agreed to still keep in contact and be friends but really i don't know if that will happen. i've just been feeling like shit for the past few weeks and i've been trying my hardest to keep busy but i keep thinking about my sister whom by the way i saw on saturday and i was ANGRY at her..she didn't know it though. i tried not to be in the same room with her because i'm pretty sure i would have just exploded. Anyway, like i told cracked chancla, i haven't been in a mood for anything!! not even in a mood to celebrate my birthday, it's coming in a couple of weeks, but i need to keep my mind busy!!

lets move on to more positive things...MY PARENTS ARE BACK!!!! YAY!!! i saw my mommy on saturday and i spoke to her this morning!!! i missed her soooo much!!! she asked me if i was okay because she noticed that i wasn't my usual self. i told her i was just a bit tired. oh how i missed my mommy!!!

i went to pilsen yesterday with my co-workers!! we had sooo much fun!!! i bought the coolest ring ever at the mexican fine arts museum and i got to chat with cracked chancla for a while!!! the co-workers and i went to eat at a new comtemporary mexican restaurant next to cc's store. the restaurant's name is Mundial and the food was yummy!!! bloggers we need to hangout there!!! AND i got to see Santis!! didn't expect that.

I also got to see mr. motorcycle!!! he is doing much better!!! i had ms. j's car so we both went on some errands and got to hangout 'til late in the evening!!! I also went to see pokey reese at the hospital, he broke his leg playing soccer...OUCH!!!! my pokey reese looked like he was in soooo much pain!! i hope mr. bean is doing good cause then my fabulous trio aren't going to be fabulous anymore.

i'm also getting ready for my b-day party!!! i will have it the day of my b-day!!! how cool is that?!??! i'm planning on having tamales, my famous pico de gallo, enchiladas, rice, chicken fajitas....AND yes i will be cooking all of this myself, well except the tamales that's just too much work!!! i'm kind of sad though because i think i will have alot people coming in late due to the gay games. as i mentioned before i have alot of gay friends and the day of my b-day party is also the the day of the closing ceremony for the gay games. oh well such is life!!

updates...

well it's been a some what of a wierd week. i kept thinking that wednesday was monday!! anywho, i had a great weekend. My little nieces, ages 11,12, and 13, spent the weekend with me. they are soooo cute. we went to the beach, tried going to the taste but it was too packed, watched movies(13 going on 30, napoleon dynomite, and 13. they loved 13!! they also had alot questions after it was over!!), went to the new rock n roll mcdonalds and we all ate like there was no tomorrow!! the best moment was when one of them asked me "tia there was mtv in the 80's?" as we watched 13 going on 30. i just started laughing and then realized that they were all born in the 90's!!! that made me feel soooo old!! i had soo much fun with them. there were questions about boys, drugs, and sex. my babies are growing up sooo fast!! next month will be my nephews turn to spend a weekend with the "cool tia".

I spent the 4th at my older sister's home. dork was there and completetly ignored me. i asked apple how she was doing and she told she was doing alot better. i have to admit that i had to go upstairs for a few minutes because i was crying...i couldn't hold it in anymore :-( once i got that out of my system i went with the little ones to light up the fireworks!! i love their little faces as they watched something go up in the air or something sparkling. i love my nieces and nephews!!

On wednesday i hung out with mzmarie at the airport. i had soooo much fun!!! who knew hanging out at o'hare could be that much fun!!! mzmarie is my friend from pittsburgh and was on her way to ireland and had a lay over here in chicago!! so we decided to hangout at the airport while she waited, how cool is that?!?! i met some of her "rally/protester" friends, they were so freakin' cool!!! and we all decided that i will be going to pittsburgh in october to celebrate amanda's 25th birthday..she will be singing her new song titled "he left me in washington"...i suggested the title because her ex left in her washington...get it? hhehehehehe...seriously i had alot fun. have fun in ireland mzmarie!!!

i also found out that mr. motorcycle had surgery!!! he had his gall bladder removed!! my baby was in sooo much fun!!! he will continue to be the love of life even if i am with fluffy!!! anywho, i got a bit upset at ms. j because she didn't seem to take this surgery as serious as i did and then proceeded by making fun of mr. motorcylcle because he wasn't back at work yet..."how much pain could he be in!?!? it's only like three stitches that he has!!" hmmm? helloooo? ms. j not everybody has the same tolerance level in pain as you do!!! is what i really wanted to say but decided not to because i probably would have been made fun of because "you're only acting this way becuase it's mr. motorcycle!!" whatever!! AND then she kicked me out of her office because i told her she complained too much about how much her new shoes hurt!!! aauurrghh what the hell?!??! you've said waaaaay worse things to me and i don't say anything!!...that's what i wanted to say but didn't. yeah, ms. j is the type of person that likes to say things or make comments about others but then doesn't like people saying things to her!! BUT i love her!! and like i've said before i don't know what i would do without her...i love you ms. j. i hope you know that.

well, i hope you all have a good weekend. the parents are supposed to be back from mexico tonight but not sure what time. i'll be going to the movies tonight with my fluffman. tomorrow i will be volunteering at the 1st latino pride!!! on sheridan and broadway so come and join me in the fun!! sunday i will going to a field trip to pilsen with my co-workers!!yay!! and then will be going to visit my poor mr. motorcycle!!!

have a good weekend!!

drained...

since last week i have been feeling like crap!!! turns out my sister dork is taking me dating fluffy waaaay to hard. last wednesday she was very suicidal and also got into a car accident. i called her as soon i found she was in the car accident. she told me she was okay and then proceeded by telling me that these past few months that i have been with fluffy she has been thinking about why she was here in this world. i felt like i was talking to a client!!! i asked her if she had a plan and she did!! she kept insulting me and screaming at me but i had to remain focused on her even though the things that she was telling me were being very hurtful. Needless to say i was very concerned about her that i called my other sister...whom we will call Apple... to keep an eye on her. in the process apple told me that dork was really hurt and angry at me...no really?!! i never would have guessed by the things she was screaming at me!! i was so close to not going to the bloggers bash but then i kept thinking that there was nothing i could really do so i met up with santis...we went for an apple martini before we met the other bloggers that day. i really needed that drink.

i have been trying to keep myself busy but i think it's taking it's toll on me!! i haven't been able to sleep and when i do i wake up more tired than before i went to bed. i want to cry but the tears won't come out...i'm tired. i'm really tired. AND tonight i have this dinner meeting for work that i need to go to. i have to dress up!!! do you know how much i hate dressing up?!?!

i have also been thinking alot about my relationship with fluffy. I like him alot but i'm getting to the point where i feel more like his therapist. i have felt like this from the beginning but i thought it would change with time. i told santis that maybe i'm just looking for excuses because i feel so guilty about what my sister is going through. I know that whatever my sister is going through has nothing to do with me. for some strange reason my sister has felt that i have ruined her life "since we were kids up until now!!"...her own words. anyway, fluffy has been great though this whole ordeal and when i talk to him i feel like he really cares about me but...but...why the hell am i so scared? or why am i allowing my sister to do this? i don't know...gotta go

lemonade anyone?...

i had soooo much fun last night!!! the cubs lost but are we really that surprised!?!?! AND as usual i was the only latina in the group...had to keep reminding myself that i LOVE orchata ;-)

should i feel guilty?...

i'll be going to a cubs game tonight!!! it was FREE!!! how could i have said no!! anywho, apparently the drinks and food is included so gues who'll be getting drunk tonight!!! thanks my miguelito for hooking me up!!

my heart still belongs to my white sox!!! LETS GO WHITE SOX LETS GO!!!

can we start the day all over...

i'm not having a very good monday morning so i want it to start all over again!!! my alarm clock didn't go off this morning so i woke up late, on my way to work it began to pour so i'm soaked, and then i go visit my client and get lost so i decide to call my supervisor so that he could give me the address (i was pretty sure i knew where i was going) which he did but as i was putting my pen back in my purse i dropped the piece of paper i wrote the address on in a puddle of water!!! DAMN!!!

anywho, my weekend was okay. on friday i went out with mr. motocycle and pokey reese. i had missed hanging out with the fabulous trio!! mr. bean was working late so he wasn't able to join us. We went to one of my favorite thai restaurants on clark and then we went bar hopping in wringleyville...not my cup of tea but we were in the area so we figured why not.

Saturday morning i went bike riding with Mr. mr. We went down to Navy Pier and then went back to North Avenue Beach for some eye candy ;-) . On our way back my nephew, spikey hair, called me to let me know that he was "going to be on the beach by my place and was wondering if him and his girlfriend could stop by". OF COURSE YOU CAN STOP BY!!! so after mr. mr left, spikey hair and LA hung out with the "cool tia". They left after we had dinner and i went over to fluffy's place. i was so exhausted by the time i got to his place that all we ended up doing was watch a movie,The Gladiator, which i have never watched!! it was such a sad ending and yes i cried :-(

Yesterday was the Pride Parade which i didn't go to however got text all day to be asked where i was going to be. As i've mentioned before i have alot of gay friends so they just figured i was going to be part of it especially since my freakin' picture is all over Boystown!!! i personally think that i did my part by allowing to have my picture be part of the parade..hehehehehhee. i was also not feeling too good otherwise i would have gone with them. The text messaging did not stop until 2 o'clock in the morning!!! DAMN!! which part of "i'm not meeting you anywhere" do you not understand!!! is what i kept screaming at my phone when somebody would text me.

anywho, i'm planning on having a much better evening...THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

MY HEAD IS READY TO EXPLODE!!!!!!

HP in town...

i had sooo much fun last night!!! HP or alfredo or is it alfi or alfonso,what ever his real name is, is so funny!!! good times. i'm just sad that dr. v didn't win the contest...her poem rocked!!

Cracked chancla thanks for organizing everything!!! i say we do it again....maybe dcn will join in on the fun next time!!!

weekend update...

well i didn't end up going to watch the movie...sorry bloggers :-( The fluffman and i ended up staying home just chillin'. My fluffman was not in the mood to be around people...quite understandable. ...aaay i'm getting a headache... anyway, i had a good weekend with fluffy.

Yesterday, i went to my older sister's to celebrate father's day. it got very emotional in the evening. in the morning i went to get some carnitas on Ashland and 18th st...my second mom loves them from that place!!! my brother-in-law, whom we will call mr. chistoso (because he thinks he is), loves la barria from there so i got some of that too. yummy yummy in my tummy. i walked by cracked chancla's store but i didn't see her there so i kept walking...had i seen her i would have invited her to some carnitas.

so anyway, mr. chistoso, was the only daddy so he felt very very special, "me estan celebrando a mi don che" is what he told my dad when we called my dad to wish him a happy daddy's day. When my mom asked if she could talk to mr. chistoso, he began to cry. you see mr. chistoso's mommy died when he was a toddler and he has become very close to my mom. unfortunetly, mr. chistoso doesn't have a good relationship with his dad either. Mr. chistoso tries but his dad just pushes him away. the dad has not come to visit mr. chistoso since he has gotten sick, NOT ONCE and mr. chistoso has been sick for over a year now!!! i really hate that viejo sin corazon!!! i'm just glad that he has a good relationship with my parents whom is very obvious that he cares alot about. "si mi ma' china estuviera aqui ella si me cuidaria todos los dias con amor" is what he told me last week about my mom. of course he doesn't call her "ma' china" when he talks to her, he calls her "senora china, dona china". so after talking to my mom it took him a while to put himself together...yesterday i realized how much he loves my mommy (i guess i'm willing to share my mommy with him but only with him!!)

after we all finished talking to the parents, we decided to continue the festivities with a cake!!...that had a whole bunch of strawberries!! my second mom was about to start cutting the cake when dork screams "wait we didn't sing!!". we all laughed because there is no song to sing for father's day. we all looked at each other and then i started singing "happy father's day to you!!! happy father's day to you!!!" then they all joined me. once we finished singing i start yelling "SPEECH!! SPEECH!!!" my poor brother-in-law started with "muy agradecido, muy..." but didn't finish because he started crying, uncontrollably. We all then started crying as well. dork and i got up to give him a hug and my second mom grabbed his face and gave him a little peck on the mouth and asked him why he was crying. "estoy muy contento" is what finally came out of his mouth. my little niece was crying as well and said "papi, you ARE happy verdad?" mr. chistoso looked at her and says "si mi'ja, bien happy"...i will never forget this year's father's day for sooooo many reasons.

i survived!!!!!

i didn't think i was going to survive this week without my santis but i did!!! i'm soooo proud of myself. I mean, santis is where i get my explanations on why it is that men act stupid, childish, inconsiderate, selfish...do i need to go on? hehehehehee...seriously i did miss santis a whole bunch!!

well i'm actually looking forward to watching the Jack Black movie "nacho libre" this weekend. that dude cracks me up!!

my daddy is in mexico so i will be at my second mom's place celebrating father's day with her and her family...unless fluffy wants me to be with him. i think he would want to be with his mom though. oh my fluffman, if i could i take all that pain away i would.

happy father's day to all the fathers out there!!!

have a good weekend :=)

funniest thing ever...

so i'm wearing two different shoes!!!!! i just noticed!!! i got up to go to the bathroom and then looked down and realized that i'm wearing two different types of shoes!!! i can't stop laughing!!! i told a co-worker that at least they are both new balance...at least i got that right!! this is too funny!!!

weekend update...

well i had a nice weekend...i think...okay i know i did.

first let me start by saying that THE SOX RULE!!!!! saturday's game had some nail biting moments!!! i loved it!!!

after the game is when my weekend becomes a bit not so good but okay i guess...don't know how to describe it...

it all started when fluffy and i finished watching a movie...it was about a dad who lost his wife and was being taken care of by his daughter who didn't want to get married because she felt guilty leaving her dad all by himself. as i mentioned before fluffy's dad died last year, well he still gets very emotional...which is understandable. after the movie was over he couldn't stop crying. we talked about what he was feeling, why, how and those important questions and then he tells me..."i had alot of fun today with you and it got me thinking that i'm not being honest with you. sonrisa, i really really like you but i feel like i'm short changing you. i wish i could give you all of fluffy and i can't. i want to be the fluffy that i was before my dad died, sometimes i think that i will never be that person again and i have to come terms with that. i keep thinking that if i wasn't going through what i'm going through right now you and i would be really happy. i wish we could have gotten together like a few months later. i'm not saying that i want to stop seeing you but if i see that i'm still a complete mess a few months then i think i'm going...i just don't think it's fair for you. i really want to be with you but i feel like i'm not giving you all of me and that's what i want to do with you. i don't want to fuck things up with you because of how messed up i am..."

i wanted to just break things up right there because what if in a few months a he decides that he is still "messed up" and well that's not fair to me. do you know what i mean? i mean i have to take care of me!!! don't i? i've been thinking about this all weekend and in my mind i keep thinking that we need to stop this relationship but i like him soooo much...i thank him for being able to share all of this with me. i love the person that he is...i'm not saying i'm in love with the guy, hmm? but i do think i'm getting there and before i get there i want to stop it... before he decides that he is "too messed up" to continue this relationship. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! relationships suck!!!

anywho, i talked to ms. j about it and once again she has saved me!!! have i ever mentioned how much i love ms. j? i love ms. j!!! so anyway, after talking to her i have decided that i will continue with fluffy and just risk me getting my heart broken in a few months...maybe it won't happen. really, when you think about it, no one is guaranteed an unbroken heart when it comes to a romantic relationship and as ms. j pointed out "we" are not having problems. it would be different if "we" were the ones having the problem but we aren't. "we" are very content at the moment... i don't know what's going to happen...

so i was also thinking about my schizophrenic client. he was soooo paranoid on friday because he was sure that he was going to die due to the terrorist that got killed, "ms. sonrisa, if they killed him i know i'm next!!!, i not leaving my apartment or answering the phone this week!!! i know i'm next!!" i felt so helpless when i talked to him on friday. the worse part is that he has cable so i know that watching the news will only get him even more paranoid...aaaay, my poor client.

field trips...

so this morning i came in talking about cafe mestizo...AGAIN...to my co-workers. "you HAVE to go there!!!" is what i keep telling them. i was telling them about the best dinner ever...a cesaer chicken salad on pita bread, not chips but fruit on the side, and a strawberry (mmm STRAWBERRIES!!) soymilk shake. it was sooo yummy!! thanks cracked chancla for recommending it!!! anywho, i'm always talking about Mestizo that my co-workers and i have decided to go on a field trip!!! yay!!! as soon as ms. jillipooh comes back from florida we will plan our trip over to Pilsen. i had the greatest time last night!!! it was cool to hang out with santis and cracked chancla.

my co-workers have also suggested we go to Andersonville...for those of you unfamiliar to chicago, andersonville is also known as girlstown. Apparently there have been some changes that i'm not aware and new places have opened up that i MUST go to!! okedokee with me!! we have decided to have a pub crawl at andersonville though. i can't wait!!!

i don't have much planned for this weekend...i'm going to a sox game!!! yay for me!!! i hope it doesn't get rained out. i'm also hanging out with the book club tonight...looking forward to some cheese and wine!! i love cheese and wine!!! i'll be going to visit my brother-in-law, my second mom's husband, on sunday. he just had surgery. my sister told me that he seems to be doing good...he wasn't doing too well last time i saw him so i'm really happy that he is doing much better.

well my fellow bloggers i hope you all have a good weekend!!!!

quick question...

to all you kitty owners. i've noticed that kachito is starting to shedd...ALOT...is there anything i can do to make it stop. ok, i know i can't make it stop but is there a way to at least control the shedding...all that cat hair is driving me insane!!!

thanks :-)

weekend update...

i had a nice weekend...blah blah blah. my fellow bloggers i don't know what's going on with me!!! i'm feeling...hmm? i don't even know how i'm feeling!! i'm not angry that's for sure and not irritated. i am feeling a bit down but i don't know why!! it's a beautiful day today, the sun is out, and i got a doze of my santis already so i just can't figure out what's going on with me. AND no i'm not pms-ing!!!! i've been like this since Friday. i was in such a mood to cry and i don't even know why. i watched the movie Finding Neverland. Ms. jillipooh told me that movie would be good for me to watch and have a good cry...boy was she right!! it was such a great movie. i was also thinking of Ktrion and L* all this weekend...it's funny how close i feel to some of you bloggers!! i'm so happy that all turned out so well!! i saw my fluffman last night, we had a nice time. so why am i feeling crappy? i feel sad, that's how i'm feeling, sad. i must be honest though and say that i have also been thinking of mr. rico suave...when will i stop worrying about that man?!?!?! and why does he affect me this much?!?!? hmmm? i think i have just realized why i'm feeling the way am...stupid mr. rico suave!!!!

you know as i was writing i remembered something about last night. it was pretty late, the fluffman and i were watching a movie...black and white movie, can't remember the name but it was a good movie... we didn't finish watching it because he got really sleepy so he turned off the t.v. then gave me a hug and a kiss good night. For awhile i was just watching him fall asleep and then i leaned over and kissed him. he smiles and tells me "that was sweet" and i tell him "you know i didn't realize how much i'm starting to miss you when you are not around and i don't know if i'm liking this". he then asks me "do you want to have this conversation..." i interrupted him and told him that i didn't want to talk about it, that i just wanted to feel. i liked that feeling of me missing him...the feeling of me wanting to see him and just be with him. needless to say, i had a difficult time falling alseep last night...mostly because my fluffman snores, just kidding!! i just wanted to break this seriousness which i shall now return to...so i kept thinking about how happy i am when i'm around fluffy but i can't help but feel like something is missing. what's wrong with me?!?!?! what else do i want?!?!? anywho, i'm just glad i fell alseep before i drove myself crazy!!

i want to be at home doing nothing!! just be a couch potatoe!!! oh yeah, AND i'm gaining weight!!! what the hell?!?!? i've been riding my bike!!! i'm not a couch potatoe all the time!!! hmm? maybe that's what's really bothering...my weight. gotta work on that. i also can't wait to see kachito!! i haven't seen him since saturday night!!! boooy is he going to be pissed off at me!!....yeah my mind is just going everywhere so i think i'm going to stop writing before i CONFESS something else!!! ;-)

santis high on santis...

DAMN this week flew by!!!i guess trying to catch on paperwork can do that to you...

Anywho, i wish i had santis enthusiasm for life!!! you see, last night i was talking to him and to be honest i was bit tired. i had just come back from seeing a client who was telling me about his sister who recently had surgery because of breast cancer. so i was kind of emotionally drained but then santis came to the rescue!!!

He tells me that he is high on santis!!!! i personally couldn't stop laughing because well santis is ALWAYS high on santis. Cracked Chancla will agree when i say that things ALWAYS have to be santis!! i have no problem what so ever with it!!! i love my santis because he makes me laugh and well that's what i needed yesterday!!! I too was sooo high on santis by the time we hung up that i cleaned my apartment, did laundry and cooked myself some yummy dinner. At around 11 at night i was still high!!!

Santis you need to bottle the stuff so that the whole world can be high on santis!!! good stuff..good stuff!!

have a good weekend!! i know i will because i'm still high!!! :-) hope it lasts me through the entire weekend ;-)

weekend update..

so it's wednesday and i'm barely writing about my weekend update, i've been freakin' busy at work with all these end of the month reports that i need to turn in!!

Anywho, i will blah blah myself through the boring stuff so i can get to the juicy parts quicker. so mr. rico suave is in the picture again and drama never fails when ever he is around..blah blah blah. mr. sports announcer came to visit me from atlanta and we went out to dinner and brunch the following day and watched the cubs game as well...blah blah. i went to my nieces b-day party, had soooo much fun!!! and blah blah blah. i spent memorial day at my older sisters and blah blah blah. oh yeah i ended up not going shopping with fluffy's mom because well i WILL talk about on the next paragraph. AND my sister, dork, talked to me too!!!! yay!!! i'm really happy about that. we didn't talk about fluffy at all but at least we had a conversation which at this i don't care what it's about as long as we are talking!!!

So saturday i was with my fluffman. we had lunch at the jumping bean and then headed down to his place. as we walked to his place i told him about mr. rico suave and his drama. my fluffman didn't seem to be happy with me hanging out with mr. rico suave because "baby, you've already gone through so much in your life to put yourself in those type of situations. i understand that you care and love the guy but seriously he needs to start taking some responsibility for his own actions. he sounds like he needs a mom and baby you ARE NOT his mom!!! you are a friend and sometimes friends need to let go for their own well being. i'm not telling you this as a boyfriend but as a person who really really cares about you as a human being." my fellow bloggers at this point i fell in love with the man!!!! i know many of my friends have told me to stay away from mr. rico suave but for some reason the way fluffy told me made me realize that "yes i do deserve better and me being around rico suave is not accomplishing anything for me other than sleepless and stressful nights." i care alot about the guy but it's the same shit every time!!!

anyway, once we get to fluffy's place he tells me that his mom wouldn't be able to go shopping because she wanted to go to the cemetary. you see, fluffy's dad died not too long ago and well fluffy was very very close to his dad. there have been times in which we both have cried because fluffy starts remembering certain things or i talk about my dad, things to that nature. my fluffy is having a difficult time which is natural and i love him for being able to show all that love and affection. the fluffman is re-evaluating life and questioning alot. anyway, him and i also questioned our relationship, "are happy with each other? do we see each other together in a year, two years? do you think it's working" we are taking each day as it goes and we are planning on enjoying the summer together. if things don't workout well at least we got to now each other "but one thing i do want is to keep you in my life even if we don't work out romantically", is what he tells me.

i don't know where this relationship will end or how it will end but one thing is for sure...i will never ever forget my fluffman and the great guy he is.

happy friday...

well fellow bloggers the weekend is here !!i'm going to watch the X-Men movie tonight with the fluffman. i'm so excited about that. not sure what i'll be doing tomorrow...my friend from atlanta is in town so i'll probably hangout with him. I'm a bit nervous about sunday...i'm supposed to go out shopping with fluffy's mom!!!!! holy crap!!! yep!! i'm hanging out con la mera mera!!! will see how that goes. i will most definetly keep you posted!!

have a good weekend fellow bloggers!!! it's supposed to be a nice and warm weekend here in chicago so i'm definetly going to take advantage of it!!

hanging out with santis...

i had the best time ever last night!!!! i have to admit that it was a little odd at first because mrs. santis hung out with us too. I got to see little santito and little santita. They are soooo adorable!!!! AND boy have they grown up!!! I got to see santis in the dad mode and that was so sweet. Once Mrs. santis finished getting ready we headed down to Lalo's on Harlem...i'm not a fan of the place but i wanted to hangout with santis... as he says "i took one for the team".

Well we get to the place and i start feeling out of place. All these half naked women walking around with those staletos(?)...yeah not my thing. I hate that place!! anywho, we get a table waaay in the back in a corner which was cool for me. we ordered margaritas and i was hungry as hell so i had me some enchiladas. santis was being very quiet but i saw him checking out the girls..he thought he was being sleak!! i was just observing the people...drunk girls that were all over guys who were not into them, guys checking out guys (closeted guys), girls checking out guys and smiling...yeah that whole scene is just not me!!! anywho, santis and i made the most of it.

After santis came back from dancing with mrs. santis, him and i danced sitting down...mrs. santis went back out to dance with her friends. AND let me tell you that santis is a great sitting dancer!!! ehehhehehehe,salsa, merengue, regueton, you name it!! he was dancing to it..sitting down of course. AND then he asks me "hey so if dcn comes to chicago, will we be going to a strippers club?" "hell yeah!!!" is what i told him. he gives me this huge ass smile and tells me "i gotta talk to dcn!!!" santis you crack me up!!!! i had a lot of fun...and yes i too enjoyed checking out girls with you ;-)

weekend report...

so my weekend went okay...i hung out with pokey reese and his dad. we rode our bikes down the lakeshore path. i had dinner with fluffy, we went to the handle bar...awsome food!!!! sunday i went to my older sisters and then left because dork stopped by and well i felt uncomfortable with her not acknowledging that i was in the room...gotta love her. it hurts the hell out of me but really she's the one that is choosing not to talk to me. okay enough of that!! lets get to the juicy part...

Yesterday, i went to a work event...taste for every palate. it's like a mini inside version of taste of chicago. i ate all kinds of foods from t's restaurant, adobo grill, francesca...the list goes on, and all the wine i could drink!! no i didn't get drunk, it WAS a work event and i REFUSE to get drunk when i'm around co-workers!!! anywho, while i was there i kept checking people out!!! my fellow bloggers is this normal?!??!?! i mean i do have a boyfriend. i don't ever remember checking out anybody when i was with the ex!!! why am i doing it now?!?!? i do have a confession...i don't think i have ever mentioned the fact that i like girls too. this a comment i posted on Lady K's blog..

GGIIIRRRRLLLLLL, i know exactly what you mean!!! i do consider myself bi but prefer men. I don't tell alot of people that because i always end up getting the "you're just confused" speech. I'm really not confused!!AT LEAST NOT ABOUT MY SEXUALITY!! now ask me about anything else and i just might say "yes i'm totally confused about that!!" i've had girlfriends...great girlfriends and not so great girlfriends...and yes my current boyfriend, fluffy, knows about this and seems to be okay with it. Anywho, i just never really think about it, that's who i am and that's who i will continue to be. i won't just blurt it out but if i were to be asked i wouldn't deny it...again i have gotten "the speech" waaaaay too many times that it has become insulting at times so i just try to avoid it...the speech not me being bi ;-)

And so that's why i don't talk about it...anyway back to yesterdays event. well the thing is that there were alot of very nice looking women and i kept checking them out!!! what is that about?!??! i really like my fluffy and well he has provided everything for me ;-) there are days in which i can't wait to see him to hug him and kiss him!! anywho, last night i got home and i was feeling very very guilty...i felt like i had cheated on the guy. i'm pretty sure that the people who have given me "the speech" will most likely be telling me something about me coming to terms with me being a lesbian...hmm? yeah no, i enjoy men waaaay too much to just stick to women!!! as i mentioned before i very much enjoy my fluffman!!! so it normal for me to check out other individuals while i'm dating fluffy?

i'm sorry...

i apologize for not finishing my last blog. i was writing my blog when i got my mail...yes that's how i found out. I had actually been looking for him all morning...i called the hospital but they were giving me the run around and then i kept calling him at home and nothing. i had already set up home maker services so the home maker agency was kind enough to send me a letter stating that my client "had expired"...well i kind of lost it after that.

i want to dedicate this post to my crazy puerto rican client. The dude was sooooo crazy!!! intimidating when you first saw him though. he was very tall, dark and had this very scary voice but he was the sweetest guy ever!!! he was always making me laugh...i remember one time he was getting out of the hospital however the staff weren't allowing him to leave without someone picking him up and according to him he tells them "but i'm high on vicodene!!! i'll be fine!!! see i'm freakin' dancing!!! society will never even know that i'm sick!!! they will just think i'm just some nut high on something!!!" but the hospital was not having it. He called me to get cab for him "porque estos locos no me dejan salir de aqui solo!!" i'm going to miss you my crazy puerto rican...

i've come back from the dead!!!

At least that's how i feel. DAMN!!!! that was excruciating pain i was in these last few weeks!! i didn't feel that much pain when i had problems with my uterus last month!!!! I even asked my Fridita (she is my goddess) to take me with her!!!! YES I WAS IN THAT MUCH PAIN!!!

Anywho, now i'm back here at work..very happy to be back!!! and returning a whole bunch of phone calls. my schizophrenic client "knew that there was something wrong with me"...hmmm? yeah maybe because i kept changing my voicemail greeting thing and i sounded like crap on all of them.

i just found out my client died.

i still can't swallow...

well my fellow bloggers i'm still hurting!!! i've been to the doctor twice and fluffy was ready to take me to the emergency room once!! apparently i have an ear infection along with tonsolitis. DAMN it hurts!!!! i actually cried on saturday because i was in so much pain. The fluffman has been so sweet through this whole thing.

I decided to go to go my older sister's for mothers day so she is taking care of me now...she made me such fideo and warm tea for lunch. i love her so much!!! thanks sister!!! i hope i get better soon...i think that's one of the reasons i was crying yesterday too, i 'm just so frustrated of being sick!!! and the pain of course.

oh, i also talked to my sister, whom i will call 2nd mom, about fluffy, younger sister, whom i will call dork ehhehehe,and me. My 2nd mom told me not to pay any attention to dork and just focus on making things workout between fluffy and i...have i mentioned how much i love my 2nd mom!!!! She also said that i should take fluffy to my little nieces dance perfomance!!! i've already bought the tickets!!! 2nd mom told me that dork should just talk to both fluffy and me about what exactly is bothering her so that we, mainly dork, can work on it and get over it!! I must admit that i do feel better about the whole thing after talking to my 2nd mom.

AND you know what really sucked about this weekend!??!? I MISSED SANTIS BIRTHDAY PARTY!!!!! I'm really sorry santis!!! i sooooo wanted to go. the fluffman kept telling me "if i see that you are feeling better then we will go". i wasn't feeling better. Like i mentioned before the fluffman was getting ready to take me to the ER on saturday evening. Anywho, Santis i promise to make it up to!!! i promise!!! i'll take you out to dinner where ever you want to go!!!

i want to swallow!!! DAMN IT!!!

my fellow bloggers i'm feeling like shit!!! my throat still hurts, my sister is still very upset at me and it looks like it will be raining for tomorrow's sox game!!!!!

I asked a doctor (the only cool doctor at this clinic!!) to check my throat and he told me that it was definetly not strep throat...thank my frida for that!! he told me it was nothing to worry about and i should be okay in a couple of days. i've been drinking plenty of fluids and last night i had lemon and honey. i still feel crappy and i must also look crappy because i saw my schizophrenic client this morning and he tells me "Sonrisa, you don't look too good!!! what's wrong with you?" he makes me laugh, "well it's nice to see you too!!" i tell him.

Speaking of clients...another of my clients is not doing too well. His doctor (yes the only cool doctor in this clinic) told me that he was going to die soon. It's really sad bloggers. i was close to tears yesterday when i was talking to him. he has no one!!! he only has ONE close friend and well they are not talking to each other at the moment...i think his friend is having a difficult time with all of this therefore chose to pick an argument. I'm going to see him tomorrow at the hospital. i was told to expect the worse. Last time i saw him at his place he was already deteriorating...this is the part of my job i do not like!!! i tend not to get too involved when my clients get to this point but because this one doesn't have anybody i will be handling alot more than what i usually do.

I think moments like these are when i appreciate life the most, which is why my sister not talking to me is affecting me this much. Really, why would i want to hurt my sister?!?!? this is how she is taking it. I'm hurting her!!! What the fuck does she think she is doing to me by acting this way?!?!? Ms.J and mr. motorcycle tell me that she is the one that's loosing out...a great friend and a relationship with her sister. I totally understand but i can't help but to feel sad. I love my sister. I always thought her and i had a much different and special relationship then i do with my other brothers and sisters and well having to go through this really sucks!! Bloggers it really depresses me not to be able to talk to her about how much fluffy makes me happy. He literally makes my heart smile. "hasta la voz se te suena diferente!!" mr. motorcycle tells me, "is this my Sonrisa?!! okay what did you do to my Sonrisa?!?" he continues. I am happy but i also miss my sister. I e-mailed her the beginning of this week and she hasn't responded. i don't want to give up on her but really what else is there for me to do?

I am looking forward to tomorrow's game though!!! LETS GO SOX!! LETS GO!! i hope it doesn't rain!! AND if it does well it wouldn't matter because i would be with my fluffman!!!

p.s.
today is mother's day in mexico so HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!! to all the mothers out there!!!

the virus...

what ever cracked chancla had, i now have!!!! my throat is killing me!!!! it hurts when i swallow!!!

monday report..

i had a nice weekend..it had been a long time!! on Friday morning i went to my friends graduation and afterwards we went to have lunch at P.F. Chang, a chinese restaurant..yummy. i had a budah margarita( how funny is that?!?)!! in the evening i had dinner with Richie Rich at Ruby Tuesdays, yummy turkey burgers!! On saturday, Mr. Chef had a dinner for the graduate to celebrate his graduation/birthday!!! that man can cook!!! the graduate was making mojitos all night!!! The fluffman got to meet them...he kept calling me his "guerita" all night. He is realizing that alot of my friends are white. yesterday i got up took a shower, made myself some pancakes and then layed down to watch t.v. and fell asleep!! when i woke up it was 3:00!!!! i was supposed to go volunteer at the hospital!! i felt sooooo bad!!! i don't know what happened to me!!! okay i do know, the fluffman kept me up most of the night....talking!!! you dirty minded people!!! anywho, i think i'm going to change my days for volunteering to weekdays because i was telling my older sister that sundays are getting too difficult...no me da tiempo de hacer nada, not that i do anything but sundays i usually go visit her and well sometimes i get out of the hospital too late. anywho, since i had the time i went to go buy a calling card so that i could call my mommy. i talked to her and daddy and they seem to be doing well. my daddy told me that he really enjoyed puerto vallarta with my sisters and he couldn't get over how beautiful it was. my momma finally went to get some x-rays done on her knee and apparently everything seems to be okay. she tells me that her knee has been feeling alot better ever since the new doctor started her on new medications. she is supposed to be on them for a month so the parents are not sure when they will be coming to chicago :-( i was hoping they would come back by the end of this month but i it doesn't look like it.

AND well now i'm here at work wanting to be at home with kachito!!! who by the way got really upset at me yesterday. when i went to go get the calling card, he wanted me to take him with. he kept pulling on my jeans and meowing but i kept telling him that he had to stay. when i came back, i found him underneath the covers of my bed!!! he did not want to get out and when i called him, he would just meow!! at one point i tried to touch him but he would just move to another spot and meow!! the whole thing was very cute...anywho that's my story and i'm sticking to it!!!

what do i do?

my sister continues to have a huuuge problem with fluffy and me!!!! i feel like a back stabber because she kept telling me "but you knew how i felt about you hanging out with my friends!!!" when i told her that fluffy and i were dating. bloggers, i seriously thought about just breaking up with fluffy because i didn't want my sister being upset. The fluffman is also getting it!! Apparently, my sister and fluffy had planned to go to a sox game this thursday and my sister called to cancel because "she forgot she had something else to do". Fluffy was really upset!!! "you know i'm sorry but the hell with your sister!!" is what he told me. Fellow bloggers what do i do?!?!?!?!

he's back!!! he's back!!!

oh how i missed my fluffman!!!

we will call him Mundo...

I took the day off yesterday to go the rally...okay i'll be honest. once i got to my sister's house on sunday night i wasn't planning on going anymore but some how i think i was meant to go. Anyway, my plan was to go with my older nephews but i wasn't cool enough...at least that's how i felt but i totally understood...they had already planned on going with their friends. so once i got rejected i had decided not to go anymore. Because La Chiquita, one of my favorite grocery stores, was going to be closed on Monday, i decided to do my grocery shopping on sunday night.

I left my sister's place Monday at around 12 in the afternoon to get on the #60 bus at around 12:30. The bus was empty when i got on it but before we even got to Kedzie the bus was already packed. By the time we had reached 18th st. there was no more space for people to get in it!!! Some people were not sure where to get off so they were asking one another "hasta donde nos lleva este bas?" "nose, nadamas seguimos a la gente" Well because the bus was rerouted due to the rally it took us closer to where the rally was going to end up so i decided to go, mind you i was still carrying the grocery bags.

As i was getting off the bus a man asks me, "conoces bien el centro?" "mas o menos" i answered and then he grabs my grocery bags and tells me "pues no te me vayas a perder porque YO no me quiero perder" i just smiled and then he asks "si hibas a ir a la marcha?" "pues no pensaba ir pero ya no me queda otra". We walked towards Grant Park. He kept asking me if i was sure i didn't mind him following me and i kept telling him that it was okay. Once we got to grant park we looked for a spot to stand...the ground was too wet and neither of us had anything to sit on. I was overwhelmed by all the people i saw!!! i got chills just looking at the people that continued to march in. We both screamed "si se puede!! si se puede!!!" i kept running into people and Mundo kept telling me "que se me hace que estoy con una persona famosa y ni cuenta me doy". i would just smile and at one point told him "no soy famosa pero si soy muy amigable". Mundo then asks if i was hungry and i tell no and then i asked him if he was hungry. He told me was so i said "tengo unas bananas en una de esas bolsas si gusta" he smiles and tells me "solo si tu tambien te comes una" so we both had a banana and we continued screaming "si se puede!!" si se puede!!!". At about 3:30, closer to 4:00, i decided that it was time to go home so i told Mundo that i was leaving. He tells me that he would like to invite me to eat. i kept saying no but he kept insisting "por tu tiempo conmigo". he finally convinced me so we ended up going to Bennigan's. I know that we weren't supposed to buy or eat at any american restaurant but Mundo was so nice and sweet AND i'm glad i ended up accepting his offfer because i learned so much about him!!

Once we get to the restaurant and get seated, Mundo asks me why i was by myself. I told him that i was supposed to go home, drop of my groceries, get my bike and then come back but since the bus had dropped us off so close to the rally i decided to stop by. I then asked him the same question. "pues yo quede de vinir con unos amigos pero me dejaron plantado y pues decide venir solo". i told him that i was so glad he decided to come anyway!! "si no quien me hiba ayudar con mis bolsas" he just laughed and told me he was glad to have come too. He then told me that he had been in chicago for ten years "sin papales y pues yo quisiera que hacieran halgo porque tengo ganas de ir a ver a mi familia" He has a 12 year old son that he has only seen through pictures and 11 brothers and sisters that he only communicates by phone every few months. his sons mother is now with someone else but continues to have a good relationship with Mundo. His dad is 87 years old and Mundo would like to see him before he passes away.

When Mundo came to chicago he was supposed to stay with some "friends" but supposedly the place in which he was to stay at was already too packed so they told him he would have to find another place to stay at. "pero si yo no conocia a nadie" he told me. so what he ended up doing was walk around the streets trying to get people to help him out but of course nobody did. He found an open garage that night therefore decided to stay there. In the morning he walked from Clark and Morse all the way down to Michigan (about 10 miles) to look for a job. He went to every store and restuarant but was unsuccessful. He walked back to that same garage and slept the night there again. He did this for about a week until he got caught. The owner of the garage called the police but before the police got there the neighbor told the owner that he had noticed that Mundo was only using the garage to sleep and had never stolen anything, which is what Mundo was telling the owner to begin with. When the police finally arrived the owner told the cops that the two individual had run off and that Mundo was his friend. The owner's wife then asked Mundo to stay in the basement until he got himself a job which he did, at a restuarant, but got fired because he didn't speak or understand english. That same day Mundo went to buy a spanish/english dictionary and started teaching himself how to read english. He found another job at a restaurant and was also working for another company at night. In between jobs he enrolled himself in ESL classes, which at times he would miss because he was too tired. The little english that he knows now is restaurant terminalogy.

I was so into the conversation that i didn't even realize that somebody kept calling my name, until Mundo told me "Sonrisa te hablan por aya". i turned around only see my other cop friend. we said our hellos, made introductions and then i went back to the conversation with Mundo who tells me "no te digo, tu si que eres famosa!!" i tell him "no me siga diciendo eso porque me lo voy a creer!!" we both just laughed. We finished eating and i offered to pay but he wouldn't allow it because "me vas a insultar!!". so i let him pay. he asked me if i had a boyfriend and told him yes (this felt very strange bloggers) but that he had gone to california. As soon i finished saying that i got a text from fluffy telling me that he was at the rally in L.A. and so asked Mundo if it would be too rude of me to text him back. Mundo tells "no como vas creer, si es tu novio. tienes que darle esa atencion, yo entiendo muchacha. yo tambien e estado enamorado" so i text my fluffman then mundo and i headed out the restaurant. I gave him directions on how to get back home, "esta seguro que no se me va a perder?' i asked and he reasssured me that he would be okay and some how i knew he would. He gave his phone number but didn't ask for mine "porque si me quieres volver a hablar eso ya depende de ti, muchacha" i gave him a hug and told him to take care. We both went our separate ways.

I really do hope that something good comes out of this rally!!! SI SE PUEDE!!! SI SE PUEDE!!!

SHE FUCKIN' ROCKED!!!!!

who am i talking about?!?!? LILA DOWNS!!!!!!! the performance was awsome!!! i could totally feel her energy!!! i loved it!!!! totally loved it!!! i didn't want her performance to end!!!! AND did i mention she fuckin' rocked?!?!??!

yet another chapter in kachito's life...

Well my fellow bloggers things with the fluffman are going well, however kachito seems to be having some problems with it.

The fluffman was at my place on wednesday night and well Kachito was not liking it at all!! Fluffman was sitting on the stool in the kitchen and kachis jumps to the stool next to him and starts scratching him!!! I yelled at Kachi's to stop but he just looked at me then continued to scratch fluffy. I asked fluffy to just push him off the stool and he tells me "that's what my first reaction was but i didn't want you to think i didn't like the cat" i just smiled and told him "dude, my cat is scratching and you're worried about what i would think?"..isn't he so sweet? yes, i know we are still in the "trying to impress one another" mode. anywho, so kachis went to the living room while we ate. Once we finished eating, we headed down to the living room to watch a movie. While watching the movie, kachis decided to jump on fluffy's lap...i'm thinking "oh, he's warming up to fluffy" boy was i wrong!!! Kachito started hissing at fluffy!!! i've NEVER seen him do that!!! it scared the crap out of me!!! So i push kachis away from fluffy to only have kachis hiss at me too!!! "what the fuck is this about?!?!" i ask kachito who by now is walking back to kitchen. He then went into my closet and didn't come out until fluffy left. Once the fluffman left kachito was back to his normal caring self. He jumped on my lap as i watched t.v. then followed me to bed once i decided to go to sleep.

Fellow bloggers, i'm scared!!! Kachito is freaking me out!!! Fluffman told me, kiddingly, that i was going to have to choose between him and Kachito. i told him "well you know where the door is cause kachis will ALWAYS come first to me!!!"...seriously is it normal for kachito to be behaving this way?

it's official!!!!

i have a boyfriend!!! a wonderful boyfriend!!! hmm? why am i so excited? don't know and don't care. he tells me that he feels a little pressure due to the fact that i haven't been in a committed relationship for 6 years. he is sooo sweet!! we still haven't told my sister but he tells me that he will talk to her as soon as she comes back from mexico. i'm actaully nervous but i'm too happy for her to ruin this!! have i told you how wonderful he is? i hope not to be writing the opposite in a few weeks or months. we are having dinner tonight at my place and i can't wait to see him...damn!!! when did i get to this point?!?!? don't know if i'm liking this!! we were on the phone 'til one o'clock in the morning last night!! fellow bloggers, i must admit that sometimes i wonder...what if i'm just doing this because i don't want to be alone anymore or because i'm scared this opportunity will never come by again or because i'm thinking that i want this man to father my children. hmmm? actually, i think he would be a great dad!! i like the way he talks about his nieces and nephews...

i'm with this man because i like me when i'm around him!! i'm my crazy self and he doesn't seem to mind. he laughs at the goofy things i do and boy does he make me laugh!! we've had really intense conversations and silly conversations. ooohh, i so wish that a few months from now none of this has changed and if it has i wanted to be for the better. i'm so scared!!! last night we were talking about going to spain next year and what "we" needed to do financially to get there. "we"? that "we" scared me. i'm used to just "me". i'm used to doing things by myself, not having to think about anybody other than me...not because i'm selfish but because that's how it has been for the past few years. i'm not at all selfish but i don't want to come off like that to him. he tells me he understands. oh my fellow bloggers, i'm really falling for this guy!!

on a different note, guess who called last night? Mr. K!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that was such a wierd conversation!! he told me he had just gotten back from Africa and was thinking of me and was wondering if he could see me. i was thinking "dude, i know exactly what you are doing!!! and i ain't nobody's booty call!!!" i was JUST thinking it, i didn't tell him that. i did tell him that i was dating someone hoping that it would develop into something serious. he told me he was very happy for me and wished me the best then hung up. oh yeah, life is good at the moment!!

weekend report...

well my fellow bloggers i had an AWSOME weekend!! Ms. J' b-day party was definetly going on!! i took the fluffman with and he seemed to be enjoying himself just observing how crazy we all got. we left early though because i was already freakin' drunk and i was super tired and sleepy. over all i had fun and it was nice. ms. J seemed to be enjoying herself...happy b-day to ms. j!!

on saturday was my turn to hangout with fluffman's friends. We went to The Empty Bottle and i had the best time. his friends are just as cool as the fluffman...okay now i know i'm really liking this guy!! Anywho, we got to see three bands!! one of the chicks, Shelly Short, rocked!!! Damn, that girl has an awsome voice!!! she definetly left that place with a new fan!!

yesterday, i started volunteering again. i so did not want to go because it was such a beautiful day and i just wanted to go ride my bike down by the lake but i, very hesitantly, decided to go volunteer. AND i'm so glad i did because i had such a great time with the kids!!! i went around passing around the welcoming gifts and i love the kids and parents reactions when i come in the room with all this goodies at hand!!! i truelly do enjoy doing this!! i got home at about 5:30 and i was totally exhausted. i had dinner and tried watching t.v. but i got so sleepy that by 8:30 i was already in bed!!

The fluffman is going out of town this weekend and well i must admit that i am going to miss him. we have plans to see each other on wednesday before he leaves to california and i'm soooo looking forward to it!!

AND 4 more days to Lila Downs performance!!!! i'm sooooo fucken excited!!!! AAAAHHHHHH!!!

i'm counting the days!!!

Lila Downs comes to chicago on the 29th and i can't wait to see her!! one more week to go!!!

Well things with the fluffman are going okay. we are already discussing when and where we will be getting married. we have decided to stay on the northside once we do get married. hehehehee, okay it's not that serious!!! i just thought it would be funny. anywho, there are soooo many things that go through my head when i spend time with him, one of the being that i think his gay!!! maybe i've just spent too much time with my gay friends that i think the whole world is gay. i have talked to santis about this and he reassures me that the fluffman is not gay!! "he is one of the good ones!!" he tells me. oh yeah the three of us went to college at the some time but apparently santis communicated more with the fluffman due to an organization they both belonged to. Anyway, he IS a very sweet guy and we hung out on monday night. i learned so much about the guy!!! he is soooo freakin' smart!! smart guys really turn me on!! AND he is chubby!! how cool is that?!?! i love chubby guys!! he makes me feel soooo special!! anywho, enough of the fluffman.

i'm having such a busy day!!! i really just want to go home and chill.

laters, laters!!!

up and about!!!

hello fellow bloggers!!!!! it is soooo nice to be back!!! all is well, i'm running like a chicken with it's head cut off!!! my surgery went well!!! have i ever mentioned how much i love my doctor!?!?!! she is the greatest!!! i felt like crap all last week but i'm ready this week!! okay, maybe not that ready...i think i over did it on the weekend that i was in some pain last night. oh yeah, i had some girly things done on me...painful girly things!!!

anywho, i'm so sad to read about joel!!!! joel i will miss you!!!! santis kept me posted. when he told me about joel i was in soo much shock!!! "WHAT?!?!??! BUT I LOVE TO READ HIS BLOG!!!" is what i told him. dude i totally understand though. we all need a break once in a while. i'm sure moe greene will do a good job but please pretty pretty please come back to us soon!!

lets see? what has been going on? i had fun with my nieces and nephews on easter sunday. we had an egg hunt inside the house because it was raining. we hid 118 eggs!!!!! and they found them all!!! my sister numbered them so we then had a raffle. they had soooo much fun!!! the little ones would go up to their parents to show off the prizes!!! they painted eggs!! it was fun. i did feel the tension between my sister and i but i tried to not let it get to me. she was very very quiet and distant towards me but really i feel like i didn't do anything wrong. i did tell her that fluffy and i had been communicating and i think that's why she was acting that way.

speaking of fluffy!!. i went out on a date with him!! i had a nice time. the guy is super sweet!!! while i was recooperating he called every night to ask how i was doing. he is the sweetest guy ever!!! asides from santis of course!!! tonight we will be going to the mexican fine arts museum for a discussion on same sex parents. i'm going because of my job and he is going because according to him he wants to see me. i've been up talking to him on the phone 'til 1 or 2 o'clock in the morning!!! he keeps telling me that i need to break down that wall that i keep putting up. bloggers i'm scared!!! he tells me that he will be patient and that I will see that he is different from all the guys...hmmm? we'll see about that!! after all i did give mr. k a chance and look what happened?!?!? anywho, as i mentioned before he is the sweetest person ever. i told santis that i'm actually excited about the whole thing. oh well, such is life as my jillipooh tells me. he will be coming with me this Friday to ms. j's b-day party. not sure how i'm feeling about that. maybe i'm thinking too much about it. we'll see how it goes, i will most defenitly keep you posted.

santis is on vacation this week and i have missed him soooo much!! okay so it's only tuesday and we talked last night but we usually e-mail each other during the day and well i miss that. is that so wrong?

I'm still volunteering at the hospital and i can't wait to get back this coming sunday!! Oh yeah, did i mention that we saw my sister, the one in the abusive relationship, on sunday!!! her baby is soooo big now!! we, ALL my sisters and brothers, were together!! my parents would have been so proud of us!! speaking of parents, my mommy and daddy are coming in may!!! just for a couple of weeks though but at least i will get to see them again.

well i need some catching up to do so let me get to it....

the day has arrived...

well, i'll be honest with you all. i'm scared as hell!! i'm sure all be okay tomorrow...my surgery is tomorrow. i'm nervous!! anywho, that's what will be happening tomorrow. so you bloggers will probably not be hearing from me for a while...i will most definetly miss you all!!! but i'm sure that on my return i will be reading some awsome adventures from dcn, cc, santis, cincy, coco, mariposa, and dr. v. i can't wait to read dcn's new adventures at his new job, cracked chancla's smelly stories, santis' day with his kids, cincy's meeting his new co-workers!!! and the list goes on!!

AND not much has changed with my dilemma i have my sister and fluffy. i feel real guilty though because i've decided to keep talking to the fluffman. i just don't know when and how to tell my sister. i mean him and i are just friends!!! what the hell!?!? okay i'm feeling guilty even writing about it!! DAMN this catholic guilt!!! DAMN YOU!!!

a little dilemma

so i don't know if you remember me blogging about my sister's surprise party last month. Anywho, at this party i met alot of my sister's friends. My sisters and I don't really hangout with each others friends because "your friends are all to uppity (is this even a word?)" and because they don't want me meeting their friends. According to both of them "it's so easy for you to make friends so why should you meet ours". yeah it doesn't make sense but i got over it along time ago...this has been going on since we were in high school, them not wanting me to meet their friends. it used to bother me alot when we lived with the parents but then i moved out to the northside and well it's been alot better. So back to the party thing, at this party i ran into somebody that i went to college with, who now is really good friends with my sisters. we hadn't seen each other for about 8 years and when we were in college we never really talked or anything like that, we just had mutual friends and so that's how we met. well, this guy whom we will call fluffy, asked for my e-mail address because "you seem to be an interesting person". i gave him the info. as i was doing it i was thinking "this is not a good idea" but i still gave him because i thought that my sister would have grown out of this whole "leave my friends alone" stage. booooy was i wrong!!

My sister is having a huuuuuuuge problem with this!!!! she called me last week to ask me if i had been e-mailing fluffy. I said yes "because he seems to be interested in the same type of readings i am so i e-mailed him some stuff". She was not happy at all!!! "could you please stop communicating with him please!!! it is soooo much easier for you make friends that it is for me so please leave mine alone!!"WHAT?!?! i thought "are we still in high school!?!?!". I must be honest and say that i did get pretty upset but at the same time i was thinking that this guy, or any other guy for that matter, was not worth me getting into an arguement with my sister so i told her that i would stop all communication with this guy. well, this discussion was after i had given him my phone number!! I THOUGHT MY SISTER WAS OVER THIS "LEAVE MY FRIENDS ALONE PHASE!!!". come on we are both in our thirties!!!

The following day fluffy calls and we had a decent conversation. i did mention to him that my sister was having a problem with him and i talking and he tells me "yeah i know, she told me off today. something about leaving her sister alone". i don't know what to do. this guy, whom i am not romantically interested in, seems to be a great guy. we have alot in common and i think we would have a great time if we were ever to hang out. i don't want to upset my sister but at the same time i might be missing out on a good friendship...and yes i have told fluffy about me just wanting to be friends.

so what do you bloggers suggest i do?

this weather sucks!!!

i hate this type of weather!! it's been raining since last night and it doesn't seem to want to stop!! i rode my bike this morning and now i'm wishing i hadn't. i so did not want to get up this morning!! this weather makes me want to do nothing!! okay let me get over it...

my weekend was actually pretty good. i didn't do much!! on friday instead of ordering pizza i ordered mexican...i was in a mood for tacos al pastor!! mmmmm, tacos al pastor!! Saturday i went out to buy two of erika badu's cd's and well it got me in the mood to "chill" therefore called some of my connections to see if mary jane was at their place. turns out that she was therefore my connection brought her along with to my place!! i had sooo much fun on saturday!! i didn't hang out with mr. rico suave after all like i had planned but it all worked out because my crazy friend and ms. mary jane and i had a fabulous time!! have you ever listened to erika badu while mary jane paid you a visit?!?! that music was sounding aite to me!!

yesterday, i went to volunteer. it was a long day!! i saw two little babies whom apparently were not being well supervised by their guarding because one little baby, three years old, had gotten beaten up and a six year old boy had his scull full of stitches. i get so angry with the thought of someone mistreating babies like that!!! i was trying to make the little ones laugh but i was unsuccessful. i wanted to just hug them and take them home with me!! "i'll keep you safe little ones, i will never ever allow anybody else to lay a finger on you!! come home with me and kachito"...that's what i really wanted to say. on my bus ride back home i couldn't stop thinking about those babies!! THEY ARE JUST LITTLE BABIES!!! WHY OR HOW COULD SOMEBODY HURT THEM!! i must find a way to help them...in general... out!!! i must participate some more!! i have to...WANT to do something!!!

plans for this weekend?

i don't really have plans. tonight i'm just going to order a pizza and watch movies. tomorrow i'm having dinner and go watch a movie with mr. rico suave...that's all i can handle with him for the time being. i may not even if i'll end going, i'll see how i feel tomorrow. hmm? maybe i'll call the fabulous trio and see what they are doing tonight, maybe they can come and hangout at my place. hmm? i don't know, i really want some time by myself and kachito. i'm thinking out loud, sorries.

anywho, i hope everybody has a good weekend!!!

scared...

well i'll be having surgery on April 11th!!! i'm actually scared!! my doctor tells me that all will be fine and that i have nothing to worry about...i guess i have to trust her. i'll be staying with my sisters on the southside...waaaay south Burbank!!!...while i recooperate (?).

on a different note, the weather is beautiful!!! i rode my bike to work today!! damn i missed riding my bike!! i will also be watching the new spike lee movie this weekend!! i don't like to go to the movie theaters but for movies like this i make an acception...i like to wait a few weeks after it comes out though. i do not like crowds!! i've heard great reviews but really did i expect any different?!? it's spike lee for crying out loud!!

my volunteering at the hospital is going great!!! i've met soooo many people. i go back this sunday and let me tell you that the long ride to the hospital is sooo worth it!!

and for you cat owners , i have a few questions. kachito has gone back to breaking my blinds. he stopped once i started squirting him with the water bottle but now that's not even helping anymore. last night he broke them!! i was sooo angry!! AND when does he stop being a kitty? when can i start giving him grown up food? not that i want him to grow bigger, my kachito is no longer a kachito anymore now he's a kachote!! i love my baby!!

the matrix!!

so this christmas mr. police man gave me the matrix trilogy because he thought i would really enjoy it. i thanked him for the gift but to be honest with you i was bit dissappointed with the gift...until last night that it!!! DAMN!!! the movie is awsome!!!!! i'm just sorry i didn't get to too watch it sooner!! thanks for mr. police man!!!

angry!!

so when i got home last night i called lalo to apologize for not showing up to his surprise b-day. i apologized profusely!!! i honestly felt bad!!! he told me not worry and that as long as i remembered that's all that mattered. i finished talking to him and started watching the news...Channel 2, 5, 7, 9, and 32. Out of all of these channels ONLY channel 2 and 32 took there time to give a FULL report on the immigration issues that we have all been hearing about. After finishing watching the news i turned off the t.v. and started crying!!! i am just in disbelief that someone actually took their time to think about, write, and propose such a law. i started thinking about how i have ALWAYS felt like a sell out working at Howard Brown Health Center. Don't get me wrong, i love my job but this is a place that claims to have diversity yet i see none. I started crying because this law will affect EVERYBODY in so many ways!!! i started crying because i know that i have family members that will probably not be able to get health services or any type of services for that matter if such law is passed. I was crying because i felt HELPLESS!!! HOPELESS!!! I wished there was something i could do. i then started thinking, as my tears continued to roll down my cheecks, about how this world would be if ONLY the mexicans would leave this country. There would be no Little Village, no Pilsen, no Back of the Yards. Do you realize how much profit this city gets from the venues, merchandise, restaurants, and i can go on, that are located on 26th Street? AND i am only talking about Mexicans leaving this country!!! i can't even imagine how the absence of other immigrants such as the chinese, japanese, columbians, dominicanos, the list is endless, can effect these states!!! i woke up this morning with the image of the Channel 32 reporter as she said "Bush has said that he will agree to keep immigrants ONLY if they are willing to take jobs that Americans will not". i'm angry, enraged, sad...i'm a tornado of emotions....

one crazy week!!

i've had the craziest week ever. i'm still going through some health related issues which apparently need to be taken care over night in the hospital. my doctor is to call me to give me the appointment for that.

mr. rico suave is back in the picture and coco for some reason you keep coming to mind when ever he comes over to my place. i am being very careful with this relationship...mr. rico suave has some serious issues that he needs to take care of!! anywho, i would like to think i'm wiser and more mature to fall for his "but i'm the victim" act.

I have also seen a few of my clients that are just not doing too good. yesterday morning i went to go see one of them and i had to call a cab to take her to the hospital because she was not making any sense any more and she couldn't stop shaking and crying. i saw this woman last month and yesterday morning i didn't even recognize her!!! This disease always amazes me!!

i went to take another of my clients to a second hand store so he could get some clothes and kitchen stuff. he was telling me that he was late because he had soiled himself on his way over to the Brown Elephant therefore needed to go back home to change clothes...he is having trouble tolerating the meds.

i also went to see another client who is going off of Fuzeon because it is no longer working for him. Fuzeon is the LAST resort for AIDS/HIV clients!!!! my poor client had cold sores all over his mouth and just did not look good.

that same day on the way to the office i ran into a guy who was looking for a UPS truck, "excuse me, have you seen a UPS truck any where?" ha? what? que? como? "i just saw one on waveland and halsted" he tells me "oh yeah i saw it too but that's not the right one" okay? so he starts running to the next block and i go back to my little world. as i'm approaching wilton and sheridan i see him again. he smiles and tells me "i found my truck" "good, i was starting to worry" i tell him. don't know what the hell that was about but the dude found his UPS truck and that's all that matters.

this morning on my way to work i see a guy that looks like my neighbor. i didn't think it was him though because he works the late shift therefore he sleeps all day. anywho, it turns out it was him and as he walks towards me he says "hey!! i know you!!!" "yeah, i think i know you too" i joke around with him. "what are you doing out here so early in the morning?" i ask him. he tells me "getting drunk!! i didn't work last night so i went over to a friends house" that boy smelled like he had bathed in alcohol!!! he looked so tired and drunk. he then tells me "hey stop by tonight, i'm not working tonight either" i smile and tell him "i'll try to".

on totally different note...my nephew is coming to spend the weekend with me. he calls me last night "tia, i'm going to be downtown tomorrow with some friends and i was wondering if i could then come to your place and spend the weekend with you". I love my nephews!!! "of course you can baby!!! " as usual he asked me if could cook "the shrimp that he likes so much" i tell him "ANYTHING FOR MY FAVORITE NEPHEW, just don't tell the others i told you that"...i tell all of my nieces and nephews the same thing!!! they are growing up sooo fast!!! this nephew whom i will call spikey hair has a girlfriend already!!!! i was over at my sisters place one day and i get a call on my cell phone from a girl looking for spikey hair and tell her that she's got the wrong number, she politely apologizes and hangs up. as she is hanging up i start thinking that spikey hair must have used my cell phone to call her so i call her back and i tell her "i'm sorry you do have the right number let me get him for you". i give the phone to my nephew and tells me "i told her not to call me on this phone" i tell him not to worry about it and leave the room to give him some privacy. i really wanted to stay to listen to their conversation but i'm a mature person... i went to the next room to eavesdrop!!!! i'm just kidding!!! really i am!!! anyway, i just can't believe that my baby has a girlfriend!!! my other nephew is going to college next year!!!! they are ALL growing up soooo fast!!! i remember when they were barely starting to talk!!! to walk!! they would follow me everywhere!!! one of my nieces tells me last week "tia, i can't wait for this years sleep over!!! oh how i love them all!!!

guess who's coming to chicago!?!?!!!!

LILA DOWNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LILA DOWNS!!!! I'M RUNNING AROUND IN MY OFFICE FROM THE EXCITEMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY CRAP!!! I'VE ALREADY PURCHASED MY TICKETS!!! LILA DOWNS IS COMING TO CHICAGO!!!

okay now that i've calmed down. who is lila downs? well she is one of greatest singers in my book. alot of you may remember her from the movie Frida, if you watched it that is. She was the chick that sang in Frida's wedding and funeral. She has the most amazing voice ever!!! i remember the first time i went to see her perform at the hothouse and i just fell in love with her voice!!! she gives the most amazing performance ever!!! anywho, that's who she is and i can't wait to see her perform again!!

weekend report...

yeah i don't really have much to say since i already have posted something about my weekend...it was a fun weekend and i promise not to write under the influence anymore.

howl at the moon...

...that's the name of the place we went to tonight to celebrate Deider's b-day!!! i must admit that i was a little dissappointed with the place but i had sooooo much fun with the gang!!!! ms. deider had soooo much and that's what matters. Howl at the Moon is a bar/piano place. it was fun but the songs they played were soooo funny....by the way i'm soooooo freakin' drunk as i'm typing but ms. deider insisted that i write about tonight so here i am at her place and writing...anywho, this place was fun because i heard some of our favorite songs...prince, sir mix alot, erasure and george micheal...and they sound soooo different when they played on the piano!!! i didn't recognize prince's song and i'm a huuuuuuge fan of prince. anywho, i had fun and ms. deider had fun and that's all that matter. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HER!!!!!! I LOVE MS. DEIDER!!!!!

confession....

so i am at a friends house, half drunk, getting ready to go out and thinking about cincy!!!! what the hell is that about!?!?!?! i don't even know what the man looks like!!!!

work!! work!! work!!

you know it really sucks to take a few days off!!! why? well because it seems like i work extra hard before i take the days off and then i come back to a whole bunch of paperwork!!! AAAAHHHH!! aaawww, i needed to vent....

I CANT RESIST....

STRAWBERRIES!!!!! OH MY GOD I LOVE STRAWBERRIES!!!...if you ever want to make me happy just bring me some strawberries!!!!

it's somebody's b-day today and there is strawberry cake in the kitchen!!! fresh strawberries!!!

have i mentioned that i love strawberries!!!

never judge a book by its cover...

This morning i met with a new client and let me tell you that he is the sweetes man i have met!!! you would have never guessed it though because of his looks. This man is big and tall, he has a scar on his left cheek and wears these army boots that are like four times bigger than my foot!!!

my boss comes in to tell me that my new client is waiting for me in the reception area "you call me if you need anything, okay?" okay? i was wondering why he told me that. so i walk out and call out my new clients name...this big and tall man walks towards me and i'm thinking "oh that's what mr. boss man meant!!" i introduce myself and he smiles at me with a "nice to meet you too" smile. We did his initial paperwork, applied for rental assistance, told him what i needed him to do for me if he wanted the rent check by the end of this week, he thanked me and was on his merry way. The sweetest man ever!!

This encounter reminded me of when i used to work at Cook County Hospital, now Stroger's Hospital. I use to work at the clinic, my supervisor had given a list of new "spanish" clients...i hate it when people use "spanish" to describe spanish speaking individuals !!! a spanish individual is from spain you idiots!! anyway, i get my list and i start calling out peoples names, one by one they start getting up but as i call out Raul Ramirez (i just made up this name, okay!! that's the first name that came to mind) this gorgeous woman walks towards me!! i'm serious, this lady had the most amazing body, beautiful long blond hair, cheeck bones to die for and it is during the summer so she was wearing one of those tight and tiny floral summer dresses that just seemed to hug every freakin' curve of her gorgeous body!!! I'm thinking as she is walking towards me, she must have heard another name so i say "Raul Ramirez!!"again but she keeps walking towards me and says "esa soy yo, mi'ja". "oh mucho gusto!!" i tell her and ask her to follow me. as i turn to walk to the office, i rolled my eyes in amazement, because this woman was gorgeous!! and whispered "oh my god!!!" to myself. My gorgeous client didn't stay in chicago for long. Once the summer was over she headed back to Florida "porque este frio yo no lo aguanto!!! como lo puedes aguantar tu mi'ja?" she was so nice and very girly too. i could have learned a thing or two from her...she kept inviting me over to her place so that she could make me over "porque tu tienes una cara muy bonita pero necesitas resaltar esos ojos y esa sonrisa" thank you!!! but i think i'll pass on your invitation was my usual response. by the time she was leaving to florida she wasn't doing too good, i hope she is well wherever she may be!!! i will never ever forget that encounter!! taught me a lesson... to never ever judge a book by it's cover.

curly or straight

so this morning i decided to straighten my hair and let me tell you it's alot of freakin' work!!! i don't consider myself a real girl and this morning i realized why!!! holy crap!! i have decided to let my hair grow so i'm having trouble fixing it these days. my hair is wavy and it can get really really curly depending on the weather. my hair is too short for me to put in a pony tail, which is what i usually do when i have it long. i really don't like long hair but i've decided to let grow, don't ask me why. i like short hair because really there's not alot you have to do with it. after my shower all i do is put gel on my hair and a little hairspray here and there and i'm ready to go!! i love short hair!! you can probably do the same with long hair but...oh anyway, i'm letting my hair grow. this morning i straightened it out and it doesn't look bad but it took too much time. god no wonder my sisters take forever to get ready!! the hair, the make up!! the make up!!

i just started wearing make up about 3 years ago and that's only because Tazman wondered what i would like with eye liner and mascara!! and i liked the way it looked so i haven't stop wearing it since. i've always wondered what i would like if i were to go get one of those makeover thingies. like i've i said before i don't consider myself to be a real girl when it comes to make-up and all those other girly things...give me a t-shirt and some jeans and i'm happy!! when i go out with my sisters or friends, i'm usually the first one to finish getting ready. i just never get it!! who are they trying to impress? i mean if a guy is going to like you, he is going to like with or without the make up!! i remember one time i went out with mr. motorcylcle. we went to one of these hip place at the time, La Hacienda, and it was during the winter and yet all i saw were these half naked women!! who would wear a freakin' halter top with a short skirt and those paris hilton shoes in the middle of winter!!! anywho, i was sitting by the bar when mr. motorcycle asks me "que onda?" i told him that i was feeling out of place because i didn't feel as glamouras as these girls. he tells me "sonrisa, there have been only two girls that have caught my eye tonight!! estas mujeres son como los gatos en la noche" ha? what? que? como? "well you see, when you see the cats at night, the first thing you notice are their beautiful eyes but then you see them in the morning and they end up looking like crap!!" WOW!!!! "i knew there was a reason why i hung out with you!!" was my response.

anyway, maybe i'm just too lazy to get up in the morning and fix myself up with all that crap!! or maybe i just feel comfortable being who i am and don't really need any of that crap!! i like the latter. will i keep on straightening my hair? ABSOLUTELY!!! CAUSE I LOOK GOOD DAMN IT!!!

i'm tired...

of being tired!!!! i haven't been feeling well for the past few weeks and my doctor seems to not know what's wrong with me. within the last two weeks the nurses have taken more blood than i thought i had!!! i've been to the hospital three times, nurses checking this and that, poking me here and there, and each time they keep on taking more blood!!! "couldn't you just use the same blood you took last time?" i ask the nurse "i'm sorry sweetie" she tells me with a smile shaking her head no. so there she goes poking me again!!! i've been physically tired for these past few weeks. ms. jillipooh tells me "well they keep taking your blood of course your tired!!" well i'm tired of being tired!!! DAMN IT!!! i got a call last week from my doctor and she tells me that everything is okay but that she would like to see again this week. I love my doctor, i think i've mentioned this before. i've been with her ever since i can remember. She calls me mi'ja when ever i go to see her. last week when i went to go see her she was being very straight forward with me "you need to take better care of yourself mi'ja and start doing what i tell you!!" I guess she noticed that i was feeling like i was dissappointing her so she hugs and tells me "i'm telling you this because i care about you". i love her!!! the only thing that kind of frustrates me is that she is waaaay south and everytime she refers me somewhere it's around her neck of the woods and well i don't have car. it takes like four hours to come back and forth which means i end up taking either the day or half of the day off from work. it can be a pain at times, especially when i'm not feeling well. i'm have another appointment in april and let me telling you that i'm not looking forward to it.

on to much brighter news...i have decided that i'm going back to school!!!! nursing school!!! pediatric nurse!!! i have to wait to register until next year though. the program that i want to go to (UIC) is all filled up this year therefore i have a whole year to get used to the idea that i will not have a life for two years!!! how did i come to this decision, you are asking? well i've started volunteering at the University of Chicago Children's Hospital and i love it!!! Ever since i worked at Cook County hospital i've thought about nursing school but i also enjoyed my job at the time so i didn't really give it too much thought. I think i'm ready now though!! i'm actually excited about going back to school!!! could you imagine me assisting with the birth of a baby!!! a brand new life!!! an innocent, defenseless beautiful baby. AND i will be there to welcome him/her into the world!!! "it is my honor to welcome you into the world little one" okay i better stop before i make myself cry...

my body

santis dreaming about nakedness, cincy wanting a girl popping out a tit as a sign of flirtation, dcn writing about cleavage. why are we so obsessed with the human body?

now that i got your attention...last night i went to go see a performance by Eve Ensler, the same lady that wrote The Vigina Monologues. This performance is called The Good Body and i loved it!!! The performance was about Eve's stomache!!! well not exactly. it was about how insecure people are about certain parts of their bodies. We all have them. i sure as hell do!!! Eve had issues with her stomach. she talked to different women, women whom she thought to be beautiful and comfortable with their bodies. turns out that these women would go through alot of surgery, plenty of excersise, be on very strict diets (a grape per day) yet continue to be unhappy with themselves. it just made Eve appreciate and accept her body just the way it was. it was an awsome performance, as in the monologues i cried, i laughed but mostly i accepted. i loved it!!!

last night after the performance i went home and i started thinkg about my insecurities...i think my boobs are too big. it's very annoying to find a shirt that i love, looks good everywhere else except when it comes to my boobies. i always have to wear a safety pin to make sure that nothing pops out!!! it's very annoying, that's why i try not to wear shirts that have buttons. it also irritates me when i'm talking to someone, men usually, and it seems like they are talking to my boobs instead of me!!! But what really irritates is when someone tells me "giirrrl, if you got it you flaunt it!!!" what the fuck!?!?!? i don't want them and i definetly don't want to flaunt them!!! i have forever have had issues with my breasts. i rembember when i was in college, a friend of mine told me "they don't look too bad sonrisa, the rest of your body evens them out" what the fuck does mean? "you've got curves" he tells me and continues with "it would be wierd if your big up there and not have hips you know what i mean? you're evened out" of course all i heard was "your big hips!!!" what?!?!?! now i have to worry about my hips too!?!?! damn!!!!so i started to spend more time in the gym. i would wake up at 6 in the morning, be on the treadmill and stairmaster for about 40 minutes each and then in the evening i would go to the park and run about 8 to 10 miles. yeah!!! i was sooo freakin' determined to get rid off my boobs and my hips!! i lost weight but unfortunetly my boobs and hips were still there "evened out" with the rest of my body. i've gained back the weight but i'm working on it..heheheheh. anyway, i have been soooo close to getting a boob reduction, to the point where my doctor gave me a referral and all but i'm just too scared. the procedure looks too painful. i go through periods in which i'm determined to get it over with but then i start getting scared and i tell myself "sonrisa, they don't look too bad. accept yourself the way you are"...crap crap crap!!! seriously though i started to accept my body, little by little but i'm getting there. now i tell myself "girrrllll, be the mexican that you are!!! don't be ashamed of what you have!!!" i'm not flauning myself but i'm working on it.