this weather sucks!! it's cold and it hasn't stop raining all day :-(

sex or love?

some people tend to confuse sex and love. i have always been the type of person who believes that sex is just that, SEX. however, people sometimes assume that because there was sex then there must be LOVE.

"unforgettable night"

This weekend i got an e-mail from someone i haven't seen in about 6 years ...actually it's going to be 7 years this summer. in this e-mail she told me she has never forgotten the night we spent together. This person and i were acquaintances before this "unforgettable night", as she puts it on the e-mail. I had known her for about a year or so therefore i knew plenty about her. She had two kids with two different daddies...she now has a total of 4 kids, all have different dads. Once I took her to get an abortion...that was her 3rd. I gave her the whole "don't use abortion as birth control". she always put her kids first, EXCEPT when it came to men!! i knew she carried alot of baggage therefore always kept my distance. One time though, we went out, had dinner, a few drinks and afterwards went out dancing. the usual one thing led to another happened. She was dating someone at the time, a man, so i didn't think much of it. We had sex, had a good time and thats that. After that night we still talked but not as much...like i said she had too much baggage. She would start dating a guy, she would soon move in with and these men would end up hitting her therefore she would "hide" from them. She was consistently in and out of shelters. of course she knew that i had worked at a domestic violence survivors agency so she would ALWAYS call me. I bailed her out so many times I lost count. I got so tired of it that it got to the point in which I was just not answering her phone calls anymore. I know that was mean but how many times was I going to "save" her?!?!?

This past December she got a hold of someone who knows me and that person gave her my cell number without asking me if it was okay!! I must admit that i was angry but at the same time happy to hear from her. Has her situation changed any? NO!!! she left to another state with an abusive man...she now lives in a shelter with her four kids. when we talked she asked me if i still lived on the north side. i said "no, i moved back to little village" she asked me if i lived alone or if i had found that special person. I said "no, i live alone with my cat, in a three bedroom apartment, my cat has his own room" i joked around. AND then she tells me "i'm having problems with the guy i'm with, he hits me and i'm scared". I was not going to say it!!! she continues "i have already started looking for shelters over here but i think i'm going back to chicago" AAAAHHH i'm not going to say it!!! "can you help me out with some shelters?" she asks. I said "hmm? i'm not familiar with anything over where you're at but i'll see what i can do". what she really wanted me to say was "why don't you come and stay with me" but i just couldn't!!! that was the last time i talked her or had any type of communication. 'Til this weekend...

In this e-mail she writes about how she misses me. she goes on to talk about that so called "unforgettable night", my smile, my warmth and blah blah blah. she goes on by telling me that she is straight but is willing to be with me and ONLY me because "yes i love you!! there i've said it! I LOVE YOU!" Do i ever think about her because she thinks about me ALL the time. and about her wondering why i turned my back on her when she most needed me. AND she really wants me to answer all these questions.

I responded by telling her that i had turned my back on her because i was exhausted!! I told her that i was very happy to hear from her again but upset and angry that she once again, after all these years, found herself in the same situation over and over and over again with different men. AND that this time she even moved to another state in which she knew she was not going to have any support system!! I just keep thinking about her kids!! Those kids...why does she keep doing this to them!! She responded back by saying that she was disappointed with my response and to look into my heart and give her another chance. I responded by saying "i can't, that is all i'm saying...i just can't".

I know i'm being mean but honestly i really really can't do it anymore!!