because he thinks that's what he is!!! so i have this friend/aquaintance, i don't know what the fuck he is but he drives me crazy!!! i met him fours ago, instantly we became good friends. we told each other EVERYTHING!! we would go out ALL the time!! ...oh yeah, he's gay...i started to drink ALOT!! i'm not saying que era una santita before i met him but even my family noticed a HUUUGE change in me when i started hanging out with mr. rico suave. i went out on weekdays and wouldn't get home until 4 in the morning, one time i actually just went home, took a shower and headed to work, i was STILL buzzing!!! WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING!?!?!?!?
before i met him i would wake up at 6 in the morning, walk to the gym and then go to work. in the summer i would ride my bike from hollywood beach all the way down to hyde park and then back home. after work i would go straight home, fix myself something to eat and then walk down lakeshore drive or ride my bike. Again i'm not saying that i was a saint because on the weekends i would go clubbing with friends and be my wild and crazy self but i would never ever go out on a school night. anywho, once i met mr. rico suave all that changed. i felt safe with him. i mean the guy is gay, so obviously he was not with me because he wanted to get inside my panties. i was able to talk to him about everything and anything, okay so i have this type of relationship with mr. motorcycle but i can't talk to mr. motorcycle about the fact that i feel my boobs are too big and thinking of getting them reduced. mr. motorcycle would probably be like "para que?!?! se te ven bien!!!" where as mr. rico suave asked me "does your back hurt? do you think it will help your self esteem? maybe you should consult with your doctor if they bother you this much?" i would be able to talk about girly stuff without him getting all grossed out. anywho, as mentioned before once i started to go out with mr. rico suave there was no stopping us!!! i stopped going to the gym because hellooo? i would get home at 4 in the morning. i needed some sleep before i went to work. as much as i went out i would never call in sick!! i am after all a responsible person. mr. rico suave on the other hand would call in sick one or twice every week. the supervisor would bring that up to his attention but mr. rico suave wouldn't care. i started to get concerned about him. i noticed mr. rico suave started to drink more than usual and i would ask him if he was doing okay. he would tell me yes and i believed him, afterall we never lied to each other, so i thought. boy was i wrong!! it turns out mr. rico suave had a whole bunch of lovers, which was cool but he was using them for their money and sex...who am to judge? righ? Mr. rico suave never ever had money, 'til this day i don't know what he would do with all his money. i was always "lending" him money, his car would get towed all the time so i would end up paying for that. mind you this is all after we would go home, at least i would go home. mr. rico suave would go some where else and get himself in trouble. i don't know when or what was the turning point for me but i decided that i needed to change things, and if it meant me loosing mr. rico suave then i would so. that's exactly what ended up happening. when he would call me to go out i would say no so he just stopped calling me. i have to admit that it was very difficult at first but i had to do it for me!!! i was drinking waaaay too much and i didn't want to ruin my career, a career that i had worked so hard for!!! mr. rico suave would call me once a week at 3 or 4 o'clock crying asking me to get him from such and such place because he couldn't drive or because his "friend" wouldn't allow him to drive. yo de pendeja hiba por el!!! he would always end up spending the night at my place and right before he would pass out he would tell me "sonrisa, i love you so much. i don't know what i would do without you, promise me you will never leave me" i would just smile and cuddle with him. i was getting tired. i didn't want to keep doing this anymore. it was not good for me and it sure as hell was not good for him, the only thing i was doing was enabling him!!! after one of these episodes, i told him just that, "mr. rico suave, i need to start taking better care of myself and getting you out of trouble is not helping any, either you start changing or you forget about our friendship!!" he promised he would change but the following week i got another phone call, saying no was very difficult for me to say. after i hung up the phone i cried and prayed that he made it home safe. after that night i didn't hear from him for a while until few months later.
i was at my parents, the phone rang, my mommy picked up and told me it was for me. i was surprised because who would call me at my parents? it was mr. rico suave. he was crying uncontrollably, i kept telling him to calm down because he was scaring me. he finally did and tells me "sonrisa, our worst nightmare has come true!!" i felt like somebody had punched me in the stomach,i was having a difficult time breathing. "rico suave, please tell me what you are talking about because you're scaring me!!!" more crying on his side and then the words i will never ever forget "i'm positive sonrisa!!! i'm positive!!!!" i started crying too and then he asks me "can i see you? please i want to see you!!" i tell him that i'm on my way to his place. on my way over there,i kept thinking of the hell i went through with Tazman and here i was about to do it all over again!! i was sooo angry at Rico Suave!!!! we had the safe sex conversation sooooo many times!!!! he is grown man!!! FUCK!!! i was soooo angry!! when i first saw him i wanted to slap him, to hit him but i couldn't because he was crying like a little boy. that night we went out to dinner, went back home and got drunk!!! that's all i knew what to do with him...hence, me not hanging out with anymore. i know that was not the best thing to do but i thought he would just pass out at my place again. he didn't though, he insisted on going out but i told him i wasn't going out and that he shouldn't either. i tried everything to stop him, i even sat on top of him but he just lifted me off him and left. he had been suicidal a few months ago and i was afraid he would end up doing something stupid. i ended up calling sick the following day because i needed to find him. he no longer was answering his cell phone, i was imagining the worse. i called his family, the few friends that i knew he had but nothing. at about 6 in the evening, i get a call from the hospital. apparently mr. rico suave knew he was suicidal and called 911. he was in the hospital for two weeks and every day after work i would head down to go see him. once he got out, he promised me he would change. AND i believe him!!!
he hadn't changed, i started to get the phone calls again in the middle of the night, i would go get him..it had started all over again. i once again had to say no to him and i once again went through the heartbreak. i didn't see him or talk him or hear from him until last summer. his boyfriend at the time called me at 3 in the morning begging to go to mr. rico suave's place because he wasn't doing too well. so i do, only to find mr.rico suave drunk as hell, crying like there is no tomorrow lying down on the floor!!! i'm so fucken' sleepy and tired but i go to him and ask him "what's wrong, what happened?" he hugs me soooooo tight and cries some more. it took me few minutes to untangle him from me and as i'm doing this he cries "SONRISA!!! PLEASE DON'T EVER LEAVE ME!!! PLEASE!! I WANT TO DIE BUT I'M HERE BECAUSE OF YOU!!! PROMISE ME YOU WONT EVER LEAVE ME!!!" any other time, i would have cried with him, stayed with him and console him but not this time. i was tired!! i was exhausted emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. mr. rico suave had drained me and i was not having it anymore!! when i finally untangled myself from him i told him "sweetie i am not always going to be there for you, you need to start taking some responsibility and next time you decide that you want to take you life, call me first so that i make sure you get it right!!! i agree with you when you say you've suffered long enough. so if you want i can go to the kitchen and get the knife, i'll even do it for you!! cause i'm not doing this anymore, so tell me what you want to me to do?" he looked at me like i was crazy!! he stopped crying and started laughing!!! i got up and as i walked to the door i told his boyfriend, "next time you call the police not me!!" and i went home. i allowed myself to cry for a few minutes then i got on my bike and rode until it was time for me to go to work.
i only hear from him via e-mails to tell me he is in trouble but he never ever asks me to help him. i've responded by writing "i hope it all works out for you" i, of course, the stupid person that i am, start worrying about him. i've never helped him out anymore but i do worry about him...ALOT!! to the point where i have a difficult time sleeping. so anyway, i got an e-mail last week from him saying that his current boyfriend is in jail and that he is going through alot and blah blah blah... i find myself worrying about him once again. i keep asking myself why mr. rico suave affects me this much but i can't come up with an answer to that...maybe i never will.