santis dreaming about nakedness, cincy wanting a girl popping out a tit as a sign of flirtation, dcn writing about cleavage. why are we so obsessed with the human body?
now that i got your attention...last night i went to go see a performance by Eve Ensler, the same lady that wrote The Vigina Monologues. This performance is called The Good Body and i loved it!!! The performance was about Eve's stomache!!! well not exactly. it was about how insecure people are about certain parts of their bodies. We all have them. i sure as hell do!!! Eve had issues with her stomach. she talked to different women, women whom she thought to be beautiful and comfortable with their bodies. turns out that these women would go through alot of surgery, plenty of excersise, be on very strict diets (a grape per day) yet continue to be unhappy with themselves. it just made Eve appreciate and accept her body just the way it was. it was an awsome performance, as in the monologues i cried, i laughed but mostly i accepted. i loved it!!!
last night after the performance i went home and i started thinkg about my insecurities...i think my boobs are too big. it's very annoying to find a shirt that i love, looks good everywhere else except when it comes to my boobies. i always have to wear a safety pin to make sure that nothing pops out!!! it's very annoying, that's why i try not to wear shirts that have buttons. it also irritates me when i'm talking to someone, men usually, and it seems like they are talking to my boobs instead of me!!! But what really irritates is when someone tells me "giirrrl, if you got it you flaunt it!!!" what the fuck!?!?!? i don't want them and i definetly don't want to flaunt them!!! i have forever have had issues with my breasts. i rembember when i was in college, a friend of mine told me "they don't look too bad sonrisa, the rest of your body evens them out" what the fuck does mean? "you've got curves" he tells me and continues with "it would be wierd if your big up there and not have hips you know what i mean? you're evened out" of course all i heard was "your big hips!!!" what?!?!?! now i have to worry about my hips too!?!?! damn!!!!so i started to spend more time in the gym. i would wake up at 6 in the morning, be on the treadmill and stairmaster for about 40 minutes each and then in the evening i would go to the park and run about 8 to 10 miles. yeah!!! i was sooo freakin' determined to get rid off my boobs and my hips!! i lost weight but unfortunetly my boobs and hips were still there "evened out" with the rest of my body. i've gained back the weight but i'm working on it..heheheheh. anyway, i have been soooo close to getting a boob reduction, to the point where my doctor gave me a referral and all but i'm just too scared. the procedure looks too painful. i go through periods in which i'm determined to get it over with but then i start getting scared and i tell myself "sonrisa, they don't look too bad. accept yourself the way you are"...crap crap crap!!! seriously though i started to accept my body, little by little but i'm getting there. now i tell myself "girrrllll, be the mexican that you are!!! don't be ashamed of what you have!!!" i'm not flauning myself but i'm working on it.