some venting...

i hope all is well in your worlds...

well i've had about 4 suicidal clients in the past few weeks...very stressful to see grown men cry like babies, literally. telling me they don't want to live anymore, telling me their plan on how they will end their lives. it is one thing to hear them tell me "i don't want to live anymore" but when they go into detail on how they will end their lives well that's a whole different story. I come in this morning to see my client waiting for me in the lobby...he looked really bad. i started talking to him and he tells me, "our safety plan was that i wait to talk to you before i do anything else so here i am, please tell me what to do because i know what i want to do but i promised you i would talk to you first"...my heart went out to him. it was a sad thing to see. i took him to the closest office i could find and started talking to him. i asked him the usual questions...did something in particular happen this weekend to bring up these feelings again? (i've been working with him since last week), please don't get insulted but have you been drinking, using? tell me what you need me to do? tell me what YOU want to do?(of course i knew the answer to this question)..well after being with this man all morning i finally convinced him that he needed to be admitted. let me tell you that these are the moments in which i know i'm doing this type of work for a reason...he began to cry, con unos llantos, he couldn't even talk. once he calmed down, he tells me "Sonrisa, i will do anything you want me to do but please just tell me what to do because i can't go on!!! i will do anything you tell me to do!!!" i took his hand and i told him, "we need you to go to the hospital, you need mental health services, once we work on your mental health we can work on the rest, but i can't help you out with anything if you don't want to help yourself, now you have ruled out me calling the ambulance to come and pick you up but if i call a cab, can i trust that you will go to the hospital?" he cried and said "if that's what you want me to do" i said "yes that's what i want you do but is it something that YOU want to do, i can't do this without you" well i won't make this any longer, i waited with him until the cab came, saw him get in the cab and just hoped for the best. this afternoon i got a phone call from the social worker from illinois masonic to let me know that my client had made it and that he was being admitted. i just really want to go home sit with kachito for awhile, hug him and kiss him. i'm so exhausted!!! i don't even want imagine how exhausted my client must be by now....at least i know he is a "safe" place.
me