hola bloggeros/bloggeras!!!

just thought i´d stop by to say hello.

me la estoy pasando de pelos!!! ya fui a morelia y me comi mi paleta de fresa y otra en moroleon. ya hice tamales para la navidad...con ayuda de mi mama y mi tia claro. me comi una fruta surtida en cuitzo y fui haber a Tazman en Heurco. I start my journey back to chicago next wednesday. see you when i get back!!!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!

Well fellow bloggers i'm off to my traveling adventure. Kachito and i want to wish everybody a Feliz Navidad and Happy New Year!!!!

PPPPRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Well, Kachito left last night :-( so i'm dork because i cried!!! i walked him and pokey reese to the car which was a big mistake because kachito was crying all the way to the car. i had never heard meow like that before. when i returned to my apartment i sat on my couch and cried...so i'm stupid that way. i miss him so much!! this morning when i got up i expected him to follow me to the bathroom and then realized that he was no longer at my place. I called pokey reese this morning and he told me that he was very suprised because Kachito is a very well behaved cat. He didn't cry at night and was running around his place this morning. I am very happy that Kachito is will be with pokey reese. Thanks pokey reese :-)

my monday report...

i had a very very nice weekend!! on friday i went to fundraiser at riques restuarant...the food was awsome!!! afterwards my friends and i went out dancing!! i love to dance. i woke up early in the morning on saturday to come to work. did what i had told myself i would do and then at around 3 headed back home. i was still really sleepy and tired from the night before so i laid down on the couch but soon got up because kachi's was starting to get too comfortabl on my stomache. I got up, made the pico de gallo, took a shower and then headed down to pilsen. On my way over there i text message santis to see if he was still going. i then called him and he told he wasn't feeling too well therefore would not be going. DAMN!! santis and you decide to tell me at the last moment!!! that's what i was thinking but just kept my cool. i was very upset at him but i decided that he was not going to ruin my evening. As i was getting closer to cc's store i was getting a little nervous because i was about to meet people that know so much about me and yet have never actually met. i was having second thoughts about going. BUT needless to say, i was very very glad and happy that i decided not to take the train back home!!! i had such a great time meeting the bloggers, actually the only one that i hadn't met yet was hector, dude you are too funny!! AND mr. K has not yet called :-) on my way to Tianguis i called pokey reese asking him if he would be able to pick me up on his way to mr.police man's dinner. he asked me to give him a call once i was ready to be picked...that's why i love him. he didn't even ask what had happaned to my ride or anything like that. so anyway, at around 8:30 i decide it would be a good time call him. i was having such a great time with the bloggers but i had told mr. police man that i would go over.

When pokey reese and i get there, i sense some tension in the room. i was thinking "damn!!! i should have stayed with the bloggers!!" Turns out that alot of mr. police man's friends didn't show up...most of the hola gang...because they don't like the soon to be mrs. police man!!! the vibe in the apartment was just a very strange one. i was already buzzing...thanks cc...so i was aite. pokey reese and i grabbed something to drink and eat and we sat in a little corner in the dining room...where mr. police man's friends were hanging out. the soon to be mrs. policeman's friends were hanging out in the living room. pokey reese and i made the best out of the situation...we got more drinks!!! i asked him if he wanted to go cc place again but he said he was tired already...pokey reese is a 70 year old man stuck in a 30 year old body. i love my viejito ;-) on our way home he told me he would be picking up kachito on monday evening. "MONDAY EVENING!?!?!?!?" i wanted to cry!! he of course just laughed at me. according to pokey reese he has some errands to run wednesday so he wouldn't be able to get him then. "why are you going to make me suffer?!?!? do you realize what you are doing to me?!?!?!?! i'm going to miss kachis!! do you know what you are doing to me?!?!?!" haci de dramatica le preguntaba!! he couldn't stop laughing at me!!! i was close to tears and the man just laughed!!! yesterday i decided not to do anything or go anywhere, it would be my last evening with kachito so i wanted to spend it him. my plan was to play and devote my time with him but i was not feeling well. i slept almost all day and my whole body ached. i mean it really ached. kachito slept on my stomache for most the day as well. This morning, my sister came to pick up and we went to a panaderia and i got myself some pan dulce :-) now i'm here at work, supuestamente trabajando before i leave to mexico.

Bloggers we NEED to get together again!!!!! i will try to keep you posted about my trip in mexico :-)

a few free minutes...

well i have a few free minutes...my client cancelled and i called another one to let him know i would not be going to see him due to this horrible weather. he was okay with it. i have been so busy all this week and i think i'm going to come tomorrow saturday!!! on a SATURDAY!!!! the last time i worked on a saturday was..hmm? actually about a year ago. it wasn't really work though, i volunteered at cook county hospital passing out gifts to families impacted by AIDS/HIV. that was alot of fun!! This saturday, which is tomorrow, will not be fun!!! at least i have the bloggers party afterwards!! yay!!! don't know why i'm excited about that but i am!! can't wait to see cracked chanclas store!!! so lets see what's been going on. oh yeah update on mr. K. he called me last thursday wanting to come on friday night. i told him that he couldn't because my friend mzmarie was coming from out of town and was spending the weekend with me. he then asked "well would it be okay if i hang out with both of you?" i tell him "i'm sorry mr. k but i haven't seen mzmarie in over five years and well i just want to devote this weekend with her" he said "i understand" and then we started talking about something else. On saturday, he calls me again!!! i answer and he asks "what are you doing?" i say "i'm at navy pier with mzmarie" he then tells me "so does that mean i won't get to see you tonight either?" WHAT THE!?!?!?!? i was thinking dude which part of i just want to devote my time to marie do you not understand?!??!?! i just started laughing and i tell him that i needed to go. on sunday night he calls to ask me if mzmarie was still here and i told him that she had left already. he asks "would it be okay if i come over or would like to come over?" i tell him that i was really tired and sleepy and that i would much rather just see him on another day. he then goes on to tell me that he could come over to make feel better and blah blah blah...my response "sweetie i really just want to go to sleep so i'm going to hang up, good night" no call from him on monday but tuesday he calls me again. by this time i'm feeling...hmmm? don't know really. so anyway, tuesday night was my bookclub meeting so i was in his area. btw the bookclub rocks!!! AND not only because i drank some wine and ate some cheese...i LOVE cheese!!!.... but because these girls are awsome!! great group!!! anyway, he left me a message and around 9:30 at night i called him back. "whatcha wont?" i ask him. he then asks me "what are you doing tonight?" "i'm actaully around you, just got finished with the bookclub" "oh really? how about you stop at my place" "hmmm? i don't know Mr. K". "oh come on, i haven't seen you in a while" he was right, we hadn't hung out for a while. so i decide to go over his place to we hang out...we just hung out!!!! i did end up spending the night but nothing happened because i told him that i had my period!!! which i didn't but i remembered that hector once mentioned that the only reason a guy thought he didn't get any was because the girl was on her period!!! i left early in the morning with a smile on my face porque lo deje pero bien caliente!!! is that mean of me?

have so much to write about...

but so little time. i will be leaving to mexico next thursday and i have shitload of work to do!!! AAAAHHHH!!!so i will summerize my weekend. my weekend was fun. my friend mzMarie came from pittsburgh and stayed with me over the weekend. She came in on Friday and left yesterday in the afternoon. on friday we went to oak park with pokey reese and had dinner at Flatop grill then went to guadalajars restuarant for some dancing...i hate that place but mr. bean insisted that we take marie there so she could experience how real mexicans party, whatever!!. on saturday, we went to pilsen to mexican fine arts museum, grabbed something to eat at jumping bean and then headed downt to navy pier. for dinner we met up with pokey reese and A.B at cafe ba ba rriba and then went out clubing in china town. we had so much fun!!!! after she left i went to the store on belmont and got myself a shirt and dress pants that only costed me $5.49!!!! i love that store!!! i then was debating on whether i should go see daddy...my mommy is in mexico already. i decided to go home which was a good thing because i was really tired and sleepy. i slept all afternoon and didn't wake up until monday morning at 7:30. i woke up so hungry!!! now i'm work and i should really be doing all my paperwork because as mentioned before i have lots to do before my trip.

so i was wondering if there was still going to be a bloggers party...really this is the only reason why i wrote ;-)

World AIDS Day...

Every year on this day i remember the Hola gang. why? because we use to prepare for December 1st weeks in advance. We would buy rolls of red ribbon and make thousands of litte red ribbons. we also used to prepare packets of condoms with lube and info about safe sex. On December 1st we had our back packs packed with condoms and with the little ribbons. We would go everywhere and anywhere to hand them out!!! we would start at pilsen head down to little village and then further south to 47th street One year we ended up in Ford City. We got kicked out though because of the "stuff" we were handing out. The police guy was very sweet though. He walks towards us and tells us "kids, i personally think its great what you are doing but unfortunetly i'm going to have to kick you out". We said sure, no problem and handed him some condoms and a red ribbon. he just smiled at us as he walked away. i miss those days...

Anyway, i'm wearing my little red ribbon today in honor of my clients and those whom have died due to AIDS. Tazman i miss you and i love you.

todo por un champurrado....

it's freezing outside!!!!! i so did not want to get out of bed this morning but i had to and as i was walking to work this morning i remembered my little adventure from last Thursday.

On Wednesday night i called my sister M to ask if the champurrado guy would be selling on Thanksgiving day...her neighbor sells tamales and champurrado on 26th street and he is really the only person i buy from. She tells me "si la tablita esta en el sidewalk quiere decir que si esta vendiendo y si la tablita esta en el fence no esta vendiendo" ha? okay? "bueno pues yo te llamo en la manana para preguntarte" "sonrisa, tienes que madrugar porque el vende rapido" oh damn was my response "i'll call you at 8"... that is early for me when i don't have to work. She started laughing!!!! i mean seriously laughing!!! "i will wake up!!!! i want some champurrado damn it!!!" She continued to laugh because according to her i wouldn't wake up that early on a non-working day!! HMMM i'll show her! was what i was thinking as i hung up the phone and asked my mom "mami, me puede despertar a las 8 please?" hehehehehee

So on thanksgiving morning i woke up at 8 o'clock in the morning...without my mom having to wake me up thank you very much!!... and i called my sister M. "esta la tablita?" "sonrisa!!!!! si te despertaste!!!!! dejame y me fijo por la ventana, si esta en el sidewalk" yay!!!! by the way, "la tablita" is to rollout the cart from the yard to the street. "okay pues voy para la 26, quieres algo?" "pasa por el dinero y me traes tres champurrados y una docena de tamales" so i start getting all bundled up cause i heard it was going to be cold, give my mom a kiss and head down to my sisters, who lives on the next block, to then head down to 26th and Drake. As i'm walking to my sisters i realize that it's FREAKIN' COLD!!!! damn!!! my face felt like it was ready to fall off!!!! i get to my sister's and she was already waiting for me to give me the money. she didn't even offer to go with me!!! actually i don't blame her because it was FREEZING!!! i finally make it to 26th and Drake and i see the tamalero!!! yes! i made it!! "me da sies champurrados y 2 docenas de tamales porfavor" the man was very bundled up but he was not wearing gloves, for obvious reasons of course. here i was complaining about having to walk two blocks...TWO!!!... in this freezing weather while this man had been here since 6 o'clock in the morning!!! "son 22 dolares, nina" i gave him 25 bucks and told him to keep the change...i just wanted him to put his gloves back on because i didn't want him to be cold anymore.

So hay voy de regreso a mi sister's place. That one block seemed like eternity to me. I was carrying 5 cups of champurrado in one hand...the man gave me those cup holder thingies...and one cup of champurrado and the 2 dozens of tamales on the other. i had to stop a few times to rest my arms. I finally made it to my sisters!!! gave her the 3 cups of champurrado and the dozen of tamales then headed down to the parents. having less to carry made it alot easier for me so the next block did not seem as long as the first one, still cold as hell but i was able to walk faster. As i walked in the house, my dad asks "ah donde vas?" i started laughing because he didn't even notice i was gone!!! he thought i was still sleeping!!! really i'm not that much of a sleeper, okay maybe i am. "le traje un champurrado y tamales" his response as he is drinking the champarrudo and a tamal was "para que saliste, esta muy frio para salir" he says this wiht a sly grin on his face. Then stop drinking the champurrado!!! was what i was thinking. Half way through my champurrado and my second tamal i started to feel wierd. My head started to hurt and i felt dizzy. My mom told me to lie down for a while, so i did. I felt so much better after another hour of sleep ;-)...i'm sleeper only in the mornings!! I warmed up the champurrado that was left on my cup and as i was drinking it i told my mom "casi me muero y todo por un champurrado!!"

my monday report...

well i had a great thanksgiving and also a good weekend.

On wednesday i got to spend some time with santis. we went to eat some pizza and then went to the bookstore and had some tea...i don't drink coffee. i had such a great time with him. i realized how much i miss hanging out with him...btw thanks for the book santis :-) Anywho, on Thursday i was at the parents with my brothers and sisters and the spouses and the nieces and nephews. It was nice....this is the first year that we ate dinner at 6:30 all of us, together, at the same time!!!! NICE!!! Friday i didn't do much, i just hung out at the parents and ate left overs...yummy!!! Saturday i went to a party further south. I saw sooooo many people i hadn't seen in a while. some i wanted to see and others well i had to drink a couple of glases of wine before heading down to say my hellos. over all it was a nice party. i got home at 3 in morning and as soon as i walked in kachito started meowing like there was no tomorrow!!! i had missed him sooo much!!! i played and hugged him and kissed him...okay i'll stop, i missed him alot..okay i'll stop for real this time. yesterday i woke up at 3 in the afternoon!!! UNBELIEVABLE!!!!! i had a little too much wine the night before so my head was hurting...pounding actually!! so i slept until the pounding went away. Mr.K called me and we chatted for a while. he asked me if he could come over or if i would go over his place but i told him i wasn't really feeling too good. he asked me if i had met anybody at the party and if that was the reason i was not up to hanging out with him. i justed laughed and told him that "i'm just feeling really lazy today and i want to be at home alone, is that okay with you?" he is one funny funny dude. according to him he "really doesn't care if i do meet someone, just being nosey" hmmm? whatever dude!!!

Well i hope all of you had a good thanksgiving and spent it with loved ones :-)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING...

KACHITO AND I WANTED TO WISH THE FELLOW BLOGGERS A HAPPY THANKSGIVING...LETS ALL EAT LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW. i know will!!!! i will start my diet after the holidays people!!! after the holidays!!!

crazy day....

i'm having the craziest day!!! clients calling me asking me for this and that, and then clients cancelling on me!!! i really don't like it when they cancel, i understand why some of them do it though. The only good thing about this day is that i had lunch with Mr.motorcycle. i enjoy my time with him...he makes me
laugh :-) aaah mr. motorcylce..hmmm? mrs.motorcycle? OR mrs.K? mrs. motorcycle sounds alot more exciting..hehehehe. anywho, lunch with mr. motorcycle was good. now i'm back at the office returning phone calls to my hysterical clients. i'm having one of those days in which i keep questioning myself about why i'm doing this type of job!!!

i'm having lunch with santis tomorrow...i'm excited about that. we don't hangout like we used to so i appreciate it when we do. i get out of work tomorrow at 1, yeah for me!!!! i usually spend the entire thanksgiving weekend at the parents but i don't think i will this year because i don't want to leave kachis alone for that long...oh i'm going to miss him sooo much when i leave to mexico :-( i want to cry now..sonrisa stop it!!!

i am also excited about the bloggers partying together!!! yeah for mariposa for suggesting it!!!!i can't wait for that!!!

my sister's b-day...

Today's my sister's birthday!!! unfortunetly we won't be celebrating it. She is the one in the fucked up relationship. I talked to my mom about her on Saturday. My mommy started crying because the husband decided to spend thanksgiving in Nebraska and taking my sister and three kids with him. i haven't seen my sister in months. when she goes to visit the parents she always makes sure that no one is visiting the them. Mi mama dice que le da pena!!! at this point i really just want to see her!! she is choosing to live this way and there is really nothing for us to do or say anymore. On friday, after my doctor's appointment, i was gonna go visit her but decided not to because i didn't want to get her in trouble. How would her husband find out, you're asking? My sister has a 4 year old and well the dad asks HER if "mommy had any visitors". I found that out the hard way!!! i HATE him!!!!! i really really HATE him!!!

i called her to wish her a happy b-day but the answering machine picked up..yes he screens the calls too. I just left a message wishing her a happy birthday...i also told her that i was always thinking of her and that i loved her. i wanted to say more but i was holding back my tears, senti el nudo en la garganta y decedi colgar mejor. La extrano muchisimo!!

my usual monday report...

Everybody say hi to Kachito!!! isn't he so cute?!???! that's the scarf i knitted for him...he loves wearing it!!

well i had another nice weekend!!! Friday i went to the doctor and she told me "mi hija, todo esta bien but you need to change your diet. you just need to eat more protein" She took some blood and told me i needed vitaminas. She has never asked me to loose weight but she kind of hinted it this time. MUST loose weight...after the holidays, hehehehehe. I spent Friday night at the parents. My little nephew, Tabi, went upstairs with his dominos ready to play with me. "a jugemos de una cora, tia?" "okay, baby" Tabi is 5 years and he beat me!!! me gano $1.75!!!! After a few games, i tell him "i don't want to play anymore!!" he tells me "te empesto una cora si ya no tienes"...i just started laughing. he is so cute!!! We then went to go get pan dulce en La Espiga de Oro. I haven't been there in like forever!! i wanted to buy todo el pan!!! mmmm pan...after the holidays people!!!

Saturday, I went to the movies to watch "the weather guy" with nicolas cage...i love nicolas cage so that's why i said yes to pokey reese when he called me. Before we went to the movies we went to have dinner at Atotonilco. YUMMYYY!!!! i haven't been at that place in years!!! okay so it's not a very clean place...at least in my book...but oh my god los tacos al pastor estan deliciosos!!! i had two shakes de fresa...two!!! ... AFTER THE HOLIDAYS! people!! On sunday, i woke up late, really really late, at 11:30 a.m. hey i didn't have anything to do so i figured why not. i finally finished watching the movie "la tarea", what a dissappointment!! anyway, at around 6:30 Mr. K called and asked what i was doing. I told him i was watching t.v. and then he asked me to go over his place. "hmmmm? should i go? okay i'll see you in awhile" yes i went over BUT i went back home!!!! i went over, watched "The Wiz" and then told him "well it's getting late so i'm going to get going" "you can spend the night here, you can sleep in the bed and i'll sleep on the couch" "no i better not, I'll talk to you tomorrow" i gave him a kiss on the cheek and hug and then left....

i have a headache...

i haven't been feeling too good lately. Since last week, my body has been aching...como dice mi mama "me duelen los huesos y la carne"....and i i have been sleeping waaaay too much. My head is hurting like there is no tomorrow. I don't think it's the flu, i've just been really fatigued. i was sooo close in calling in sick this morning but i have clients scheduled for this afternoon. I really just want to go back to bed and snuggle up with kachis. Last night i was watching a movie...la tarea, una pelicula mexicana...and i fell asleep within the first 20 minutes. i just couldn't keep eyes open and it was only 8:00!!! I never ever fall asleep at that early!!! Anyway, at around 11:00 i woke up to my phone ringing. It was Mr. K. he asked what i was doing and told him that i had actually fell asleep while watching t.v. He apologized for waking me up and told to go to bed so that i be more comfortable..."okedokee" was my response. I went to bed but i couldn't go back to sleep!!!! i HATE it when that happens. i was really tired and sleepy but i couldn't fall asleep. I got up watched t.v. for an hour and then went back to bed. I still couldn't fall asleep!! and it was already 2 in the morning!!! i don't know what time i finally fell asleep pero senti como que apenas cerre los ojos cuando my alarm went off!!! oh i so did not want to get up!!! i have a doctors appointment tomorrow so that's a good thing i guess. i hope there is nothing wrong with me. My doctor is on the southside...waaaay south, okay so not so waaay south but hello? i do live waaay north and i don't have a car, anywho...so i'm taking the day off. i've thought about switching doctors to someone closer to me but i love my doctor!! she is soooo great!!i've had her since like forever and she is a latina!!! i feel so comfortable with her. I've heard horror stories about doctors AND i also work with them so i've seen them in action and well i just feel lucky to have Dr. B as my doctor. Anywho, i hope my headache goes away soon cause i still have like 4 more hours to go.

"AMAZING!!!"

...is how i'm have describing last nights performances!!! the women are all great actrizes!!! so much talent in the room at columbia college. Mariposa was awsome!!! everyone was great!!! i came to work and i had to tell somebody so all morning i was talking about it to my co-workers!! I have to admit though that there were two performance that hit a nerve. On both occasions i was ready to walk out of the room but i told myself "sonrisa, no seas dramatica!!" so i just sat there and watched the perfomances...i'm telling you these women are so talented!!! mariposa, thank you so much for inviting me. Cracked Chancla it was nice to see you again :-) AND i also got to meet Dr. Vodka. She is such a sweet heart!!!

"the conversation"

Mr. K and i had "the conversation"...yes THE CONVERSATION!!!! He called me sometime last week to ask how was i doing. i said i was doing fine.

"so do you want to talk about it"...IT so that's what we are calling it

"sure"...i said in a very nonchalant manner

"hmmm? so what did you want to do?"...damn it boy!!! you know what i want!!!

"well, I like you alot and i don't want to have a relationship with you based on only sex"...good sonrisa, very good

"well, here's the thing, i got alot on my plate, i mean i'm going to school and i working full-time, i do alot volunteer work at the hospital and i also have some sketches to work on, i need to do those before february"...ok

"aha?"...i know exactly where this is going but i want the mf to continue to suffer

"so, the thing is that i really like you too, alot, but i don't think i will be able to devote myself like you want me to and it wouldn't be fair to you"...hmm? not what i expected

"okay, well i don't want to be in a friend with privileges relationship and you're not willing to give me what i want so i guess there really isn't much as to talk about"...good sonrisa, very good

"well, that's not what i'm saying"...ha?! what?! que?! como?!

"okaaaay, so what are you saying?"...cause i'm freakin' confused!!!

"i don't want to have a friends with privileges relationship either, i just can't commit myself to you right now, at least not the way you want me to. i still want to have a some sort of relationship with you"....at this point hector and cracked chancla came to mind!!! hector because i was thinking "el guey bien que quiere manosear" and Cracked Chancla because "what's wrong with having a friend with privileges?"

"okay dude, not sure what you want from me but i've been pretty clear about what i want and you're not willing to do that so i think we should just leave it at that"...all sorts of emotions were running through me!!!

"sonrisa, i don't want to stop talking to you!! i like you alot!! but i'm not ready for a relationship and i know i'm being an asshole but i want us to maintain a relationship, not sure yet what kind but some kind of relationship"...aaaahhhh!!!

"well, once you figure it out give me a call!! i gotta go"...damn!! i should have just kept him for the sex!!!

So that was our conversation. He called me yesterday to ask how i was doing. told him i was doing fine and thanks for calling...i wasn't being cold or anything. we had casual conversation. don't know what's going to happen but as usual i will keep you posted.

another good weekend...

So Friday, i didn't do really much. I finished reading my book...middlesex, great book!!!...Saturday i cleaned my apartment while listening to some Kelly Clarkson...yes i like her!!! if anybody has a problem with it they can bite me!!!. Three of my little nieces performed at Blessed Agnes...they are folkloric dancers so Mr. Joe...i've known mr. joe for about three years and i love him dearly... picked me up at around 5:30 to head down to Little Village..."will they do anything to my BMW?" was what he asked me on our way over. "well, now they are because i'm about to call my peeps and tell them to smash your windows!!!" "you know i'm just kidding Sonrisa?" "yeah well i'm not!!" i say this as i get my cell phone out and start dialing a number. "are you serious? you have peeps?" DORK!!!! So anyway, we get to the gyminasium and i see my family sitting in the front seats. We walke over there and Mr joe tells me "sonrisa, i feel wierd" "why?" "aaahh helloooo? i'm the only white guy here!!" "oh you are? i hadn't noticed that, but welcome to my world!!!" I introduce Mr. Joe to my family. My family asks him if he wants something to eat and he says yes..."estas en tu casa" my sister M tells him. She is smiling as she points toward the area where the food is being sold. As usual i cried when i saw my three little babies perform...they looked so cute in their costumes!!! Mr. joe is apparently really enjoying himself because he kept taking pictures and filming every time my little nieces came out!! "thank you so much for inviting me sonrisa!!" I was really glad he enjoyed it!! Afterwards, we headed back north to go to a bar on southport to celebrate one of his friends b-day. Alot of political individuals at the party...lobbyist, union workers, aldermen/women etc. I had to pretend i knew what they were talking about..hehhehee. ok for the most part, i knew what they were talking about but sometimes the stuff just went over my head!! At one point i go over to Mr. Joe and i tell him "Mr Joe, I feel wierd" "why? what's wrong?" "have you not noticed that i'm the only latina here?!?!?!?" he smiles at me and give me this look of "you bitch" and i just start laughing. I had alot of fun.

Yesterday i co-facilitated a men's group with one of my co-workers, miguelito. the group was about gay latinos and their experience coming out. miguelito asked me to co-facilitate because even though he speaks spanish (he is white) he felt more comfortable having someone that was also a latino facilitating the group. Anywho, it was an amazing group...it just made me realize how straight individuals have it easy and yet complain so much. i've always thought that though considering i hear my gay friends complain about stuff. i've admired my latino friends who have come out to their family and friends...it takes alot of courage!!! it's one thing being a latino and having to struggle in the white world but being latino AND gay!!! i say power to them!! yeah it was an amazing group!! anywho, after the group i went home, made myself something to eat and watched Desperate Housewives...i made it back home just in time :-) now i'm back here at work...AND oh yeah Kachito says hi :-) meow, meow!! And also asked me to thank all the bloggers for suggesting that i use a squirt bottle... meowed this sarcastically...hehehhe

"haci es mi vida"

Those were words spoken by my older sister as she left to drop off my little niece to her folkoric dance recitals. I consider my older sister a second mom to me. I love her so much!!! She takes care of me the way she takes care of her kids.

I've always admired my sister M. She's been working at the same factory since she was 17 years old...she's 43 now. For the past 26 years she has been waking up 4:30 in morning. Before she got married she took care of my siblings and myself. mommy and daddy were around but my mommy gave us love and my sister took care of the materialistic stuff...like clothes, eyeglasses, kept up with our homework, made sure that we all stayed in school "porque no quiero que tengan la vida que tengo yo", took care of us when daddy came home drunk and mommy was too busy taking care of HIM. She was a mommy ever since she turned 8 years old!!!my mom decided that she was old enough to change diapers, clean up puke, feed us, she did everything!!! After she got married, she constantly complained about how she didn't have a life. How we, her brothers and sisters, took all of that from her. Once her first child was born, she started to change though. "REAL" motherhood had done something to her. She would advice my youngest sister and myself, "si quieren seguir estudiando hechenle ganas, no le pogan atencion a mi papa (my dad thought that college was a waste of time), quiero que ustedes se puedan mantener solas, no quiero que tengan que depender de nadie" yeah she had changed alot. I don't know what or who had changed her but she was different, in a good way of course...a more motherly way. She has a great husband whom she loves and and it is very obvious that he adores her!! they have a great a relationship, "amor, mi vida,duena de mi corazon, si mi angel, como digas mi corazoncito", that's how they "joke" around with each other but i know that they mean every word they say when they start talking to each other like that.

Last night i went over to her house because it was my little nephews birthday...he turned 17 years!!! how time flies!!! i remember being angry at my sister for getting married and leaving me!!! Anyway, I was sitting in the kitchen. i see her frying some carne de puerco, boiling tomatillos, desvenando los chiles pasilla and washing el arroz. I asked if she needed help and she tells me "no, tu sientante y no te preocupes" "are you sure?" "si, yo tengo mis movimientos muy friamente calculados" and she smiles. I shrugged my shoulders and say "okaaayyy, si dices tu". After she finishes con el arroz, la carne de puerco, y el chile i see her put her jacket on. "a donde vas?" "a llevar a la chili..short for chilindrina and also her youngest daughter...a sus danzas" "oh, okay, do you want me to go with you?" "no tu te quedas a cuidar el arroz" she continues by saying "sonrisa, haci es mi vida, me levanto a las 4:30 de la manana para ir a trabajar, llego de trabajar, voy y recojo a la chili de la casa de mi mama, vengo y me pongo a cocinar, llevo a la chili a sus danzas, regreso y como, voy por la chili, le doy de comer a ella y a D, me pongo a recojer un poco, y despues i take a shower (says this with an accent)" I don't know how she does it, i don't know how she has been doing it for all these years!!!!

Everytime i go over her house she gives me "sobritas, porque no quiero que te me vallas a morir de hambre". i love her sooooo much!! last night i gave her hug as i left and she hugs me back and gives me a kiss on the cheek, "me llamas cuando llegues a tu departamento"... haci es la vida de mi hermana M :-) i love you sister!!!

a bit worried...

i have more questions for kitty owners. Last night Kachito was his usual quiet self again. he was very affectionate too. i was watching t.v. and he came and got on my lap and slept there until i got up. afterwards i went to bed and was reading he just cuddled next to me until i turned off the light. it was nice to have kachis back to normal. but then this morning i noticed that he had puked by his litter box...i'm starting to worry. is it normal to for kachis to puke? he seemed to be ok when i left this morning though. should i take him to the vet? or am i just being an over protective mommy?

it's funny...

when somebody starts working at my place of employment!!! you see 99.9% of the people working here are gay. so when ever someone new starts working here people start wondering if the person is gay or a lesbian...if it's not obvious that they are of course. When i first started working here i would get all types of questions.."so where do you hang out?" "have you been to andersonville?" "so how familiar are you with andersonville?" For those of you who aren't familiar with Andersonville, Andersonville is also known as girlstown, lesbianville, etc. There are some other names for that neighborhood but i find them to be offensive so i won't go there. Anyway, i have learned from past experiences that my personal life is mine and mine alone when it comes to my place of employment. So when i was asked those questions i would just smile and walk away. i'm a quiet person as it is...at work that is...so i could get away with just smiling and walking away. I've been here for close to three years and people are still wondering about me!! people give it up!! So anyway, why am i bringing this up? When i walked in the office this morning i saw the new lab guy..who is obviously NOT gay. He started working here two weeks ago and of course the questions started...i over heard one of the conversations "so how familiar are you with boystown?" I just walked away because i think people should focus on other things rather than trying to figure out if someone is gay or striaght..ok so was wondering too but only because i want more straight individuals working here!!! you don't know what it's like working with homosexuals...ok i have alot fun!!! i must admit that this place is alot of fun to work at...at least my department is, don't get me started on the politics and other crap though. back to the lab guy, so the receptionist asked me "sonrisa, is he one of your kind?" "sorry to disappoint you snoop but yes he is?" his response "but he's too cute to be one of your kind!" WHAT EVER!!! a new substance abuse counselor will be starting in two weeks y va hacer la misma historia...

another chapter in kachito's life...

yes i have another kachito story but i won't write about it...this time. I just have a few questions for you kitty owners. Kachis has been a very quiet kitty but lately he has been meowing alot. When ever i leave a room he starts meowing. where as before he would just follow me where ever i went. Now he starts meowing and then looks for me, however once he finds me he continues to meow. is this normal? i keep thinking that maybe he might be in some of pain but he still plays...which by the way he has gotten more energized. He no longer just plays on the floor, now he is getting on top of my tables and furniture and he already broke one the blinds in the living room. What's happening to Kachis? again is all of this normal?

yeah, don't have a title for this one...

i don't even know where to begin...i really just want to vent some more about mr. K. Well he hasn't called...seriously (another seriously moment) did i really expect him to. I mean according to hector, dcn, santis and decomposed he got what he wanted so why should he call again!!!! Damn me for being soo weak!!! i'm really upset at myself. i knew he was not looking for a relationship...i KNEW that!!! i feel used...well actually not really. I may be saying too much here but i needed it!!! ok that's all i'm saying about that. i'm still very upset at myself. As mentioned before i'm through with men...for a few months that is ;-P As mentioned before it has been a long time. i actually put myself out there...no punt intended, i have laugh about it, right? learn from my mistake or experiences... anyway, i took the first step so now i have to keep going...

i couldn't resist...

before i start writing about what i couldn't resist let me tell you about the wonderful weekend i had with the hola gang and my family.

I didn't do much on Friday, just stayed home watched 20/20 and then read my book...middlesex...that i need to finish by the 15th because that's when the book club meets. On saturday, i got up read some more...i'm really behind...and then prepared the pico de gallo. ms. j, aka ms. coordinator, was going to pick me up at 3:30. As usual she was late but that was ok with me because i read some more. We got to Mr. Parol Officer's at around 5:30, he lives all the way in egypt!!!ok he lives in romeoville but it feels like it's all the way in egypt!! it was really nice to see mr. parol officer and mrs. counselor!!! soon after Mr. motorcyle got there, we kept waiting for mr. officer to start eating but it was already late and we are all hungry so we decided to start without him. in the middle of dinner we started to feel guilty so we called mr. officer..."dude where are you?" turns out that the future suegra was in town so he wasn't able to make it. "why didn't you call us to let us know?" "cause it thought i was going to be able to get out of this but i couldn't"...todavia ni se casa y ya esta "trying to get out" !!! hehehehehe. once he hung up we got back to our dinner and we all decided that Mr. officer was definetly the next one to get married!! once we finished eating we started watching t.v. and drinking some wine. Scarface (sp?) was on so we watched it. Throughout the whole movie i tried to imate Al Pacino's "say hello to my little friend" but they would start laughing so i would loose my concentration so i never really would say the entire line. Mr. Parole officer and Mr. motorcycle did a very good imitation!! according to them it's a guy thing...what ever!!!!! i tried practicing all night but they kept telling me that i sounded like a girl, "heelllooooo? i am a girl!!!!!" MEN!!! i had a great time and i can't wait for our christmas dinner!!! on our way home i noticed that Mr. K had called earlier :-) that made me even more happy. i got home at around 1:30 am and my phone rings. it was mr. K calling to let me know that he was on his way home from a club. I was thinking "and i need to this because?" anyway, we had a good conversation and then said our good nights.

On sunday, i got up played with kachito and then headed down to Pilsen. I was meeting my parents and my 3 sisters at the Mexican Fine Arts Museum. As i was getting out the 18th st. train station i thought "this is were i will be getting off once cracked chancla opens her bookstore"....which will be pretty soon ;-) i made it to the Museum and i see my daddy and the first thing he tells me is "por hoy decide hacer un turista, haci que yo nose nada de chicago" i thought that was cute!! we were there for a couple of hours. Mom and Dad seemed to really have enjoyed the dia de los muertos exhibit!!! my older sister, whom i consider my second mom, was showing me the things the ofrendas had, she explained to me how some of the things were used. i knew most of it but she seemed to really be enjoying herself telling me all those things that i just let her. we all went to the little shop, my brother in law was having fun with the toys they had, "esto los vendian en el tiangis de cuitzeo". yeah they had a good time!! Afterwards we headed down to cafe ba ba rriba! boooy did we laugh at the restaurant!! My daddy kept doing the spanish accent throughout our entire stay at the restaurant. it was soo cute!! we got an english speaking person so my daddy and my mommy got to speak english. We ordered some sangria...i thought about mariposa and santiago ;-)... or as my daddy kept calling it all night "thangria de valenthia". I was so happy to see both my parents be so happy!! my daddy's b-day is coming up so we decided to sing him happy birthday while we were there "grathias, muchas grathias" was my daddy's response. we couldn't stop laughing!!! i got dropped off at my place at around 6. i started reading my book but i couldn't really concentrate so i decided to call Mr. K, "watcha doing?" "i bought some new computer gadgets so i'm trying to put them together, want to come over to help me out?" do I want to come over?!?!?! hasta la pregunta es necia!!! We worked on the computer thingies for a while but never got it to work so we stopped. Then we watched a movie...something with angelina jolie forgot the name of it...AND then...aah i couldn't resist!!!! i ended up spending the night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i really don't like...

christmas time and new years day!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! one of the many reasons i dislike these holidays is because i believe people get too wrapped up in the whole gift giving thing...which, don't get me wrong, i love to get gifts (who doesn't?) but come on!!! lets make it simple people!!! so anyway, this year will be even worse and stressful, at least it already started for me. You would think that because i will be going to mexico things would fun. NOOOOOO!!!! my sister is making sure of that. I know she is not doing it on purpose and i totally understand where she is coming from but...i should tell you what's going on shouldn't I? My parents, my older sister and myself will be spending christmas and new years in mexico. My younger sister called me yesterday to vent so that i could try to make her feel better but the more she talked the more upset I was getting!! she was telling me that it is so unfair for my mom to be going to mexico during the holidays. i tried to explain to her that my mommy is doing it for her own sanity. That she was doing it because she did not want to deal "con las malas caras de los maridos o las esposas" because they don't want be at our parents but feel they have to because of my brothers and sisters. That she was doing it because she did not want to be around "cuando le hable a L y L le tenga que decir 'no puedo ir mama porque mi marido no me deja". My mom is doing it because for once in her life she was being selfish and only thinking of herself!!! According to my sister that's what is upsetting her. WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!??!? how dare she say something like that!!!! my mom has done nothing but be there for us!!! she has given up alot for us!!! she took care of us when daddy came home drunk on friday evening and lasted drunk until sunday evening!!! she was the one that constantly had to be arguing with my father to take us to the doctor, my dad would much rather spend the money on alcohol than take us to the doctor. My mommy took care of all 9 of us!!! YES NINE!!!!!! My mommy argued with my daddy to let us go to the PROM!!!...may not seem like much but when you are a teen it means the world to you. "HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT SHE IS BEING SELFISH!!!?!?!?!?" "SHE FUCKEN' DESERVES THIS!!!" my sister started crying at this point...yeah i told her all of that. I was angry!! after i calmed myself down, i focused on her and i asked few a few questions..."why exactly are you feeling this way?" "well why do you really think she is going to mexico?" "if it's not easy for you , do you think it's easy for a mother of nine children and 14 grandchildren?" "could we talk about your anger?" she goes on to tell me that she was angry because all my other brothers and sisters had families, she and A didn't, "how could mommy NOT think about THAT!?!?!" i go on to tell her that mommy did worry about that but that every year "tus hermanas se van con sus amigas y despues llegan aqui o llegan aqui y despues se van" which makes her feel like my sisters don't really want to be at the parents either. My sister response to that was "that not true, yes we do go to our friends but we know that mommy would be hurt if we spent those holidays anywhere else" DID YOU JUST HEAR YOURSELF!?!?!?!?!? AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! "what you just said is what mommy feels!!! you are there for HER sake and NOT because YOU want to be there!!! she wants you to be there because you WANT to be there not because you think it's the right thing to do!!!" she was not getting it!!! AND i was getting angerier!!! At that point i decided to change directions..."so are you doing anything to deal with this anger?" "yeah, i'm talking to you?!?!?" AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! "oooh, ok. are you doing anything fun this evening?" she told me she was taking some pottery classes and was really enjoying them. we started talking about that and about her job. She then thanked me for talking to her and for trying my best on making her understand. I told her "sis, i know that you're hurting and i wish i could do or say something to make all this go away but i can't, i don't know what else to tell you" she cried some more and thanked me again..."te veo el domingo?" she asked me "claro que si, dd, i love you"

the hola gang :-)

The hola gang is getting together this weekend and i can't wait!!!who is the hola gang? the greatest people in the world!!! i consider them to be my second family. We all met when we worked in Pilsen 8 years ago. We were all still trying to figure out what we were going to do in life. we were are all on our last year of college and scared as hell because we all knew we had to face the "real world" soon. Once we all graduated we each took different paths in life. Some of us continued to work in Pilsen and some us left that place as soon as we got our degrees. None of us work at Pilsen anymore but we are very thankful for that place because we all became very close friends. We have all been through so much and have been there for one another. The Hola gang was with me through my decision to leave that "bad relationship", we were there when Mr. Parole officer got married, when Mr. Police guy became a police officer, when Tazman passed away, yeap we've been through alot together.

Anywho, lets see, there is Mr. Police guy, Mr. Motorcyle, Mr. Parole officer...and Mrs. Therapist who is married to Mr. Parole officer, she didn't work with us but she be aite..., Ms. Teacher, Ms. Coordinator, and me Sonrisa. As mentined before there was Tazman too but he died a few years ago. Once we left Pilsen we use to get together only for Christmas but that changed once Tazman died. Death can certainly make people think....anyway, after Tazman's funeral we all decided that we were to get together at least once every month. We started doing that but it started to become difficult..."no puedo ese fin de semana pero la que viene si" "yo no puedo porque mi sobrina se casa ese dia" "why don't we get together the following weekend?" "i can't on that weekend because i'll be going to michigan with my family but...." yeah it just started to get difficult. So when ever we e-mail each other we try to also coordinate each others schedules. well we are all free this weekend so we decided to have an early Thanksgiving dinner :-) We will be meeting at Mr. Parole officer's house. Whenever we get together we start talking about who is the next one to get married...we all think it will be Mr. Police guy but he claims he is not ready for that type of commitment. We are all so comfortable with each other that you would think we all grew up living in the same house. I'm the oldest one of the group but because i'm also the shortest one they all treat me like the little sister...teasing me, smacking me on the head, messing around with my hair, as much as i put up a fight they won't seem to leave me alone!!! i'm sooo excited to see them!!! i see them individually but never together and it is so much fun to see us all together....we all have the same picture of all of us together with the words "THE GANG" carved on the picture frame. i love them just as much as i love my real family :-)

it's monday...

i hope all you bloggers had a good weekend. i had a nice weekend. i went to a couple of halloween parties on saturday. i got to hangout with mr. k, HE called me to invite me out. i already had plans but decided to meet with mr. k for awhile before i headed out to my parties. He later met up with me at D's parties...which was not really happening so we decided to leave. I borrowed ms. j's car to take Mr. K home, he asked me to stay!!! SERIOUSLY!!!..another seriously moment...what kind of girl does he think i am!!?!?!?!? ok i spent the night...NOT!!!! i wanted to so bad and Ms. J was okay with me keeping the car until sunday morning but i kept telling myself "this is not the kind of relationship i want with Mr. K!!"and so i left. He called me last night to apologize for asking me to stay the night and he also told me that he respects me even more. he also told me that as much as he wanted me to stay he was glad i didn't....what the fuck does this mean?!?!? anywho, enough about mr. K!! okay just more thing, i really really like the guy!! ok enough!! i had fun on saturday, after i dropped of Mr. K i went back to pick Ms. J up and then we went to eat something because mr. j was really drunk and i wanted her to sober up before she headed down to her place. we went to eat and talked about all sorts of stuff...it's funny to talk to drunken individuals when your sober hehehehehe. at around 4 in the morning, yes 4!!, i decided that ms. j was ok to drive. i took myself home and then gave her the car...she only lives a few blocks away so i wasn't really worried. i slept 'til noon yesterday. i wanted to go visit the parents but i was still tired AND my daddy doesn't like me coming home alone so late...because it gets darker sooner with this whole daylight savings crap it appears to be later then it really is. Anyway, i stayed home and watched t.v., ate, slept some more, watched more t.v., argued with kachito, went to the store to get some milk to make myself some chocolate abuelita, argued some more with kachito, read, ate again, read, talked on the phone til 1 in the morning, read some more and then fell asleep. AND now i'm here at work trying to get these end of the month reports done. so there you have it...happy halloween bloggers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it's the bestest holiday ever!!!

sox win!!!!!!!!! sox win!!!

THE SOX ARE THE WORLD CHAMPIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!!!!!!!
Kachi's and i decided to stay at home last night to watch the game. yes it would have been more exciting had i gone out with my friends to the bar but i wanted to be sober when the sox won...just incase they won of course which they did!!!! i wanted to remember the feeling!!! what an awsome game!!! stressful as hell but none the less awsome!! congratulations sox!!! great job!!

my list...

as i was walking to work this morning i started thinking about dcn and how he doesn't think it's fair that the chicago bloggers are meeting each other...sorry dude :-( that got me thinking about the people i would like to meet or would have liked to have met. so here it goes:

First and forthmost, FRIDA. really do i even have to explain why?!?!? i actually dreamt that i had met her at La Casa Azul. She was on her wheel chair, i was kneeling down while she held my hand. I was crying because i couldn't believe i was actually meeting her!!! i woke up crying, by the way i have never ever shared this anyone because my friends already think i'm a frida freak and me dreaming this would only prove them right. i can't help it!! she was an awsome woman!!! i mean she did things back in her days that women are now still hesitant in doing!!! Seriously...another seriously moment...who wouldn't want to meet her!!! ok i know a few people but that's why they are NOT my friends...heheheheh just kidding.

Second Che...i don't really have a great reason. i saw the movie motorcycle diaries and it just made me want to meet the man even more.

Emiliano Zapata is another person i would have loved to have met. i just want him to explain to me the whole mexican government. i've read so much on it and i still don't get it!!!

Sigmund Freud, yes him!!! even though he believed that women were hysterical!!! WHAT THE F...K IS HE TALKING ABOUT?!?!? US HYSTERICAL!?!?!? PINCHE VIEJITO!!! I'LL SHOW HIM HYSTERICAL!!...hehehehe that was me trying to be hyterical..get it? Hysterical? anywho, even though i don't agree with more than half of the crap he wrote and said the man did start people thinking about researching the mind. Thank my Frida...yeah frida is my goddess...for that because otherwise i would be without a job running all hysterical somewhere in this world.

Jorge Ramos. why? because the man is sooo handsome!! ok and intelligent and speaks his mind and handsome and he seems to be genuinely (?) interested in immigration matters. and did i mention that he is handsome.

Angelina Jolie..why? because the woman is gorgeous and she seems to be a cool person. i know i know, she's a hollywood person but seriously she has done alot and she has gotten herself involved in alot of political matters...don't know how serious she is being taken but at least she is trying BECAUSE she wants to and not because she is going to get brownie points from her fans. Did you know that she gives 2% of her salary...may not see like much but keep in mind that the woman does make BILLIONS in a year...to cambodia. anywho, i would like to have a conversation with her to ask her "so what do you really look like when you wake up in the morning?" ok so that's not what i would ask her....

Virginia Wolfe...the woman is a whole mystery to me!!! if i ever got to meet her i would probably need a whole week to ask my massive amount of questions.

okay gotta go!! the list will continue another day though AND DCNational you are on this list too :-)

beautiful colors

i just got back from visiting two of my clients and on my way back i noticed the different colors on the trees. i love autumn!!! when i was younger i used to walk around the neighborhood and collect different types of leaves...all shapes and colors. my mom used get upset because i would bring a whole bunch of them and then just pick 2 or 3 to put on my bedroom wall...that i had to share with three of my sisters so my little leaves would only last two or three days on the wall porque nadamas traia basura al cuarto. I'm so glad i have my own place now!! Anywho, i saw two beautiful trees this afternoon. i wanted to get out of the car and pick some leaves but decided not to. damn!! now i regret it. i love those firey orange ones. i love that color!!! it reminds me so much of mexico, don't know why but it does. i also like the yellow ones. i love autumn!!

lets go sox!!! lets go!!!

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!!! is all i kept saying during last night's white sox game...and i'm not even religious!! what a freakin' game!!!! i thought the sox had it in the bag when pauly hit the grand slam but the "other" team caught up to them and i thought "ya perdieron :-(" but noooooo, pauly came back and hit another homerun!!!! HELL YEAH!!!! I LOVE MY SOX!!! AND don't get me started on saturday's game. how about that 8th inning? HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!! my daddy was very upset when ozzie took out the pitcher and brought in the big guy. "no!!!! que estas haciendo!?!?!" my mom's response "el sabe lo que esta haciendo" HELL YEAH!!! I LOVE OZZIE!!! yeap two very exciting games!!! i hope they do just as good tomorrow!!!

Well aside from watching the games...lets go sox!! lets go!!... i went to cracked chancla's future bookstore. i got to meet her...and she is soo cool. !!!! i think you picked a perfect location!!! I wish you the best of luck cc. I got to meet another blogger as well too...this whole blog thing is soo cool. I would like to thank Santiago for introducing me to the world of bloggers. I have met...both in person and via internet...so many great individuals Thanks santiago ;-).

"and you are? hmmm? ok..."

That is what i was told last night at the training i went to. I went to a training about the effects that AIDS/HIV meds have on individuals. i normally don't go to trainings that are in the evening and set up in a restaurant because usually only doctors and nurses attend...i do not like working with doctors!!!! some are ok but for the most part they think they are the rulers of the world!! anyway, the only reason i went was because my supervisor asked me to go. "damn, do i have to go?!?!" So i really didn't have a choice. So i walk to the restuarant, Mia Francesca on Clark, and the lady at the door asks me "your name and where are you from?" i answer "sonrisa morena and i'm from the clinic" "are you a nurse or a doctor?" "neither, i'm a social worker" her response as she looks me up and down was "hmmm? i guess that's ok, you can have a sit wherever you'd like" pinche bruja!! i thought to myself. Soon after i sat down a co-worker comes and sits next to me and asks me "what is up with that lady?!?!" She apparently treated him the same way and to be honest with you i felt a little relieved because when i was sitting down i was thinking "pinche bruja i bet if i were white you wouldn't have reacted that way!!!" but when brian told me he got the same reaction i felt better...is that mean? anyway, the training was awsome!!! dr. b, whom is one of the cool doctors i like, gave the training. but lets talk about the food!!! holy crap!!! we had appetizers, brochetta (?) calamari and little pizza thingies. Then came the salads, and then the pastas..stuffed spinach ravioli and some other kind of pasta that was soo yummy. AND then the main course, talapia in lemon sauce, chicken in some kind of yummy sauce and fillet mignon(?) DAMN it was good. our wine glasses kept getting refilled by the wonderful waiters. Oh yeah we also got dessert, tarramizo. YUMMY!!!! it was good stuff. by the end of the training my co-worker and i were so full and buzzing it wasn't even funny!! We left thinking "we had such a good dinner for FREE!!" We headed out to southport to go bar hopping. if you haven't been bar hopping on southport, i really recommended. i had so much fun. some guy, i think his name was eric, started talking to me...that was nice. i think that's why i had fun because i was getting hit on..hey who doesn't like the attention. i got home at 2:30 in the morning and i so did not want to come to work today!! but i have responsibility and here i am.

HYPED UP!!!!

HEEEELLLLL YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the sox play this weekend and it has become a huuuge thing for la familia. It's going to be too cold to take the t.v. outside and have a cookout like la familia did this summer for el capitulo final de la novela, so we have decided to just order some food and watch game inside. I'm thinking we are ordering pizza, daddy will be buying some beer and somebody is gotta make some dessert or something. I've decided to take chips and pico de gallo. I'm soooo excited!!!! it's been such a long time that the brothers and sisters get together for sports!! the brothers always get together to see a boxing match and they don't invite the girls, well actually they do but we don't go. and have i mentioned how excited i am about this weekend!!! i started thinking about how when we all lived with the parents. we all...all nine of us... used to watch the sox play in the living room...harold bains was all of our hero back then. another thing i just remember was all of us watching the super friends...i always thought that wonder woman and superman made a nice couple. oh how i miss those days. we use to have so much fun. know all of them are married with two or three kids each. how time goes by. i love all my nieces and nephews though!!! i wonder if they will feel the same once they grow up too. ALL of them are very close in age and so they get along very well and i hope the always will. They get a kick out of the stories i tell them about when their parents were young. "tia tell me how my dad was when he was is high school?" "tia was my mom always this mean?" "tia did my dad ever have hair?" "my dad used to run?!!?!?!?" "my daddy was not the first boyfriend my mommy had?!!" ooops i think i've said too much.... did i tell you how excited i am about this weekend?!!! go sox go!!!!

THAT'S IT!!!!

i have decided that i'm totally going to give up on guys!!!!! i think i WILL go on a date with the female therapist that keeps asking me out even though she knows i don't like girls!!!!

so last night i was talking to Mr. K and the whole relationship thing came up and i got the "it's not you it's me" speech. I AM THE QUEEN OF THAT SPEECH!!!!! pokey makes fun of me because he tells me that he has never met anyone that can give that speech in so many different versions. Anyway, right after i finished talking to mr. k i called pokey to talk to him about it and he laughed at me!!! "why are you laughing?!??!!? it's not funny!!!" i asked him, i was close to tears...very proud of myself because i didn't cry. his response was "sonrisa, i don't mean to be mean but this is the first time i see you on this side" ha? what? que? como? he goes on to tell me that ever since he has known me i have never ever given a guy a chance and that i'm the one giving the "it's not you it's me" speech and then he asks "so how does it feel?" it feels like crap!!! i say "welcome to my world" he tells me. you see i gave pokey "the speech" a few years ago and well know we've become really good friends. i'm glad that he didn't stop talking to me like most guys usually do. i was planning on never ever talking to mr. k but talking to pokey made me realize that i might missing out on a really good friendship. mr. k is a great guy and i think if i give myself some time i can get over this whole thing and just enjoy his friendship. hey, i've being doing that with mr. motorcycle so why not with mr. k...hmmm? i'm starting to see a pattern here. yeah don't want to get into that right now. i'm in pain people!!! PAIN I SAY!!! ok ya se me paso. i do like mr. k alot and i like hanging out with him..he is funny as hell!! have i mentioned that he is a stand up comedian. anyway, i get very upset when guys whom i have really enjoyed hanging out with stop talking to me because i don't feel a certain way about them. i don't want to do the same thing to mr. K. don't know when i will decide to call him up but i will keep you posted :-p

random stuff...

i just got back from visiting two of my clients. one of them is trans, male to female, and the other one is schizophrenic, a different client then the one previously written about. one of the many reasons i love my job is because i get to really know my clients. they welcome me into their homes treating me like family. i have to keep reminding them that i am their social worker and that as much as i enjoy their company i'm there for a reason, it may sound mean but i have to say that not only for their sake but for mine as well. sometimes i wish i hadn't met my clients that way but oh well, i'm a strong believer that things happen for a reason. So anyway, my trans client has moved sooo many times within the last two years. She keeps getting harrassed (sp?) due to her "change". If there is one thing that really pisses me off is ignorant adults!!!! everybody has the right to their opinion and believes but to HARRASS someone like that!! anyway, she was telling me that she will be moving to boystown by the beginning of next month and that she hopes that will be her last move, "honey!!! if i get harrassed in boystown then i don't know what i will do!!" She was also telling me that she was having difficulty finding an apartment due to alot of apartments turning condo...

CONDOS!!! what the hell!!! what is going in chicago. everywhere i go there is a sign about selling or buying condos. Really every freakin' building in my neighborhood has turned condo. I guess it's a good thing but seriously i keep thinking about my clients. my clients can't afford to buy a condo!!! my clients want to continue living in boystown because they feel comfortable there. they are able to express themselves without the fear of being harrassed, battered or talked about. Most of my clients live in studios paying waaay too much for them!! like i told my client today, "you're not really paying to live in your apartmend, you're actually paying to live in the neighborhood" it really is a nice neighborhood but come on!!! anywho, that's my little issue with the condos....

my schizo client, seems to be doing alot better. his sister is doing a great job in taking care of him. making sure he is keeping up with the doctor's appointments, making sure that he takes his meds. Don't really know where he would be now had it not been for sister taking care of him. When i first got him, he was not taking his meds and therefore was constantly having episodes. At one point he got waaaay out of hand with his sister and myself that i suggested that he be admitted to a nursing home. The sister thought it was a good idea due to her having to deal with her own problems...she was on the verge of loosing her job and was also having marital problems due the amount of time being spent with the client. Anyway, she called me and told me "sonrisa, i need to see you right now!!! i can't handle my brother anymore!!" when i got to their place, client was smoking like there was no tomorrow...which is normal for schizophrenics, smoking helps them calm down, chemicals in the brain and the nicotine apparently work very well with schizophrenics, researchers have not yet discovered why though. the poor sister was sitting on the couch crying. "what happened?" i asked. "he tried eating some broken glass last night and i had to call the ambulance, sonrisa i haven't slept all night because i'm so scared he might do something to hurt himself". i turned to client and i tried to explained to him what the sister was going through and why it was important for him to go to a nursing home...it took me a good 1 hour or so to try to get this through him. after the a while he looked at me like i was crazy and then tells me "will you excuse me, i need to consult this with my lord" walks away...only a few steps away so i could still see him and hear him. He looked upwards and starts mumbling to himself then turns to me and says "ok i'm ready to go, my lord told me that i can trust you and that i should do what you ask of me" you don't know how glad i was to hear that. anyway, he is doing so much better. he no longer is at the nursing home, he now has his own apartment but his sister constantly keeps going over "just to make sure he is ok".

After visiting my clients, i decided to stop by at the pet shop to buy kachito his food. So i went to the store and got him his food...AND yes i couldn't resist, i got him a toy!!! not really a toy but a halloween scratch mat. i saw it and i just had to to buy for him!!! it's the cutest little mat!! i can't wait 'til i get home to show him his new toy. Ms. J thinks kachito is the most spoiled cat in the world but i don't care!! She can say all she wants, kachis will always be number one in my heart!! and as long as i can provide him the luxury of toys i will!! AND if he meows to me that he wants his own condo than i shall get him his own condo!!! gosh darn it!!!

what a weekend!!!!!!

First let me start by saying "YOU CAN PUT IT ON THE BOOOOAAARD!!!YEEEESSS!!!!! hell yeah!!!! what a way to end my weekend!!! let's go sox!!! lets go!!!! holy mother of god!!!!! i just can't believe it!!! i am sooooo happy for ozzie!!! just so freakin' happy!!! i'm just...don't even know how to express myself right now.

ok thanks for allowing me the little outburst. So i had such an amazing and fun weekend. On Friday santiago and i went to go see the the play that mariposa recommended and has worked her butt off to make it happen..."Breakfast, lunch and dinner". And oh my god!!! it was such an incredible play. i cried, i laughed, the play was awsome!!! i called mr. k afterwards to let him know how deep the play was. i just couldn't get over it!!! AND i also got to meet mariposa!!! AND hang out with her!!! how cool is that!?!?! She invited Santiago and myself to a party after the play and boooy talk about a small world!!! i had a mentor who once told me that i was ALWAYS going to run into someone i knew because the world of educated latinos was a small one. Well mrs. p your theory was proved was again this past friday. i saw soooo many people at this party. so anyway, that was Friday. On Saturday, i hung out with mr. motorcycle in the morning and in the evening i went to a bachelorrete's party!!! woohooo!!! i had soooo much fun!!! damn!! we women can get wild!!! it was just crazy!!! After we saw the naked men we went out dancing. i got home at 2 in the morning, had a nice conversation with the cab driver who is from Russia and will be going back in 8 months to start his own business....i can get very chatty when i'm drunk, actually i wasn't that drunk i was just really really tired. on Sunday, the sox won!!!!! need i say more!!!! ok i will say more. i hung out with mr. K whom i am liking very very much. as i told one of my co-workers, i think i'm falling in like NOT love but like...it will be very difficult for me to fall in love again. Anyway, we at pizza and watched the sox game. he was very impressed that i actually was all into the game. I'll be honest this whole Mr. K is kind of scaring me. i have not felt this excited about someone in a looooong time. i'm trying to just enjoy myself and taking one day at a time.

so there you have it...now i'm back at work, not complaining because i am one of the many luck people to have a job to go to :-)

should we put it on the board?!?!?!?

before i go to visit my client i want to write about last night's game. So don't know what really happened but the sox won!!! was it a fair game? according to the umpires it was. do i care if i don't think it wasn't a fair game? hellooo? yes i do because if the sox win this whole thing, last night's game will definetly come up again!!! i'm confused about last night's win. i'm happy they won but seriously did they? anyway, i'm just rambling on and i need to get going cause i'm already late...my client just called me asking me if i was still going to visit him, ehhehehehhee. i'm trying to make myself feel better about last night's game so you baseball fans can you please tell me what you thought about last night's game. dcn? moe greene? hello? anybody?

what to do? what to do?

so i have a paranoid schizophrenic client that changes his phone number every three months due to "people and the government out to get him", don't know exactly that means but he always gets very anxious when he calls me to tell my why he decided to change his phone number. He also usually gives me his new number but this time he hasn't given to me. He, however, keeps calling me asking me to call him back. I have caller id but he doesn't know that and i don't want to tell him either because if he were to find out that i have caller id he would start wondering why i don't pick up when he is calling. He is very very paranoid, paranoid to the point where he doesn't even want to take his psyche meds because "he is sure the doctor is working for the government and she is working with them on killing him". Anyway, if i call him, he is going to ask me how i got his number...he is a very intelligent man and will remember if he gave it to me or not. the man is really something else, but a very sweet individual. he has memorized the ENTIRE bible!!! because "that is the only thing that keeps me sane". so anyway, if i call him and tell him that i have caller id, he will then be too paranoid to call me due to the possibility of me not answering because i wouldn't want to deal with him. if i tell him that he gave it to me and that he probably forgot about it, he will then tell me that it's not true and the government probably called to give it to me. don't know what to do...i guess i'll just have to wait and hope i'm at my desk when he calls next time.

how much should we say?

so last night i was talking to pokey and he says "so i saw that you and mr. glass man were hitting it off, what's going on?" "What? mr. glass man was all over your cousin!!! what are you talking about?" According to Pokey, mr. glass man was putting the moves on me on Saturday. I didn't think so. i thought he was just being polite because that was first time we had met. i have heard about him but have never met the guy, he seems to be a nice dude. so anyway, pokey asked me if mr. glass man had told me that he had a girlfriend. i asked why he wanted to know. He tells me "because i think that there some things that should be said and some things that should not be mentioned and him having a girlfriend is definetly one of the things that he should have told you!" WHOA dude!!! Where that came from is beyond me but he went on to say "sonrisa, sometimes you can be so naive when it comes to men!!" so of course i started to get a little attitude and responded by saying "first of all i don't think it's any of your business who i talk to AND second of all I am not interested in mr. glass man so i don't care if he does or doesn't have a girlfriend!!" "ok i'm sorry but i just care about you and don't want you get hurt again" he tells me. pokey has suggested that i go to therapy but after last nights conversation i think he might be just projecting!! the dude totally freaked out on me and gave me a twenty minut lecture on how men really are and what they really want from women. i told him i appreciated him telling me all of this but that i was a grown woman and in knew what was good for me and what was not...ok so sometimes i make stupid mistakes but hey we all learn from our experiences, for instance i will never ever mix my wines again after lasts weeks experience...damn that was the nastiest hangover i have ever had!!! Anyway back to pokey, after that lecture i decided not to tell him about Mr. K. i think i'll keep him a secret i until i think something is actually happening betweent the two of us.

annual housewarming dinner...

It's that time of year again!!! I've been having housewarming dinner/parties for the past 7 years...there have been a few years in which i've moved twice within a year. You see i've moved 10 times within the last 7 years. I got kicked out of my parents because i spent a weekend with the boyfriend...yeah the same one that i can't seem to get over, the same one that i blame for me being so scared of relationships, the same one i blame for thinking every man is the same...y eso no se hace si no estas casada!!! I come from your traditional mexican family. Anyway, ever since, i'v been moving, trying to find MY home. I think i finally found it though. This is the first time i've stayed at a place for two years in a row!!! YAY!!!! for me!!! I mean what else can i ask for, i have kachito, i have a balcony, i live close to the beach and lakeshore dr., i WALK to work when i'm not riding my bike. Yeah i'll be staying at this place for a while.

So anyway, last year when i had my housewarming party, my friends were asking where i was going to be moving to next. I said "not anymore, this is it guys!!". They were dissappointed because according to them they were getting use to it. So i decided to have an annual housewarming dinner!! I sent out the e-vite a few weeks ago and got great responses. i love having my friends over for dinner!! nothing makes me happier than to see my friends enjoying themselves at my place. I grew up with a large family...four brothers and four sisters...so i will find any excuse to have people over. AND I love to cook...was brought up to be a housewife as one of friends tells me...and it makes me happy that my friends enjoy my cooking. I decided to take tomorrow off from work to get started on the cleaning and shopping for the food...ok plus i'm going out tonight to a poetry thingy and drinks are included all night which means i'll probably get drunk and i don't want to go to work with a hangover. i'll be having like 30 people over on saturday. Kachito is going to be in heaven. He loves people!!! i think he knows how adorable he is so he takes advantage of it. it will be a very busy saturday morning for me but it will be worth it!!! it ALWAYS is.

YEEEEESSS!!!!

YOU CAN PUT IT ON BOOOOOARD!!! YEEESSSS!!! the white sox won last night!!!! the only team i will ever support. my brothers are huuuuge fans of the sox and so as long as i can remember i've been watching the sox. don't know much about baseball really, actually i only wait for the score. i have never seen a game in its entirety (?), accept when i go to the stadium but even then i'm too busy looking at people. i don't understand alot of things, for instance that wild card thing...what is that? i never understood that. last week that's all i heard. the wild card this and the wild card that...ha? are they playing poker or something like it? anyway, i watched last night's game and boooy was it exciting!!! i had kachito on my lap and when they won i threw him up on the air!!! my poor baby got so scared. i was going to put on my pink white sox cap today but then i rembered that i live in cubs town...big no no. these northsiders take their baseball very serious..too serious if you ask me. come on it's just a baseball game. sorry if i've offended anybody. anywho, i hope the sox win again!!!!! lets go sox!!! lets go!!!

apple heaven..

That's where i was on Saturday!!! Apple heaven. My lord!!! there are soooo many different types of apples...gala, fuji, grannie smith, mc intosh (i thought that a computer), golden red. I can't remember the rest but i have discovered that my favorite are the fuji apples. They are so yummy and crisp. I had a a nice time with la famalia. We left the parents home at 9:00 in the morning and drove for about an hour to a cracker barrel. That was so much fun!!! they have a store with just about everything and anything right next to the restaurant. We had breakfast and then we headed down to the apple orchards. There were soooo many people at the place. We were transported to the different orchards by trailer....don't know what else to call it. We also stopped at a pumpkin patch...picked out two beauties. I will be showing them off this weekend at my annual housewarming party. The kids kept eating the apples until the parents told them to stop "porque eso te va hacer dano". Then we went to the little shop next to the orchard. This place had so many yummy things made with apples. Apple cinnimon (?) doughnuts, apple cider, apple jam and jelly, sweet or spicy apple sauce, apple ice cream, apple spread, apple everything!!! i only got some apple doughnuts and apple cider. i wanted to buy the whole store though!! anyway, we left the place at about 5 and got back to the parents 7 or so. We were all so tired and exhausted. We talked about what a great time we all had and what we will do differently next year.

O.k. so it wasn't all that perfect. Helloooo? there was like 20 of us...three of my brothers and their families weren't able to go.... so of course there was going to be some friction. it started right before we left. my little nephew wanted to take his walkie talkies with him but his mom wouldn't let him "porque los vas a perder te estoy diciendo!!" he was crying like there is no tomorrow. "no vamos a ir si no te callas!!!" took him like 15 minutes to calm down. When we get to Cracker Barrel we had to wait for a good while because my sister wanted all of us to sit together. When they finally called her name we were told that we would have be in three different section of the restuarant because there were waaay too many of us to be sitted in just one place. my sister got sooo upset!!! so the familia was sitted in different sections with three different waitresses. i was cool with that but my sister...she's a perfectionist...was fuming!!! AND then to make things worse OUR waitress took forever to bring our food. We had just begun eating when the rest of our familia was on there way out so they had to wait for us. We finally left the restaurant and were on our way to the apple orchard, at least that's what we all thought. We got lost twice!!!! both times the drivers got out to discuss what had gone wrong ..."que no te estoy diciendo!!! es para aca!!" "no, yo digo que nos regresemos y empezemos otra vez!!!!" "yo nadamas los sigue!!!!" "daddy are we lost? are we going to be able to see tio L again? should we call the cops?" So they finally decided to stop at a gas station and ask. Turns out we were just 10 minutes to the apple orchards!!! The ride back home was waaay more smoothly. We got back to the parents and chilled...ok not chilled we were "discussing" where we went wrong and what needed to be done next year to make this more smoothly. "les digo que dejen a la sister guiar!!!" "pero si ella fue las que nos perdio hoy!!!" "YO NO les dije que me siguieran!!!!....

i'm all caught up!!!!

Well it's the end of the month and a whole bunch of paperwork is due today. AND i have done all of it before 12:00 p.m. YAAAY!!! for me!!! End of the month reports are a drag. I mean seriously why must we do them?!?! o.k. i understand why we do them, i just really really don't like paperwork. i constantly tell my supervisor that i love my job...and i really do...but i can do without the paperwork involved!!! His response "sonrisa we have to do all this paperwork if we want to continue to get funded" i understand all of that but sometimes i get overwhelmed with my clients and then to have to deal with these reports!! ok. i'm done venting, thanks :-)

so i'm going apple picking with my family this weekend. we usually have a family outing that last the entire weekend but this year due to my sister going through so much we decided not to have one. Instead we wil be going apple picking for one day. i'm not sure where we are going, i was told somewhere in michigan and to be at the parents at 8:00 in morning because it's supposed to be a 2 hour drive. To be honest with you, i'm kind of glad it's only a one day thing because i get so stressed out when the entire family goes. someone always ends up getting their feelings hurt or someone says something about someobody else's kid. it's always the same thing every year "este es el ultimo ano que hago esto con toda la familia!!!!" next year comes and there we go again. gotta love la familia!!!

Well i hope all you have a good weekend!!! :-)

en la vida de kachito...

before i write about kachito let me tell you that i LOVE him sooooo much!!! thanks H for giving him to me!!!

So last night was good weather to stay at home and just snuggle under the blanket and read or watch t.v. So i grabbed my blanket, went to the living room and layed on the couch to watch a movie ("story of women" french movie, AWSOME movie). Kachito was in the kitchen but soon came over to sit next to me. I noticed he was being extra affection it so I grabbed him and i layed him on my stomach. He fell asleep throughout the entire movie, which was fine with me because he kept me warm. So once the movie was over i grabbed my blanket and headed back to my bedroom to do some reading (Caramelo by Sandra Cisneros, I'm loving it so far!!) As i get ready to read my book, i noticed that Kachito is just sitting there looking at me with a look of "no you didn't!!". So i ask him "Kachi's what's wrong?"...by the way i realized that i only speak to him in English but that's a whole different blog. Anyway, i didn't know what was wrong so i just ignored him. he on the other hand made sure that i didn't do that. he kept meowing and sitting at the same spot and looking at me with that same cute little face of his. i get up to put him on my bed but would just jump off and sit at the same spot. once i again i decided to ignore him and he kept meowing!!! "kachito? you're scaring me, what's wrong?" so i look over at where he usually lays down when he sleeps in my bedroom and notice that Ms. J's clothes (the recylced jeans) were there. "oooooh, i'm soooo sorry baby!!! that's lola (ms. J's kitty) that you smell there don't you?" so i took the jeans put them in the closet and put one of my dirty shirts on "his spot" and he went to lay on it. "damn boy!! you be one jealous little kitty!!! you know there will only be ONE Kachito for me!!" is what i told him. i grabbed him and kissed him. He slept next to me the entire night!!! i don't know much about cats...this is my first cat ever...but he was acting very much like a jealous boyfriend, to be honest it kind of creeped me out. is that normal? anywho, i got over it ...like one second later after i realized what was going on...and all is well. he was being his usual playful self again this morning. i love kachito and i think everybody in the whole world should have a kachito!! oh yeah i also taught him how to give me a kiss. he is just too cute!!! is this what brand new mommies sound like...cause sometimes i get annoyed by them. i don't want to be annoying...am i being annoying?

Iron Poet

IRON POET
Thursday October 6, 2005
7-10pm
Around the Coyote Gallery
1935 1/2 W. North Ave.

Tickets: $30 in advance; $35 at the door including dinner and wine
$60 VIP tickets including exclusive seating and wine tasting

Tickets can be purchased at shop.guildcomplex.org or at 773-227-6117.
more information on tickets below

What is Iron Poet?
· A challenging, exciting, and sometimes hysterical live poetry competition
· A one-day opening of Iron Poet Art including live art creation and body art
· An evening of music, drinks, and the opportunity to sample specialties from some of Wicker Park's best restaurants
· A silent auction featuring art, parties, theatre tickets, and more

Tickets:
$3o ($35 at the door) including heavy appetizers and desserts, wine and beverages. Also includes opportunities to win door prizes

$60 VIP tickets also include:
· access to the VIP area with premium seating near the Iron Poet stage
· opportunities to win theater tickets and other VIP door prizes
· high end wine tasting with the guidance of an educated pourer

Tickets can be purchased at shop.guildcomplex.org or at 773-227-6117.

Sponsored by:
The Kerryman Bar and Restaurant Chicago
Lillie Jernigan of Lillie's Cakes

recycling...

I've always had issues with my weight. I've always been considered be overweight...accept for the two years that i worked out for four hours a day. I have been trying to loose weight ever since i can remember and at times have been successful. However, i loose the weight and gain it back!!! DAMN it's freakin' hard to keep it off, especially when i go visit the parents!! so anyway, i've been as small as a size7...the two years that i worked out for four hours a day... and as big as a size, hmm? yeah not going to tell you. Everybody in my family is skinny accept for my younger sister and myself, well actually now it's only me because my sister has lost alot of weight. A few weeks ago my sister came over to visit me and was looking through my closet. "hmmm? this is really nice, do you still wear it?" She knew damn well that i didn't fit in that thing...it was a dress...anymore!!! "take it and take whatever else you like" "are you serious?" "giirrrl, you and me both know that i will NEVER fit in those clothes again!!" so she took a whole bunch of dresses, skirts, slacks, and shirts. "are you sure you don't want these anymore?", she kept asking me. "NO!! just take them!!" and she happily did. However, when it came to the jeans i said "you can take those but do not give those away or throw them out because i really do plan on loosing weight to fit in those". for some reason i've always believed that i will loose just enough weight to fit in my jeans...i've got jeans of all sizes, ranging from size 7 to, hmmm? not going to tell you. It would be a miracle if i could fit in my size 7 jeans but i know i can still make it to my size 9 jeans if i try really really hard. i keep telling myself "sonrisa, if you did it once you can do it again!! SI SE PUEDE!!! SI SE PUEDE!!!" ...not sure how true that is but si no me lo digo yo nadie me lo va a decir. My sister thanked me and left my place in a very good mood. "enjoy the clothes sister" i told her and i really meant it because those clothes would have just sat in my closet under the "to be worn once i loose weight" catogory. which to be honest those clothes would have been in the closet forever. I've discovered that it has become more difficult to loose the weight the older i get.

anyway, so last night i went over for dinner at ms. j's and she had a bag in her room with a whole bunch of clothes. "what's this for?" i asked. "oh those are clothes i don't fit in anymore" said ms. j. Hmmm? i went through the bag and found some stuff that i liked and i asked ms. j if i could keep them. her response "yeah but just don't give away or throw away the jeans because i want them back, i plan to fit in those again" ha? what? que? como?!!! i couldn't stop laughing!!! I told ms. j about how i had told my sister the same thing. We both started laughing so hard. Something about jeans that makes us feel we must fit in them. We both came to the conclusion that it was because they are the most expensive item that we wear and also the most difficult to find that will look good on us. I mean there are alot of jeans to choose from now a days but seriously (another seriously moment) we have to really shop around for those perfect jeans. you know the one's that will make us look good, no matter what we wear them with. yeah THOSE jeans...as i smile when i look at myself in the mirror because i'm feeling hot!! hot damn it!!

no internet?!?!?!?!

i'm soooo going crazy!!!! i can't live without my phone or the internet!!! ok i'm being a bit dramatica. However, the internet is how i communicate with alot of my friends that live out of town. I need to catch up on their drama!!! oh what will i ever do without their drama!?!?! ok it's not really about their drama, it's more like them hearing about mine..hehehe, just kidding. no, really i am!!! i hope the we get internet soon!!

the whole world does not need to know!!!!

On Saturday morning i woke up thinking "i think i'm going down town to treat myself to something expensive". So i got up, took a shower, said my goodbyes to kachis and was on my way down town. I got on the bus and sat on one of the front seats. I was looking out the window thinking about what i was going to wear to the party that evening when a young looking lady and her son get on the bus. The young lady was talking on the cell phone with her husband. How do i know this? because young lady let everybody on that bus know her business!!! She sits on the front seats as well and starts yeppin' away..."tell me how i'm supposed to trust you again!!! what kind of a married man sleeps with a nineteen year old!!!! you have not kept your promise! how could you?!?!?! i've taken you back twice already!!" then she hangs up. Talks to her friend and her son...her son keeps asking her "mommy are we almost there?" and her friend is just listening. at one point the friend looked around the bus and then looked at young lady again. The phone rings again, young lady says "hello, no!!! you said THAT when you were shipped to cuba and iraq!!! now this happens in New Orleans!!! tell me why would you sleep with a nineteen year old!!! you promised me!!!! you have two kids and one on the way!!! how could you that with me being 5 weeks pregnant!!!! You get an F!!! yes an F as in FAIL!! if you can accept an F from work you can accept F from me!!!" young lady hangs up again and looks at her son, who continues to ask "are we there yet?" The phone rings again, "hello, i don't want to talk anymore!!! you tell me this all the time so why can't i say it!!!" i didn't know how this ended because my stop was coming. oh my lord!!!...ok so that was not what i was thinking as i was getting off the bus. now, was it REALLY necessary for this girl to have that conversation on the bus?!?!? HELL NO!!!! everything that she was saying only made HER look stupid!!! i don't mean to judge but when you are having these kind of conversations in public well i think that person may be asking for it. So anyway, the analyzing person that i am, i started to look into the what young girl was saying. By the way it was only a 15 minute ride but it seemed like it was 3 freakin' hours long!!! anyway, I started thinking, giiirrrl you need to get your life straightened out if not for your sake than for your kids!!! This man is obviously not going to change!!! he has been with three women, that you know of, and you still continue taking him back!!! you deserve better, at least your kids deserve better. i wanted to tell her all of this but of course i didn't, i think that would have made me look just as stupid. i got a feeling that she was trying to impress the people on the bus with the cuba and iraq comments but really she was making herself out to be this very insecure individual. i was soooo glad when i finally got off the bus. that was one of my seriously moments...SERIOUSLY PEOPLE THE WHOLE WORLD DOES NEED TO KNOW YOUR BUSINESS!!!

oh how i cried...

when i finished reading "Bless me, Ultima". I cry easily when i see other people crying in movies and on the news or those reunion shows (i know, i've said once and i'll say again, I'm pathetic) but when it comes to books it is very difficult for me to shed a tear...don't know why that is. i cry when i read articles or postings...like Cracked Chancla's on the animals of New Orleans and DCNational's calling home...but with books i really don't cry. So anyway, last night i finished reading "Bless me, Ultima" and i cried for a good 15 minutes. I couldn't stop!!! The last time i had done this was with "She's Come Undone". I was in spain when i finished reading that book. I actually didn't think i was going to do any reading while i was out there...i meant to ONLY read it on the plane but i got started and couldn't stop. It was late at night when i finished reading it and i was crying uncontrollably...i knew exactly what the main character in that book must have been going through!!! With both books i got so caught up with the main characters emotions that i just couldn't help but feel for them. I can't believe it took me this long to read "Bless me, Ultima", i mean the book is as old as me!!! i've had it on my bookshelf for quite some time already but i have so many books on my "books i want to read" list that it was finally "Bless me, Ultima's" turn. damn me!! for not reading earlier, damn me!! i say!!! It is such a great book. The next book on my list is "Caramelo" by Sandra Cisneros...only one of the greatest writers in my book!!! I love her writing!!!! Anyway, i recommend "Bless me, Ultima". If anybody out there has anymore recommendations i would love to know them. My list of "books i want to read" is not short at all but ALWAYS willing to add some more books. My list is going down to the americano writers after "Caramelo". Cracked Chancla can't wait for you to open your bookstore!!!

mr. motorcycle's visit...

so last night i had planned on doing nothing!!! i was going to be a bum...cook something to eat and watch t.v. i didn't want to be bothered with anything or anybody!!! i wasn't angry or sad or feeling anything for that matter..i just wanted to be a bum on a wednesday evening. So anyway, i started making some caldo de pollo and heat up some mole that my mom gave me. then my phone rings. "que onda sonrisa? que haces?" "aqui nomas" was my response. "hey voy para haya, is it ok?". IS IT OK?!?!?!?!?IS IT OK?!?!?! "sure!! come on over". so he did and we had the best time ever!!! we didn't do anything exciting but it was nice to spend some time with mr. motorcycle. We use to hangout alot before when we both lived in the hood but then i moved to the northside and he moved further south so that stopped because we were SSSSSOOOO far from each other..hehheehe. we went by the lake and walked down lakeshore drive. it was really nice, we talked about everything and anything. I love mr. motorcycle...to be honest with you he is one those friends that i would do anything for. I don't know what i would do if i didn't have him. i mean the dude is so good at giving advice and he talks to me straight forward. no beating around the bush, says it how he sees it...i could go on but i won't. I just wanted to thank mr. motorcycle for ALWAYS being there for me and brightening up my day or evening ;-) THANKS