The guild complex had it's annual Iron Poet event. The Iron Poet is like the Iron Chef except that instead of food they use words. So anyway, it turns out that three of the four teams called in sick. The facilitators were walking around looking for volunteers but nobody was up to it. my friend Ms.J asks me to do it and i said "nooooo!!! hell no!!!" but then a guy i had just met last night says, "i'll go up there if you two go with me" Ms.J looks at me and says "i won't go up there but if you keep asking sonrisa she just might do it" anywho, to make a long story short i ended up participating and i had so much fun!!! the words that were given to us were, actually before i say what they were i want to say that it was EROTIC Iron Poet, back to the words, smoke and felching. uhmmm? yeah i don't know if i want to decribe felching but if you don't know what it means ask in your comment and i guess i will. so here's part of last night's poem...
He drops. my legs un-
crossed face down between
my legs uncrossed. my skirt
forced up, my legs uncrossed
my eyes, my legs uncrossed,
numb, his mouth between
my legs (uncrossed) which squeeze,
i scream...
there is waaay more to this poem but it very very EROTIC ;-) don't want to ruin my nice girl image , hehehehehe. i know the two words are not in this part of the poem but trust me i used them. i had sooo much fun last night!!
yep, so much fun that i got home and i just had to call mr.k!!! yes i called him!!! i wanted to share the night with him. i don't know why, i just did!!! i know i shouldn't have but all night i was thinking about him. i was kind of expecting to see him at the event but he didn't go. it was soooo nice to hear his voice, to talk to him, i miss him alot!!! we had a short conversation. he told me the same as before, "i'm behind on my school work and i have to do this and that for work and..." i see not much has changed his procrastinating self. i hung the phone and i was kind of dissappointed that i called him but like i said it was soooo nice to hear his voice. did i do wrong in calling him? i know i shouldn't have but what's done is done...
Friday, February 24, 2006
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Dear Bus Riders
I am sure that you are aware the night before whether or not you will be riding the bus or not, at least i am. Please please have your money or card ready before you get on the bus. There are a few reasons why the CTA people decided not to give out anymore transfers. One of them was to decrease the traffic when boarding the bus. You standing in front of the rest of us (freezing our asses off) looking for your card is NOT decreasing the traffic!!! You knew you were going to ride the bus so why didn't you get your card/money ready!!! i understand that sometimes we run out of our place in such a hurry therefore we don't have the card/money ready, however please please move to the side or grab a sit in front while looking for your card/money!!! you saying "i changed purses last night so i'm not sure where my card is" does not make things better!! You should have set the fucken' card aside then!! obviously you had time to set your freakin' lipstick aside since that's the first thing that fell out of your purse, if you had time to do that then i am assuming you would have had the time to put the fucken' bus card aside!!!
sincerely,
annoyed and frustrated bus rider
sincerely,
annoyed and frustrated bus rider
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
three day weekend
over all i had a good three day weekend. on friday evening i had dinner with mr. rico suave...yes i know i need to be super careful with this friendship and i was. we had a nice conversation throughout dinner. i found myself saying "i don't want to hear about that" alot. i may have come of as rude but really i need to take care of myself. we talked about work, mutual friends, and cats :-) it was nice to see him...i hadn't seen him a loooong time. saturday, i went to the hospital for a training for volunteers. i had a nice time once i got to the hospital because my way there was brutal!!! the weather was horrible!! it was freezing. in the evening i went to see the "Vigina Monologues". that was intense!! i cried, i laughed and i everything in between. if you haven't seen it, i totally suggest you go see it. I got home and i just started bawling!!! i mean just thinking about all those women that have gone through so much and then i got thinking of women who never really got know their bodies because of religion or because they were scared or embarrassed...you HAVE to go see this performance!!! once i calmed down i sat on my couch and hugged Kachis again, i was asking him how his day had gone and then i started crying again!!! i started thinking about all those homeless individuals out in the freezing weather...don't know what was going on with me that day but i was on an emotional roller coaster. i was glad i was by myself cause otherwise people would have thought i was crazy or something. Sunday i chilled at the Mexican Fine Arts Museum. They have a new and great exhibit on African Mexicans...i loved it!! yesterday, i got to see santis, cracked chancla, and mariposa. you all would have been so proud of me!! i consider myself to be a very shy person and well last night i went up to the stage and read one of santis poems!!! i was sooo nervous but i think just like Dr. Vodka i got hooked. i told santis that next month i was going to read some of my own stuff :-)
AND dudes and dudettes i am loosing weight!!!! yay for me!!!!however if i keep going to cc store i might just gain it all back because i keep ordering that kick ass mexican hot chocolate!!! damn that chocolate is yummy!!
I also went to visit my schizoprenic client this morning. he had me cracking up!!! on his front door he has a sticker that says "re-elect Hillary Clinton for President!!" i just smiled and then knocked on his door."please come in Ms. Sonrisa, please do come in. did you make sure nobody was following you?" i said yes and we sit down. He begins by telling me about his weekend, "i had a good weekend, i stayed in for most of it. you just don't know. i almost had a heart attack yesterday, i was watching t.v. a little girl was getting interviewed and the reporter asked her what she wished for, the little girl said she wanted to meet the president of the united states!!! boy oh boy Ms. Sonrisa i just turned off the t.v. because i didn't care to hear what her two other wishes were!!! what is this world coming to ms. sonrisa?!?!? boy oh boy!!! nearly had a heart attack!!!" i just couldn't laugh!!! i thought it was sooo funny and cute!!! he kept telling me "ms. sonrisa that is no joke!!! really no joke!!!" after a while he started laughing too. i left his place thinking "this was a good way to start my day!!!"...bashing Bush always makes me feel better ;-)
AND dudes and dudettes i am loosing weight!!!! yay for me!!!!however if i keep going to cc store i might just gain it all back because i keep ordering that kick ass mexican hot chocolate!!! damn that chocolate is yummy!!
I also went to visit my schizoprenic client this morning. he had me cracking up!!! on his front door he has a sticker that says "re-elect Hillary Clinton for President!!" i just smiled and then knocked on his door."please come in Ms. Sonrisa, please do come in. did you make sure nobody was following you?" i said yes and we sit down. He begins by telling me about his weekend, "i had a good weekend, i stayed in for most of it. you just don't know. i almost had a heart attack yesterday, i was watching t.v. a little girl was getting interviewed and the reporter asked her what she wished for, the little girl said she wanted to meet the president of the united states!!! boy oh boy Ms. Sonrisa i just turned off the t.v. because i didn't care to hear what her two other wishes were!!! what is this world coming to ms. sonrisa?!?!? boy oh boy!!! nearly had a heart attack!!!" i just couldn't laugh!!! i thought it was sooo funny and cute!!! he kept telling me "ms. sonrisa that is no joke!!! really no joke!!!" after a while he started laughing too. i left his place thinking "this was a good way to start my day!!!"...bashing Bush always makes me feel better ;-)
Friday, February 17, 2006
what's is this about?!?!!?
so last night i was supposed to go see S.E.X-OH again...that's how much i liked this performance. i thought i was only going with mr. bean (i had invited pokey reese and mr. motorcycle but they said they weren't interested) but around 5:30 he calls and tells me that he and mr. motorcyle were going to come and pick me up at at 6:30. as he was telling me this i was thinking DAMN!!! we're not going to the play!!". mr. motorcycle is ALWAYS late!!!! it drives me crazy!!! i usually don't get upset because i'm used to the dude being late but i really wanted to see the performance again!! AND i wanted mr. bean to see it too because out of all of the trio i think he would have enjoyed it the most!!! anywho, at around 6:30 mr. bean calls and tells me "you're probably thinking that were out in front of your place right? but we're not, mr. motorcycle hasn't even come to pick me up!!" i told him "dude there is no way we are going to make it on time!!" we hang up. i was soooo frustrated!!! but i thought, hey it's their loss!!! mr. bean calls me back a few minutes later to tell me that mr. motorcycle was on his way already and that we were going to go out to dinner instead, to be expecting them at around 7:30 and "este guey handa de mal humor, haci que preparate!!" santis came mind... "puta madre!!!".
Mr. motorcycle was in the mood for thai food so we decided to go to Thai Classic. on our way there we picked up two bottles of wine. We had sooo much fun. mr. bean was making comments like "i wonder if i would have liked the show? why didn't we make it to the show?" those two would drive me crazy if i were to take them seriously!! we stayed at the restaurant until they closed, we became friends with the waiter and offered him some wine but he said he couldn't...oh well meant more for us. we then headed down across the street from the restaurant to spot 6 and listened to some live jazz, i was chillin' by then. mr. motorcycle then decided that he wanted to leave because he not "feeling the jazz". on the way to the car, mr. bean asks if i wanted to go the kareoke bar on the southside. i said "sure but are you going to want to drive me back home?" this is the "what fuck was that about?!!!" moment. He tells me "i was thinking that you could stay at my place and i'll drive you back in the morning, is that okay mr. motorcycle?" WHAT?!?!?!?!?!? WHY THE HELL YOU ASKING HIM FOR PERMISSION!?!?!? that's what was going through my mind but i was buzzing big time and i was not in the mood to deal with that crap!! mr. motorcycle, says "si guey" i just got in the car and kept chillin'. i was having a good time and i was didn't want it to be ruined. on our way, to the kareoke bar the guys were singing songs that are originally in spanish but translating them to english. that was funny as hell!!!
once we get to the bar, mr. motorcycles ran into some of his friends. he did the introductions and then signed up for some singing. one of his friends came up to me and tells me "how have you been sonrisa?" i had met him before so we were making small talk. he then asks me "where's your husband?" ha? what? que? como? "i'm not married" i tell him. yet another "what the fuck is this about!?!?!?" moment. he tells me "oh thought you were, mr. motorcycle told me you were. i've always thought you were cute but never really talked to you because he told me you were married?" i just laughed it off and told him "well i'm not married and thank you for the compliment" he asks me if i wanted to go to sing a song with him and i did. we sang "no me vuelve a enamorar" by juan gabriel. mr. motorcycle was cheering us on through out the entire song. good times!!!
we dropped off mr. motorcycle off and mr. bean and i headed to his place. i slept like a baby in mr. beans arms..NOT!!! i slept on the bed and he slept on the couch. i am, however, planning on telling mr. motorcycle that it was the best night of my life!!! hehehehehe, okay i won't. hmmm? maybe just to be mean, i will. no i won't, that's childish.
Mr. motorcycle was in the mood for thai food so we decided to go to Thai Classic. on our way there we picked up two bottles of wine. We had sooo much fun. mr. bean was making comments like "i wonder if i would have liked the show? why didn't we make it to the show?" those two would drive me crazy if i were to take them seriously!! we stayed at the restaurant until they closed, we became friends with the waiter and offered him some wine but he said he couldn't...oh well meant more for us. we then headed down across the street from the restaurant to spot 6 and listened to some live jazz, i was chillin' by then. mr. motorcycle then decided that he wanted to leave because he not "feeling the jazz". on the way to the car, mr. bean asks if i wanted to go the kareoke bar on the southside. i said "sure but are you going to want to drive me back home?" this is the "what fuck was that about?!!!" moment. He tells me "i was thinking that you could stay at my place and i'll drive you back in the morning, is that okay mr. motorcycle?" WHAT?!?!?!?!?!? WHY THE HELL YOU ASKING HIM FOR PERMISSION!?!?!? that's what was going through my mind but i was buzzing big time and i was not in the mood to deal with that crap!! mr. motorcycle, says "si guey" i just got in the car and kept chillin'. i was having a good time and i was didn't want it to be ruined. on our way, to the kareoke bar the guys were singing songs that are originally in spanish but translating them to english. that was funny as hell!!!
once we get to the bar, mr. motorcycles ran into some of his friends. he did the introductions and then signed up for some singing. one of his friends came up to me and tells me "how have you been sonrisa?" i had met him before so we were making small talk. he then asks me "where's your husband?" ha? what? que? como? "i'm not married" i tell him. yet another "what the fuck is this about!?!?!?" moment. he tells me "oh thought you were, mr. motorcycle told me you were. i've always thought you were cute but never really talked to you because he told me you were married?" i just laughed it off and told him "well i'm not married and thank you for the compliment" he asks me if i wanted to go to sing a song with him and i did. we sang "no me vuelve a enamorar" by juan gabriel. mr. motorcycle was cheering us on through out the entire song. good times!!!
we dropped off mr. motorcycle off and mr. bean and i headed to his place. i slept like a baby in mr. beans arms..NOT!!! i slept on the bed and he slept on the couch. i am, however, planning on telling mr. motorcycle that it was the best night of my life!!! hehehehehe, okay i won't. hmmm? maybe just to be mean, i will. no i won't, that's childish.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
i'm in a good mood...
and i don't even know why?!?!? AND i don't care because it's been a loooong time since i have felt happy for no apparent reason!!!
Anywho, let me see what can i write about. Well tonight i meet with the bookclub to discuss "how the garcia girls lost their accent". i must admit that i'm a huuuuge fan of Julia Alvarez but i was kind of dissappointed with this book. Don't me wrong i loved but...yeah i can't even find the words. i think it's because it has been recommended to me so many times and i have been told that i would love it therefore i had the book up on a pedestol and well if you jump that high the fall is going to hurt!!! hehehehee. okay i had laugh at that one. overall i enjoyed the book :-) i am looking forward to tonight's discussion.
i have also realized that i have the greates boss ever!!! no, he does not know i have a blog so i'm not kissing his ass!!...anyway, i usually say "hasta manana bossman" as i pass his office but yesterday there was a bit of drama going on with a client...the client got aggressive with one of my co-workers therefore the police needed to be called. so as i'm walking by his office i noticed he was too busy so i didn't say my usual "hasta manana bossman". i just walked by BUT he saw and says "have a good evening sonrisa!!" i had to smile because i was thinking "holy crap!! this guy has so much going on now and he STILL acknowledges his employees!!" i know it may sound petty but it meant alot to me :-) thanks mr. bossman!!!
i also want to thank mr. policeman for being the sweetest friend ever...besides santis that is. I've mentioned mr. policeman before...he is the one that is getting married but doesn't know it yet(there's a whole story behind that). anywho, i've known him for about 6 years already and every year he has called me on valentine day, just to wish me a happy valentine's. so last night as i was going to bed i realized that he hadn't called me!!! what's up with that?!?!?! see what i mean, people expect certain things on this day and i don't like it!!! anywho, today i check my messages and there was one from mr. policeman!!!! he remembered!!! "sonrisa, i'm sorry i didn't call you yesterday but i was soooo busy. i want to wish a happy valentine's day. i know how you feel about this day but i don't care, i'm still wishing you a happy valentine!! i'll call you later to see how you're doing" HE DOES LOVE ME!!!! HE DOES LOVE ME!!!!!!
Anywho, let me see what can i write about. Well tonight i meet with the bookclub to discuss "how the garcia girls lost their accent". i must admit that i'm a huuuuge fan of Julia Alvarez but i was kind of dissappointed with this book. Don't me wrong i loved but...yeah i can't even find the words. i think it's because it has been recommended to me so many times and i have been told that i would love it therefore i had the book up on a pedestol and well if you jump that high the fall is going to hurt!!! hehehehee. okay i had laugh at that one. overall i enjoyed the book :-) i am looking forward to tonight's discussion.
i have also realized that i have the greates boss ever!!! no, he does not know i have a blog so i'm not kissing his ass!!...anyway, i usually say "hasta manana bossman" as i pass his office but yesterday there was a bit of drama going on with a client...the client got aggressive with one of my co-workers therefore the police needed to be called. so as i'm walking by his office i noticed he was too busy so i didn't say my usual "hasta manana bossman". i just walked by BUT he saw and says "have a good evening sonrisa!!" i had to smile because i was thinking "holy crap!! this guy has so much going on now and he STILL acknowledges his employees!!" i know it may sound petty but it meant alot to me :-) thanks mr. bossman!!!
i also want to thank mr. policeman for being the sweetest friend ever...besides santis that is. I've mentioned mr. policeman before...he is the one that is getting married but doesn't know it yet(there's a whole story behind that). anywho, i've known him for about 6 years already and every year he has called me on valentine day, just to wish me a happy valentine's. so last night as i was going to bed i realized that he hadn't called me!!! what's up with that?!?!?! see what i mean, people expect certain things on this day and i don't like it!!! anywho, today i check my messages and there was one from mr. policeman!!!! he remembered!!! "sonrisa, i'm sorry i didn't call you yesterday but i was soooo busy. i want to wish a happy valentine's day. i know how you feel about this day but i don't care, i'm still wishing you a happy valentine!! i'll call you later to see how you're doing" HE DOES LOVE ME!!!! HE DOES LOVE ME!!!!!!
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
a grade school friend...
so on sunday i went to go see my daddy, he left to mexico. on my way over i saw a girl that looked like someone i had to gone to grade school, high school and college with. She got on the bus with a baby girl following her. When she sat down she looked at me but didn't acknowledge me so i figured it wasn't her so i continued reading my book. We both got off on the same bus stop to transfer over to the bus taking us to the southside. By this time i was sure that was ms. brains (she was one of the top students in grade school and high school) so i went up to her and asked her "is she your little girl?" she turned around and looked at me and then says "oh my god!!! sonrisa!!! how have you been?!?!?! i didn't even recognize you!!!" i don't know if she was being genuine or not...i mean come on i have not changed that much for her not to recognize me... but i was happy to see her, .
anywho, on our way to our parents, her parents live in the hood too, we talked about how we were doing and what we were doing. we asked if we have seen the old gang. once ms. brains and i got to college we kind just went our seperate ways after our second year so there was alot of catching up to do. i had heard stuff about her from mutual friends and vice versa so this was our chance to clarify rumors and truths. She got married five years ago and has a three year old. Turns out she only lives a few blocks from where i live!!! we were both shocked at that!! "como no te eh visto?!?!?" she asked. i told her that was wierd because i'm always walking around the neighborhood. she asked me about Ms. E and i told her she had gotten married a few years ago and now has two kids. I also told her that i lost contact with her after she got married and that i actually felt bad because i was supposed to be a bridesmaid in her wedding but then i got sent to a conference in california. i truelly felt really bad about that especially since i ran into her at another mutual friend's wedding and there i was a bridesmaid!! i was so embarrassed. anywho, ms or rather mrs. brains asked about ms. A and i said "oh she got married too, has two kids as well". at this point i was feeling crappy!!!...worse then i was already feeling. everybody that we both new was married and with kids!!! i'm the only one that isn't married yet!!!! what the fuck?!?!?!..okay sonrisa back to how nice it was to see mrs. brains. we also talked about how and why we ended up on the northside. turns out she teaches at a school on marine drive!!! i told her i too moved due to my job.
once we got off the bus, we exchanged information, gave each other a hug, and said our goodbyes. i doubt that we will continue to keep in touch but it was nice to see her...even though it depressed me to find out that our college friends were all married with kids!!! damn!!! when will it be my turn?!?!!??!
anywho, on our way to our parents, her parents live in the hood too, we talked about how we were doing and what we were doing. we asked if we have seen the old gang. once ms. brains and i got to college we kind just went our seperate ways after our second year so there was alot of catching up to do. i had heard stuff about her from mutual friends and vice versa so this was our chance to clarify rumors and truths. She got married five years ago and has a three year old. Turns out she only lives a few blocks from where i live!!! we were both shocked at that!! "como no te eh visto?!?!?" she asked. i told her that was wierd because i'm always walking around the neighborhood. she asked me about Ms. E and i told her she had gotten married a few years ago and now has two kids. I also told her that i lost contact with her after she got married and that i actually felt bad because i was supposed to be a bridesmaid in her wedding but then i got sent to a conference in california. i truelly felt really bad about that especially since i ran into her at another mutual friend's wedding and there i was a bridesmaid!! i was so embarrassed. anywho, ms or rather mrs. brains asked about ms. A and i said "oh she got married too, has two kids as well". at this point i was feeling crappy!!!...worse then i was already feeling. everybody that we both new was married and with kids!!! i'm the only one that isn't married yet!!!! what the fuck?!?!?!..okay sonrisa back to how nice it was to see mrs. brains. we also talked about how and why we ended up on the northside. turns out she teaches at a school on marine drive!!! i told her i too moved due to my job.
once we got off the bus, we exchanged information, gave each other a hug, and said our goodbyes. i doubt that we will continue to keep in touch but it was nice to see her...even though it depressed me to find out that our college friends were all married with kids!!! damn!!! when will it be my turn?!?!!??!
Monday, February 13, 2006
testing, testing.1...2...3...
i've been having problems with my blog!!! i couldn't get into it!! i tried just about everything!!! i don't know que diablos hice pero i got it to work again. thanks santis for all your suggestions!!
my weekend was an okay weekend. i wasn't feeling good at all. i had planned to go to cc's for open mic but i was in soooo much pain!! sometimes i truelly do not like being a woman!!!! anywho, i guess i was a bit upset for not making to cc's that i even dreamt about it. i dreamt that i was at cc's store and my abuser walked in. i just froze, cc noticed that my mood had changed but didn't understand why. i told her i had to leave. she asked me why but i just got up and left without giving her an explanation. as soon i got out the store i lost it and started to cry. i called cc on her cell and told her. she walked out of the store to give me a hug and told me that i would be okay now that she was around. thanks cc for taking care of me in my dream :-) i will most definetly make it to the next open mic!!! i don't ever want to dream that dream again!!!
my weekend was an okay weekend. i wasn't feeling good at all. i had planned to go to cc's for open mic but i was in soooo much pain!! sometimes i truelly do not like being a woman!!!! anywho, i guess i was a bit upset for not making to cc's that i even dreamt about it. i dreamt that i was at cc's store and my abuser walked in. i just froze, cc noticed that my mood had changed but didn't understand why. i told her i had to leave. she asked me why but i just got up and left without giving her an explanation. as soon i got out the store i lost it and started to cry. i called cc on her cell and told her. she walked out of the store to give me a hug and told me that i would be okay now that she was around. thanks cc for taking care of me in my dream :-) i will most definetly make it to the next open mic!!! i don't ever want to dream that dream again!!!
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
we'll call him mr. rico suave...
because he thinks that's what he is!!! so i have this friend/aquaintance, i don't know what the fuck he is but he drives me crazy!!! i met him fours ago, instantly we became good friends. we told each other EVERYTHING!! we would go out ALL the time!! ...oh yeah, he's gay...i started to drink ALOT!! i'm not saying que era una santita before i met him but even my family noticed a HUUUGE change in me when i started hanging out with mr. rico suave. i went out on weekdays and wouldn't get home until 4 in the morning, one time i actually just went home, took a shower and headed to work, i was STILL buzzing!!! WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING!?!?!?!?
before i met him i would wake up at 6 in the morning, walk to the gym and then go to work. in the summer i would ride my bike from hollywood beach all the way down to hyde park and then back home. after work i would go straight home, fix myself something to eat and then walk down lakeshore drive or ride my bike. Again i'm not saying that i was a saint because on the weekends i would go clubbing with friends and be my wild and crazy self but i would never ever go out on a school night. anywho, once i met mr. rico suave all that changed. i felt safe with him. i mean the guy is gay, so obviously he was not with me because he wanted to get inside my panties. i was able to talk to him about everything and anything, okay so i have this type of relationship with mr. motorcycle but i can't talk to mr. motorcycle about the fact that i feel my boobs are too big and thinking of getting them reduced. mr. motorcycle would probably be like "para que?!?! se te ven bien!!!" where as mr. rico suave asked me "does your back hurt? do you think it will help your self esteem? maybe you should consult with your doctor if they bother you this much?" i would be able to talk about girly stuff without him getting all grossed out. anywho, as mentioned before once i started to go out with mr. rico suave there was no stopping us!!! i stopped going to the gym because hellooo? i would get home at 4 in the morning. i needed some sleep before i went to work. as much as i went out i would never call in sick!! i am after all a responsible person. mr. rico suave on the other hand would call in sick one or twice every week. the supervisor would bring that up to his attention but mr. rico suave wouldn't care. i started to get concerned about him. i noticed mr. rico suave started to drink more than usual and i would ask him if he was doing okay. he would tell me yes and i believed him, afterall we never lied to each other, so i thought. boy was i wrong!! it turns out mr. rico suave had a whole bunch of lovers, which was cool but he was using them for their money and sex...who am to judge? righ? Mr. rico suave never ever had money, 'til this day i don't know what he would do with all his money. i was always "lending" him money, his car would get towed all the time so i would end up paying for that. mind you this is all after we would go home, at least i would go home. mr. rico suave would go some where else and get himself in trouble. i don't know when or what was the turning point for me but i decided that i needed to change things, and if it meant me loosing mr. rico suave then i would so. that's exactly what ended up happening. when he would call me to go out i would say no so he just stopped calling me. i have to admit that it was very difficult at first but i had to do it for me!!! i was drinking waaaay too much and i didn't want to ruin my career, a career that i had worked so hard for!!! mr. rico suave would call me once a week at 3 or 4 o'clock crying asking me to get him from such and such place because he couldn't drive or because his "friend" wouldn't allow him to drive. yo de pendeja hiba por el!!! he would always end up spending the night at my place and right before he would pass out he would tell me "sonrisa, i love you so much. i don't know what i would do without you, promise me you will never leave me" i would just smile and cuddle with him. i was getting tired. i didn't want to keep doing this anymore. it was not good for me and it sure as hell was not good for him, the only thing i was doing was enabling him!!! after one of these episodes, i told him just that, "mr. rico suave, i need to start taking better care of myself and getting you out of trouble is not helping any, either you start changing or you forget about our friendship!!" he promised he would change but the following week i got another phone call, saying no was very difficult for me to say. after i hung up the phone i cried and prayed that he made it home safe. after that night i didn't hear from him for a while until few months later.
i was at my parents, the phone rang, my mommy picked up and told me it was for me. i was surprised because who would call me at my parents? it was mr. rico suave. he was crying uncontrollably, i kept telling him to calm down because he was scaring me. he finally did and tells me "sonrisa, our worst nightmare has come true!!" i felt like somebody had punched me in the stomach,i was having a difficult time breathing. "rico suave, please tell me what you are talking about because you're scaring me!!!" more crying on his side and then the words i will never ever forget "i'm positive sonrisa!!! i'm positive!!!!" i started crying too and then he asks me "can i see you? please i want to see you!!" i tell him that i'm on my way to his place. on my way over there,i kept thinking of the hell i went through with Tazman and here i was about to do it all over again!! i was sooo angry at Rico Suave!!!! we had the safe sex conversation sooooo many times!!!! he is grown man!!! FUCK!!! i was soooo angry!! when i first saw him i wanted to slap him, to hit him but i couldn't because he was crying like a little boy. that night we went out to dinner, went back home and got drunk!!! that's all i knew what to do with him...hence, me not hanging out with anymore. i know that was not the best thing to do but i thought he would just pass out at my place again. he didn't though, he insisted on going out but i told him i wasn't going out and that he shouldn't either. i tried everything to stop him, i even sat on top of him but he just lifted me off him and left. he had been suicidal a few months ago and i was afraid he would end up doing something stupid. i ended up calling sick the following day because i needed to find him. he no longer was answering his cell phone, i was imagining the worse. i called his family, the few friends that i knew he had but nothing. at about 6 in the evening, i get a call from the hospital. apparently mr. rico suave knew he was suicidal and called 911. he was in the hospital for two weeks and every day after work i would head down to go see him. once he got out, he promised me he would change. AND i believe him!!!
he hadn't changed, i started to get the phone calls again in the middle of the night, i would go get him..it had started all over again. i once again had to say no to him and i once again went through the heartbreak. i didn't see him or talk him or hear from him until last summer. his boyfriend at the time called me at 3 in the morning begging to go to mr. rico suave's place because he wasn't doing too well. so i do, only to find mr.rico suave drunk as hell, crying like there is no tomorrow lying down on the floor!!! i'm so fucken' sleepy and tired but i go to him and ask him "what's wrong, what happened?" he hugs me soooooo tight and cries some more. it took me few minutes to untangle him from me and as i'm doing this he cries "SONRISA!!! PLEASE DON'T EVER LEAVE ME!!! PLEASE!! I WANT TO DIE BUT I'M HERE BECAUSE OF YOU!!! PROMISE ME YOU WONT EVER LEAVE ME!!!" any other time, i would have cried with him, stayed with him and console him but not this time. i was tired!! i was exhausted emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. mr. rico suave had drained me and i was not having it anymore!! when i finally untangled myself from him i told him "sweetie i am not always going to be there for you, you need to start taking some responsibility and next time you decide that you want to take you life, call me first so that i make sure you get it right!!! i agree with you when you say you've suffered long enough. so if you want i can go to the kitchen and get the knife, i'll even do it for you!! cause i'm not doing this anymore, so tell me what you want to me to do?" he looked at me like i was crazy!! he stopped crying and started laughing!!! i got up and as i walked to the door i told his boyfriend, "next time you call the police not me!!" and i went home. i allowed myself to cry for a few minutes then i got on my bike and rode until it was time for me to go to work.
i only hear from him via e-mails to tell me he is in trouble but he never ever asks me to help him. i've responded by writing "i hope it all works out for you" i, of course, the stupid person that i am, start worrying about him. i've never helped him out anymore but i do worry about him...ALOT!! to the point where i have a difficult time sleeping. so anyway, i got an e-mail last week from him saying that his current boyfriend is in jail and that he is going through alot and blah blah blah... i find myself worrying about him once again. i keep asking myself why mr. rico suave affects me this much but i can't come up with an answer to that...maybe i never will.
before i met him i would wake up at 6 in the morning, walk to the gym and then go to work. in the summer i would ride my bike from hollywood beach all the way down to hyde park and then back home. after work i would go straight home, fix myself something to eat and then walk down lakeshore drive or ride my bike. Again i'm not saying that i was a saint because on the weekends i would go clubbing with friends and be my wild and crazy self but i would never ever go out on a school night. anywho, once i met mr. rico suave all that changed. i felt safe with him. i mean the guy is gay, so obviously he was not with me because he wanted to get inside my panties. i was able to talk to him about everything and anything, okay so i have this type of relationship with mr. motorcycle but i can't talk to mr. motorcycle about the fact that i feel my boobs are too big and thinking of getting them reduced. mr. motorcycle would probably be like "para que?!?! se te ven bien!!!" where as mr. rico suave asked me "does your back hurt? do you think it will help your self esteem? maybe you should consult with your doctor if they bother you this much?" i would be able to talk about girly stuff without him getting all grossed out. anywho, as mentioned before once i started to go out with mr. rico suave there was no stopping us!!! i stopped going to the gym because hellooo? i would get home at 4 in the morning. i needed some sleep before i went to work. as much as i went out i would never call in sick!! i am after all a responsible person. mr. rico suave on the other hand would call in sick one or twice every week. the supervisor would bring that up to his attention but mr. rico suave wouldn't care. i started to get concerned about him. i noticed mr. rico suave started to drink more than usual and i would ask him if he was doing okay. he would tell me yes and i believed him, afterall we never lied to each other, so i thought. boy was i wrong!! it turns out mr. rico suave had a whole bunch of lovers, which was cool but he was using them for their money and sex...who am to judge? righ? Mr. rico suave never ever had money, 'til this day i don't know what he would do with all his money. i was always "lending" him money, his car would get towed all the time so i would end up paying for that. mind you this is all after we would go home, at least i would go home. mr. rico suave would go some where else and get himself in trouble. i don't know when or what was the turning point for me but i decided that i needed to change things, and if it meant me loosing mr. rico suave then i would so. that's exactly what ended up happening. when he would call me to go out i would say no so he just stopped calling me. i have to admit that it was very difficult at first but i had to do it for me!!! i was drinking waaaay too much and i didn't want to ruin my career, a career that i had worked so hard for!!! mr. rico suave would call me once a week at 3 or 4 o'clock crying asking me to get him from such and such place because he couldn't drive or because his "friend" wouldn't allow him to drive. yo de pendeja hiba por el!!! he would always end up spending the night at my place and right before he would pass out he would tell me "sonrisa, i love you so much. i don't know what i would do without you, promise me you will never leave me" i would just smile and cuddle with him. i was getting tired. i didn't want to keep doing this anymore. it was not good for me and it sure as hell was not good for him, the only thing i was doing was enabling him!!! after one of these episodes, i told him just that, "mr. rico suave, i need to start taking better care of myself and getting you out of trouble is not helping any, either you start changing or you forget about our friendship!!" he promised he would change but the following week i got another phone call, saying no was very difficult for me to say. after i hung up the phone i cried and prayed that he made it home safe. after that night i didn't hear from him for a while until few months later.
i was at my parents, the phone rang, my mommy picked up and told me it was for me. i was surprised because who would call me at my parents? it was mr. rico suave. he was crying uncontrollably, i kept telling him to calm down because he was scaring me. he finally did and tells me "sonrisa, our worst nightmare has come true!!" i felt like somebody had punched me in the stomach,i was having a difficult time breathing. "rico suave, please tell me what you are talking about because you're scaring me!!!" more crying on his side and then the words i will never ever forget "i'm positive sonrisa!!! i'm positive!!!!" i started crying too and then he asks me "can i see you? please i want to see you!!" i tell him that i'm on my way to his place. on my way over there,i kept thinking of the hell i went through with Tazman and here i was about to do it all over again!! i was sooo angry at Rico Suave!!!! we had the safe sex conversation sooooo many times!!!! he is grown man!!! FUCK!!! i was soooo angry!! when i first saw him i wanted to slap him, to hit him but i couldn't because he was crying like a little boy. that night we went out to dinner, went back home and got drunk!!! that's all i knew what to do with him...hence, me not hanging out with anymore. i know that was not the best thing to do but i thought he would just pass out at my place again. he didn't though, he insisted on going out but i told him i wasn't going out and that he shouldn't either. i tried everything to stop him, i even sat on top of him but he just lifted me off him and left. he had been suicidal a few months ago and i was afraid he would end up doing something stupid. i ended up calling sick the following day because i needed to find him. he no longer was answering his cell phone, i was imagining the worse. i called his family, the few friends that i knew he had but nothing. at about 6 in the evening, i get a call from the hospital. apparently mr. rico suave knew he was suicidal and called 911. he was in the hospital for two weeks and every day after work i would head down to go see him. once he got out, he promised me he would change. AND i believe him!!!
he hadn't changed, i started to get the phone calls again in the middle of the night, i would go get him..it had started all over again. i once again had to say no to him and i once again went through the heartbreak. i didn't see him or talk him or hear from him until last summer. his boyfriend at the time called me at 3 in the morning begging to go to mr. rico suave's place because he wasn't doing too well. so i do, only to find mr.rico suave drunk as hell, crying like there is no tomorrow lying down on the floor!!! i'm so fucken' sleepy and tired but i go to him and ask him "what's wrong, what happened?" he hugs me soooooo tight and cries some more. it took me few minutes to untangle him from me and as i'm doing this he cries "SONRISA!!! PLEASE DON'T EVER LEAVE ME!!! PLEASE!! I WANT TO DIE BUT I'M HERE BECAUSE OF YOU!!! PROMISE ME YOU WONT EVER LEAVE ME!!!" any other time, i would have cried with him, stayed with him and console him but not this time. i was tired!! i was exhausted emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. mr. rico suave had drained me and i was not having it anymore!! when i finally untangled myself from him i told him "sweetie i am not always going to be there for you, you need to start taking some responsibility and next time you decide that you want to take you life, call me first so that i make sure you get it right!!! i agree with you when you say you've suffered long enough. so if you want i can go to the kitchen and get the knife, i'll even do it for you!! cause i'm not doing this anymore, so tell me what you want to me to do?" he looked at me like i was crazy!! he stopped crying and started laughing!!! i got up and as i walked to the door i told his boyfriend, "next time you call the police not me!!" and i went home. i allowed myself to cry for a few minutes then i got on my bike and rode until it was time for me to go to work.
i only hear from him via e-mails to tell me he is in trouble but he never ever asks me to help him. i've responded by writing "i hope it all works out for you" i, of course, the stupid person that i am, start worrying about him. i've never helped him out anymore but i do worry about him...ALOT!! to the point where i have a difficult time sleeping. so anyway, i got an e-mail last week from him saying that his current boyfriend is in jail and that he is going through alot and blah blah blah... i find myself worrying about him once again. i keep asking myself why mr. rico suave affects me this much but i can't come up with an answer to that...maybe i never will.
Monday, February 06, 2006
oh yeah, i love you...
i do not like valentine's day!!! i've NEVER liked it!!! even when i had a partner, i didn't like it. why? because i believe people should celebrate their love for each other EVERY day not just on the 14th of February. why bring me the candy and roses on the 14th, why not on may 23rd? i would appreciate the candy and roses more on may 23rd because that's a random day and you didn't have to be reminded that you still love me!!! seriously!!!,another seriously moment, who the hell came up with valentines day?!?!? i don't think i'm bitter..ok maybe just a little, but really love should be an everyday thing AND i'm sure it is for alot of couples but why make it into a big deal ONLY on February 14th!!! i feel the same way about Sweetest Day!!! who came up these days?!?!?
Friday, February 03, 2006
random stuff...
so yesterday i wasn't feeling too good, i left work early went home, took a nap and then met up with Santis at Cracked Chanclas bookstore. i always feel better after talking or seeing santis. i actually went there to see cracked chancla too and was a little disappointed to see her husband...no offense to her husband...at her usual sit. i walked in looking for her but she was no where to be found (hey this sounds like the beginning of a story with a happy ending). anyway, i waited for santis and then he walked in. we saw each other and hugged (dude i miss the old days!!, why do people have to grow up, damn us for maturing!!) Santis and i talked for a while, i told him about my adventure to the strip joint last weekend. "Guys?" he asks me. "noooo girls!!" i tell him. you should have seen the smile on his face. i told him i had fun which i did but i was very very sober so whenever the girls came over to me i got tense and in my head i kept telling them, "go away!!, go away!!" i think it would have been different had i been intoxicated. why did i go there? you're asking. Well my friends thought it would be a good way to distract me from thinking about mr. K. i have to admit that when i was at the place i was like "mr. K? mr K who? who is he?" nothing works better then seeing naked women to forget about a guy..hehehehee. anywho, after spending some time with santis he drove me to la casa del pueblo, a mexican grocery store. i love going to mexican grocery stores!!! i always want to buy everything. anywho, i got some nopalitos,tortillas de trigo (santis, they did have them!!), aguacates, frijoles and rice (i'm planning on having a "healthy" burrito for dinner tonight) it was nice seeing you santis, i wished cc would have been there but oh well, i will use this as an excuse to go back, ehehehe.
So i've decided to volunteer at the University of Chicago Hospital in Hyde Park. i will be working with latino families going through crisis. i start in two weeks!! i'm actually very excited about that!! i'll see how that goes. i'm also looking into volunteering at the DCFS (department for children and family services). my landlord told me that i would be good with the "drug infested babies", my landlord, you gotta love the guy, very sweet old man. anywho, i'll see how that goes as well.
i really don't have plans for this weekend. My friend, the sportscaster, is in town. his in town because he will be working this weekend working for the chicago rush!!! yay!!! indoor arena football season is here!!! the only reason i know about this is because of Mr. sportcaster. he lives in atlanta, works as a dj on a radio station and around this time he comes to chicago whenever chicago rush plays, yay for me!!! how did i meet him, you are asking? i met him at a bar, yes i know not good place to meet guys but i was not looking for anyone so i really didn't care talking to him. he seemed to be a cool guy, we exchanged numbers and have been friends since then, it's been about two years. he's been wanting me to visit him in atlanta and i think i will sometime this summer. anywho, i'll be going out to dinner tonight. Tomorrow i will be having dinner with mr. joe and then we might go out to see a movie down in andersonville. Sunday is superbowl sunday!!!! i'm not at all a football fan but my brothers are so all of la familia is meeting at my parents to watch the game. la familia plays this square thingy game that i totally do not understand but it seems to be quite alot of money that the winner ends up getting. wish me luck!!
So i've decided to volunteer at the University of Chicago Hospital in Hyde Park. i will be working with latino families going through crisis. i start in two weeks!! i'm actually very excited about that!! i'll see how that goes. i'm also looking into volunteering at the DCFS (department for children and family services). my landlord told me that i would be good with the "drug infested babies", my landlord, you gotta love the guy, very sweet old man. anywho, i'll see how that goes as well.
i really don't have plans for this weekend. My friend, the sportscaster, is in town. his in town because he will be working this weekend working for the chicago rush!!! yay!!! indoor arena football season is here!!! the only reason i know about this is because of Mr. sportcaster. he lives in atlanta, works as a dj on a radio station and around this time he comes to chicago whenever chicago rush plays, yay for me!!! how did i meet him, you are asking? i met him at a bar, yes i know not good place to meet guys but i was not looking for anyone so i really didn't care talking to him. he seemed to be a cool guy, we exchanged numbers and have been friends since then, it's been about two years. he's been wanting me to visit him in atlanta and i think i will sometime this summer. anywho, i'll be going out to dinner tonight. Tomorrow i will be having dinner with mr. joe and then we might go out to see a movie down in andersonville. Sunday is superbowl sunday!!!! i'm not at all a football fan but my brothers are so all of la familia is meeting at my parents to watch the game. la familia plays this square thingy game that i totally do not understand but it seems to be quite alot of money that the winner ends up getting. wish me luck!!
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
positive thinking...
i've been trying to keep a positive attitude these past few days so i'm only going to write about positive things that happened to me yesterday....
1) i woke up...i felt like crap but hey i'm still alive so might as well the make the most out of it!!
2) i am able to walk to work...how many people have the luxury to WALK to work!?!?
3) i have a job to walk to...yes some of us complain about our jobs but at least we HAVE a job!!
4)i actually LIKE going to my job!!!...how many people can say that about their place of employment?
5) i've got a great friend/co-worker in jillipooh!!!...same as above!!
6) i've got a very understanding and supportive supervisor!!!....same as above!!!
7) i have home i can walk back to after i get out of work.... :-)
8) i went grocery shopping!!!!...this is actually a negative because i got all HEALTHY crap!!!, i'm supposed to be on diet!!!! blaaahhh!!! positive thinking sonrisa!! positive thinking.
9) i've got a great cat!!!...i love kachito!!
hmmmm? yeah i ran out of things to write about. this whole positive thinking was a crappy idea anyway!!! who came up with it anyway?!?!?!? damn i gotta go to freakin' staff meeting....damn!!!
1) i woke up...i felt like crap but hey i'm still alive so might as well the make the most out of it!!
2) i am able to walk to work...how many people have the luxury to WALK to work!?!?
3) i have a job to walk to...yes some of us complain about our jobs but at least we HAVE a job!!
4)i actually LIKE going to my job!!!...how many people can say that about their place of employment?
5) i've got a great friend/co-worker in jillipooh!!!...same as above!!
6) i've got a very understanding and supportive supervisor!!!....same as above!!!
7) i have home i can walk back to after i get out of work.... :-)
8) i went grocery shopping!!!!...this is actually a negative because i got all HEALTHY crap!!!, i'm supposed to be on diet!!!! blaaahhh!!! positive thinking sonrisa!! positive thinking.
9) i've got a great cat!!!...i love kachito!!
hmmmm? yeah i ran out of things to write about. this whole positive thinking was a crappy idea anyway!!! who came up with it anyway?!?!?!? damn i gotta go to freakin' staff meeting....damn!!!
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