since last week i have been feeling like crap!!! turns out my sister dork is taking me dating fluffy waaaay to hard. last wednesday she was very suicidal and also got into a car accident. i called her as soon i found she was in the car accident. she told me she was okay and then proceeded by telling me that these past few months that i have been with fluffy she has been thinking about why she was here in this world. i felt like i was talking to a client!!! i asked her if she had a plan and she did!! she kept insulting me and screaming at me but i had to remain focused on her even though the things that she was telling me were being very hurtful. Needless to say i was very concerned about her that i called my other sister...whom we will call Apple... to keep an eye on her. in the process apple told me that dork was really hurt and angry at me...no really?!! i never would have guessed by the things she was screaming at me!! i was so close to not going to the bloggers bash but then i kept thinking that there was nothing i could really do so i met up with santis...we went for an apple martini before we met the other bloggers that day. i really needed that drink.
i have been trying to keep myself busy but i think it's taking it's toll on me!! i haven't been able to sleep and when i do i wake up more tired than before i went to bed. i want to cry but the tears won't come out...i'm tired. i'm really tired. AND tonight i have this dinner meeting for work that i need to go to. i have to dress up!!! do you know how much i hate dressing up?!?!
i have also been thinking alot about my relationship with fluffy. I like him alot but i'm getting to the point where i feel more like his therapist. i have felt like this from the beginning but i thought it would change with time. i told santis that maybe i'm just looking for excuses because i feel so guilty about what my sister is going through. I know that whatever my sister is going through has nothing to do with me. for some strange reason my sister has felt that i have ruined her life "since we were kids up until now!!"...her own words. anyway, fluffy has been great though this whole ordeal and when i talk to him i feel like he really cares about me but...but...why the hell am i so scared? or why am i allowing my sister to do this? i don't know...gotta go