todo por un champurrado....

it's freezing outside!!!!! i so did not want to get out of bed this morning but i had to and as i was walking to work this morning i remembered my little adventure from last Thursday.

On Wednesday night i called my sister M to ask if the champurrado guy would be selling on Thanksgiving day...her neighbor sells tamales and champurrado on 26th street and he is really the only person i buy from. She tells me "si la tablita esta en el sidewalk quiere decir que si esta vendiendo y si la tablita esta en el fence no esta vendiendo" ha? okay? "bueno pues yo te llamo en la manana para preguntarte" "sonrisa, tienes que madrugar porque el vende rapido" oh damn was my response "i'll call you at 8"... that is early for me when i don't have to work. She started laughing!!!! i mean seriously laughing!!! "i will wake up!!!! i want some champurrado damn it!!!" She continued to laugh because according to her i wouldn't wake up that early on a non-working day!! HMMM i'll show her! was what i was thinking as i hung up the phone and asked my mom "mami, me puede despertar a las 8 please?" hehehehehee

So on thanksgiving morning i woke up at 8 o'clock in the morning...without my mom having to wake me up thank you very much!!... and i called my sister M. "esta la tablita?" "sonrisa!!!!! si te despertaste!!!!! dejame y me fijo por la ventana, si esta en el sidewalk" yay!!!! by the way, "la tablita" is to rollout the cart from the yard to the street. "okay pues voy para la 26, quieres algo?" "pasa por el dinero y me traes tres champurrados y una docena de tamales" so i start getting all bundled up cause i heard it was going to be cold, give my mom a kiss and head down to my sisters, who lives on the next block, to then head down to 26th and Drake. As i'm walking to my sisters i realize that it's FREAKIN' COLD!!!! damn!!! my face felt like it was ready to fall off!!!! i get to my sister's and she was already waiting for me to give me the money. she didn't even offer to go with me!!! actually i don't blame her because it was FREEZING!!! i finally make it to 26th and Drake and i see the tamalero!!! yes! i made it!! "me da sies champurrados y 2 docenas de tamales porfavor" the man was very bundled up but he was not wearing gloves, for obvious reasons of course. here i was complaining about having to walk two blocks...TWO!!!... in this freezing weather while this man had been here since 6 o'clock in the morning!!! "son 22 dolares, nina" i gave him 25 bucks and told him to keep the change...i just wanted him to put his gloves back on because i didn't want him to be cold anymore.

So hay voy de regreso a mi sister's place. That one block seemed like eternity to me. I was carrying 5 cups of champurrado in one hand...the man gave me those cup holder thingies...and one cup of champurrado and the 2 dozens of tamales on the other. i had to stop a few times to rest my arms. I finally made it to my sisters!!! gave her the 3 cups of champurrado and the dozen of tamales then headed down to the parents. having less to carry made it alot easier for me so the next block did not seem as long as the first one, still cold as hell but i was able to walk faster. As i walked in the house, my dad asks "ah donde vas?" i started laughing because he didn't even notice i was gone!!! he thought i was still sleeping!!! really i'm not that much of a sleeper, okay maybe i am. "le traje un champurrado y tamales" his response as he is drinking the champarrudo and a tamal was "para que saliste, esta muy frio para salir" he says this wiht a sly grin on his face. Then stop drinking the champurrado!!! was what i was thinking. Half way through my champurrado and my second tamal i started to feel wierd. My head started to hurt and i felt dizzy. My mom told me to lie down for a while, so i did. I felt so much better after another hour of sleep ;-)...i'm sleeper only in the mornings!! I warmed up the champurrado that was left on my cup and as i was drinking it i told my mom "casi me muero y todo por un champurrado!!"

my monday report...

well i had a great thanksgiving and also a good weekend.

On wednesday i got to spend some time with santis. we went to eat some pizza and then went to the bookstore and had some tea...i don't drink coffee. i had such a great time with him. i realized how much i miss hanging out with him...btw thanks for the book santis :-) Anywho, on Thursday i was at the parents with my brothers and sisters and the spouses and the nieces and nephews. It was nice....this is the first year that we ate dinner at 6:30 all of us, together, at the same time!!!! NICE!!! Friday i didn't do much, i just hung out at the parents and ate left overs...yummy!!! Saturday i went to a party further south. I saw sooooo many people i hadn't seen in a while. some i wanted to see and others well i had to drink a couple of glases of wine before heading down to say my hellos. over all it was a nice party. i got home at 3 in morning and as soon as i walked in kachito started meowing like there was no tomorrow!!! i had missed him sooo much!!! i played and hugged him and kissed him...okay i'll stop, i missed him alot..okay i'll stop for real this time. yesterday i woke up at 3 in the afternoon!!! UNBELIEVABLE!!!!! i had a little too much wine the night before so my head was hurting...pounding actually!! so i slept until the pounding went away. Mr.K called me and we chatted for a while. he asked me if he could come over or if i would go over his place but i told him i wasn't really feeling too good. he asked me if i had met anybody at the party and if that was the reason i was not up to hanging out with him. i justed laughed and told him that "i'm just feeling really lazy today and i want to be at home alone, is that okay with you?" he is one funny funny dude. according to him he "really doesn't care if i do meet someone, just being nosey" hmmm? whatever dude!!!

Well i hope all of you had a good thanksgiving and spent it with loved ones :-)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING...

KACHITO AND I WANTED TO WISH THE FELLOW BLOGGERS A HAPPY THANKSGIVING...LETS ALL EAT LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW. i know will!!!! i will start my diet after the holidays people!!! after the holidays!!!

crazy day....

i'm having the craziest day!!! clients calling me asking me for this and that, and then clients cancelling on me!!! i really don't like it when they cancel, i understand why some of them do it though. The only good thing about this day is that i had lunch with Mr.motorcycle. i enjoy my time with him...he makes me
laugh :-) aaah mr. motorcylce..hmmm? mrs.motorcycle? OR mrs.K? mrs. motorcycle sounds alot more exciting..hehehehe. anywho, lunch with mr. motorcycle was good. now i'm back at the office returning phone calls to my hysterical clients. i'm having one of those days in which i keep questioning myself about why i'm doing this type of job!!!

i'm having lunch with santis tomorrow...i'm excited about that. we don't hangout like we used to so i appreciate it when we do. i get out of work tomorrow at 1, yeah for me!!!! i usually spend the entire thanksgiving weekend at the parents but i don't think i will this year because i don't want to leave kachis alone for that long...oh i'm going to miss him sooo much when i leave to mexico :-( i want to cry now..sonrisa stop it!!!

i am also excited about the bloggers partying together!!! yeah for mariposa for suggesting it!!!!i can't wait for that!!!

my sister's b-day...

Today's my sister's birthday!!! unfortunetly we won't be celebrating it. She is the one in the fucked up relationship. I talked to my mom about her on Saturday. My mommy started crying because the husband decided to spend thanksgiving in Nebraska and taking my sister and three kids with him. i haven't seen my sister in months. when she goes to visit the parents she always makes sure that no one is visiting the them. Mi mama dice que le da pena!!! at this point i really just want to see her!! she is choosing to live this way and there is really nothing for us to do or say anymore. On friday, after my doctor's appointment, i was gonna go visit her but decided not to because i didn't want to get her in trouble. How would her husband find out, you're asking? My sister has a 4 year old and well the dad asks HER if "mommy had any visitors". I found that out the hard way!!! i HATE him!!!!! i really really HATE him!!!

i called her to wish her a happy b-day but the answering machine picked up..yes he screens the calls too. I just left a message wishing her a happy birthday...i also told her that i was always thinking of her and that i loved her. i wanted to say more but i was holding back my tears, senti el nudo en la garganta y decedi colgar mejor. La extrano muchisimo!!

my usual monday report...

Everybody say hi to Kachito!!! isn't he so cute?!???! that's the scarf i knitted for him...he loves wearing it!!

well i had another nice weekend!!! Friday i went to the doctor and she told me "mi hija, todo esta bien but you need to change your diet. you just need to eat more protein" She took some blood and told me i needed vitaminas. She has never asked me to loose weight but she kind of hinted it this time. MUST loose weight...after the holidays, hehehehehe. I spent Friday night at the parents. My little nephew, Tabi, went upstairs with his dominos ready to play with me. "a jugemos de una cora, tia?" "okay, baby" Tabi is 5 years and he beat me!!! me gano $1.75!!!! After a few games, i tell him "i don't want to play anymore!!" he tells me "te empesto una cora si ya no tienes"...i just started laughing. he is so cute!!! We then went to go get pan dulce en La Espiga de Oro. I haven't been there in like forever!! i wanted to buy todo el pan!!! mmmm pan...after the holidays people!!!

Saturday, I went to the movies to watch "the weather guy" with nicolas cage...i love nicolas cage so that's why i said yes to pokey reese when he called me. Before we went to the movies we went to have dinner at Atotonilco. YUMMYYY!!!! i haven't been at that place in years!!! okay so it's not a very clean place...at least in my book...but oh my god los tacos al pastor estan deliciosos!!! i had two shakes de fresa...two!!! ... AFTER THE HOLIDAYS! people!! On sunday, i woke up late, really really late, at 11:30 a.m. hey i didn't have anything to do so i figured why not. i finally finished watching the movie "la tarea", what a dissappointment!! anyway, at around 6:30 Mr. K called and asked what i was doing. I told him i was watching t.v. and then he asked me to go over his place. "hmmmm? should i go? okay i'll see you in awhile" yes i went over BUT i went back home!!!! i went over, watched "The Wiz" and then told him "well it's getting late so i'm going to get going" "you can spend the night here, you can sleep in the bed and i'll sleep on the couch" "no i better not, I'll talk to you tomorrow" i gave him a kiss on the cheek and hug and then left....

i have a headache...

i haven't been feeling too good lately. Since last week, my body has been aching...como dice mi mama "me duelen los huesos y la carne"....and i i have been sleeping waaaay too much. My head is hurting like there is no tomorrow. I don't think it's the flu, i've just been really fatigued. i was sooo close in calling in sick this morning but i have clients scheduled for this afternoon. I really just want to go back to bed and snuggle up with kachis. Last night i was watching a movie...la tarea, una pelicula mexicana...and i fell asleep within the first 20 minutes. i just couldn't keep eyes open and it was only 8:00!!! I never ever fall asleep at that early!!! Anyway, at around 11:00 i woke up to my phone ringing. It was Mr. K. he asked what i was doing and told him that i had actually fell asleep while watching t.v. He apologized for waking me up and told to go to bed so that i be more comfortable..."okedokee" was my response. I went to bed but i couldn't go back to sleep!!!! i HATE it when that happens. i was really tired and sleepy but i couldn't fall asleep. I got up watched t.v. for an hour and then went back to bed. I still couldn't fall asleep!! and it was already 2 in the morning!!! i don't know what time i finally fell asleep pero senti como que apenas cerre los ojos cuando my alarm went off!!! oh i so did not want to get up!!! i have a doctors appointment tomorrow so that's a good thing i guess. i hope there is nothing wrong with me. My doctor is on the southside...waaaay south, okay so not so waaay south but hello? i do live waaay north and i don't have a car, anywho...so i'm taking the day off. i've thought about switching doctors to someone closer to me but i love my doctor!! she is soooo great!!i've had her since like forever and she is a latina!!! i feel so comfortable with her. I've heard horror stories about doctors AND i also work with them so i've seen them in action and well i just feel lucky to have Dr. B as my doctor. Anywho, i hope my headache goes away soon cause i still have like 4 more hours to go.

"AMAZING!!!"

...is how i'm have describing last nights performances!!! the women are all great actrizes!!! so much talent in the room at columbia college. Mariposa was awsome!!! everyone was great!!! i came to work and i had to tell somebody so all morning i was talking about it to my co-workers!! I have to admit though that there were two performance that hit a nerve. On both occasions i was ready to walk out of the room but i told myself "sonrisa, no seas dramatica!!" so i just sat there and watched the perfomances...i'm telling you these women are so talented!!! mariposa, thank you so much for inviting me. Cracked Chancla it was nice to see you again :-) AND i also got to meet Dr. Vodka. She is such a sweet heart!!!

"the conversation"

Mr. K and i had "the conversation"...yes THE CONVERSATION!!!! He called me sometime last week to ask how was i doing. i said i was doing fine.

"so do you want to talk about it"...IT so that's what we are calling it

"sure"...i said in a very nonchalant manner

"hmmm? so what did you want to do?"...damn it boy!!! you know what i want!!!

"well, I like you alot and i don't want to have a relationship with you based on only sex"...good sonrisa, very good

"well, here's the thing, i got alot on my plate, i mean i'm going to school and i working full-time, i do alot volunteer work at the hospital and i also have some sketches to work on, i need to do those before february"...ok

"aha?"...i know exactly where this is going but i want the mf to continue to suffer

"so, the thing is that i really like you too, alot, but i don't think i will be able to devote myself like you want me to and it wouldn't be fair to you"...hmm? not what i expected

"okay, well i don't want to be in a friend with privileges relationship and you're not willing to give me what i want so i guess there really isn't much as to talk about"...good sonrisa, very good

"well, that's not what i'm saying"...ha?! what?! que?! como?!

"okaaaay, so what are you saying?"...cause i'm freakin' confused!!!

"i don't want to have a friends with privileges relationship either, i just can't commit myself to you right now, at least not the way you want me to. i still want to have a some sort of relationship with you"....at this point hector and cracked chancla came to mind!!! hector because i was thinking "el guey bien que quiere manosear" and Cracked Chancla because "what's wrong with having a friend with privileges?"

"okay dude, not sure what you want from me but i've been pretty clear about what i want and you're not willing to do that so i think we should just leave it at that"...all sorts of emotions were running through me!!!

"sonrisa, i don't want to stop talking to you!! i like you alot!! but i'm not ready for a relationship and i know i'm being an asshole but i want us to maintain a relationship, not sure yet what kind but some kind of relationship"...aaaahhhh!!!

"well, once you figure it out give me a call!! i gotta go"...damn!! i should have just kept him for the sex!!!

So that was our conversation. He called me yesterday to ask how i was doing. told him i was doing fine and thanks for calling...i wasn't being cold or anything. we had casual conversation. don't know what's going to happen but as usual i will keep you posted.

another good weekend...

So Friday, i didn't do really much. I finished reading my book...middlesex, great book!!!...Saturday i cleaned my apartment while listening to some Kelly Clarkson...yes i like her!!! if anybody has a problem with it they can bite me!!!. Three of my little nieces performed at Blessed Agnes...they are folkloric dancers so Mr. Joe...i've known mr. joe for about three years and i love him dearly... picked me up at around 5:30 to head down to Little Village..."will they do anything to my BMW?" was what he asked me on our way over. "well, now they are because i'm about to call my peeps and tell them to smash your windows!!!" "you know i'm just kidding Sonrisa?" "yeah well i'm not!!" i say this as i get my cell phone out and start dialing a number. "are you serious? you have peeps?" DORK!!!! So anyway, we get to the gyminasium and i see my family sitting in the front seats. We walke over there and Mr joe tells me "sonrisa, i feel wierd" "why?" "aaahh helloooo? i'm the only white guy here!!" "oh you are? i hadn't noticed that, but welcome to my world!!!" I introduce Mr. Joe to my family. My family asks him if he wants something to eat and he says yes..."estas en tu casa" my sister M tells him. She is smiling as she points toward the area where the food is being sold. As usual i cried when i saw my three little babies perform...they looked so cute in their costumes!!! Mr. joe is apparently really enjoying himself because he kept taking pictures and filming every time my little nieces came out!! "thank you so much for inviting me sonrisa!!" I was really glad he enjoyed it!! Afterwards, we headed back north to go to a bar on southport to celebrate one of his friends b-day. Alot of political individuals at the party...lobbyist, union workers, aldermen/women etc. I had to pretend i knew what they were talking about..hehhehee. ok for the most part, i knew what they were talking about but sometimes the stuff just went over my head!! At one point i go over to Mr. Joe and i tell him "Mr Joe, I feel wierd" "why? what's wrong?" "have you not noticed that i'm the only latina here?!?!?!?" he smiles at me and give me this look of "you bitch" and i just start laughing. I had alot of fun.

Yesterday i co-facilitated a men's group with one of my co-workers, miguelito. the group was about gay latinos and their experience coming out. miguelito asked me to co-facilitate because even though he speaks spanish (he is white) he felt more comfortable having someone that was also a latino facilitating the group. Anywho, it was an amazing group...it just made me realize how straight individuals have it easy and yet complain so much. i've always thought that though considering i hear my gay friends complain about stuff. i've admired my latino friends who have come out to their family and friends...it takes alot of courage!!! it's one thing being a latino and having to struggle in the white world but being latino AND gay!!! i say power to them!! yeah it was an amazing group!! anywho, after the group i went home, made myself something to eat and watched Desperate Housewives...i made it back home just in time :-) now i'm back here at work...AND oh yeah Kachito says hi :-) meow, meow!! And also asked me to thank all the bloggers for suggesting that i use a squirt bottle... meowed this sarcastically...hehehhe

"haci es mi vida"

Those were words spoken by my older sister as she left to drop off my little niece to her folkoric dance recitals. I consider my older sister a second mom to me. I love her so much!!! She takes care of me the way she takes care of her kids.

I've always admired my sister M. She's been working at the same factory since she was 17 years old...she's 43 now. For the past 26 years she has been waking up 4:30 in morning. Before she got married she took care of my siblings and myself. mommy and daddy were around but my mommy gave us love and my sister took care of the materialistic stuff...like clothes, eyeglasses, kept up with our homework, made sure that we all stayed in school "porque no quiero que tengan la vida que tengo yo", took care of us when daddy came home drunk and mommy was too busy taking care of HIM. She was a mommy ever since she turned 8 years old!!!my mom decided that she was old enough to change diapers, clean up puke, feed us, she did everything!!! After she got married, she constantly complained about how she didn't have a life. How we, her brothers and sisters, took all of that from her. Once her first child was born, she started to change though. "REAL" motherhood had done something to her. She would advice my youngest sister and myself, "si quieren seguir estudiando hechenle ganas, no le pogan atencion a mi papa (my dad thought that college was a waste of time), quiero que ustedes se puedan mantener solas, no quiero que tengan que depender de nadie" yeah she had changed alot. I don't know what or who had changed her but she was different, in a good way of course...a more motherly way. She has a great husband whom she loves and and it is very obvious that he adores her!! they have a great a relationship, "amor, mi vida,duena de mi corazon, si mi angel, como digas mi corazoncito", that's how they "joke" around with each other but i know that they mean every word they say when they start talking to each other like that.

Last night i went over to her house because it was my little nephews birthday...he turned 17 years!!! how time flies!!! i remember being angry at my sister for getting married and leaving me!!! Anyway, I was sitting in the kitchen. i see her frying some carne de puerco, boiling tomatillos, desvenando los chiles pasilla and washing el arroz. I asked if she needed help and she tells me "no, tu sientante y no te preocupes" "are you sure?" "si, yo tengo mis movimientos muy friamente calculados" and she smiles. I shrugged my shoulders and say "okaaayyy, si dices tu". After she finishes con el arroz, la carne de puerco, y el chile i see her put her jacket on. "a donde vas?" "a llevar a la chili..short for chilindrina and also her youngest daughter...a sus danzas" "oh, okay, do you want me to go with you?" "no tu te quedas a cuidar el arroz" she continues by saying "sonrisa, haci es mi vida, me levanto a las 4:30 de la manana para ir a trabajar, llego de trabajar, voy y recojo a la chili de la casa de mi mama, vengo y me pongo a cocinar, llevo a la chili a sus danzas, regreso y como, voy por la chili, le doy de comer a ella y a D, me pongo a recojer un poco, y despues i take a shower (says this with an accent)" I don't know how she does it, i don't know how she has been doing it for all these years!!!!

Everytime i go over her house she gives me "sobritas, porque no quiero que te me vallas a morir de hambre". i love her sooooo much!! last night i gave her hug as i left and she hugs me back and gives me a kiss on the cheek, "me llamas cuando llegues a tu departamento"... haci es la vida de mi hermana M :-) i love you sister!!!

a bit worried...

i have more questions for kitty owners. Last night Kachito was his usual quiet self again. he was very affectionate too. i was watching t.v. and he came and got on my lap and slept there until i got up. afterwards i went to bed and was reading he just cuddled next to me until i turned off the light. it was nice to have kachis back to normal. but then this morning i noticed that he had puked by his litter box...i'm starting to worry. is it normal to for kachis to puke? he seemed to be ok when i left this morning though. should i take him to the vet? or am i just being an over protective mommy?

it's funny...

when somebody starts working at my place of employment!!! you see 99.9% of the people working here are gay. so when ever someone new starts working here people start wondering if the person is gay or a lesbian...if it's not obvious that they are of course. When i first started working here i would get all types of questions.."so where do you hang out?" "have you been to andersonville?" "so how familiar are you with andersonville?" For those of you who aren't familiar with Andersonville, Andersonville is also known as girlstown, lesbianville, etc. There are some other names for that neighborhood but i find them to be offensive so i won't go there. Anyway, i have learned from past experiences that my personal life is mine and mine alone when it comes to my place of employment. So when i was asked those questions i would just smile and walk away. i'm a quiet person as it is...at work that is...so i could get away with just smiling and walking away. I've been here for close to three years and people are still wondering about me!! people give it up!! So anyway, why am i bringing this up? When i walked in the office this morning i saw the new lab guy..who is obviously NOT gay. He started working here two weeks ago and of course the questions started...i over heard one of the conversations "so how familiar are you with boystown?" I just walked away because i think people should focus on other things rather than trying to figure out if someone is gay or striaght..ok so was wondering too but only because i want more straight individuals working here!!! you don't know what it's like working with homosexuals...ok i have alot fun!!! i must admit that this place is alot of fun to work at...at least my department is, don't get me started on the politics and other crap though. back to the lab guy, so the receptionist asked me "sonrisa, is he one of your kind?" "sorry to disappoint you snoop but yes he is?" his response "but he's too cute to be one of your kind!" WHAT EVER!!! a new substance abuse counselor will be starting in two weeks y va hacer la misma historia...

another chapter in kachito's life...

yes i have another kachito story but i won't write about it...this time. I just have a few questions for you kitty owners. Kachis has been a very quiet kitty but lately he has been meowing alot. When ever i leave a room he starts meowing. where as before he would just follow me where ever i went. Now he starts meowing and then looks for me, however once he finds me he continues to meow. is this normal? i keep thinking that maybe he might be in some of pain but he still plays...which by the way he has gotten more energized. He no longer just plays on the floor, now he is getting on top of my tables and furniture and he already broke one the blinds in the living room. What's happening to Kachis? again is all of this normal?

yeah, don't have a title for this one...

i don't even know where to begin...i really just want to vent some more about mr. K. Well he hasn't called...seriously (another seriously moment) did i really expect him to. I mean according to hector, dcn, santis and decomposed he got what he wanted so why should he call again!!!! Damn me for being soo weak!!! i'm really upset at myself. i knew he was not looking for a relationship...i KNEW that!!! i feel used...well actually not really. I may be saying too much here but i needed it!!! ok that's all i'm saying about that. i'm still very upset at myself. As mentioned before i'm through with men...for a few months that is ;-P As mentioned before it has been a long time. i actually put myself out there...no punt intended, i have laugh about it, right? learn from my mistake or experiences... anyway, i took the first step so now i have to keep going...

i couldn't resist...

before i start writing about what i couldn't resist let me tell you about the wonderful weekend i had with the hola gang and my family.

I didn't do much on Friday, just stayed home watched 20/20 and then read my book...middlesex...that i need to finish by the 15th because that's when the book club meets. On saturday, i got up read some more...i'm really behind...and then prepared the pico de gallo. ms. j, aka ms. coordinator, was going to pick me up at 3:30. As usual she was late but that was ok with me because i read some more. We got to Mr. Parol Officer's at around 5:30, he lives all the way in egypt!!!ok he lives in romeoville but it feels like it's all the way in egypt!! it was really nice to see mr. parol officer and mrs. counselor!!! soon after Mr. motorcyle got there, we kept waiting for mr. officer to start eating but it was already late and we are all hungry so we decided to start without him. in the middle of dinner we started to feel guilty so we called mr. officer..."dude where are you?" turns out that the future suegra was in town so he wasn't able to make it. "why didn't you call us to let us know?" "cause it thought i was going to be able to get out of this but i couldn't"...todavia ni se casa y ya esta "trying to get out" !!! hehehehehe. once he hung up we got back to our dinner and we all decided that Mr. officer was definetly the next one to get married!! once we finished eating we started watching t.v. and drinking some wine. Scarface (sp?) was on so we watched it. Throughout the whole movie i tried to imate Al Pacino's "say hello to my little friend" but they would start laughing so i would loose my concentration so i never really would say the entire line. Mr. Parole officer and Mr. motorcycle did a very good imitation!! according to them it's a guy thing...what ever!!!!! i tried practicing all night but they kept telling me that i sounded like a girl, "heelllooooo? i am a girl!!!!!" MEN!!! i had a great time and i can't wait for our christmas dinner!!! on our way home i noticed that Mr. K had called earlier :-) that made me even more happy. i got home at around 1:30 am and my phone rings. it was mr. K calling to let me know that he was on his way home from a club. I was thinking "and i need to this because?" anyway, we had a good conversation and then said our good nights.

On sunday, i got up played with kachito and then headed down to Pilsen. I was meeting my parents and my 3 sisters at the Mexican Fine Arts Museum. As i was getting out the 18th st. train station i thought "this is were i will be getting off once cracked chancla opens her bookstore"....which will be pretty soon ;-) i made it to the Museum and i see my daddy and the first thing he tells me is "por hoy decide hacer un turista, haci que yo nose nada de chicago" i thought that was cute!! we were there for a couple of hours. Mom and Dad seemed to really have enjoyed the dia de los muertos exhibit!!! my older sister, whom i consider my second mom, was showing me the things the ofrendas had, she explained to me how some of the things were used. i knew most of it but she seemed to really be enjoying herself telling me all those things that i just let her. we all went to the little shop, my brother in law was having fun with the toys they had, "esto los vendian en el tiangis de cuitzeo". yeah they had a good time!! Afterwards we headed down to cafe ba ba rriba! boooy did we laugh at the restaurant!! My daddy kept doing the spanish accent throughout our entire stay at the restaurant. it was soo cute!! we got an english speaking person so my daddy and my mommy got to speak english. We ordered some sangria...i thought about mariposa and santiago ;-)... or as my daddy kept calling it all night "thangria de valenthia". I was so happy to see both my parents be so happy!! my daddy's b-day is coming up so we decided to sing him happy birthday while we were there "grathias, muchas grathias" was my daddy's response. we couldn't stop laughing!!! i got dropped off at my place at around 6. i started reading my book but i couldn't really concentrate so i decided to call Mr. K, "watcha doing?" "i bought some new computer gadgets so i'm trying to put them together, want to come over to help me out?" do I want to come over?!?!?! hasta la pregunta es necia!!! We worked on the computer thingies for a while but never got it to work so we stopped. Then we watched a movie...something with angelina jolie forgot the name of it...AND then...aah i couldn't resist!!!! i ended up spending the night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i really don't like...

christmas time and new years day!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! one of the many reasons i dislike these holidays is because i believe people get too wrapped up in the whole gift giving thing...which, don't get me wrong, i love to get gifts (who doesn't?) but come on!!! lets make it simple people!!! so anyway, this year will be even worse and stressful, at least it already started for me. You would think that because i will be going to mexico things would fun. NOOOOOO!!!! my sister is making sure of that. I know she is not doing it on purpose and i totally understand where she is coming from but...i should tell you what's going on shouldn't I? My parents, my older sister and myself will be spending christmas and new years in mexico. My younger sister called me yesterday to vent so that i could try to make her feel better but the more she talked the more upset I was getting!! she was telling me that it is so unfair for my mom to be going to mexico during the holidays. i tried to explain to her that my mommy is doing it for her own sanity. That she was doing it because she did not want to deal "con las malas caras de los maridos o las esposas" because they don't want be at our parents but feel they have to because of my brothers and sisters. That she was doing it because she did not want to be around "cuando le hable a L y L le tenga que decir 'no puedo ir mama porque mi marido no me deja". My mom is doing it because for once in her life she was being selfish and only thinking of herself!!! According to my sister that's what is upsetting her. WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!??!? how dare she say something like that!!!! my mom has done nothing but be there for us!!! she has given up alot for us!!! she took care of us when daddy came home drunk on friday evening and lasted drunk until sunday evening!!! she was the one that constantly had to be arguing with my father to take us to the doctor, my dad would much rather spend the money on alcohol than take us to the doctor. My mommy took care of all 9 of us!!! YES NINE!!!!!! My mommy argued with my daddy to let us go to the PROM!!!...may not seem like much but when you are a teen it means the world to you. "HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT SHE IS BEING SELFISH!!!?!?!?!?" "SHE FUCKEN' DESERVES THIS!!!" my sister started crying at this point...yeah i told her all of that. I was angry!! after i calmed myself down, i focused on her and i asked few a few questions..."why exactly are you feeling this way?" "well why do you really think she is going to mexico?" "if it's not easy for you , do you think it's easy for a mother of nine children and 14 grandchildren?" "could we talk about your anger?" she goes on to tell me that she was angry because all my other brothers and sisters had families, she and A didn't, "how could mommy NOT think about THAT!?!?!" i go on to tell her that mommy did worry about that but that every year "tus hermanas se van con sus amigas y despues llegan aqui o llegan aqui y despues se van" which makes her feel like my sisters don't really want to be at the parents either. My sister response to that was "that not true, yes we do go to our friends but we know that mommy would be hurt if we spent those holidays anywhere else" DID YOU JUST HEAR YOURSELF!?!?!?!?!? AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! "what you just said is what mommy feels!!! you are there for HER sake and NOT because YOU want to be there!!! she wants you to be there because you WANT to be there not because you think it's the right thing to do!!!" she was not getting it!!! AND i was getting angerier!!! At that point i decided to change directions..."so are you doing anything to deal with this anger?" "yeah, i'm talking to you?!?!?" AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! "oooh, ok. are you doing anything fun this evening?" she told me she was taking some pottery classes and was really enjoying them. we started talking about that and about her job. She then thanked me for talking to her and for trying my best on making her understand. I told her "sis, i know that you're hurting and i wish i could do or say something to make all this go away but i can't, i don't know what else to tell you" she cried some more and thanked me again..."te veo el domingo?" she asked me "claro que si, dd, i love you"

the hola gang :-)

The hola gang is getting together this weekend and i can't wait!!!who is the hola gang? the greatest people in the world!!! i consider them to be my second family. We all met when we worked in Pilsen 8 years ago. We were all still trying to figure out what we were going to do in life. we were are all on our last year of college and scared as hell because we all knew we had to face the "real world" soon. Once we all graduated we each took different paths in life. Some of us continued to work in Pilsen and some us left that place as soon as we got our degrees. None of us work at Pilsen anymore but we are very thankful for that place because we all became very close friends. We have all been through so much and have been there for one another. The Hola gang was with me through my decision to leave that "bad relationship", we were there when Mr. Parole officer got married, when Mr. Police guy became a police officer, when Tazman passed away, yeap we've been through alot together.

Anywho, lets see, there is Mr. Police guy, Mr. Motorcyle, Mr. Parole officer...and Mrs. Therapist who is married to Mr. Parole officer, she didn't work with us but she be aite..., Ms. Teacher, Ms. Coordinator, and me Sonrisa. As mentined before there was Tazman too but he died a few years ago. Once we left Pilsen we use to get together only for Christmas but that changed once Tazman died. Death can certainly make people think....anyway, after Tazman's funeral we all decided that we were to get together at least once every month. We started doing that but it started to become difficult..."no puedo ese fin de semana pero la que viene si" "yo no puedo porque mi sobrina se casa ese dia" "why don't we get together the following weekend?" "i can't on that weekend because i'll be going to michigan with my family but...." yeah it just started to get difficult. So when ever we e-mail each other we try to also coordinate each others schedules. well we are all free this weekend so we decided to have an early Thanksgiving dinner :-) We will be meeting at Mr. Parole officer's house. Whenever we get together we start talking about who is the next one to get married...we all think it will be Mr. Police guy but he claims he is not ready for that type of commitment. We are all so comfortable with each other that you would think we all grew up living in the same house. I'm the oldest one of the group but because i'm also the shortest one they all treat me like the little sister...teasing me, smacking me on the head, messing around with my hair, as much as i put up a fight they won't seem to leave me alone!!! i'm sooo excited to see them!!! i see them individually but never together and it is so much fun to see us all together....we all have the same picture of all of us together with the words "THE GANG" carved on the picture frame. i love them just as much as i love my real family :-)