Friday, July 08, 2005

my baby...

so yesterday was my baby's (my friend) birthday. i hadn't talk to him since February!! we used to be so close. we went to college together and became fast friends. after we graduated we lost contact and about three years we found ourselves again and have been unseparatable since...until this February that is. Anyway, i swallowed my pride and called him. You see i've learned that there are times in which i HAVE to do that. Two years ago a close friend of mine died of complications due to AIDS. we were not in good terms, we had gotten into an arguement and stopped talking to each other. After a while i heard he was not doing too well so i decided to give him a call. He sounded so bad...since i work with the HIV/AIDS population i kind of was aware how bad he was doing just by hearing that same day i called all my other friends and told them that Tazman was not doing well and that we should all visit him. They were all suprised to hear that i had contacted Tazman, anyway they said they weren't going to be able to go until the weekend...this happened on a Thursday... I told them that i was going anyway because i felt he didn't have much more to time. I was having problems with my car and Tazman lived on the southside but i didn't care if my car died on my way over there...i live on the northside. i wanted to see Tazman!!! my car made it and as i walked in i was welcomed by Tazman's mom and she directed me to the living room. I was so shocked and horrified to what a saw on the couch. My Tazman was nothing but skin and bones....a skeleton!!! i leaned down and gave him a kiss on his forehead. I tried my best not to look frightened. we talked but he was not making any sense. so i just knodded my head and smiled when he did. his mom asked me to try feeding him because she tried earlier but he refused to eat. I took the bowl of orange juice and the spoon and told Tazman "dude tienes que comer algo, una cucharadita nadamas, andale no seas malito". he drank one spoon full of orange juice and then he pushed the bowl away from him. Within an hour our friend Mr. Motocycleta came in the living room and started asking how we were doing. i could tell that he too was trying his best to hide his shockness. You see Tazman used to be a BIG guy and to see him on the couch not being able to move and looking like a skeleton was really difficult to for us to see. Mr. Motocycleta and i stayed for a few more hours then said our goodbyes. We both promised to visit Tazman next week. i gave him a kiss on the forehead and told him i loved him. he just smiled. as soon as i walked out the house i broke down. Mr. Motocycleta hugged me tight and told me "sonrisa i am very proud of you!! you did really good in there. i always knew you were strong and you just proved me right!" i couldn't stop crying and when i finally did i kept telling Mr. Motocyleta that it wasn't fair!! i wanted to scream! "IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!"

Mr. Motocycleta and i left and decided to contact the rest of the gang to inform them of how bad Tazman was doing. The gang told us that they were going to try to make it this weekend. Mr. Motocycleta and decided to come back next Thursday. That day never came. You see I got a phone call at 3 o'clock on monday morning from Tazman's nephew. He told me that Tazman had just past away. i said thank you and hung up. i was numb, i couldn't move for what seemed to be hours. i finally went back to bed and cried myself to sleep. i went to work hoping to keep my mind busy but it backfired because all morning i kept going to the bathroom to cry. i call mr. motocycleta in between those crying spells. he was his usual self..."hey onda sonrisa?"...all that came out of my mouth was "Tazman". mr. motocycleta didn't need me to say anything else for him to know what was going on. he asked me "cuando paso?" "esta manana a las 3" "estas bien sonrisa" "i will be" "bueno tu le hablas a las girls y le hablo a los guys, que te parace?" "i don't know if i can do this" "sonrisa yo se que es dificil pero tenemos que hacerlo por Tazman" i began to cry again. i could here mr. motocycleta telling me to calm down and that all would be o.k. He sounded it so far away though. i calmed down and told him that it sounded like a good plan. He also suggested that i go home. i called the girls and then asked my supervisor if it was ok for me to go home. On my way home i got a phone call from Mr. Motocycleta telling me that all of the gang had taken the day off and were heading over to his house. I told him "ya voy para ya". All of us were quiet at first but then we started talking about the crazy things that Tazman had done and said. It has been one of the most memorable times i have spent with the gang. After Tazman's funeral we all went to dinner and decided right there and than that we all keep in touch and get together at least once a month.

Anyway, you never know what tomorrow will be like so i decided to swallow my pride. I called my baby because it was his birthday. i also i wanted to know how he was doing and i'm glad i did. We had a really good conversation about our relationship. We both knew that even though we hadn't talked for such a long time that we would still be there for each other. I told him i missed him and told me the same. we asked the usual "have you been out?" "yeah but to straight bars, i'm kind over the whole gay scene"...was my response..."i started dating again" "i'm happy for you sonrisa, so tell me more ...."

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