life...

has been challenging these past few weeks!!!

Friday, December 22 was my last day at my AIDS/HIV job. i'm really sad about leaving my job but happy leaving the agency...does this make sense? i'm going to miss my clients alot...especially my schizoprenic client. I actually cried as i was saying my goodbye to him..."who is going to check up on me, sonrisa? who am i going to talk to now? i don't think i want to continue coming to this agency if you're not here anymore?" yes i cried!!! i'm going to miss him the most.

i got a phone call from a doctor at Rush hospital because he was informed that i was a spanish speaking research assistant. this project will have me working with the latino individuals that are having heart problems. i hope i get this job!!! the doctor is supposed to call me this week to talk about my salary..."i hope i can afford you" he says. DAMN!!! at this point i'll take anything...okay, not anything. i have been seriously thinking about not doing social work anymore. i'm tired. i'm....i want to focus on me!!! it's time i start focusing on me. not that i haven't but i've just been feeling lost ever since my brother-in-law died. he was only 42 years old!!!! he was young!!! he was a great person who loved my sister and his children alot!!! he didn't drink, he didn't smoke...i'm just so angry!!!! he was soooo young!!!

the night he died, my younger sister called me to let me know that he wanted to see me. i was working at Rush that evening and practically ran to Stoger's Hospital. i was crying all the way to the hospital because even though dork hadn't mentioned anything about him dying i just knew he was leaving us that night. when i got to Stroger's, dork was waiting for me downstairs. i looked at her and hugged her. i cried uncontrollably as dork told me "the doctors said he only has a couple of more hours". as i took the elevator upstairs i tried to calm myself down but as soon as i saw him i lost it again. one hour later he was gone. there are so many things i want to forget about that night...him being in so much pain, me asking my frida to take him because i couldn't stand him being in pain!!! my sister crying asking him not to leave her. i want to forget so many things about that night!!!

my sister, my second mom...what can i say about her. i can't even imagine what she is going through right now. it's christmas eve and we are all supposed to be happy...but we are not. my second mom is the most amazing woman...aside from my mommy...ever.

today as i got off the bus, i started walking towards her house and i kept telling myself "you're not going cry!!! you have to be strong for her!!! you're not going to cry!!" but i couldn't. i walked in the house and saw her cooking some taquitos, i hugged her and went to the living room to cry by myself. she later came in and tells me "sonrisa, ya no llores que todo va estar bien"

he was only 42 years old damn it!!!!!

my brother-in-law is no longer with us. he died on December 12, 2006 at 9:40 p.m.

update..

well, i have quit my job!!!! the AIDS/HIV jobs. i'm still at my part-time job though. i'm nervous as hell because i don't hava another job lined up but we'll see how it goes. too much going on that i decided i had enough yesterday so i gave my resignation this morning!!! ooooh my Frida, what am i doing? i'm soooooo going to miss my clients!!! don't know what the next chapter will be about but i will keep you posted.

my daddy is doing waaaay better. my brother-in-law is not. he is still in the hospital and will most likely be for christmas :-(

mr. colombian is still around. i truly am glad that i decided to keep him around. he has been such a great friend. we've become soooo close these past few weeks. he keeps reminding me not too forget "what a strong woman" i am. it's difficult at times to be strong though.

anywho, have a good weekend bloggers.

i want it to be like it was...

well this thanksgiving sucked and i think things will continue to suck for a while..ours thanksgiving was not at all festive.

my daddy was in the hospital. he had his gall bladder removed and had to spend extra days in the hospital for precautinary reasons due to his age. it got really scared. my dad and i have not had the greatest relationship however lately it's been getting alot better. we actually hug and i kiss him good bye whereas before we couldn't be in the same room without us getting into an arguement. when i went to go see him in the hospital we both started crying. the surgery wasn't that serious but to see my daddy in the hospital bed scared me!!! i've known for a while that he is not the strong scary man he once was. he looked old and scared to me in that bed. it just made think about too much!!

that same week my brother in law went back to the hospital. it's not looking too good for him. we had post poned our thanksgiving dinner for this saturday but my mom doesn't feel too comfortable having it with my brother in law in such bad shape...he needs a heart transplant SOON!!!. i already hated these holidays, this is just make it worse. i'm trying really hard to keep strong...since i'm the freakin' social worker i keep being asked to talk to the family. it keeps getting harder though because i can't tell them that "things will be okay" when i know they won't be okay and they won't be okay for a while. i just want things to be the way they use to be.

other than that things are okay with me. i've been really depressed but that's normal and i know it will pass. mr. colombian has been awsome. he continues to be a jerk though but he has been good to me latetly...frienshipwise. he makes me laugh when i most need it. i'm still working my two jobs. i need to start my christmas shopping...it will be very short list this year. i'm not really sure if there will be a christmas for us...

kachito is still being a punk to other people but he loves me and that's all that matters to me!!!

have a good weekend my fellow bloggers and please take care of yourselves...

HAPPY THANKSGIVING....

JUST WANTED TO WISH YOU ALL A HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

MAY WARM THOUGHTS AND BEST WISHES ALWAYS BE WITH YOU!!!

i'm tired...

going crazy!!

i'm am going crazy with these two jobs!! i love doing what i'm doing but really i leave my apartment at 8:50 a.m. and don't get home until 10-ish!!!! well at least i can work from home too!! that really does make a huuuge difference. i need some rest though. i feel like i haven't gotten enough sleep in like forever!! i'm also exhausted because i have been helping my sister with my brother in law!!! that is driving me insane as well. it is soooo difficult. i have been trying to get a nurse to go to my brother in laws but because he speaks no english it has become a challenge!!! i'm tired, sleepy and exhausted.

i'm going to help mr. motorcycle with his paper tonight which means i probably will not get home 'til 1-ish. i shouldn't really complain because i'm doing this to myself. i could just tell mr. motorcylce that he needs to find someone else to help him out but i'm choosing not to do that.

oh yeah, things with the colombian are pretty wierd. have i mentioned that i had dinner with his parents!!! yes i met the parents!!! we still see each other every day or if we don't see each other we talk on the phone. it really is wierd but such is life!! he keeps me entertained.

gotta go!!

it's friday...

well so far i've been having a good day. i went to kohl's during my lunch hour and bought myself a purse for 6 buckaroos!!! from 38 dollars it went down to 6!!! that totally made my day!!

anywho, i don't have any plans for this weekend. i work tomorrow and then i plan to go home and chill!! i need some "me time"!!!

update on mr. colombian. we are talking again. he kept calling me and i kept avoiding his phone calls. i finally called him back and he kept apologizing...blah blah blah. i must say that the incident changed the entire relationship... i can't help but laugh at this because "hell!! it better have!!". i do enjoy his company and he does make me laugh... so we won't be romantically involved, nothing wrong with that.

have a good weekend my fellow bloggers

dinner with the santis man....

so last night i hung out with santis. we went to a local bar and had bar food...i totally love bar food!!! we ate like there was no tomorrow!!! well at least i did. we had a few beers...awww yes good times good times. afterwards he took me shopping...i need to somewhat dress up for my new job. i have no dress up clothes!!! all i own are jeans...really does a person need anything else? any way, it was somewhat depressing for me because i realized that i'm no longer the size i thought i was!!! what?!?! que?!?!? como?!?! i'm a much larger size!!!! what?!??! que?!?!? como?!?!? i was really depressed...okay no i wasn't..hehehehe. i'm actually okay with it but i MUST do something about it!!!! i have decided to go on a diet!!!! salads and water for me from now on...starting after the holidays..heheheheh

just for you cincy...

1. One book that changed your life: women hollering creek by sandra cisneros. the first book i read written by a latina writter...i felt empowered.

2. One book that you've read more than once: house on mango street by sandra cisneros. she writes about the neighborhood i grew up!! how cool is that?

3. One book you'd want on a desert island: The Daily Show with Jon Stewart presents America (the book); a citizen's guid to democracy inaction. hmmm? you know so when i start longing to be with civilization all i need to do is open Jon Stewart's book...i'm sure i'll keep wanting to be bymyself.

4. One book that made you laugh: bridget jones diary by helen fielding. this book had me cracking up!!! people would stare at me if i was reading it while i was on the train or bus.

5. One book that made you cry: Bless me, Ultima by Rudolofo Anaya. i couldn't stop crying 15 minutes after i had finished reading the book.

6. One book you wish had been written: the story of my life...hey, i think my life is interesting!!

7. One book you wish had never been written: those ann coulter books...need i say more?!?!

8. One book you're currently reading: the red tent by Anita Diament. it's been on my list forever!!! i'm finally getting to it.

9. One book you've been meaning to read: there's actually more than one. i have a huuuuge
list...the next one on that list is Wicked: the life and times of the wicked witch of the west.

10. Six people to tag: who ever wants to do this.

men are idiots!!!!

that's it!!!! i've decided to give up on men completely!!! COMPLETELY!!!

so this weekend started out being fun. i went to the parties with mr. Colombian...really i was having loads of fun. But then at the very last party that we went to i saw him making out with a girl!!! so okay we are not in a relationship but still i got really upset so i went home with a complete stranger!!! okay i didn't but that crossed my mind. anywho, i went home...took a cab...and the following morning mr. colombian calls me to make sure that i got home okay. i said "of course i did, i just saw you getting cozy with that girl so i thought we weren't going home together" he then proceeds by asking me to go over his place to have breakfast and adds "btw i invited the girl that i met last night" WHAT?!?!?!? again we have not established a romantic relationship but we do have some kind of relationship!!! so i asked "does this girl know that i'll be there?" and he says "no" WHAT?!?!?!?!? really i just hung up the phone at that point. He later calls me to apologize and says that he made a mistake and called the girl to cancel on her. he also tells me that he will come over to my place to cook breakfast for me. what do i do? i tell him "whatever!!" and hung up on him again. i was sooooo angry!!! mostly at myself for allowing this idiot to get to me. he later text messages me saying "i'm sorry for being a jerk". why oh why do i keep getting involved with jerks!!! i haven't responded to his text message.

it's friday...

yes it's friday!!! lets see what are my plans for this weekend? HALLOWEEN PARTIES!!!!!! i will be party hopping this weekend. not sure where the first 3 are but we...mr. colombian and i...will end up at ms. deiders annual halloween party!! she makes the best killer punch ever!!! i totally love her halloween parties!! i will dress up as a french maid and mr. colombian has been very secretive about his costumes...yes costumes because he plans to wear 3 different costumes!! the man is crazy!!!i'm sooo looking forward to this weekend.

oh yeah, i've started my new job!!!...'member i got hired part-time as a research assistant at a hospital. i totally love it!! my new co-workers are totally awsome!! i'm really excited!!! i will work on saturdays though which means my ass better stay at home on friday nights so i can get a good night's sleep!! i will be trained on how to draw blood and take the blood pressure. have i mentioned that i will be working with the latino diabetic community, well that's my new population. i have to admit that i was very nervous my first day because there is so much new terminology that i need to learn but by the time i was going home i had a huge smile on my face because i knew that i was going to be okay!! i love it! i'm so looking forward to it.

things with mr. colombian have been a bit odd...in a good way. we have been seeing each other almost everyday. he took me to this really nice and cozy italian restaurant on wednesday night. we had a very intense conversation, not about our relationship though, i think we are both trying to avoid that conversation, but about life and what makes us happy and what gets us upset. it was a nice and intense conversation. yeah, we are definetly getting along. he surprised me on tuesday night. i was not having a good day at all and so in order to relax myself i cook...yes i love to cook because it relaxes me. anyway, some how he got inside the building and i was all in my own little world when i hear a knock on the back door. i literally jumped!! it was a nice surprise to see him there!! i asked him how he got in and he says "i used my magic fingers" hmmmm? i wonder what else those magic fingers of his can do ;-) anywho, he asked if i knew he was coming over because i was cooking... i said "oh but of course!! i can sense anything you do!!" anywho, we had a nice dinner. you know what i totally like about mr. colombian? he keeps on insisting that i'm too thin and that i need to gain weight!!! what? i'm not at all skinny !!! i may be falling in love with the man!!...just for that reason alone..hehehehehe

well, as usually i will write about my weekend adventures. you bloggers have a good weekend and if you are going out to party...which i really hope you are...have fun and be careful!!

i couldn't stop crying...

last night i went over to see my mommy and we had a conversation that has left me numb.

so everybody thinks that they have the greatest mom in the world...if they don't they should think that. i know i do!! my mommy had 10 kids!! TEN!! and she knows each one of us so well!! we all have very different personalities yet she knew and knows exactly when something is bothering us. she knows how to talk to us, she knows what our favorite things, knows what to say to make us feel better. she claims that she has a bad memory yet she remembers EVERYTHING about each one of us like when we said our first word, our first step, the first time we talked back to her, our first day at school...she remembers EVERYTHING. she makes us our favorite food...if one of us is visiting her and we tell her that we are in the mood for tamales, pozole, or mole on our next visit she will have that for us!! she claims not to speak or understand english yet when my younger sister and i are having a conversation in english about planning on doing something that we know she would not approve she tell us "entendi todo lo que dijieron y si lo hacen se las van a ver conmigo!!" i love my mom!!! i love having converstions with her about "los viejos tiempos"...she has the most awsome stories!! or about how when daddy used to make her cry and now she is strong to defend herself and how daddy freaks out when she does it. i've always admired my mom for everything she has had to put up with my dad and with us.

i'm very very close to my mom. i consider her to be my best friend. growing up my sisters were very very mean to me, they allienated me and 'til this day i don't know why. i would go ask my mommy why my sisters would treat that way...they would completely ignore me, call me names, make fun of body (i've had big boobs since i was 11 years old and according to them my lips were to thick so they called me fish lips, they also made fun of my hips). they never wanted to go out to play with me and as we got older they never wanted to go out with me ('til this day they still don't like to go out with and i don't understand why). when i got kicked out of my house it was because my sisters told on me...i spent a weekend with the boyfriend (big huuuuuuge no no for us mexicans!!) anyway, because i felt like my sisters didn't love me or want me around i always went to my mom. i would tell her about boys i met, about my day in school, my day at work or if i needed to vent about anything i would do it with my mommy. she is such a great listener....of course i wouldn't and still dont' tell her everything because there are some things a daughter should never tell her mother. i developed a great relationship with my mom...my sisters then began saying that i was my mom's favorite!!...they still say that but really i don't care anymore!

Lately i have noticed that my mommy is getting old...her hands are wrinkled, her hair is no longer gray but white, she seems sooo much smaller now to me. she has a difficult time walking and carrying things around. she no longer is able to climb up the chair to put the tamales en la olla, now she asks one of us to do it. she is no longer able to go up and down the stairs without one of us helping her. as mentioned before, last night i was over at my parents and my mom mentioned my brother in law and how sometimes he wants to just give up. i told her that i believe that everybody has a purpose in this world how everybody needs to find that purpose. she then says "yo no se porque yo estoy aqui" and i tell her that she is here for us!! her nine kids...one of my sisters passed away at the age of 2...and go on by telling her that i don't know what my life would have been without her. she then gets really quiet and her eyes get really watery and says "ya quiero que te vayas acustumbrande a que yo no este aqui para siempre" at that point i started crying and hugged her and told her that the day she leaves me is the day i leave too. i didn't know what else to say. we have never talked about anything like this...i went home and i couldn't stop crying. i can't stop thinking about it...AND seriously i want to not think about anymore.

the missing bottle of tequila...

so it's almost friday and thank my frida for that!!! i need sleep!!! sleep i say!!

well my housewarming was nice. alot of people that i expected to come didn't make it and people that i didn't think were actually going to make it made it!! the party didn't end 'til 6 o'clock in the morning!! the first crowd started to come at around 7 and left at about 10:30. the second crowd came at around 10:30 and didn't leave at around 6!!! i had fun though. mr. colombian was there, the cop was there, and the 23 year old was there as well. i really like all these guys. the fabulous trio (minus one) were also there!! they stopped by later and left so much later!! chanclita also stopped by!!! yay!! it was nice to see her and mr. cc. She brought a beautiful martini glass...sorry you didn't win chanclita but you have to admit the orange one was gorgeous. There were three glasses in the contest and mr. p took the prize!!! what was the prize, you ask? well it was bottle of tequila...that got lost 'til yesterday that is!!! we couldn't find it!!! i thought mr. p had taken but he told me he didn't, that it had to be somewhere in my apartment. so last night i was putting something in the freezer and what do i find?!?!? the bottle of tequila!!! don't know how it got there but there it was!!! it was a great time!!

i haven't been getting much sleep lately. after everyone left on sunday morning i finally went to bed at 7 o'clock but my freakin' phone kept ringing!!! i finally turned it off!! then i keep on making plans to go out!! monday i went to go see my brother in law...don't want to talk about that now. afterwards i went to see mr. ray ray, he broke his ankle 'member, and i was there for quite some time. yesterday i went to go see a late movie, The Science of Sleep with Gael Garcia Bernal!!! the movie was great!!! i totally recommend it!!! i fell in love all over again with Gael Garcia!!! i totally adore that guy!! you MUST go watch it. Tonight i will be celebrating Mr. Ed's b-day and then i will be going to a puerto rican performance with mr. colombian!!! why oh why do i do this to myself!?!?! that was me being dramatic..hehehhehe

gggrrrrrr!!!

why do some people take themselves too fucken serious!!!! your shit smells just as bad as the rest of ours does!!!!! bastards!!!!

it's friday!!!!

so the weekend is finally here!!! i have to get ready for tomorrow, there is sooooo much i need to do. i will say that at least my apartment is already cleaned up so all i have to do tomorrow is cook!! AND i LOVE to cook!!!! the menu is all set. i will be going grocery shopping on the southside today after work. things are soooo much cheaper on the southside!!!

so i went out last night with the fabulous trio (minus one, mr. motorcylce is on a conference in florida). i had dinner with mr. hk at an indian restaurant...the food was sooooo yummy!! afterwards we met up with mr. bean, pokey reese and pokey reese's cousins (they are visiting from mexico) at ceasar's for some killer margaritas....aaawww yes good times, good times. we also went to spanish kareoke where i tried to sing but i couldn't stop laughing because mr. bean was being sooo silly!!

tuesday night i had the best time ever!!! i had dinner with mr. ed and mr. p. while we were having dinner mr. colombiano called me to see if i wanted to go the old town school of folk music because it was colombian night. i told him i had my friends over and he tells me "oh yeah, you did tell me that last night, i forgot. ok well i'll call you when i get back" a few seconds later my phone rings again, it was him again "hey, why don't you ask them if they want to come to the performance, i really do want you to see the performance" so we all went and i had the best time ever. the music was awsome, the dancers were great and the singing rocked!!! thanks mr. colombian for inviting!!! ooooh i almost forgot, so as soon as my friends were dropped off by mr. colombian asks me "so do you think they liked me?" i thought it was the cutest thing ever!! but i was also thinking "dude does it really matter, i mean you and i are just friends, right?" i was only thinking it though. hmmm? maybe i should have said it out loud. anywho, i had a good time.

well my fellow bloggers, have a good weekend!!!! i know i will...my friends are coming over this weekend to get drunk with me!!!!! which reminds me i must also get the prize when i go to the southside...must remember!!!

stuff...

my weekend was not exactly how i had planned it. turns out my friends husband broke his ankle and was taken to the emergency room, which lead him to some surgery and some massive amount of pain killers!!! i was bummed out that we didn't go to michigan but very happy that mr. ray ray accident wasn't worse. 'member i was suppose to go to michigan this past weekend with mr. and mrs. ray ray.

i still had a good weekend. i spent most of the weekend with mr. columbiano. he cooked breakfast for me on sunday morning and then watched movies for the rest the day. i went to see my brother-in-law at the hospital on monday afternoon. i felt as if i was visiting one of my clients because we talked about public aid...he got fired from his job so he no longer has insurance for him or his family!!!. i also talked to the nurse to make sure that he talked to the hospital's social worker so that he applied for SSDI and asked her about all the meds he is currently taking. i was with him for 4 hours that by the time i left i was soooo exhausted. i wanted to go visit my mommy but i called her up and told her that i was going home to my kachis because i was really tired. not sure when my brother-in-law will be getting out of the hospital or if he ever will...

i started getting ready for my party this saturday. i cleaned my apartment...mostly the kitchen and my closet. i have two huuuuuge bags of clothes and shoes that are ready to be dropped off the salvation army. i also put some curtains on...i personally think they look great. i'm tired right now but i have some freinds coming over for dinner tonight. which reminds me, i need to stop at the store to get lettuce and limes!!!

i couldn't sleep last night. i was thinking too much about mr. rico suave. yes he is back in the picture. he continues to be in an abusive relationship and i continue to get angry!!! having gone through an abusive relationship i understand to some degree why mr. rico suave continues to be with his partner but really there is just much a person can take. at least that's what happened to me. it got to the point where i told myself "i know you love yourself more than this!!!" and so i left. i was scared as hell when i finally did it but i did it. i keep telling people that if I did it anybody can because really i'm not that strong of a person. so if little ol' me did it so can mr. rico suave and so can my sister and so can...anybody really. i guess they will leave their abusers when they feel the time is right...for now i'm going to try to enjoy my time with mr. colombian.

i want this day to be over!!!!

i've had 3...yes THREE!!!!!!...suicidal calls today!!!! what the fuck is that about?!?!?!!? i blame it all on the weather!!!!

AND i just got a phone call from my sister telling me that my brother- in- law is back in the hospital!!!

hhhaaayyy!! i need a fucken drink!!!!

updates...

so i'm at work procrastinating big time on my notes!! i do not like writing notes!!! but i understand that i have to...just incase something happens to my client and somebody tries to blame me for something. anywho, i have sooo much crap to do but no energy to do so, here at work and at home. my place is a complete mess!!! i was trying on soooo many outfits before i left to michigan for the wedding on friday night...when i came back on sunday it looked like the closet had thrown up!!! i didn't realize how messy i had left my apartment. MUST clean my apartment TONIGHT!!! it's such a beautiful day though, maybe i'll take a walk down by the lake...NO!!! MUST clean apartment!!!! MUST.

so the wedding was nice. mr. jillipooh looked gorgeous!!! she looked like she had jumped out of the Bride's magazine. if she wouldn't have been getting married i would have been all over her ;-) hehehehee. anywho, the company, the food, the music, and the drinks were all great!! i had soooo much fun. i have to say that i once again noticed that i was one of the two minorities in the room. at one point, both mr. hk and i looked at each other without having to say anything but knowing exactly what we were thinking. seriously, though i'm already use to it so i don't get bothered as much anymore. i did however compare, in my mind, this wedding and the mexican wedding i went to last week. the mexican wedding was nice and fun but i didn't really enjoy myself as much as i did in ms. jillipoohs wedding. i mean i was with my peeps at the mexican wedding hmmm? wonder what that's about. MUST look into that...not now though. i don't want to think for a few days :-)

things with the 23 year old are simmering down, like i knew they would. mr. 23 y/o is still growing up and still has alot to experience....things that i have already experienced and don't want to go through again...i'm not willing to be a mentor. is that selfish? we still talk and hang out but really i think he should be out with people his own age...to live life!! i've suggested we go to places where people his age hang out but then I feel out of place once we get there. it's just wierd.

things with mr. colombiano are going better than what i thought they would. i will be going to my friends cabin this weekend and i've invited him to come with. however he has classes on saturdays so he's not sure if he will be able to make it...he's trying to get out of it though because he "really wants to be with me this weekend"...whatever dude!!! you just think you're going to get lucky!!!hmm? well if he goes, maybe he will...hehehehee. he has been really sweet. he came over when i sprained my ankle to "take care" of me. aaaawwww, how sweet is that? also on sunday when i came back from michigan he called to see if he could come over because he "really wanted to see me because he had missed me"....aaaaawwww, super sweet. i was on the phone with him 'til 1 in the morning last night. hmmm? yeah, he will definetly get lucky if he ends up coming with me this weekend!!! i love it when he tells me that i'm "hot!!"...i don't consider myself to be so when he tells me i get embarrassed.

my brother-in-law is doing much better but now he has to apply for ssdi because he no longer can work. he is not taking any of this too well. he's been moody and irritable to the point that my poor sister has to leave the house for a couple of hours just to get a break from him. oh, my poor sister.

i'll be having my annual housewarming party on the 14th!!! yay for me!!!! i'll be having a contest..who ever brings me the most creative drinking glass gets a huuuuge prize that will involve me ;-P!!!!! i love it!!! i'm a bit concerned about kachito though. he just does not like it when people are in the apartment and i don't want anybody torturing him like some people did on my b-day party. gotta think about that one. i'm still working on the menu, i have decided though that i will only have appetizers. not sure if i only want mexican appetizers or if i should also get american appetizers, you know like wings, and cheese sticks and stuff like that. hmm? gotta think about that one too.

it's friday!!!!

well my fellow bloggers i continue to feel like crap!!! my cold is getting worse, my ankle is still swollen and my knee still hurts BUT i'm planning on have fun this weekend!!! DAMN IT!!!

i'm going to a wedding in michigan this weekend. i leave tomorrow morning to come back sunday evening.

yeah, my head is hurting and my eyes are itchy and watery!!! i will leave you with that.

have a good weekend bloggers...

the week from hell!!

i've had the most horrible week ever!!! okay i'm just being dramatic but i was in alot of pain!! i sprained my ankle!!! i missed a step as i was going down the stairs and fell down. i hurt my knee and my ankle. i had x-rays done and everything seems to be okay. now i'm coming down with a cold!!! aaaahhhhh!!! i hate getting sick!!! my head hurts, my sinuses are all stuffed up and i'm hungry!!!! okay can do something about me being hungry but like i said before i'm just being dramatic.

on to other news....so i went to a job interview. yay for me!! i got the job and i will be starting in two weeks!!! yay for me!!! i will be working with diabetes population that live in pilsen and little village!!!! i'll be a research asssitant...i'm really looking forward to this job. it's only a part time so i won't be leaving my current job...which is going pretty well so far.

haaayyyy, i have a horrible headache so i'll continue laters...

it's friday!!!!

and i'm tired as hell!!!! i'm soooo sleepy my fellow bloggers!!! i had tons of fun with the fabulous trio last though!!! the blue man group show rocked!! afterwards we went to ceasar's for some killer margaritas then we headed over to spot 6 for some spanish kareoke. i love spanish kareoke!! i sang bazaar by flans...i love flans, i'm in a loving mood today ;-) i danced cumbias with mr. bean as well. that boy can dance!!! i danced to los tigeres del norte with mr. motorcycle. i really enjoyed myself last night!!!

i'll be having dinner with mr. politician tonight. i haven't hung out with him in a while, i'm soooo looking forward to seeing him tonight. tomorrow i'll be going to a wedding with one of my favorite people in the world...am sooo looking forward to that as well!!

have a good weekend my fellow bloggers!!!

mis pretendientes...

well, i'm very tired and sleepy!!! i really just want to go home and sleep but i'm having dinner with the husband tonight and afterwards i'm meeting with the fabulous trio to go watch the Blue Man show. i'm sure the fabulous trio will keep me entertained more the blue man show itself!!

Anywho, last night i went out with the colombiano and i had a good time. mr. colombiano is super sweet and is very attentive to my needs!! wink wink...just kidding!! seriously i am. he picked me up at my place to only hang out at his place. we listened to some jazz...i love jazz!! and he has alot of cd's to choose from!!...and drank some wine. talked about his classes...his a 27 year old that's graduating this year with a masters in education...and how he can't wait 'til its over. he also plays soccer!!! i love soccer legs!!! that's one of the many things that attracted me to mr. motorcycle when i first met him. anywho, mr. colombiano would like to see me again!! how exciting is that!?!?!

what? ha? ooooh mr. 23 y/o?!??!?? yeah he is still in the picture. i just figure that i'm not in a committed relationship with anybody so why not date other guys or girls...i've got my eye on someone ;-) i totally adore mr. 23 y/o but i just can't get over the whole age thing. i know, i know, it's just a number!!! i'm sure that after a few more dates with him i will totally forget his age. did i tell you how adorable he is!?!?!?

hmmm? mr. awsome?!?? oh yeah, him. well, i'm still talking to mr. awsome but i think we have already become friends....YES FRIENDS!!! he continues to be awsome though. i now have another awsome friend added to the list!!! yay for me!!

i also talked to fluffy. he "accidently" dialed my number...hehehehehe. i thought it was cute and funny. anywho, we had a good conversation. we were on the phone for like 2 hours. he tells me he is doing good and he continues to struggle with his father's death. he also told me that he started working out...good for him!! then he asked me if i was talking to my sister and if i was dating. i told him that my sister and i were doing good and that i was dating. he sounded surprised but he said he was happy that i was dating and that "unlike me he was not able to switch his feelings on and off"...bastard!!!. he also said that the thought of me kissing and being with someone else hurt but he understood that i had to move on. yeah, it was wierd conversation.

so there you have it...

birthdays birthdays and more birthdays!!!

alot of my friends are celebrating this month!!! !! my sister's...dork...b-day was this past weekend. she had a little party but i didn't go...i wouldn't want her to think i was "trying to steal her friends" again!!! she tells me she had a blast. i'm glad she did!!

mr. 23 y/o's b-day was yesterday. i've been hanging out with him alot!!! he came over my place after celebrating his b-day with his family. i was all cheesy about it...i got him a tiny cake, a card and a teddy bear. we chilled at my place eating sushi and drinking wine. he really is a sweet guy and he makes me laugh so much!! boooy does he make me laugh!!! i love the way he roles his eyes when i'm being sarcastic with him. aaahhh yes those gorgeous eyes of his....okay let me stop. last night was our first kiss and it was sooo sweet...hmmm? what's going on here??!?!? i need to stop this!! or maybe not ;-) anywho, last night was nice. i really did enjoy my time with mr. 23 y/0...oh by the way he JUST turned 23!!!

tomorrow night i will be going out with the husband to celebrate his b-day!!! haaay just the thought of spending time with that man exhausts me!! i'm not really looking forward to it...i'm sure i'll have fun. i haven't seen him since my b-day bash so i think, being that it's his b-day, it would be a good time now.

mr. policeman's b-day is next week!!! he just got a house so i'm not sure if he will have his yearly b-day bash. i'm sure the HOLA gang will have something for him...we always do. any excuse for us to hangout!!! DAMN we are getting old!!

mr. deider's b-day is this friday as well...not sure if him and his wife have planned anything, they usually do but i haven't heard anything...yet ;-)

so many b-day this month!!! mr. todd's b-day is this weekend as well!!!

happy birthday to ya'll!!!!!!!!!

trainings, trainings and more trainings!!!

i spent most of my week in trainings!!!! some were very interesting and others were just a waste of my time!!!

two were held downtown and one was held at work. the ones downtown were the interesting ones ;-) one of them was on expanding HIV prevention options, the focus being microbicides. microbicide is a substance that reduces the tramission of STD's, including HIV when applied vaginally or rectally. this one was super interesting!!! the other was on the differences and the commonalities between the african american and latino communities on housing issues. i got to see alot of people i hadn't seen in a while in this one. the held a work was a computer training...i do NOT like computers!!! so i'm not getting into that one!! i'm all trained out!! does that make sense? really, i don't care if it does.

on to other subjects...my brother-in-law is doing so much better!! he is still not breathing on his own but the doctors tell us that he no longer is in "danger". he's smiling now!!! he does look better and the energy in his room is different as well. i went to go see him last night again and as soon as i walked in i felt a much more positive energy in the room. anywho, i'm glad that things are looking good.

i've been hanging out with mr. 23 y/o. we are supposed to go to dinner tomorrow night...to a spanish restaurant. I love spanish food with sangria!!!! mmmm, sangria!! i'm looking forward to tomorrow...for the food ;-) and sangria, and maybe dessert..hehehehhehee. i crack myself up!!!okay i'm a dork!!!

have a good weekend my fellow bloggers!!

FELIZ DIA DE LA INDEPEDENCIA!!!

monday report..

i had a lovely weekend...a few adventures here and there.

So Friday after work i went to go visit my brother-in-law at the hospital...he's my second moms husband. my fellow bloggers he is not doing well at all. he has arthritis in the lungs. he can't breathe on his own and he gets very exhausted when he tries to talk. my second mom seems to be holding up pretty well. my nephew on the other hand is not. i think he's feeling the pressure of having to be "the man" of the house. haaay, this is just not looking good at all...

after the hospital visit i was sooo mentally and emotionally exhausted but i had plans to meet up with my friends. it took for eeeever to get to mr. dj's place. there was a fire on the tracks on polk!!! so we were stuck there for a while. i had called ms. jillipooh to let her know that i was not going to be able to make it but i sooooo needed to hang out with my friends after visiting my brother-in-law!!! i needed to be distracted!! so i decided to take a cab!!! i finally made it to mr. dj's place. ms. jillipooh and mr. hk and their partners were obviously already there. i'm soooo glad i made it because i had sooo much fun. the food was awsome but the best part was the company!! i thank my frida...she's my goddess, 'member?...every day for blessing me with great friends.

on saturday i had lunch with my sisters, dork and apple, at my favorite thai restaurant. we then walked down to boystown for the yearly Lakeview art festival. it was nice to hang out with my sisters...yes even dork. she seems to be doing better now that fluffy and i broke up. such is life!!after the festival, we went back to my place and they waited as i got ready to go to my friends birthday party. they gave me a ride to my friends place. i had so much fun!! there was carnitas, arroz con gandules, potato salad, salsa, damn the list goes on!! after a while we all started to do shots of tequila...i was so freakin' drunk it wasn't even funny!! damn i had fun!

sunday i went to the baby shower in Tinley Park. ms. j and ms. dieder picked me up. once we got to the baby shower we were separated. we weren't very happy about this but we made the most of it. i did end up having loads of fun with this old lady that was sitting next to me. she was sooo funny. i found out she works at a museum in Indiana. she gave four passes "just incase you are ever in the neighborhood". she was sooo funny!! the shower over all was very nice and sweet. i could totally feel the love in that room. mrs. future mommy looked so beautiful and radiant!!! she truelly did look happy...not content but happy. i wish her nothing but the best. she is going to be a great mommy!! i just know she will!!

after the shower, we headed back home. it was a nice ride back home. Mr. 23 y/o had text me earlier to ask if i had plans in the evening. i said no so we had decided to meet up in the evening. once i got home though i was just tired and exhausted. he called me and i told him if it was okay if we hung out at my place. he seemed to be okay with that. we talked all evening. he didn't leave until 12!!! he's still the sweet guy he was three years ago. i am truelly very proud of him. he wants to continue to hang out "to see where this leads". he is soooo sweet!! i'm just in awe with this boy. he kept complementing me all night...my hair, my lips, my hands. seriously this boy was making me blush!! AND he gives the greatest hugs ever!! anywho, we are supposed to hang out tonight too...maybe he'll get a kiss tonight ;-)

new boss lady and other crap...

well we have a new supervisor. so far she seems to be doing okay...i miss my other supervisor alot though!! no one will ever come close to ever being as great as he was!!

i'll be having dinner with some friends tonight...am really looking forward to it!!! one of them is ms. jillipooh. we haven't really hung out lately. mr. dj and mr. hk will also be there!! oh how i miss those two. we'll be meeting at mr. dj's place. i can't wait to see them all.

Tomorrow i will be going to my friends 44th b-day!!! that should be fun as well. i'm planning on giving him a gift card (made by yours truelly) to a stripper joint :-) as b-day gift... he has to take me as well though!!! i'm sure that he will have no problem taking me with him. i can't wait to see his reaction!!! i've known him for about 7 years and the guy is sooo much fun!! his wife is just as crazy as he is... i love them both dearly.

Sunday i will be going to a baby shower. i'm not looking forward to that. i'm very happy for my friend and her husband but things like these depress me. why? well because i know i will not have kids and i sooooo long to have one. i've blogged about this before and all of you were very sweet about it. i know that i have options as to go about having a baby...artificial insemination, adopting...but really, there is this very old fashioned girl deep deep deep, waaaayy deep,(waaay deep!!) inside that wants to have the father next to me when i have a baby. anywho, that's why i get depressed. i am very very happy for my friends though. i mean who wouldn't be?!?!? a baby is on the way to experience life!!

so i have a question...three years ago i met this 20 year old whom apparently was "in love" with me. 20 years old!!!! i of course, gave him "the you're too young speech" which he seemed to take very well. he is a very sweet guy and has the most amazing brown eyes. when i first met him, i told him that he was an old man stuck in a young mans body because we used to have the most amazing conversations!!! anyway, i told him that he needed to focus on finishing college instead of courting me. he did just that!!he called me last night!!!! he graduated, owns his business (mechanic shop), and is working on buying another "space". i'm very proud of him!!! so he tells me "well i'm 23 years old and i told you i would call you once i was finished". he wants to go out because he still likes me and would like to "see if we work out"...he is sooo sweet. so anyway, my question is do i go out with him? he's fucken 23 years old!!!

have a good weekend bloggers!!!

monday report..

well i had a very exhausting weekend but i had fun over all. i chilled on friday with la familia on the southside. On Saturday i went shopping as planned...got myself a couple of shirts that i sooooo do not need but i HAD to have them..hehehe. Anywho, ms. timid little girl told me she had fun so that's all that counts. i was sooooo freakin' exhausted though. ms. timid little girl is very very timid so getting a word out of her was like pulling teeth!! "so what do you want to do next?" i would ask, "i don't know" was her answer. "do you like this one?" "i don't know", "what do you want to eat?" "i don't know"....AAAHHHHH!!!!! she is very sweet though, just very shy!! by the time we got home i just really wanted to sleep!! on sunday, i went out with mr. sports announcer. we went to go watch a movie, which totally sucked!!...Crank, and then went to for some pizza. later at night we decided to go out for some dancing, which i began to regret because there was this huge ass long line!!! since people didn't work on monday everybody and their momma was out!!! fortunetly i know the bouncer therefore we didn't have to wait. aawwhhh yes to have connections!!! we didn't have to pay either!!! AND yesterday i went to the southside again to hangout with la familia and to have some carne asada!!

i'm sooo tired and sleepy right now. i really just want to go home and sleep until tomorrow. i have tickets for the cubs game tonight but really i'm just tooo freakin' tired!!! i think i'll call my sisters and give them to them.

friday is finally here!!!

this has been a long ass week!!! things at work have been hectic!! a proposal is on the midst of going to the executive, i'm a bit nervous about this. we'll see what happens. One of my clients died, he was sooo sweet. He was found two days after he died, died of a heart attack. He had no family here and would call me everyday...the last time i saw him was in the beginning of August. He had me paged so i thought there was something wrong. When i asked if everything was ok he says, "yes, i just need a hug from you". i'm going to miss him :-( Another of my clients had to be transferred to a nursing home. He too has no family either (they have family but because they have AIDS they don't want anything to do with them, very sad). He's in a wheel chair now because he hada stroke and is unable to move around...he too is the sweetest guy ever!! i've gone to visit him a few times, i've taken him some candy...he loves his sweets!! you should see the big smile on his face when i arrive with a bag on my hand!!! he knows exactly what's in that big!! Two of my other clients are on the verge of becoming homeless because the system has screwed them over!! They were in a housing assistance program in which their rent was to be paid for three years but because funds were cut off now they can't afford the apartment in which they were asked to move and told "don't worry about the rent all will be taking care of"...bastards!!! anywho, i found an affordable studio for one of my clients, which he calls a "box" because it's sooo freakin small. My other client however is waaaay more stubborn therefore continues looking for a one bedroom that he can afford...his monthly income is $603!!!!!! there is nooooo way he is going to find a one bedroom apartment but there is only so much i can say or do!! All of this PLUS politics at work are wearing me down!!

well on to more uplifting news. I went to a play...Spinning Into Butter...with cracked chancla, mr. cracked chancla and santis. The play was AWSOME!!! enraging as hell though,but i believe it was very real!!! it was about racism. thanks Dr. Vodka for telling us about it!! afterwards we went for some margaritas at Fiesta Mexicana (i think that's the name of the place we went to). i had soooo much fun!!! mr. cracked chancla is sooo freakin' funny, junto con santis, ya se pueden imajinar!!! i had so much fun. After we left that place, santis and i continued the party at my place. Cracked Chancla felt my place was too far to go hangout, that's okay chanclita i totally understand. I get alot of that from friends. Once santis and i got to my place, mr. Awsome (the guy i've been talking to) arrived a few minutes later!!! i was soooo freakin' happy to see him!!! the guy is just soooo damn awsome!! AND freakin' smart!!! AND cute!!! AND did i mention AWSOME!! anywho, i called mr. Awsome when santis and i were on our way to my place. i didn't really think he was going to show up...i'm taking this as a good sign ;-) have i mentioned that he is awsome!!!hehehehehe

anywho, i was going to milwaukee this weekend but my friend the sports announcer bailed. that's cool though because i had forgotten that i had made plans with my friend's sister this weekend. Her b-day was last week...she turned 14...and i promised her that we would go shopping for clothes before classes started. I take her each year for her b-day because she has 5 brothers and they are all idiots!!! thugs!!! and her parents well, her parents are being the best parents they can. anywho, i'll be taking her downtown for some shopping and then we are going to go watch a movie!!! i tell her that we will have a girls night out!! and she just laughs. i'm looking forward to hanging out with her.

I'll be going out with mr. sports announcer on sunday. he will be taking me to the movies and dinner to "make it up to me"...yeah yeah what ever ;-) seriously i'm looking forward to hanging out with him. i've missed him...'member he's the one that lives in atlanta.

anwho, have a good weekend my fellow bloggers!!

a little better...

things have been a little better. i'm no longer angry, now i'm ready to revolutionize policies and practices at my place of employment!!! yes i have decided to stay at my current job for two reasons...the first one is my clients. i totally adore my clients and would miss them sooo much. the second is to try to make some changes that will accomodate my clients...that's basically why i wanted to quit. i know i'm being vague but like i said i've heard of people getting fired because of what they write on their blog. anywho, my supervisor resigned a few weeks ago and some other changes are accurring in my department that i'm not really happy about but like i said i'm here to serve clients so that's what i will be doing!!! thank you very much!! i'm actually stressing out a bit because i've always been the type of person who leaves a job when i don't like what's going on rather than stay and fight for something i truelly believe in....i'll keep you posted.

on to another subject...i had the greatest weekend ever!!! my friend has a cabin and she takes me there every year right before the summer is over so we went this past weekend. it was soooo beautiful. i soooo did not want to come back!!! i didn't get to wear my bathing suit because it was cloudy all weekend but that's okay because we went hiking and then fishing..well they went fishing, i get sick on the boat. i walked around the lake and it was sooooo beautiful and peaceful. i wanted to freeze that moment forever!!! it was soooo nice. i forgot about all the freakin' problems i had at work. anywho, i bought some tomatoes and watermelon for 3 dollars!!! and these beautiful wine glasses (6 of them) for 10 cents each!!! i told my friend that i wanted to go back during the winter...can you imagine how beautiful the snow would be!?!?

I got back on sunday evening and got ready to go out on my date!!!! YES A DATE!!!! the date went great..wink wink..hehehehee. seriously this guy is AWSOME!!! i've also been talking to a colombiano!!! he's really cool as well. i'll be seeing cracked chancla and santis tomorrow!!! my friend the sports announcer will be coming to chicago this weekend and we will be heading over to milwaukee to watch a soccer game!! the jazz festival is also this weekend which i will be going to on friday!!!! AND i have hightlights on my hair!!! yeap!!! they were supposed to be blonde highlights but because i have dark brown hair they turned out some light brownish reddish looking color. my friend and i didn't know what we were doing but i love them.

oh my fellow bloggers it's nice to be back!!! i feel more...hhhmmm? don't really know how to describe it. oh yeah i almost forgot, fluffy's b-day was this sunday and i sent him an e-card...do you think i did the right thing?

i'm through...

for now. my fellow bloggers i won't be blogging for a while. i need to clear my mind and focus on looking for a new job. life sucks for me at this time, mostly because i wanted that way so i gotta work on that.

hasta luego

:-[

my fellow bloggers i have been very dissappointed these past few days. unfortunetly i can not talk about it...i heard of people getting fired for bitching about their job.

anywho, i will try my bestest to have a good weekend. i'll be going to a sox game tonight and tomorrow will be my nephews baptism. i'm planning on being drunk the entire day ;-)

have a good weekend bloggers....

I AM....

SOOO FUCKEN ANGRY!!!!!! ...at my place of employment!!!

I HAVE TO....

LOOSE WEIGHT!!!! I MUST!!! is all i'm saying for now....

weekend report...

well, i had a some what nice weekend. the highlight of my weekend was me having to drive mr. rico suave back home because he got too drunk....aaah yes, the fond memories. anywho, he is okay and i will be careful...coco ;-)

i went to my parents this weekend. not much going on there...hmmm? i had quite a boring weekend when i think about it. i didn't make it to cc store but is the plans for sometimes this week!!!

i'm soooo freakin' sleepy. i woke up at 3 o'clock this morning and couldn't go back to sleep!! i really wish i was in bed sleeping. i can't stop yawning. i have to clean my apartment because it's a mess, i need to do laundry...don't think any of that will happen tonight. i'm planning on going home to take a nap...hhhaaayy but if i do that i won't be able to sleep later on tonight...MUST make myself clean my apartment!!

longest friday ever!!

haaay, i'm so ready to start my weekend!!! not that i have anything special going on. i'm thinking of going to the beach tomorrow then head over to pokey reese's place and just spend the weekend at his place. He's been grumpy though so i don't know if i want to expose myself to his grumpiness. I talked to him sometime this week and all he did was complain and complain and complain. poor guy :-( i can't even imagine what he might be going through...'member he broke his leg. i just remembered that he told me he kicked his mom out of his place because apparently "she was annoying him!!" hmmm? yeah i'm not going to see him unless i have a ride back home.

I also need to fix my bike. AGAIN!!!! i'll probably do that today after work. hmmm? maybe i'll stop at cc's store on sunday for a smoothie orchata and a book. i need to go back to volunteering at the hospital on sundays.

anywho, have a good weekend my fellow bloggers...i'm going to try my bestest to have one myself :-)

i did it!!!

i scheduled an appointment with a counselor to talk about nursing school and i have also signed up for an orientation at UIC's nursing program!!! i'm really freakin' out!!!

untitled...

i couldn't come up with a title. i really do wish this weather would cool off just a tad!!! i won't complain too much because come winter i will wish it to be summer. i've had a headache since yesterday but i'll be fine though. i think it's related to the heat because i went to a training yesterday and the place wasn't air conditioned!!

i talked to my sister yesterday...the one that has an asshole for a husband...she called me to invite to her baby's baptism. will i go? yes. will i be happy about it? no!!! she also asked me to help her out with cooking. i really don't mind but i'll be honest, i'm going to be very very uncomfortable and angry but like i told my mom, "lo estoy haciendo nadamas por ella". i don't want her to feel alone or like she doesn't have my support. AND plus i get to see my nephews and niece!!! yay for me!!! i'll keep you updated.

so i'll be going out to dinner with ms. J tonight and then she is taking me shopping for some clothes!!! it's my birthday gift from her!!! not sure where we will be going to dinner but according to her the place has "the best fries ever!!". i'm all about the fries!!!...oh yeah my diet? hmmm? it's not going too well....such is life.

i talked to my schiziphrenic client and he had me cracking up!!! i so adore my clients!!! he got me thinking about going back to school...yes i'm still planning on going to nursing school. haaay!! but to be honest with you the thought of giving up my life gets me a bit depressed. MUST keep on enjoying my summer!!! anywho, i'm really going to miss my clients once i leave this place. okay i'm getting myself depressed so let me think of something fun...did i mention that ms. j will be taking me shopping this evening?

AND i would like to think that my bitchiness went away...for now that is ;-)

i figured it out!!!

i'm in a bitchy mood because the fluffman has not called!!!! yes i know we broke up but he said we could remain friends!!! yes i know that i just sounded really stupid but for some strange reason i actually believed this guy when he told me "sonrisa, i really do want us to be friends" the mother fucker has not called!!!! nothing!!! i got a text for my birthday but that doesn't really count!! does it? huuuuuyyyyy!!! i'm soooo angry!!! mostly at myself for believing him!!! men you are once again on my "YOU SUCK!!" list!!! damn all of you!!! okay, maybe not santis and dcn and few others out there...AND did i just finish my gummy fruit thingies!!! what the fuck!?!?!? when is this day going to be over?!?! AND no i'm NOT pms-ing!!!!

a little venting...okay alot of venting!!!

so i got to thinking alot this weekend and some questions came up....unfortunetly no answers!!!

i did nothing productive this weekend!!! AND i am very proud of it!! i went to the beach...got a nice tan going on. I read...Lolita in Tehran..., i finished knitting mr. motorcylces scarf...which i hope he will be wearing all winter ;-)..., i wrote some poems...that i as usual shall not share with anyone!!! why? because they are wwaaaay too dirty!!!, i watched 4 movies...a documentary, 2 foreign movies and a hollywood movie..., AND i ordered out!!! as much as i love to cook i was just not going to do it this weekend!!hmmm? i think it was a productive weekend after all.

so let the venting begin!!! actually it's ranting...

so this morning as i was getting dressed to work i realized that i once again had to wear the bra that is waay to small but must wear because there aren't any bras my size with those thin spaghetti straps!!! HEEELLLLOOOOO!?!?!! us big women like to wear sexy stuff too you know!!! so i'm on a mission!!! i must find a bra my size that i can wear with my "mexican hot and spicey" spaghetti strap t- shirt!!! last week i wanted to wear my brown spaghetti strap shirt but i couldn't because of the damn bra straps!!! why then do i buy these kind of shirts, you are asking? well because i like them!!!! they don't look bad on me!!! i'm all about hiding the parts of my body i do not like but some of these shirts actually look nice on me!!

so after this weekend i have decided that i will and MUST loose weight!!! i laugh as i write this because guess what i ate all this weekend? pizza, thai, and tacos!!! nothing healthy...well if you think about it the lettuce and tomatoes on the tacos are healthy, right? anywho, i threw away the two bags of chips i had and also the ice cream and some candy stuff i had...okay well i had to throw them out actually, they were all going bad. BUT i have no more junk food in my apartment!!! well except for the microwavable popcorn, which i really don't like because they give me a headache so i thought i would be safe to keep them around...for my guest you know ;-)

i have also noticed that i have been getting hit on by more men then women lately. I figured out why that is!!! my HAIR!!!! its' getting longer!!! what the hell is that about?!!? why do men like women with long hair? when my hair was shorter i usually got hit on my white men or women but now that my hair is longer the men that have been approaching me are latinos!!! what is that about?!? for some strange reason this has ALWAYS bothered me!!! it reminds me of the mini skirt incident!!! when i used to live with the parents i use to see this guy waiting for his ride in the morning and he never ever paid any attention to me 'til i decided to wear a mini skirt!!! he actually stopped me and asked for my number!!! THAT really pissed me off!!! i was thinking "asshole i'm the same person that walks by here every fucken morning!!!!" needless to say i ignored him and kept walking. it just really pisses me off how people are sometimes!!! i just want to tell them to "fuck off!!" okay i'm pretty sure i've done that too but i would like to think i'm more subtle about it.

AND i found out this morning that Dr. Phill has joined Match.com!!!! how freakin' cool is that?!?!? i mean, seriously the dude is an expert on relationships right? so i'm definetly going to go check that out!!! NOT!!! i can't stand that man!! who told him that he knew everything there is to know about relationships!! oh yeah, that would have been Oprah. AND Oprah does know her shit!!!...okay, why am i being so bitchy?!?!??! hmmm? gosta think about this...

retreat...

so i won't be at work tomorrow because i will be going to a work related retreat!! how fun is that? well actually i shouldn't really complain because it will be at montrose beach...not too far from my place. we will be talking about work so that sucks!!! i won't be in the office so that's a big pluse!!! there will be on alcohol involved while at the beach!! that sucks!! but after five we can just walk to my place and begin the weekend!!! major plus!!!

anywho, i have been trying to keep myself busy and i think i have been doing a good job too!! i'm going to a dinner meeting tonight...those in which i have to dress up but i never really do :-) I HATE dressing up!!! anywho, it will be held at an italian restaurant. yummy yummy in my tummy!!

i'm planning on being a beach bumm this weekend!! im putting on my bathing suit and heading over to the beach until i can't take the heat anymore...which by the looks of it will be only about a 30 minute stay!! damn!! it's been super hot!! i was supposed to go to my friends cabin this weekend but it got cancelled! DAMN!!! i so needed to be away for awhile. oh well such is life!!

have a good weekend my fellow bloggers!!

lunatika and ms. mary jane!!!

i need it someone to smack some sense into me last night!!! so who did i call? Lunatika!! and i asked her to bring mary jane along!! just incase you are wondering...Lunatika ended up dumping the guy that gave her the std. According to her, the guy keeps calling her. I love her but the girl is crazy!! which is why i only call her once in a while and she has three kids (with three different daddies!!...but i'm not judging) so that makes it a bit difficult for her to go out. anywho, i called her last night to see if she could come over. She totally knew why i was calling!! she was at my place within an hour. she lives on the southside, yet another reason why we don't see each other as much.

I made some quesadillas and salsa so by the time she got there dinner was ready. Mary Jane was already at my place anxiously awaiting her arrival. my friend, mr. d,j made me a cd, that rocks btw!!, for my birthday so we just chilled and listened to it. I so wanted to call fluffy but i have already erased his number from my cell phone and since all i had to do to call him before was to look for his name i never really memorized his number (thank my Frida for that!!)

i really do miss fluffy but as Lunatika kept reminding me yesterday "if he really likes you he will call YOU!!" Anywho, she ended up spending the night...she lives with her sister so little lunatika was babysitting...i soooo did not want to come to work this morning!!! there was also a power outage early this morning so it was freaking muggy which only made us even more lathargic!! apparently some one is filming right behind my building and decided to take all of our power!! DAMN those hollywood people!! we did get so see this really cool race car, nobody famous though. they will be filming today too so maybe i'll see someone tonight....or not because i'll be going to see my parents tonight. i'm really trying to keep myself busy so that i don't end up doing anything stupid...like calling fluffy!!!

make me not do it!!!

i want to call fluffy for all the wrong reasons!!!!

i had sooo much fun!!!

well it's monday and i'm sleepy as hell. i would have called in sick but we are being audited so i MUST be here!!

i had sooo much fun on saturday. All the people that said were coming showed up and then some!! Cracked Chancla arrived first so i had some time to talk to her...i really do enjoy our conversations. Unfortunely cracked chancla had to leave early but not before santis got there!! Santis was actually there pretty late. Him and my nephew, rocker dude, seemed to be having fun...rocker dude calls him tio now because mr. bean kept telling him that they both looked alike. Mr. bean and mr. motorcycle did not leave until 5 in the morning!! Mr. motorcycle really wanted to leave already but mr. bean was too busy flirting...with me!!! it really was funny.

Every body seemed to like the food. i changed the menu a bit. i had steak tacos, tostadas de pollo, tostadas de atun, rice, beans, quesadillas, and mexican cole slaw. i made hot and mild salsas. i was actually quite impressed with myself. lo unico que faltaba era la agua de orchata y de jamaica ;-)

i really did enjoy myself. i tried not to get too drunk because my nephews were there and so i HAD to be the adult that i am. They tell me that they had fun. rocker dude really seemed to like santis. spikey hair was not really in a good mood. you see his girlfriend was there earlier during the party but had to leave...she wasn't allowed to sleep over so they were both quite upset...not at me but at the girlfreinds parents. i'm the cool tia 'member so they couldn't have been upset at me, ehehehee.

oh my god!! i almost forgot talk about how bad kachito took all of this. My poor kachis was sooooo angry at everybody including me!!!! he hissed and meowed and tried to bite my guests!!! i felt so bad but i also had to tell some guests to "LEAVE THE CAT ALONE!!!" because some of them thought it was funny to get kachito even more upset!!! "well how would you like it if people kept picking on you while you were already freakin' out, frustrated and angry!!!" is what i really wanted to tell the people, one in particular, that kept annoying kachis. my kachis was back to normal yesterday though. we hung out in the leaving room watching a movie...21 grams...and then went to bed. i still can't get over his hissing. good times, good times...

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!! IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!...

okay it's not today but tomorrow!!! i am sooo excited about tomorrow!!! i have like 30 people coming over!!! YAY!!!!! i'm sure some will not show up at the last minute but that's okay...they have a life too, i guess...ehehhehehhe.

anywho, everybody have good weekend!!!

good weekend!!!

well i had the most exciting, tiresome and relaxing weekend!!!

On Friday i went to the Orgullo en Accion event right after work. it was held at the Chicago Cultural Center. I saw alot of people i hadn't seen in a while, one of them being Mariposa!!! it was soo nice see to her. Afterwards i headed over to Circuit in boystown for the ALMA event. i had to leave early though because i was a little tipsy...ok ALOT tipsy...by the time i got there so i didn't get to see the wet underwear contest :-( however the bouncer and one of the bartenders promised me a private dance later on this week!!! am soooo looking forward to that!!!

On Saturday i got up early...like around 12 in the afternoon!!hehehe... and went to go get my bike fixed. yay for me!!! i also went to replace my phone because i accidently broke my other one. Later on i walked over to the red line train to meet up with Mr. Panther and then we were on our way to the Gay Games Ceremony. I had alot of fun!!!! i have to admit that it dragged but it's all about the people your with!!! there were sooooo many people!!! it took us about 2 hours to get back home but we made it. i was sooo exhausted!!!

On Sunday, i woke up early...9 in the morning...to go to the store to pick up some frozen burgers, hotdogs, buns, and other stuff for the pool party at mr. motorcycles. ms. j picked me up around 1:30 to then head over to the mexican store to get some arrachera and tortillas. Once we got to mr. motorcyles place we changed into our bathing suits and jumped in the pool!!! the water felt awsome!!! mr. motorcycle cooked while ms. j and i were in the pool. Later mr. bean came along with pokey reese. mr. policeman and ms. forever future wife also stopped by. we were all in the pool accept for pokey reese...'member he broke his leg...and ms. forever future wife who forgot to bring her bathing suit. i was just chilling in the water and flirting back at mr. bean (he's such a goof ball!!) i had alot of fun...i suggested we do that again next sunday!!!

oh almost forgot...so on saturday on our way back home as mr. panther and i rode on the bus three guys started a conversation with me. Two of them had the gay games official book with them and i tell one them "not to toot my own horn but my picture is the book" and so they start looking for it and then scream out "heeeeyyyy we have a celebrity among us!!! she's giving out autographs!!!" i was soooo embarrassed!!! one of the guys tells me after signing his book "i'm going back home to tell everybody that i met you!!!" i must admit i was very honored and i was cheesing...as my santis says...as well.

good times!!! good times!!! this week i will be getting and preparing stuff for this saturday!!! 'member it's my b-day party!!!

latinas hating on latinas!!!

i didn't have problems with a title for this one!!!

I can't stand it when i see a latino/a that doesn't seem to like other latino/as!! we don't have to like each other but i believe that we should all be supportive towards one another in our work place, especially if you work at a place in which there are only like 5 latinos working in it!!!!

where is all of this coming from? there is a nurse, whom we will call j-lo because she swears she looks like her!! anyway, i started working here before nurse j-lo and when i heard there was going to be a native spanish speaking nurse in the medical services team i got really excited!! we have alot of latino patients but the doctors don't speak spanish, well some of them do but it's very limited, so i would usually be called to translate...which i didn't mind at all. Anywho, i thought things would be different in the medical area in regards to the latino patient. Well to my suprise, i was still being called once in a while to translate. i just figured nurse j-lo was busy or something but then i was told by a few patients that they were told by nurse j-lo that she recommended they go to another clinic in which the doctors spoke spanish because she was not being paid to translate!!! what the fuck?!?!? okay so i agree that we are not being paid to translate but seriously then take that up with your supervisor and not the patients!!! i of course brought that up to MY supervisor who then spoke to the medical services head person and since then i haven't been called to translate...unless nurse j-lo isn't there.

another reason why i don't like nurse j-lo is because she seems to talk to all the latinos but seems to dislike the latinas that work here!!! what the fuck is that about?!?! she has dated two lab guys, one of them already left and was replaced by another latino whom she is dating at the moment and the computer guy....those have been the only latino straight men that have/are working here. seriously, i don't mind what she does in her personal life but why be a bitch to me when i haven't been anything but nice to her!!! i see her in the clinic and she completely ignores me, i see her out with co-workers during lunch and she completely ignores me while the other co-workers greet me. She has been like this with me ever since she started working here!! The girl didn't even know me and she was already hating!!

seriously, what is this girls problem!!! hmmm? or is it my problem?

i can't think of a title...

so i'll be honest...i'm not doing too good. i can't seem to shake off this freakin' depression!! i'm trying though, i really am.

so yesterday when i got home after work i told myself "okay sonrisa!! enough is enough!!!" i cleaned my apartment, did laundry, washed the dishes and cooked myself some dinner!! later during the evening mr. panther called me to invite me to the opening ceremony of the gay games this saturday!!!! yay for me!! i'll also be going to a few parties tonight which i'm not really in a mood to go to but i've got to represent ya' know?!?! on sunday i'll be hanging out with the gang...ms. j, mr. motorcycle, mr. policeman, pokey reese, and probably mr. bean. i'm soooo looking forward to this sunday!! we'll be going to mr. motorcycle's place and he has a pool so i'll be bringing my two piece!!! NOT!!!!

anywho, i hope you all have a good weekend :-)

it's over...

before i start let me apologize for the mistakes on my last post...i didn't proof read it before i posted it and i noticed that there were waaay more mistakes then usual...sorries :-( but i think i got my points across.

anywho, fluffy and i broke up!!! yes it's true!!! why? because we couldn't really enjoy our relationship due to the fact that dork kept creeping into our minds!!! it happened on Friday night and we both cried like babies...okay I cried like a baby and he cried like a guy. damn, i really miss the guy. we both agreed to still keep in contact and be friends but really i don't know if that will happen. i've just been feeling like shit for the past few weeks and i've been trying my hardest to keep busy but i keep thinking about my sister whom by the way i saw on saturday and i was ANGRY at her..she didn't know it though. i tried not to be in the same room with her because i'm pretty sure i would have just exploded. Anyway, like i told cracked chancla, i haven't been in a mood for anything!! not even in a mood to celebrate my birthday, it's coming in a couple of weeks, but i need to keep my mind busy!!

lets move on to more positive things...MY PARENTS ARE BACK!!!! YAY!!! i saw my mommy on saturday and i spoke to her this morning!!! i missed her soooo much!!! she asked me if i was okay because she noticed that i wasn't my usual self. i told her i was just a bit tired. oh how i missed my mommy!!!

i went to pilsen yesterday with my co-workers!! we had sooo much fun!!! i bought the coolest ring ever at the mexican fine arts museum and i got to chat with cracked chancla for a while!!! the co-workers and i went to eat at a new comtemporary mexican restaurant next to cc's store. the restaurant's name is Mundial and the food was yummy!!! bloggers we need to hangout there!!! AND i got to see Santis!! didn't expect that.

I also got to see mr. motorcycle!!! he is doing much better!!! i had ms. j's car so we both went on some errands and got to hangout 'til late in the evening!!! I also went to see pokey reese at the hospital, he broke his leg playing soccer...OUCH!!!! my pokey reese looked like he was in soooo much pain!! i hope mr. bean is doing good cause then my fabulous trio aren't going to be fabulous anymore.

i'm also getting ready for my b-day party!!! i will have it the day of my b-day!!! how cool is that?!??! i'm planning on having tamales, my famous pico de gallo, enchiladas, rice, chicken fajitas....AND yes i will be cooking all of this myself, well except the tamales that's just too much work!!! i'm kind of sad though because i think i will have alot people coming in late due to the gay games. as i mentioned before i have alot of gay friends and the day of my b-day party is also the the day of the closing ceremony for the gay games. oh well such is life!!

updates...

well it's been a some what of a wierd week. i kept thinking that wednesday was monday!! anywho, i had a great weekend. My little nieces, ages 11,12, and 13, spent the weekend with me. they are soooo cute. we went to the beach, tried going to the taste but it was too packed, watched movies(13 going on 30, napoleon dynomite, and 13. they loved 13!! they also had alot questions after it was over!!), went to the new rock n roll mcdonalds and we all ate like there was no tomorrow!! the best moment was when one of them asked me "tia there was mtv in the 80's?" as we watched 13 going on 30. i just started laughing and then realized that they were all born in the 90's!!! that made me feel soooo old!! i had soo much fun with them. there were questions about boys, drugs, and sex. my babies are growing up sooo fast!! next month will be my nephews turn to spend a weekend with the "cool tia".

I spent the 4th at my older sister's home. dork was there and completetly ignored me. i asked apple how she was doing and she told she was doing alot better. i have to admit that i had to go upstairs for a few minutes because i was crying...i couldn't hold it in anymore :-( once i got that out of my system i went with the little ones to light up the fireworks!! i love their little faces as they watched something go up in the air or something sparkling. i love my nieces and nephews!!

On wednesday i hung out with mzmarie at the airport. i had soooo much fun!!! who knew hanging out at o'hare could be that much fun!!! mzmarie is my friend from pittsburgh and was on her way to ireland and had a lay over here in chicago!! so we decided to hangout at the airport while she waited, how cool is that?!?! i met some of her "rally/protester" friends, they were so freakin' cool!!! and we all decided that i will be going to pittsburgh in october to celebrate amanda's 25th birthday..she will be singing her new song titled "he left me in washington"...i suggested the title because her ex left in her washington...get it? hhehehehehe...seriously i had alot fun. have fun in ireland mzmarie!!!

i also found out that mr. motorcycle had surgery!!! he had his gall bladder removed!! my baby was in sooo much fun!!! he will continue to be the love of life even if i am with fluffy!!! anywho, i got a bit upset at ms. j because she didn't seem to take this surgery as serious as i did and then proceeded by making fun of mr. motorcylcle because he wasn't back at work yet..."how much pain could he be in!?!? it's only like three stitches that he has!!" hmmm? helloooo? ms. j not everybody has the same tolerance level in pain as you do!!! is what i really wanted to say but decided not to because i probably would have been made fun of because "you're only acting this way becuase it's mr. motorcycle!!" whatever!! AND then she kicked me out of her office because i told her she complained too much about how much her new shoes hurt!!! aauurrghh what the hell?!??! you've said waaaaay worse things to me and i don't say anything!!...that's what i wanted to say but didn't. yeah, ms. j is the type of person that likes to say things or make comments about others but then doesn't like people saying things to her!! BUT i love her!! and like i've said before i don't know what i would do without her...i love you ms. j. i hope you know that.

well, i hope you all have a good weekend. the parents are supposed to be back from mexico tonight but not sure what time. i'll be going to the movies tonight with my fluffman. tomorrow i will be volunteering at the 1st latino pride!!! on sheridan and broadway so come and join me in the fun!! sunday i will going to a field trip to pilsen with my co-workers!!yay!! and then will be going to visit my poor mr. motorcycle!!!

have a good weekend!!

drained...

since last week i have been feeling like crap!!! turns out my sister dork is taking me dating fluffy waaaay to hard. last wednesday she was very suicidal and also got into a car accident. i called her as soon i found she was in the car accident. she told me she was okay and then proceeded by telling me that these past few months that i have been with fluffy she has been thinking about why she was here in this world. i felt like i was talking to a client!!! i asked her if she had a plan and she did!! she kept insulting me and screaming at me but i had to remain focused on her even though the things that she was telling me were being very hurtful. Needless to say i was very concerned about her that i called my other sister...whom we will call Apple... to keep an eye on her. in the process apple told me that dork was really hurt and angry at me...no really?!! i never would have guessed by the things she was screaming at me!! i was so close to not going to the bloggers bash but then i kept thinking that there was nothing i could really do so i met up with santis...we went for an apple martini before we met the other bloggers that day. i really needed that drink.

i have been trying to keep myself busy but i think it's taking it's toll on me!! i haven't been able to sleep and when i do i wake up more tired than before i went to bed. i want to cry but the tears won't come out...i'm tired. i'm really tired. AND tonight i have this dinner meeting for work that i need to go to. i have to dress up!!! do you know how much i hate dressing up?!?!

i have also been thinking alot about my relationship with fluffy. I like him alot but i'm getting to the point where i feel more like his therapist. i have felt like this from the beginning but i thought it would change with time. i told santis that maybe i'm just looking for excuses because i feel so guilty about what my sister is going through. I know that whatever my sister is going through has nothing to do with me. for some strange reason my sister has felt that i have ruined her life "since we were kids up until now!!"...her own words. anyway, fluffy has been great though this whole ordeal and when i talk to him i feel like he really cares about me but...but...why the hell am i so scared? or why am i allowing my sister to do this? i don't know...gotta go

lemonade anyone?...

i had soooo much fun last night!!! the cubs lost but are we really that surprised!?!?! AND as usual i was the only latina in the group...had to keep reminding myself that i LOVE orchata ;-)

should i feel guilty?...

i'll be going to a cubs game tonight!!! it was FREE!!! how could i have said no!! anywho, apparently the drinks and food is included so gues who'll be getting drunk tonight!!! thanks my miguelito for hooking me up!!

my heart still belongs to my white sox!!! LETS GO WHITE SOX LETS GO!!!

can we start the day all over...

i'm not having a very good monday morning so i want it to start all over again!!! my alarm clock didn't go off this morning so i woke up late, on my way to work it began to pour so i'm soaked, and then i go visit my client and get lost so i decide to call my supervisor so that he could give me the address (i was pretty sure i knew where i was going) which he did but as i was putting my pen back in my purse i dropped the piece of paper i wrote the address on in a puddle of water!!! DAMN!!!

anywho, my weekend was okay. on friday i went out with mr. motocycle and pokey reese. i had missed hanging out with the fabulous trio!! mr. bean was working late so he wasn't able to join us. We went to one of my favorite thai restaurants on clark and then we went bar hopping in wringleyville...not my cup of tea but we were in the area so we figured why not.

Saturday morning i went bike riding with Mr. mr. We went down to Navy Pier and then went back to North Avenue Beach for some eye candy ;-) . On our way back my nephew, spikey hair, called me to let me know that he was "going to be on the beach by my place and was wondering if him and his girlfriend could stop by". OF COURSE YOU CAN STOP BY!!! so after mr. mr left, spikey hair and LA hung out with the "cool tia". They left after we had dinner and i went over to fluffy's place. i was so exhausted by the time i got to his place that all we ended up doing was watch a movie,The Gladiator, which i have never watched!! it was such a sad ending and yes i cried :-(

Yesterday was the Pride Parade which i didn't go to however got text all day to be asked where i was going to be. As i've mentioned before i have alot of gay friends so they just figured i was going to be part of it especially since my freakin' picture is all over Boystown!!! i personally think that i did my part by allowing to have my picture be part of the parade..hehehehehhee. i was also not feeling too good otherwise i would have gone with them. The text messaging did not stop until 2 o'clock in the morning!!! DAMN!! which part of "i'm not meeting you anywhere" do you not understand!!! is what i kept screaming at my phone when somebody would text me.

anywho, i'm planning on having a much better evening...THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

MY HEAD IS READY TO EXPLODE!!!!!!

HP in town...

i had sooo much fun last night!!! HP or alfredo or is it alfi or alfonso,what ever his real name is, is so funny!!! good times. i'm just sad that dr. v didn't win the contest...her poem rocked!!

Cracked chancla thanks for organizing everything!!! i say we do it again....maybe dcn will join in on the fun next time!!!

weekend update...

well i didn't end up going to watch the movie...sorry bloggers :-( The fluffman and i ended up staying home just chillin'. My fluffman was not in the mood to be around people...quite understandable. ...aaay i'm getting a headache... anyway, i had a good weekend with fluffy.

Yesterday, i went to my older sister's to celebrate father's day. it got very emotional in the evening. in the morning i went to get some carnitas on Ashland and 18th st...my second mom loves them from that place!!! my brother-in-law, whom we will call mr. chistoso (because he thinks he is), loves la barria from there so i got some of that too. yummy yummy in my tummy. i walked by cracked chancla's store but i didn't see her there so i kept walking...had i seen her i would have invited her to some carnitas.

so anyway, mr. chistoso, was the only daddy so he felt very very special, "me estan celebrando a mi don che" is what he told my dad when we called my dad to wish him a happy daddy's day. When my mom asked if she could talk to mr. chistoso, he began to cry. you see mr. chistoso's mommy died when he was a toddler and he has become very close to my mom. unfortunetly, mr. chistoso doesn't have a good relationship with his dad either. Mr. chistoso tries but his dad just pushes him away. the dad has not come to visit mr. chistoso since he has gotten sick, NOT ONCE and mr. chistoso has been sick for over a year now!!! i really hate that viejo sin corazon!!! i'm just glad that he has a good relationship with my parents whom is very obvious that he cares alot about. "si mi ma' china estuviera aqui ella si me cuidaria todos los dias con amor" is what he told me last week about my mom. of course he doesn't call her "ma' china" when he talks to her, he calls her "senora china, dona china". so after talking to my mom it took him a while to put himself together...yesterday i realized how much he loves my mommy (i guess i'm willing to share my mommy with him but only with him!!)

after we all finished talking to the parents, we decided to continue the festivities with a cake!!...that had a whole bunch of strawberries!! my second mom was about to start cutting the cake when dork screams "wait we didn't sing!!". we all laughed because there is no song to sing for father's day. we all looked at each other and then i started singing "happy father's day to you!!! happy father's day to you!!!" then they all joined me. once we finished singing i start yelling "SPEECH!! SPEECH!!!" my poor brother-in-law started with "muy agradecido, muy..." but didn't finish because he started crying, uncontrollably. We all then started crying as well. dork and i got up to give him a hug and my second mom grabbed his face and gave him a little peck on the mouth and asked him why he was crying. "estoy muy contento" is what finally came out of his mouth. my little niece was crying as well and said "papi, you ARE happy verdad?" mr. chistoso looked at her and says "si mi'ja, bien happy"...i will never forget this year's father's day for sooooo many reasons.

i survived!!!!!

i didn't think i was going to survive this week without my santis but i did!!! i'm soooo proud of myself. I mean, santis is where i get my explanations on why it is that men act stupid, childish, inconsiderate, selfish...do i need to go on? hehehehehee...seriously i did miss santis a whole bunch!!

well i'm actually looking forward to watching the Jack Black movie "nacho libre" this weekend. that dude cracks me up!!

my daddy is in mexico so i will be at my second mom's place celebrating father's day with her and her family...unless fluffy wants me to be with him. i think he would want to be with his mom though. oh my fluffman, if i could i take all that pain away i would.

happy father's day to all the fathers out there!!!

have a good weekend :=)

funniest thing ever...

so i'm wearing two different shoes!!!!! i just noticed!!! i got up to go to the bathroom and then looked down and realized that i'm wearing two different types of shoes!!! i can't stop laughing!!! i told a co-worker that at least they are both new balance...at least i got that right!! this is too funny!!!

weekend update...

well i had a nice weekend...i think...okay i know i did.

first let me start by saying that THE SOX RULE!!!!! saturday's game had some nail biting moments!!! i loved it!!!

after the game is when my weekend becomes a bit not so good but okay i guess...don't know how to describe it...

it all started when fluffy and i finished watching a movie...it was about a dad who lost his wife and was being taken care of by his daughter who didn't want to get married because she felt guilty leaving her dad all by himself. as i mentioned before fluffy's dad died last year, well he still gets very emotional...which is understandable. after the movie was over he couldn't stop crying. we talked about what he was feeling, why, how and those important questions and then he tells me..."i had alot of fun today with you and it got me thinking that i'm not being honest with you. sonrisa, i really really like you but i feel like i'm short changing you. i wish i could give you all of fluffy and i can't. i want to be the fluffy that i was before my dad died, sometimes i think that i will never be that person again and i have to come terms with that. i keep thinking that if i wasn't going through what i'm going through right now you and i would be really happy. i wish we could have gotten together like a few months later. i'm not saying that i want to stop seeing you but if i see that i'm still a complete mess a few months then i think i'm going...i just don't think it's fair for you. i really want to be with you but i feel like i'm not giving you all of me and that's what i want to do with you. i don't want to fuck things up with you because of how messed up i am..."

i wanted to just break things up right there because what if in a few months a he decides that he is still "messed up" and well that's not fair to me. do you know what i mean? i mean i have to take care of me!!! don't i? i've been thinking about this all weekend and in my mind i keep thinking that we need to stop this relationship but i like him soooo much...i thank him for being able to share all of this with me. i love the person that he is...i'm not saying i'm in love with the guy, hmm? but i do think i'm getting there and before i get there i want to stop it... before he decides that he is "too messed up" to continue this relationship. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! relationships suck!!!

anywho, i talked to ms. j about it and once again she has saved me!!! have i ever mentioned how much i love ms. j? i love ms. j!!! so anyway, after talking to her i have decided that i will continue with fluffy and just risk me getting my heart broken in a few months...maybe it won't happen. really, when you think about it, no one is guaranteed an unbroken heart when it comes to a romantic relationship and as ms. j pointed out "we" are not having problems. it would be different if "we" were the ones having the problem but we aren't. "we" are very content at the moment... i don't know what's going to happen...

so i was also thinking about my schizophrenic client. he was soooo paranoid on friday because he was sure that he was going to die due to the terrorist that got killed, "ms. sonrisa, if they killed him i know i'm next!!!, i not leaving my apartment or answering the phone this week!!! i know i'm next!!" i felt so helpless when i talked to him on friday. the worse part is that he has cable so i know that watching the news will only get him even more paranoid...aaaay, my poor client.

field trips...

so this morning i came in talking about cafe mestizo...AGAIN...to my co-workers. "you HAVE to go there!!!" is what i keep telling them. i was telling them about the best dinner ever...a cesaer chicken salad on pita bread, not chips but fruit on the side, and a strawberry (mmm STRAWBERRIES!!) soymilk shake. it was sooo yummy!! thanks cracked chancla for recommending it!!! anywho, i'm always talking about Mestizo that my co-workers and i have decided to go on a field trip!!! yay!!! as soon as ms. jillipooh comes back from florida we will plan our trip over to Pilsen. i had the greatest time last night!!! it was cool to hang out with santis and cracked chancla.

my co-workers have also suggested we go to Andersonville...for those of you unfamiliar to chicago, andersonville is also known as girlstown. Apparently there have been some changes that i'm not aware and new places have opened up that i MUST go to!! okedokee with me!! we have decided to have a pub crawl at andersonville though. i can't wait!!!

i don't have much planned for this weekend...i'm going to a sox game!!! yay for me!!! i hope it doesn't get rained out. i'm also hanging out with the book club tonight...looking forward to some cheese and wine!! i love cheese and wine!!! i'll be going to visit my brother-in-law, my second mom's husband, on sunday. he just had surgery. my sister told me that he seems to be doing good...he wasn't doing too well last time i saw him so i'm really happy that he is doing much better.

well my fellow bloggers i hope you all have a good weekend!!!!

quick question...

to all you kitty owners. i've noticed that kachito is starting to shedd...ALOT...is there anything i can do to make it stop. ok, i know i can't make it stop but is there a way to at least control the shedding...all that cat hair is driving me insane!!!

thanks :-)

weekend update...

i had a nice weekend...blah blah blah. my fellow bloggers i don't know what's going on with me!!! i'm feeling...hmm? i don't even know how i'm feeling!! i'm not angry that's for sure and not irritated. i am feeling a bit down but i don't know why!! it's a beautiful day today, the sun is out, and i got a doze of my santis already so i just can't figure out what's going on with me. AND no i'm not pms-ing!!!! i've been like this since Friday. i was in such a mood to cry and i don't even know why. i watched the movie Finding Neverland. Ms. jillipooh told me that movie would be good for me to watch and have a good cry...boy was she right!! it was such a great movie. i was also thinking of Ktrion and L* all this weekend...it's funny how close i feel to some of you bloggers!! i'm so happy that all turned out so well!! i saw my fluffman last night, we had a nice time. so why am i feeling crappy? i feel sad, that's how i'm feeling, sad. i must be honest though and say that i have also been thinking of mr. rico suave...when will i stop worrying about that man?!?!?! and why does he affect me this much?!?!? hmmm? i think i have just realized why i'm feeling the way am...stupid mr. rico suave!!!!

you know as i was writing i remembered something about last night. it was pretty late, the fluffman and i were watching a movie...black and white movie, can't remember the name but it was a good movie... we didn't finish watching it because he got really sleepy so he turned off the t.v. then gave me a hug and a kiss good night. For awhile i was just watching him fall asleep and then i leaned over and kissed him. he smiles and tells me "that was sweet" and i tell him "you know i didn't realize how much i'm starting to miss you when you are not around and i don't know if i'm liking this". he then asks me "do you want to have this conversation..." i interrupted him and told him that i didn't want to talk about it, that i just wanted to feel. i liked that feeling of me missing him...the feeling of me wanting to see him and just be with him. needless to say, i had a difficult time falling alseep last night...mostly because my fluffman snores, just kidding!! i just wanted to break this seriousness which i shall now return to...so i kept thinking about how happy i am when i'm around fluffy but i can't help but feel like something is missing. what's wrong with me?!?!?! what else do i want?!?!? anywho, i'm just glad i fell alseep before i drove myself crazy!!

i want to be at home doing nothing!! just be a couch potatoe!!! oh yeah, AND i'm gaining weight!!! what the hell?!?!? i've been riding my bike!!! i'm not a couch potatoe all the time!!! hmm? maybe that's what's really bothering...my weight. gotta work on that. i also can't wait to see kachito!! i haven't seen him since saturday night!!! boooy is he going to be pissed off at me!!....yeah my mind is just going everywhere so i think i'm going to stop writing before i CONFESS something else!!! ;-)