Monday, June 12, 2006

weekend update...

well i had a nice weekend...i think...okay i know i did.

first let me start by saying that THE SOX RULE!!!!! saturday's game had some nail biting moments!!! i loved it!!!

after the game is when my weekend becomes a bit not so good but okay i guess...don't know how to describe it...

it all started when fluffy and i finished watching a movie...it was about a dad who lost his wife and was being taken care of by his daughter who didn't want to get married because she felt guilty leaving her dad all by himself. as i mentioned before fluffy's dad died last year, well he still gets very emotional...which is understandable. after the movie was over he couldn't stop crying. we talked about what he was feeling, why, how and those important questions and then he tells me..."i had alot of fun today with you and it got me thinking that i'm not being honest with you. sonrisa, i really really like you but i feel like i'm short changing you. i wish i could give you all of fluffy and i can't. i want to be the fluffy that i was before my dad died, sometimes i think that i will never be that person again and i have to come terms with that. i keep thinking that if i wasn't going through what i'm going through right now you and i would be really happy. i wish we could have gotten together like a few months later. i'm not saying that i want to stop seeing you but if i see that i'm still a complete mess a few months then i think i'm going...i just don't think it's fair for you. i really want to be with you but i feel like i'm not giving you all of me and that's what i want to do with you. i don't want to fuck things up with you because of how messed up i am..."

i wanted to just break things up right there because what if in a few months a he decides that he is still "messed up" and well that's not fair to me. do you know what i mean? i mean i have to take care of me!!! don't i? i've been thinking about this all weekend and in my mind i keep thinking that we need to stop this relationship but i like him soooo much...i thank him for being able to share all of this with me. i love the person that he is...i'm not saying i'm in love with the guy, hmm? but i do think i'm getting there and before i get there i want to stop it... before he decides that he is "too messed up" to continue this relationship. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! relationships suck!!!

anywho, i talked to ms. j about it and once again she has saved me!!! have i ever mentioned how much i love ms. j? i love ms. j!!! so anyway, after talking to her i have decided that i will continue with fluffy and just risk me getting my heart broken in a few months...maybe it won't happen. really, when you think about it, no one is guaranteed an unbroken heart when it comes to a romantic relationship and as ms. j pointed out "we" are not having problems. it would be different if "we" were the ones having the problem but we aren't. "we" are very content at the moment... i don't know what's going to happen...

so i was also thinking about my schizophrenic client. he was soooo paranoid on friday because he was sure that he was going to die due to the terrorist that got killed, "ms. sonrisa, if they killed him i know i'm next!!!, i not leaving my apartment or answering the phone this week!!! i know i'm next!!" i felt so helpless when i talked to him on friday. the worse part is that he has cable so i know that watching the news will only get him even more paranoid...aaaay, my poor client.

5 comments:

Cracked Chancla said...

man girl this is a tough one. i would have totally told fluffy, can't we just have the summer and then think about it next september. so i get the impression that he feels guilty about going off to have a life and leaving his widowed mom alone? understandable. maybe its time to hook mom up?

DCNats said...

I agree 100% with Ms J. You have to stick it out.
It's only been a year since his dad died so of course he's going to be a bit flakey now and then, just be there for him.
It would be a pretty lame reson for ending what has been a very rewarding relationship up until this point.
You said you were worried you might spend the next few months and then have him decide he's still messed up... well imagine if the oposite happened... imagine if you broke up with the guy now and then in a few months down the road you find out that he's doing much better with the whole thing and has some new broad?! Words couldn't possibly convey how bad that would suck!
so take Ms J's advice. If you don't take this fluffly thing as far as you can, you'll always wonder.

*~Marie~* said...

I am going to ditto DC and Ms. J and say to stick with it....ha...I am in the same spot honestly....with J...or was...but I have decided that a heart break is worth it :)....BUT Sonrisa...maybe there will not be a heart break for you!

dr.v (Not a narcotic Pez dispenser) said...

fluffy and u shouldn't give up...it's too soon...and It's NOT a good reason to breakup!

love isn't easy. real love finds a way of working thru the problems/obstacles. Real love wins in the end.

sonrisa morena said...

thanks everybody!! i WILL hang in there.