plans for this weekend?

i don't really have plans. tonight i'm just going to order a pizza and watch movies. tomorrow i'm having dinner and go watch a movie with mr. rico suave...that's all i can handle with him for the time being. i may not even if i'll end going, i'll see how i feel tomorrow. hmm? maybe i'll call the fabulous trio and see what they are doing tonight, maybe they can come and hangout at my place. hmm? i don't know, i really want some time by myself and kachito. i'm thinking out loud, sorries.

anywho, i hope everybody has a good weekend!!!

scared...

well i'll be having surgery on April 11th!!! i'm actually scared!! my doctor tells me that all will be fine and that i have nothing to worry about...i guess i have to trust her. i'll be staying with my sisters on the southside...waaaay south Burbank!!!...while i recooperate (?).

on a different note, the weather is beautiful!!! i rode my bike to work today!! damn i missed riding my bike!! i will also be watching the new spike lee movie this weekend!! i don't like to go to the movie theaters but for movies like this i make an acception...i like to wait a few weeks after it comes out though. i do not like crowds!! i've heard great reviews but really did i expect any different?!? it's spike lee for crying out loud!!

my volunteering at the hospital is going great!!! i've met soooo many people. i go back this sunday and let me tell you that the long ride to the hospital is sooo worth it!!

and for you cat owners , i have a few questions. kachito has gone back to breaking my blinds. he stopped once i started squirting him with the water bottle but now that's not even helping anymore. last night he broke them!! i was sooo angry!! AND when does he stop being a kitty? when can i start giving him grown up food? not that i want him to grow bigger, my kachito is no longer a kachito anymore now he's a kachote!! i love my baby!!

the matrix!!

so this christmas mr. police man gave me the matrix trilogy because he thought i would really enjoy it. i thanked him for the gift but to be honest with you i was bit dissappointed with the gift...until last night that it!!! DAMN!!! the movie is awsome!!!!! i'm just sorry i didn't get to too watch it sooner!! thanks for mr. police man!!!

angry!!

so when i got home last night i called lalo to apologize for not showing up to his surprise b-day. i apologized profusely!!! i honestly felt bad!!! he told me not worry and that as long as i remembered that's all that mattered. i finished talking to him and started watching the news...Channel 2, 5, 7, 9, and 32. Out of all of these channels ONLY channel 2 and 32 took there time to give a FULL report on the immigration issues that we have all been hearing about. After finishing watching the news i turned off the t.v. and started crying!!! i am just in disbelief that someone actually took their time to think about, write, and propose such a law. i started thinking about how i have ALWAYS felt like a sell out working at Howard Brown Health Center. Don't get me wrong, i love my job but this is a place that claims to have diversity yet i see none. I started crying because this law will affect EVERYBODY in so many ways!!! i started crying because i know that i have family members that will probably not be able to get health services or any type of services for that matter if such law is passed. I was crying because i felt HELPLESS!!! HOPELESS!!! I wished there was something i could do. i then started thinking, as my tears continued to roll down my cheecks, about how this world would be if ONLY the mexicans would leave this country. There would be no Little Village, no Pilsen, no Back of the Yards. Do you realize how much profit this city gets from the venues, merchandise, restaurants, and i can go on, that are located on 26th Street? AND i am only talking about Mexicans leaving this country!!! i can't even imagine how the absence of other immigrants such as the chinese, japanese, columbians, dominicanos, the list is endless, can effect these states!!! i woke up this morning with the image of the Channel 32 reporter as she said "Bush has said that he will agree to keep immigrants ONLY if they are willing to take jobs that Americans will not". i'm angry, enraged, sad...i'm a tornado of emotions....

one crazy week!!

i've had the craziest week ever. i'm still going through some health related issues which apparently need to be taken care over night in the hospital. my doctor is to call me to give me the appointment for that.

mr. rico suave is back in the picture and coco for some reason you keep coming to mind when ever he comes over to my place. i am being very careful with this relationship...mr. rico suave has some serious issues that he needs to take care of!! anywho, i would like to think i'm wiser and more mature to fall for his "but i'm the victim" act.

I have also seen a few of my clients that are just not doing too good. yesterday morning i went to go see one of them and i had to call a cab to take her to the hospital because she was not making any sense any more and she couldn't stop shaking and crying. i saw this woman last month and yesterday morning i didn't even recognize her!!! This disease always amazes me!!

i went to take another of my clients to a second hand store so he could get some clothes and kitchen stuff. he was telling me that he was late because he had soiled himself on his way over to the Brown Elephant therefore needed to go back home to change clothes...he is having trouble tolerating the meds.

i also went to see another client who is going off of Fuzeon because it is no longer working for him. Fuzeon is the LAST resort for AIDS/HIV clients!!!! my poor client had cold sores all over his mouth and just did not look good.

that same day on the way to the office i ran into a guy who was looking for a UPS truck, "excuse me, have you seen a UPS truck any where?" ha? what? que? como? "i just saw one on waveland and halsted" he tells me "oh yeah i saw it too but that's not the right one" okay? so he starts running to the next block and i go back to my little world. as i'm approaching wilton and sheridan i see him again. he smiles and tells me "i found my truck" "good, i was starting to worry" i tell him. don't know what the hell that was about but the dude found his UPS truck and that's all that matters.

this morning on my way to work i see a guy that looks like my neighbor. i didn't think it was him though because he works the late shift therefore he sleeps all day. anywho, it turns out it was him and as he walks towards me he says "hey!! i know you!!!" "yeah, i think i know you too" i joke around with him. "what are you doing out here so early in the morning?" i ask him. he tells me "getting drunk!! i didn't work last night so i went over to a friends house" that boy smelled like he had bathed in alcohol!!! he looked so tired and drunk. he then tells me "hey stop by tonight, i'm not working tonight either" i smile and tell him "i'll try to".

on totally different note...my nephew is coming to spend the weekend with me. he calls me last night "tia, i'm going to be downtown tomorrow with some friends and i was wondering if i could then come to your place and spend the weekend with you". I love my nephews!!! "of course you can baby!!! " as usual he asked me if could cook "the shrimp that he likes so much" i tell him "ANYTHING FOR MY FAVORITE NEPHEW, just don't tell the others i told you that"...i tell all of my nieces and nephews the same thing!!! they are growing up sooo fast!!! this nephew whom i will call spikey hair has a girlfriend already!!!! i was over at my sisters place one day and i get a call on my cell phone from a girl looking for spikey hair and tell her that she's got the wrong number, she politely apologizes and hangs up. as she is hanging up i start thinking that spikey hair must have used my cell phone to call her so i call her back and i tell her "i'm sorry you do have the right number let me get him for you". i give the phone to my nephew and tells me "i told her not to call me on this phone" i tell him not to worry about it and leave the room to give him some privacy. i really wanted to stay to listen to their conversation but i'm a mature person... i went to the next room to eavesdrop!!!! i'm just kidding!!! really i am!!! anyway, i just can't believe that my baby has a girlfriend!!! my other nephew is going to college next year!!!! they are ALL growing up soooo fast!!! i remember when they were barely starting to talk!!! to walk!! they would follow me everywhere!!! one of my nieces tells me last week "tia, i can't wait for this years sleep over!!! oh how i love them all!!!

guess who's coming to chicago!?!?!!!!

LILA DOWNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LILA DOWNS!!!! I'M RUNNING AROUND IN MY OFFICE FROM THE EXCITEMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY CRAP!!! I'VE ALREADY PURCHASED MY TICKETS!!! LILA DOWNS IS COMING TO CHICAGO!!!

okay now that i've calmed down. who is lila downs? well she is one of greatest singers in my book. alot of you may remember her from the movie Frida, if you watched it that is. She was the chick that sang in Frida's wedding and funeral. She has the most amazing voice ever!!! i remember the first time i went to see her perform at the hothouse and i just fell in love with her voice!!! she gives the most amazing performance ever!!! anywho, that's who she is and i can't wait to see her perform again!!

weekend report...

yeah i don't really have much to say since i already have posted something about my weekend...it was a fun weekend and i promise not to write under the influence anymore.

howl at the moon...

...that's the name of the place we went to tonight to celebrate Deider's b-day!!! i must admit that i was a little dissappointed with the place but i had sooooo much fun with the gang!!!! ms. deider had soooo much and that's what matters. Howl at the Moon is a bar/piano place. it was fun but the songs they played were soooo funny....by the way i'm soooooo freakin' drunk as i'm typing but ms. deider insisted that i write about tonight so here i am at her place and writing...anywho, this place was fun because i heard some of our favorite songs...prince, sir mix alot, erasure and george micheal...and they sound soooo different when they played on the piano!!! i didn't recognize prince's song and i'm a huuuuuuge fan of prince. anywho, i had fun and ms. deider had fun and that's all that matter. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HER!!!!!! I LOVE MS. DEIDER!!!!!

confession....

so i am at a friends house, half drunk, getting ready to go out and thinking about cincy!!!! what the hell is that about!?!?!?! i don't even know what the man looks like!!!!

work!! work!! work!!

you know it really sucks to take a few days off!!! why? well because it seems like i work extra hard before i take the days off and then i come back to a whole bunch of paperwork!!! AAAAHHHH!! aaawww, i needed to vent....

I CANT RESIST....

STRAWBERRIES!!!!! OH MY GOD I LOVE STRAWBERRIES!!!...if you ever want to make me happy just bring me some strawberries!!!!

it's somebody's b-day today and there is strawberry cake in the kitchen!!! fresh strawberries!!!

have i mentioned that i love strawberries!!!

never judge a book by its cover...

This morning i met with a new client and let me tell you that he is the sweetes man i have met!!! you would have never guessed it though because of his looks. This man is big and tall, he has a scar on his left cheek and wears these army boots that are like four times bigger than my foot!!!

my boss comes in to tell me that my new client is waiting for me in the reception area "you call me if you need anything, okay?" okay? i was wondering why he told me that. so i walk out and call out my new clients name...this big and tall man walks towards me and i'm thinking "oh that's what mr. boss man meant!!" i introduce myself and he smiles at me with a "nice to meet you too" smile. We did his initial paperwork, applied for rental assistance, told him what i needed him to do for me if he wanted the rent check by the end of this week, he thanked me and was on his merry way. The sweetest man ever!!

This encounter reminded me of when i used to work at Cook County Hospital, now Stroger's Hospital. I use to work at the clinic, my supervisor had given a list of new "spanish" clients...i hate it when people use "spanish" to describe spanish speaking individuals !!! a spanish individual is from spain you idiots!! anyway, i get my list and i start calling out peoples names, one by one they start getting up but as i call out Raul Ramirez (i just made up this name, okay!! that's the first name that came to mind) this gorgeous woman walks towards me!! i'm serious, this lady had the most amazing body, beautiful long blond hair, cheeck bones to die for and it is during the summer so she was wearing one of those tight and tiny floral summer dresses that just seemed to hug every freakin' curve of her gorgeous body!!! I'm thinking as she is walking towards me, she must have heard another name so i say "Raul Ramirez!!"again but she keeps walking towards me and says "esa soy yo, mi'ja". "oh mucho gusto!!" i tell her and ask her to follow me. as i turn to walk to the office, i rolled my eyes in amazement, because this woman was gorgeous!! and whispered "oh my god!!!" to myself. My gorgeous client didn't stay in chicago for long. Once the summer was over she headed back to Florida "porque este frio yo no lo aguanto!!! como lo puedes aguantar tu mi'ja?" she was so nice and very girly too. i could have learned a thing or two from her...she kept inviting me over to her place so that she could make me over "porque tu tienes una cara muy bonita pero necesitas resaltar esos ojos y esa sonrisa" thank you!!! but i think i'll pass on your invitation was my usual response. by the time she was leaving to florida she wasn't doing too good, i hope she is well wherever she may be!!! i will never ever forget that encounter!! taught me a lesson... to never ever judge a book by it's cover.

curly or straight

so this morning i decided to straighten my hair and let me tell you it's alot of freakin' work!!! i don't consider myself a real girl and this morning i realized why!!! holy crap!! i have decided to let my hair grow so i'm having trouble fixing it these days. my hair is wavy and it can get really really curly depending on the weather. my hair is too short for me to put in a pony tail, which is what i usually do when i have it long. i really don't like long hair but i've decided to let grow, don't ask me why. i like short hair because really there's not alot you have to do with it. after my shower all i do is put gel on my hair and a little hairspray here and there and i'm ready to go!! i love short hair!! you can probably do the same with long hair but...oh anyway, i'm letting my hair grow. this morning i straightened it out and it doesn't look bad but it took too much time. god no wonder my sisters take forever to get ready!! the hair, the make up!! the make up!!

i just started wearing make up about 3 years ago and that's only because Tazman wondered what i would like with eye liner and mascara!! and i liked the way it looked so i haven't stop wearing it since. i've always wondered what i would like if i were to go get one of those makeover thingies. like i've i said before i don't consider myself to be a real girl when it comes to make-up and all those other girly things...give me a t-shirt and some jeans and i'm happy!! when i go out with my sisters or friends, i'm usually the first one to finish getting ready. i just never get it!! who are they trying to impress? i mean if a guy is going to like you, he is going to like with or without the make up!! i remember one time i went out with mr. motorcylcle. we went to one of these hip place at the time, La Hacienda, and it was during the winter and yet all i saw were these half naked women!! who would wear a freakin' halter top with a short skirt and those paris hilton shoes in the middle of winter!!! anywho, i was sitting by the bar when mr. motorcycle asks me "que onda?" i told him that i was feeling out of place because i didn't feel as glamouras as these girls. he tells me "sonrisa, there have been only two girls that have caught my eye tonight!! estas mujeres son como los gatos en la noche" ha? what? que? como? "well you see, when you see the cats at night, the first thing you notice are their beautiful eyes but then you see them in the morning and they end up looking like crap!!" WOW!!!! "i knew there was a reason why i hung out with you!!" was my response.

anyway, maybe i'm just too lazy to get up in the morning and fix myself up with all that crap!! or maybe i just feel comfortable being who i am and don't really need any of that crap!! i like the latter. will i keep on straightening my hair? ABSOLUTELY!!! CAUSE I LOOK GOOD DAMN IT!!!

i'm tired...

of being tired!!!! i haven't been feeling well for the past few weeks and my doctor seems to not know what's wrong with me. within the last two weeks the nurses have taken more blood than i thought i had!!! i've been to the hospital three times, nurses checking this and that, poking me here and there, and each time they keep on taking more blood!!! "couldn't you just use the same blood you took last time?" i ask the nurse "i'm sorry sweetie" she tells me with a smile shaking her head no. so there she goes poking me again!!! i've been physically tired for these past few weeks. ms. jillipooh tells me "well they keep taking your blood of course your tired!!" well i'm tired of being tired!!! DAMN IT!!! i got a call last week from my doctor and she tells me that everything is okay but that she would like to see again this week. I love my doctor, i think i've mentioned this before. i've been with her ever since i can remember. She calls me mi'ja when ever i go to see her. last week when i went to go see her she was being very straight forward with me "you need to take better care of yourself mi'ja and start doing what i tell you!!" I guess she noticed that i was feeling like i was dissappointing her so she hugs and tells me "i'm telling you this because i care about you". i love her!!! the only thing that kind of frustrates me is that she is waaaay south and everytime she refers me somewhere it's around her neck of the woods and well i don't have car. it takes like four hours to come back and forth which means i end up taking either the day or half of the day off from work. it can be a pain at times, especially when i'm not feeling well. i'm have another appointment in april and let me telling you that i'm not looking forward to it.

on to much brighter news...i have decided that i'm going back to school!!!! nursing school!!! pediatric nurse!!! i have to wait to register until next year though. the program that i want to go to (UIC) is all filled up this year therefore i have a whole year to get used to the idea that i will not have a life for two years!!! how did i come to this decision, you are asking? well i've started volunteering at the University of Chicago Children's Hospital and i love it!!! Ever since i worked at Cook County hospital i've thought about nursing school but i also enjoyed my job at the time so i didn't really give it too much thought. I think i'm ready now though!! i'm actually excited about going back to school!!! could you imagine me assisting with the birth of a baby!!! a brand new life!!! an innocent, defenseless beautiful baby. AND i will be there to welcome him/her into the world!!! "it is my honor to welcome you into the world little one" okay i better stop before i make myself cry...

my body

santis dreaming about nakedness, cincy wanting a girl popping out a tit as a sign of flirtation, dcn writing about cleavage. why are we so obsessed with the human body?

now that i got your attention...last night i went to go see a performance by Eve Ensler, the same lady that wrote The Vigina Monologues. This performance is called The Good Body and i loved it!!! The performance was about Eve's stomache!!! well not exactly. it was about how insecure people are about certain parts of their bodies. We all have them. i sure as hell do!!! Eve had issues with her stomach. she talked to different women, women whom she thought to be beautiful and comfortable with their bodies. turns out that these women would go through alot of surgery, plenty of excersise, be on very strict diets (a grape per day) yet continue to be unhappy with themselves. it just made Eve appreciate and accept her body just the way it was. it was an awsome performance, as in the monologues i cried, i laughed but mostly i accepted. i loved it!!!

last night after the performance i went home and i started thinkg about my insecurities...i think my boobs are too big. it's very annoying to find a shirt that i love, looks good everywhere else except when it comes to my boobies. i always have to wear a safety pin to make sure that nothing pops out!!! it's very annoying, that's why i try not to wear shirts that have buttons. it also irritates me when i'm talking to someone, men usually, and it seems like they are talking to my boobs instead of me!!! But what really irritates is when someone tells me "giirrrl, if you got it you flaunt it!!!" what the fuck!?!?!? i don't want them and i definetly don't want to flaunt them!!! i have forever have had issues with my breasts. i rembember when i was in college, a friend of mine told me "they don't look too bad sonrisa, the rest of your body evens them out" what the fuck does mean? "you've got curves" he tells me and continues with "it would be wierd if your big up there and not have hips you know what i mean? you're evened out" of course all i heard was "your big hips!!!" what?!?!?! now i have to worry about my hips too!?!?! damn!!!!so i started to spend more time in the gym. i would wake up at 6 in the morning, be on the treadmill and stairmaster for about 40 minutes each and then in the evening i would go to the park and run about 8 to 10 miles. yeah!!! i was sooo freakin' determined to get rid off my boobs and my hips!! i lost weight but unfortunetly my boobs and hips were still there "evened out" with the rest of my body. i've gained back the weight but i'm working on it..heheheheh. anyway, i have been soooo close to getting a boob reduction, to the point where my doctor gave me a referral and all but i'm just too scared. the procedure looks too painful. i go through periods in which i'm determined to get it over with but then i start getting scared and i tell myself "sonrisa, they don't look too bad. accept yourself the way you are"...crap crap crap!!! seriously though i started to accept my body, little by little but i'm getting there. now i tell myself "girrrllll, be the mexican that you are!!! don't be ashamed of what you have!!!" i'm not flauning myself but i'm working on it.