Thursday, March 02, 2006

my body

santis dreaming about nakedness, cincy wanting a girl popping out a tit as a sign of flirtation, dcn writing about cleavage. why are we so obsessed with the human body?

now that i got your attention...last night i went to go see a performance by Eve Ensler, the same lady that wrote The Vigina Monologues. This performance is called The Good Body and i loved it!!! The performance was about Eve's stomache!!! well not exactly. it was about how insecure people are about certain parts of their bodies. We all have them. i sure as hell do!!! Eve had issues with her stomach. she talked to different women, women whom she thought to be beautiful and comfortable with their bodies. turns out that these women would go through alot of surgery, plenty of excersise, be on very strict diets (a grape per day) yet continue to be unhappy with themselves. it just made Eve appreciate and accept her body just the way it was. it was an awsome performance, as in the monologues i cried, i laughed but mostly i accepted. i loved it!!!

last night after the performance i went home and i started thinkg about my insecurities...i think my boobs are too big. it's very annoying to find a shirt that i love, looks good everywhere else except when it comes to my boobies. i always have to wear a safety pin to make sure that nothing pops out!!! it's very annoying, that's why i try not to wear shirts that have buttons. it also irritates me when i'm talking to someone, men usually, and it seems like they are talking to my boobs instead of me!!! But what really irritates is when someone tells me "giirrrl, if you got it you flaunt it!!!" what the fuck!?!?!? i don't want them and i definetly don't want to flaunt them!!! i have forever have had issues with my breasts. i rembember when i was in college, a friend of mine told me "they don't look too bad sonrisa, the rest of your body evens them out" what the fuck does mean? "you've got curves" he tells me and continues with "it would be wierd if your big up there and not have hips you know what i mean? you're evened out" of course all i heard was "your big hips!!!" what?!?!?! now i have to worry about my hips too!?!?! damn!!!!so i started to spend more time in the gym. i would wake up at 6 in the morning, be on the treadmill and stairmaster for about 40 minutes each and then in the evening i would go to the park and run about 8 to 10 miles. yeah!!! i was sooo freakin' determined to get rid off my boobs and my hips!! i lost weight but unfortunetly my boobs and hips were still there "evened out" with the rest of my body. i've gained back the weight but i'm working on it..heheheheh. anyway, i have been soooo close to getting a boob reduction, to the point where my doctor gave me a referral and all but i'm just too scared. the procedure looks too painful. i go through periods in which i'm determined to get it over with but then i start getting scared and i tell myself "sonrisa, they don't look too bad. accept yourself the way you are"...crap crap crap!!! seriously though i started to accept my body, little by little but i'm getting there. now i tell myself "girrrllll, be the mexican that you are!!! don't be ashamed of what you have!!!" i'm not flauning myself but i'm working on it.

11 comments:

Santiago said...

yes...be loved and love yourself. take it from someone that loves you, you are great in mind and body too. ;-P

DCNats said...

I've packed a lot of living into my 26 years on earth... and one thing I've learned about people is that they change a lot... they go bald, they get fat, they lose weight, they gain it back, they die their hair, they put in color contacts, they get things lifted, and tucked, and vacuumed, and they wear ridiculous outfits... the outside changes constantly, but the person inside stays the same (for the most part)... so the inside is the only thing worth getting attached to.

Through this blog I am able to know you without really knowing you... So, for example, I have no idea what you look like. I've never met, never seen even a picture of you... But I do know you. I know what makes you laugh, what you like to read, how you feel about your job, what frustrates you, and what makes you sad... I know the important stuff.

I haven't been reading for 6 months because I think you might have big boobs... I've been reading because I like what you have to say and I like the fact that we can all share each others experiences... I read because You're Sonrisa, and Sonrisa kicks ass!

If some sleazy guy can't see past your boobs then he's making a mistake... because as I, and everyone else who reads this blog knows- Sonrisa is way more than a big set of boobs!

jennifer said...

hey sonrisa,

i read this post and was moved to respond.

you're right. we women all have some body insecurity. even the most beautiful of us.

it's funny that you talk about the breast issue. people think it's ridiculous to hate having big breasts because so many women have surgery to enlarge them! but i have a very good friend who has dealt with the same issues that you have, also considering breast reduction surgery.

she hasn't done it though.

but these guys are right; once people get to know you, your breasts are only a small part of the whole package.

@>-->>---

Coco said...

I've heard wonderful things about this "new" play regarding women's bodies... I hope it comes soon to my area (SF).

One needs to love and accept oneself-
Of course, we're not perfect, but who is?

If the weight of your breasts is affecting your health, then you need to really think about all the consequences and then make an educated (medical) decision appropriate for you. Hazlo por ti, y para ti.

One of my friends had breast reduction surgery a few years ago...she now regrets it.

Don't rush into this!!

Cuidate!

dr.v (Not a narcotic Pez dispenser) said...

we all have insecurities....i have parts that i obsess about because i think they're too big. But i know i will never be waif or model thin. my body wasn't made that way. now i just try to make sure i eat as healthy as possible and exercise routinely.

a guy is just going to have to accept my body....if he doesn't, then i don't want him. Generally Women are more forgiving about men's bodies....they should learn a thing from us :)

Cracked Chancla said...

the best answer to shirts that don't button right are wearing camisoles or spaghetti strap shirts underneath. then you can just leave the button undone and there is a cami covering or revealing cleavage--depends on your mood i guess. that's what i do, not that i have the option to reveal much. hehe. but you know my stomach has always been an issue with me, its not exactly huge and point-a-finger worthy but i've had some level of gut all my life. nothing feels more triumphant than camouflaging it and having someone say, "what stomach?"

*~Marie~* said...

Hmm...I come from the small boob category...completely different problems...shirts that fit everywhere else are loose on ton....especially strapless dresses!!!!! Anyway...I think it is human nature to continuously want to change...cause you know...the grass is always greener on the other side.....right! I think it is awesome that you are working to accept yourself...and I agree with DC...you are beautiful...and I have never even met you!

sonrisa morena said...

santis, you're so sweet :-)

dcn, WOW!!! what can i say?!?! thank you so much!! you just made my day...actually reading your blogs make my day. you are too funny dude. thank you so much for the kind words :-)

jen, tell your friend that i hear her loud and clear. some people act is if i'm doing my body some injustice because i want a breast reduction!!! aaahh!!!

coco, i am most definetly not rushing into this...it helps to know that your friend regrets though, i'm sorry that she went through it and now regrets but it kind of helps me with my decision. hmmm? why does she regret it?

dr.V, i totally agree with you!! guys should learn a thing or two from us!!

cc, thanks for your suggestions...i do tend to buy alot of sweaters to cover myself up but it gets difficult during the summer though.

marie, you are too sweet!!!

Ktrion said...

Sonrisa, you know we will support whatever you do.

I have a dyke friend who had boob reduction 'cause she just got tired of carrying around all that extra baggage. She's very happy with the results and wishes she'd done it years earlier (then again, she's a butch and so has different issues from you).

I'm a big-chested girl, and as I grow older I worry about wearing the twins too low, so every once in a while I fantasize about getting them lifted.

for now, though, I'm with CC:
It's all about the foundation garments!

Cincysundevil said...

You've got to figure out what will make you happy in your skin. If you feel the need to reduce them, just remember to do it for you and not because of the reactions you've gotten from others. And like Joel said, if a guy can't see past 'em, then to hell with 'em. He ain't worth having if that is all he can see. I'm just happy that your liberal thong is haning in the bathroom still!! You may have to post a pic of it for me!

Santiago said...

donde se ha ido mi dulce musa