Thursday, June 29, 2006

drained...

since last week i have been feeling like crap!!! turns out my sister dork is taking me dating fluffy waaaay to hard. last wednesday she was very suicidal and also got into a car accident. i called her as soon i found she was in the car accident. she told me she was okay and then proceeded by telling me that these past few months that i have been with fluffy she has been thinking about why she was here in this world. i felt like i was talking to a client!!! i asked her if she had a plan and she did!! she kept insulting me and screaming at me but i had to remain focused on her even though the things that she was telling me were being very hurtful. Needless to say i was very concerned about her that i called my other sister...whom we will call Apple... to keep an eye on her. in the process apple told me that dork was really hurt and angry at me...no really?!! i never would have guessed by the things she was screaming at me!! i was so close to not going to the bloggers bash but then i kept thinking that there was nothing i could really do so i met up with santis...we went for an apple martini before we met the other bloggers that day. i really needed that drink.

i have been trying to keep myself busy but i think it's taking it's toll on me!! i haven't been able to sleep and when i do i wake up more tired than before i went to bed. i want to cry but the tears won't come out...i'm tired. i'm really tired. AND tonight i have this dinner meeting for work that i need to go to. i have to dress up!!! do you know how much i hate dressing up?!?!

i have also been thinking alot about my relationship with fluffy. I like him alot but i'm getting to the point where i feel more like his therapist. i have felt like this from the beginning but i thought it would change with time. i told santis that maybe i'm just looking for excuses because i feel so guilty about what my sister is going through. I know that whatever my sister is going through has nothing to do with me. for some strange reason my sister has felt that i have ruined her life "since we were kids up until now!!"...her own words. anyway, fluffy has been great though this whole ordeal and when i talk to him i feel like he really cares about me but...but...why the hell am i so scared? or why am i allowing my sister to do this? i don't know...gotta go

7 comments:

Cracked Chancla said...

you and i have something in common. siblings that are angry at something and taking it out on us. she needs a therapist that is not you. so does fluffy. start demanding that they treat you well. i used to like dressing up. then i don't know what happened...i discovered flip flops?

Santiago said...

i do not know about the relationship style you are establishing with Fluffy. if you function as a therapist now, then the relationship will follow that course all the time. you set the rules of engagement very early on in the relationship. in terms of your sister, i really do not know what you should do. you are stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Ktrion said...

Hey Sonrisa!

I agree with CC that both sister and fluffer need a therapist who is not you.

I'm really torn reading your post, because when the whole fluffer-sister thing started I was wondering, "the sister is trying to tell her something but what is it?"

Now it's sounding more and more like the something she was trying to say was "HELP! I'm not secure in myself! I feel inferior to you! I can't hold it all together."

I read somewhere (was it here?) that you're supposed to pray for whoever is driving you crazy. So pray for your sister.

Fluffer: ok, i'm like the worst person to give advice on guys (grin): say, hey fluffer, man, you got a lot going on. Maybe you should start seeing a therapist so you can process. And then we can have more time together to just...?" Ida know. What do you think?

DCNats said...

i tend to agree with santiago- you need to set the terms now or it will continue that way... but you might be looking for an excuse too so be careful!
as far as you sister... sounds like she wants attention, but if she actually had a plan that's a bit scary. regardless, it's so wrong that she would try to put all that on you, that's so wrong.
stay strong.

Coco said...

If Fluffman needs a therapist, show him where to go...give him a list!

If he is not ready for a relationship because he has issues, then let him go...

It's important to remember that you are NOT his therapist!

And well, your sister needs a therapist also.

Unfortunately, Family and Drama go together... and ALL families have "drama" of one sort or another.

Un fuerte y caluroso abrazo.
Bendiciones.

Question...
If you were your own client,
what would you tell yourself?

*~Marie~* said...

Hey Sonrisa~ Sorry you are going through so much right now...It is hard when you are having to be a therapist with your friends, family, etc. I have the same problem and it is really hard to get out of it. You have already gotten lots of advice..so I will just say that I will keep you in my prayers :)

*~Marie~* said...

Sonrisa, i have a new blog address, it is http://www.marieonlivinglearningandloving.blogspot.com/