drained...

since last week i have been feeling like crap!!! turns out my sister dork is taking me dating fluffy waaaay to hard. last wednesday she was very suicidal and also got into a car accident. i called her as soon i found she was in the car accident. she told me she was okay and then proceeded by telling me that these past few months that i have been with fluffy she has been thinking about why she was here in this world. i felt like i was talking to a client!!! i asked her if she had a plan and she did!! she kept insulting me and screaming at me but i had to remain focused on her even though the things that she was telling me were being very hurtful. Needless to say i was very concerned about her that i called my other sister...whom we will call Apple... to keep an eye on her. in the process apple told me that dork was really hurt and angry at me...no really?!! i never would have guessed by the things she was screaming at me!! i was so close to not going to the bloggers bash but then i kept thinking that there was nothing i could really do so i met up with santis...we went for an apple martini before we met the other bloggers that day. i really needed that drink.

i have been trying to keep myself busy but i think it's taking it's toll on me!! i haven't been able to sleep and when i do i wake up more tired than before i went to bed. i want to cry but the tears won't come out...i'm tired. i'm really tired. AND tonight i have this dinner meeting for work that i need to go to. i have to dress up!!! do you know how much i hate dressing up?!?!

i have also been thinking alot about my relationship with fluffy. I like him alot but i'm getting to the point where i feel more like his therapist. i have felt like this from the beginning but i thought it would change with time. i told santis that maybe i'm just looking for excuses because i feel so guilty about what my sister is going through. I know that whatever my sister is going through has nothing to do with me. for some strange reason my sister has felt that i have ruined her life "since we were kids up until now!!"...her own words. anyway, fluffy has been great though this whole ordeal and when i talk to him i feel like he really cares about me but...but...why the hell am i so scared? or why am i allowing my sister to do this? i don't know...gotta go

lemonade anyone?...

i had soooo much fun last night!!! the cubs lost but are we really that surprised!?!?! AND as usual i was the only latina in the group...had to keep reminding myself that i LOVE orchata ;-)

should i feel guilty?...

i'll be going to a cubs game tonight!!! it was FREE!!! how could i have said no!! anywho, apparently the drinks and food is included so gues who'll be getting drunk tonight!!! thanks my miguelito for hooking me up!!

my heart still belongs to my white sox!!! LETS GO WHITE SOX LETS GO!!!

can we start the day all over...

i'm not having a very good monday morning so i want it to start all over again!!! my alarm clock didn't go off this morning so i woke up late, on my way to work it began to pour so i'm soaked, and then i go visit my client and get lost so i decide to call my supervisor so that he could give me the address (i was pretty sure i knew where i was going) which he did but as i was putting my pen back in my purse i dropped the piece of paper i wrote the address on in a puddle of water!!! DAMN!!!

anywho, my weekend was okay. on friday i went out with mr. motocycle and pokey reese. i had missed hanging out with the fabulous trio!! mr. bean was working late so he wasn't able to join us. We went to one of my favorite thai restaurants on clark and then we went bar hopping in wringleyville...not my cup of tea but we were in the area so we figured why not.

Saturday morning i went bike riding with Mr. mr. We went down to Navy Pier and then went back to North Avenue Beach for some eye candy ;-) . On our way back my nephew, spikey hair, called me to let me know that he was "going to be on the beach by my place and was wondering if him and his girlfriend could stop by". OF COURSE YOU CAN STOP BY!!! so after mr. mr left, spikey hair and LA hung out with the "cool tia". They left after we had dinner and i went over to fluffy's place. i was so exhausted by the time i got to his place that all we ended up doing was watch a movie,The Gladiator, which i have never watched!! it was such a sad ending and yes i cried :-(

Yesterday was the Pride Parade which i didn't go to however got text all day to be asked where i was going to be. As i've mentioned before i have alot of gay friends so they just figured i was going to be part of it especially since my freakin' picture is all over Boystown!!! i personally think that i did my part by allowing to have my picture be part of the parade..hehehehehhee. i was also not feeling too good otherwise i would have gone with them. The text messaging did not stop until 2 o'clock in the morning!!! DAMN!! which part of "i'm not meeting you anywhere" do you not understand!!! is what i kept screaming at my phone when somebody would text me.

anywho, i'm planning on having a much better evening...THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

MY HEAD IS READY TO EXPLODE!!!!!!

HP in town...

i had sooo much fun last night!!! HP or alfredo or is it alfi or alfonso,what ever his real name is, is so funny!!! good times. i'm just sad that dr. v didn't win the contest...her poem rocked!!

Cracked chancla thanks for organizing everything!!! i say we do it again....maybe dcn will join in on the fun next time!!!

weekend update...

well i didn't end up going to watch the movie...sorry bloggers :-( The fluffman and i ended up staying home just chillin'. My fluffman was not in the mood to be around people...quite understandable. ...aaay i'm getting a headache... anyway, i had a good weekend with fluffy.

Yesterday, i went to my older sister's to celebrate father's day. it got very emotional in the evening. in the morning i went to get some carnitas on Ashland and 18th st...my second mom loves them from that place!!! my brother-in-law, whom we will call mr. chistoso (because he thinks he is), loves la barria from there so i got some of that too. yummy yummy in my tummy. i walked by cracked chancla's store but i didn't see her there so i kept walking...had i seen her i would have invited her to some carnitas.

so anyway, mr. chistoso, was the only daddy so he felt very very special, "me estan celebrando a mi don che" is what he told my dad when we called my dad to wish him a happy daddy's day. When my mom asked if she could talk to mr. chistoso, he began to cry. you see mr. chistoso's mommy died when he was a toddler and he has become very close to my mom. unfortunetly, mr. chistoso doesn't have a good relationship with his dad either. Mr. chistoso tries but his dad just pushes him away. the dad has not come to visit mr. chistoso since he has gotten sick, NOT ONCE and mr. chistoso has been sick for over a year now!!! i really hate that viejo sin corazon!!! i'm just glad that he has a good relationship with my parents whom is very obvious that he cares alot about. "si mi ma' china estuviera aqui ella si me cuidaria todos los dias con amor" is what he told me last week about my mom. of course he doesn't call her "ma' china" when he talks to her, he calls her "senora china, dona china". so after talking to my mom it took him a while to put himself together...yesterday i realized how much he loves my mommy (i guess i'm willing to share my mommy with him but only with him!!)

after we all finished talking to the parents, we decided to continue the festivities with a cake!!...that had a whole bunch of strawberries!! my second mom was about to start cutting the cake when dork screams "wait we didn't sing!!". we all laughed because there is no song to sing for father's day. we all looked at each other and then i started singing "happy father's day to you!!! happy father's day to you!!!" then they all joined me. once we finished singing i start yelling "SPEECH!! SPEECH!!!" my poor brother-in-law started with "muy agradecido, muy..." but didn't finish because he started crying, uncontrollably. We all then started crying as well. dork and i got up to give him a hug and my second mom grabbed his face and gave him a little peck on the mouth and asked him why he was crying. "estoy muy contento" is what finally came out of his mouth. my little niece was crying as well and said "papi, you ARE happy verdad?" mr. chistoso looked at her and says "si mi'ja, bien happy"...i will never forget this year's father's day for sooooo many reasons.

i survived!!!!!

i didn't think i was going to survive this week without my santis but i did!!! i'm soooo proud of myself. I mean, santis is where i get my explanations on why it is that men act stupid, childish, inconsiderate, selfish...do i need to go on? hehehehehee...seriously i did miss santis a whole bunch!!

well i'm actually looking forward to watching the Jack Black movie "nacho libre" this weekend. that dude cracks me up!!

my daddy is in mexico so i will be at my second mom's place celebrating father's day with her and her family...unless fluffy wants me to be with him. i think he would want to be with his mom though. oh my fluffman, if i could i take all that pain away i would.

happy father's day to all the fathers out there!!!

have a good weekend :=)

funniest thing ever...

so i'm wearing two different shoes!!!!! i just noticed!!! i got up to go to the bathroom and then looked down and realized that i'm wearing two different types of shoes!!! i can't stop laughing!!! i told a co-worker that at least they are both new balance...at least i got that right!! this is too funny!!!

weekend update...

well i had a nice weekend...i think...okay i know i did.

first let me start by saying that THE SOX RULE!!!!! saturday's game had some nail biting moments!!! i loved it!!!

after the game is when my weekend becomes a bit not so good but okay i guess...don't know how to describe it...

it all started when fluffy and i finished watching a movie...it was about a dad who lost his wife and was being taken care of by his daughter who didn't want to get married because she felt guilty leaving her dad all by himself. as i mentioned before fluffy's dad died last year, well he still gets very emotional...which is understandable. after the movie was over he couldn't stop crying. we talked about what he was feeling, why, how and those important questions and then he tells me..."i had alot of fun today with you and it got me thinking that i'm not being honest with you. sonrisa, i really really like you but i feel like i'm short changing you. i wish i could give you all of fluffy and i can't. i want to be the fluffy that i was before my dad died, sometimes i think that i will never be that person again and i have to come terms with that. i keep thinking that if i wasn't going through what i'm going through right now you and i would be really happy. i wish we could have gotten together like a few months later. i'm not saying that i want to stop seeing you but if i see that i'm still a complete mess a few months then i think i'm going...i just don't think it's fair for you. i really want to be with you but i feel like i'm not giving you all of me and that's what i want to do with you. i don't want to fuck things up with you because of how messed up i am..."

i wanted to just break things up right there because what if in a few months a he decides that he is still "messed up" and well that's not fair to me. do you know what i mean? i mean i have to take care of me!!! don't i? i've been thinking about this all weekend and in my mind i keep thinking that we need to stop this relationship but i like him soooo much...i thank him for being able to share all of this with me. i love the person that he is...i'm not saying i'm in love with the guy, hmm? but i do think i'm getting there and before i get there i want to stop it... before he decides that he is "too messed up" to continue this relationship. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! relationships suck!!!

anywho, i talked to ms. j about it and once again she has saved me!!! have i ever mentioned how much i love ms. j? i love ms. j!!! so anyway, after talking to her i have decided that i will continue with fluffy and just risk me getting my heart broken in a few months...maybe it won't happen. really, when you think about it, no one is guaranteed an unbroken heart when it comes to a romantic relationship and as ms. j pointed out "we" are not having problems. it would be different if "we" were the ones having the problem but we aren't. "we" are very content at the moment... i don't know what's going to happen...

so i was also thinking about my schizophrenic client. he was soooo paranoid on friday because he was sure that he was going to die due to the terrorist that got killed, "ms. sonrisa, if they killed him i know i'm next!!!, i not leaving my apartment or answering the phone this week!!! i know i'm next!!" i felt so helpless when i talked to him on friday. the worse part is that he has cable so i know that watching the news will only get him even more paranoid...aaaay, my poor client.

field trips...

so this morning i came in talking about cafe mestizo...AGAIN...to my co-workers. "you HAVE to go there!!!" is what i keep telling them. i was telling them about the best dinner ever...a cesaer chicken salad on pita bread, not chips but fruit on the side, and a strawberry (mmm STRAWBERRIES!!) soymilk shake. it was sooo yummy!! thanks cracked chancla for recommending it!!! anywho, i'm always talking about Mestizo that my co-workers and i have decided to go on a field trip!!! yay!!! as soon as ms. jillipooh comes back from florida we will plan our trip over to Pilsen. i had the greatest time last night!!! it was cool to hang out with santis and cracked chancla.

my co-workers have also suggested we go to Andersonville...for those of you unfamiliar to chicago, andersonville is also known as girlstown. Apparently there have been some changes that i'm not aware and new places have opened up that i MUST go to!! okedokee with me!! we have decided to have a pub crawl at andersonville though. i can't wait!!!

i don't have much planned for this weekend...i'm going to a sox game!!! yay for me!!! i hope it doesn't get rained out. i'm also hanging out with the book club tonight...looking forward to some cheese and wine!! i love cheese and wine!!! i'll be going to visit my brother-in-law, my second mom's husband, on sunday. he just had surgery. my sister told me that he seems to be doing good...he wasn't doing too well last time i saw him so i'm really happy that he is doing much better.

well my fellow bloggers i hope you all have a good weekend!!!!

quick question...

to all you kitty owners. i've noticed that kachito is starting to shedd...ALOT...is there anything i can do to make it stop. ok, i know i can't make it stop but is there a way to at least control the shedding...all that cat hair is driving me insane!!!

thanks :-)

weekend update...

i had a nice weekend...blah blah blah. my fellow bloggers i don't know what's going on with me!!! i'm feeling...hmm? i don't even know how i'm feeling!! i'm not angry that's for sure and not irritated. i am feeling a bit down but i don't know why!! it's a beautiful day today, the sun is out, and i got a doze of my santis already so i just can't figure out what's going on with me. AND no i'm not pms-ing!!!! i've been like this since Friday. i was in such a mood to cry and i don't even know why. i watched the movie Finding Neverland. Ms. jillipooh told me that movie would be good for me to watch and have a good cry...boy was she right!! it was such a great movie. i was also thinking of Ktrion and L* all this weekend...it's funny how close i feel to some of you bloggers!! i'm so happy that all turned out so well!! i saw my fluffman last night, we had a nice time. so why am i feeling crappy? i feel sad, that's how i'm feeling, sad. i must be honest though and say that i have also been thinking of mr. rico suave...when will i stop worrying about that man?!?!?! and why does he affect me this much?!?!? hmmm? i think i have just realized why i'm feeling the way am...stupid mr. rico suave!!!!

you know as i was writing i remembered something about last night. it was pretty late, the fluffman and i were watching a movie...black and white movie, can't remember the name but it was a good movie... we didn't finish watching it because he got really sleepy so he turned off the t.v. then gave me a hug and a kiss good night. For awhile i was just watching him fall asleep and then i leaned over and kissed him. he smiles and tells me "that was sweet" and i tell him "you know i didn't realize how much i'm starting to miss you when you are not around and i don't know if i'm liking this". he then asks me "do you want to have this conversation..." i interrupted him and told him that i didn't want to talk about it, that i just wanted to feel. i liked that feeling of me missing him...the feeling of me wanting to see him and just be with him. needless to say, i had a difficult time falling alseep last night...mostly because my fluffman snores, just kidding!! i just wanted to break this seriousness which i shall now return to...so i kept thinking about how happy i am when i'm around fluffy but i can't help but feel like something is missing. what's wrong with me?!?!?! what else do i want?!?!? anywho, i'm just glad i fell alseep before i drove myself crazy!!

i want to be at home doing nothing!! just be a couch potatoe!!! oh yeah, AND i'm gaining weight!!! what the hell?!?!? i've been riding my bike!!! i'm not a couch potatoe all the time!!! hmm? maybe that's what's really bothering...my weight. gotta work on that. i also can't wait to see kachito!! i haven't seen him since saturday night!!! boooy is he going to be pissed off at me!!....yeah my mind is just going everywhere so i think i'm going to stop writing before i CONFESS something else!!! ;-)

santis high on santis...

DAMN this week flew by!!!i guess trying to catch on paperwork can do that to you...

Anywho, i wish i had santis enthusiasm for life!!! you see, last night i was talking to him and to be honest i was bit tired. i had just come back from seeing a client who was telling me about his sister who recently had surgery because of breast cancer. so i was kind of emotionally drained but then santis came to the rescue!!!

He tells me that he is high on santis!!!! i personally couldn't stop laughing because well santis is ALWAYS high on santis. Cracked Chancla will agree when i say that things ALWAYS have to be santis!! i have no problem what so ever with it!!! i love my santis because he makes me laugh and well that's what i needed yesterday!!! I too was sooo high on santis by the time we hung up that i cleaned my apartment, did laundry and cooked myself some yummy dinner. At around 11 at night i was still high!!!

Santis you need to bottle the stuff so that the whole world can be high on santis!!! good stuff..good stuff!!

have a good weekend!! i know i will because i'm still high!!! :-) hope it lasts me through the entire weekend ;-)