The following is a conversation that i had with my sister Dork regarding a guy i met when i first moved to the village. This guys has been nice and sweet to me. We have talked three times and i've gone to see him play soccer once. After the soccer game he walked me home and asked me to be his girlfriend!!!! WHAT???!!!? i just met you?!!?!
Sonrisa Morena: this is my thing....i don't want to go out with him because first of all its scary to think of me being a relationship...just incase you hadn't noticed i'm terrified of them!!!! i feel that if i do end up dating him this will turn into a very very serious one. AND if i do end up dating him its because i know exactly where he lives and he knows people in the neighborhood so its not like he is a complete stranger. however, i also think that he is waaaay to close for me to be dating...for crying out loud he lives right across the street!!!
Dork: LOL...
Dork: okay....
Sonrisa Morena: and then i think...what if this my last chance? and then i think he is undocumented and he is only wanting to get that from me
Dork: umm...
Sonrisa Morena: i think too much!!!
Dork: and not mention that you guy's are probably from oppisite ends of the world...
Sonrisa Morena: yes!!!!
Dork: yeah you are both mexican...
Dork: but seriouly dork....
Sonrisa Morena: dork he doesn't speak not word of english!!!
Sonrisa Morena: my world is completely different from his!!!! come on!!! i bet if it were up to him el ya me hubiera robado!!!
Dork: you know all this is gonna come and slap you across the face...
Sonrisa Morena: i know!!!! but aren't i being discriminatory
Dork: tu con tu educacion y pues apenas si fui a la escuela y tus amigos me ven como menos...
Sonrisa Morena: yes!!!!!!!
Sonrisa Morena: holy crap!!!!!
Sonrisa Morena: i've been stressing out all this week over this!!!!
Dork: no dork you are just being realistic....
Sonrisa Morena: i wanted to talk to you about this!!!!
Sonrisa Morena: you really do understand!!!!
Dork: Like you told me when I was with Mr. Kos...if you are gonna go for it you have to have a thick skin and not let it get to you otherwise it will never work.
Sonrisa Morena: damn, i told you that?!?!??!?!
Dork: yup...
Sonrisa Morena: i don't think i will be able to have a thick skin with him...
Dork: that's what I am saying..
Dork: first of all.....
Sonrisa Morena: i've thought about taking him out with my friends and family and well it just doesn't look good
Dork: ahy.....dork you like to complicate your life.
Sonrisa Morena: seriously, like i was telling second mom, el de verdad es un rancherito
Sonrisa Morena: tell me how im complicating my life? if i haven't done anything yet...i told him that it would be best for us to get to know each other more when he asked me to be his girlfriend.
Dork: you know what I am imagining...if you go for this....
Dork: I am imagining you with your long hair again....with dresses and going to church, does that sound familiar...
Dork: oh yeah and the part of being unhappy becasue you are not being you...
Sonrisa Morena: damn!!! you be one harsh gal!!!
Dork: no dork...am just telling you the truth...
Sonrisa Morena: AND don't you think that thats why im terrified of relationships
Sonrisa Morena: with anybody not just paisitas...i think like that even with girls i've gone out with
Dork: I dunno...
Sonrisa Morena: and thats why i'm going to be alone
Sonrisa Morena: FOREVER!!!! FOR EEEEEVVVVEEERRRRRR
Dork: you get lost...
Dork: that's the problem...
Sonrisa Morena: i do!!! i really do
Dork: so then work on that...
Sonrisa Morena: i know that about me!!!
Sonrisa Morena: i've been trying too
Dork: you are like a chamelion...
Sonrisa Morena: i think i've gotten a little better
Sonrisa Morena: at least i hope i have
Sonrisa Morena: so back to your 20 pounds...
Sonrisa Morena: whats going on with you?
Dork: nothing...there is no time for anything to be going on with me
My fellow bloggers what the hell is going on with me?!?!??!?! I don't think I'm better than this guy...do i?!?!?!
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
dont be offended....
I had dinner with the HOLA gang on sunday. I love the gang but lately its been like a chore to go out with them. someone is ALWAYS late!!! someone ALWAYS doesn't have enough for dinner...well this wasn't the case this time...someone doesn't show up or forgets to tell one of us that they will be bringing some one so the waitress or waiter gets upset at us because they have to rearrange the table to make room for the extra person. Anywho, i was sooo frustrated on sunday that as soon as i walked into Iberico...spanish restaurant...i wanted to walk back out!!!
i was having such a good day too. i went to a chicago fire...soccer...game right before i met the gang. it was an awesome game too!!! i didn't understand a thing that was going on but just being in the almost brand new Toyota Park with all those nice looking soccer players and crazy fans made it worth while. I also thought of Joel...yes i thought of you...because chicago fire played against DC.
So anywho, we all got sitted and we talked about what was going on with our lives. ms. j and mr. motorcycles are both back in school and i'm going to apply in november. mr. cop is also in school and is thinking of going Federal...what ever that means..and looking into moving to Texas some time in the future. The conversation was good...then i said something that really upset ms. j. the rest of the gang didnt seem to even have noticed but i noticed that it really upset ms. j and with good reason. Here's the the part where i say "please dont get offended".
Ms. j mentioned something about her sending an e-mail from home so mr. motorcycle asked if she got a new computer. she says " my mom got me a lab top when i returned to school" and i said "wow, must be nice to be white"...i was just kidding though!!! (btw, just in case you hadn't figured it out ms. j is white) okay a little bit of me envies that part of her. she got really upset so she "left to get cash from the ATM". when she returned she said "Ms. Cali says hello" which of course was obvious to me that she had called ms. Cali...her best friend...to vent on what i had just said.
why am i sharing this with you? well because i feel guilty!!! but not for the reasons you may think but because i actually did mean that comment..."must be nice to be white". i'm sorry that i hurt Ms. j's feelings but i can't help feeling that way. i have often wondered what it would be like to be white!!! not that i'm not proud of being a mexican. i love my heritage!! i really do!!! i love the person that i am...well actually i'm a bit disappointed at what i discovered during this dinner about myself but is it really my fault that i feel this way? i consider myself very lucky to have the privileges i have sometimes, though, i get tired and frustrated at all the unfairness...for a lack of a better word.
Ms. j is a great person and she has worked hard and continues to work hard to get the stuff she wants but she has gotten alot of support. I remember when i first met her she told me "my dad got me a car for my graduation" WHAT?!?!? i know its not her fault but like i mentioned before i can't help but be a little envious. all i got when i graduated from college was "una hoya de frijoles". i remember when i told my dad that i was going back to college and his response was "nadamas vas a perder tu tiempo porque eres bien pendeja!!" so considering that response i'm glad i at least got that "hoya de frijoles."
other thoughts also came to mind as i sat in the restaurant...not wanting to be there but being polite. i remember ms. j calling me her little "ESL friend". I let that go though because i knew that she was messing around and that she really valued our friendship...at least i hope that was the case. or when i was waiting for the train once and this white man came up to me asking for directions. he tells me "wow, your English is great!! you have no accent!!" WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!? why the hell would i have a fucken accent asshole?!!? thats what i really wanted to say but didn't. i only said "thank you" and walked away angry!!! or the time that my white fifth grade teacher started calling me "maria" because she couldn't pronounce my name!!! maria isn't even close to what my real name is!!! or when ever i start a new job and a white co-worker says "oh, now i have someone to practice the little spanish that i know". i had to go to school and learn english so you go do the same ASSHOLE!!!! thats what i want to say but i only say "sure why not". ALL of these things i find offensive!!!!
by the time dinner was over i was sooooo angry and frustrated i just wanted to go home and chill. instead mr. rico suave and i ended up going over to mr. motorcycle's to watch the Bears loose...BIG TIME!!! what the hell is up with the bears this season!?!!? but this is another post...
i just want to say that i'm really sorry ms. j that i offended you....i really dont know what else to say though.
i was having such a good day too. i went to a chicago fire...soccer...game right before i met the gang. it was an awesome game too!!! i didn't understand a thing that was going on but just being in the almost brand new Toyota Park with all those nice looking soccer players and crazy fans made it worth while. I also thought of Joel...yes i thought of you...because chicago fire played against DC.
So anywho, we all got sitted and we talked about what was going on with our lives. ms. j and mr. motorcycles are both back in school and i'm going to apply in november. mr. cop is also in school and is thinking of going Federal...what ever that means..and looking into moving to Texas some time in the future. The conversation was good...then i said something that really upset ms. j. the rest of the gang didnt seem to even have noticed but i noticed that it really upset ms. j and with good reason. Here's the the part where i say "please dont get offended".
Ms. j mentioned something about her sending an e-mail from home so mr. motorcycle asked if she got a new computer. she says " my mom got me a lab top when i returned to school" and i said "wow, must be nice to be white"...i was just kidding though!!! (btw, just in case you hadn't figured it out ms. j is white) okay a little bit of me envies that part of her. she got really upset so she "left to get cash from the ATM". when she returned she said "Ms. Cali says hello" which of course was obvious to me that she had called ms. Cali...her best friend...to vent on what i had just said.
why am i sharing this with you? well because i feel guilty!!! but not for the reasons you may think but because i actually did mean that comment..."must be nice to be white". i'm sorry that i hurt Ms. j's feelings but i can't help feeling that way. i have often wondered what it would be like to be white!!! not that i'm not proud of being a mexican. i love my heritage!! i really do!!! i love the person that i am...well actually i'm a bit disappointed at what i discovered during this dinner about myself but is it really my fault that i feel this way? i consider myself very lucky to have the privileges i have sometimes, though, i get tired and frustrated at all the unfairness...for a lack of a better word.
Ms. j is a great person and she has worked hard and continues to work hard to get the stuff she wants but she has gotten alot of support. I remember when i first met her she told me "my dad got me a car for my graduation" WHAT?!?!? i know its not her fault but like i mentioned before i can't help but be a little envious. all i got when i graduated from college was "una hoya de frijoles". i remember when i told my dad that i was going back to college and his response was "nadamas vas a perder tu tiempo porque eres bien pendeja!!" so considering that response i'm glad i at least got that "hoya de frijoles."
other thoughts also came to mind as i sat in the restaurant...not wanting to be there but being polite. i remember ms. j calling me her little "ESL friend". I let that go though because i knew that she was messing around and that she really valued our friendship...at least i hope that was the case. or when i was waiting for the train once and this white man came up to me asking for directions. he tells me "wow, your English is great!! you have no accent!!" WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!? why the hell would i have a fucken accent asshole?!!? thats what i really wanted to say but didn't. i only said "thank you" and walked away angry!!! or the time that my white fifth grade teacher started calling me "maria" because she couldn't pronounce my name!!! maria isn't even close to what my real name is!!! or when ever i start a new job and a white co-worker says "oh, now i have someone to practice the little spanish that i know". i had to go to school and learn english so you go do the same ASSHOLE!!!! thats what i want to say but i only say "sure why not". ALL of these things i find offensive!!!!
by the time dinner was over i was sooooo angry and frustrated i just wanted to go home and chill. instead mr. rico suave and i ended up going over to mr. motorcycle's to watch the Bears loose...BIG TIME!!! what the hell is up with the bears this season!?!!? but this is another post...
i just want to say that i'm really sorry ms. j that i offended you....i really dont know what else to say though.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
hola...
i know i know its been a while. i've been busy with my two jobs....came to realize i really do need a car!!! i'm still working with kids and i'm still at Rush Hospital working with adults. Lately, though i've been wanting to quit both jobs. I'm tired of being a social worker. i don't want to do this anymore, i'm constantly trying to fix somebody's problem. maybe i'm burning out. maybe i just need a break. i was seriously thinking of quitting both jobs and applying at target the other day. i'm tired people!!!! anywho, enough of that.
I went to the mexican independence parade this sunday. i haven't been to that in yeeeeears. probably 15 years!!!! it was fun, i guess. it was nice being silly with all the little babies around me. i left before the parade was over. i had to go pee, hehehehehe. anywho, the only reason i went was because mr. rico suave wanted to go. glad i went, otherwise i wouldn't have met Saul and Armando...the little babies i was being silly with.
have i mentioned that i want a baby. i want a baby!!!!! i'm looking for donors. I talked to mr. motorcycle the other day about this. he started laughing when i told him "all i need is 15 minutes of your time, well it really depends on you but really it should be over in 5". he couldn't stop laughing "pinche sonrisa!!!" is all he kept saying. i was serious though!!! i really want to be a mommy!!! i think i would be great mommy!!! okay let me stop before i start crying.
nothing major going on right now in life. hmmm? my nephew Rocker started college!! omg!!!! i couldn't stop crying the day before. i just cant believe that 18 years ago i was the first one to change his diaper when he was brought home and now he is in college!!! his dad would have been soooo proud!!!
okay, lets talk about happy things!!! i got my bike sit stolen....IN FRONT OF THE POLICE STATION!!!! so this isn't happy but its kind of funny and sad at the same time. so yeah, i went to pick up my cases at the police station on california and i figured it was a nice day so i rode my bike. i was only at the station for 10 minutes, maybe less. just went upstairs, said my hello's, grabbed my cases and went back downstairs....less then ten minutes. as i walked toward my bike i realized my sit was gone!!!! BASTARDS!!!! what is the this world coming to!!!! so anywho, i tried riding without a sit but my legs got too tired. i called my daddy to go pick me up and he just laughed. he tells me "alguien lo necesitaba mas que tu". what ever daddy!!! then i told him that last time my bike got stolen but they left me the sit and he tells me "por eso lo hicieron entonces. porque sabian que tenias un extra sit" WHAT EVER DADDY!!!! i'm just outraged that they did it in front of the police station!!!!! GGGGGRRRRR!!!!
so thats my story and i'm stickin' to it!!!!
laters my fellow bloggers!!!
I went to the mexican independence parade this sunday. i haven't been to that in yeeeeears. probably 15 years!!!! it was fun, i guess. it was nice being silly with all the little babies around me. i left before the parade was over. i had to go pee, hehehehehe. anywho, the only reason i went was because mr. rico suave wanted to go. glad i went, otherwise i wouldn't have met Saul and Armando...the little babies i was being silly with.
have i mentioned that i want a baby. i want a baby!!!!! i'm looking for donors. I talked to mr. motorcycle the other day about this. he started laughing when i told him "all i need is 15 minutes of your time, well it really depends on you but really it should be over in 5". he couldn't stop laughing "pinche sonrisa!!!" is all he kept saying. i was serious though!!! i really want to be a mommy!!! i think i would be great mommy!!! okay let me stop before i start crying.
nothing major going on right now in life. hmmm? my nephew Rocker started college!! omg!!!! i couldn't stop crying the day before. i just cant believe that 18 years ago i was the first one to change his diaper when he was brought home and now he is in college!!! his dad would have been soooo proud!!!
okay, lets talk about happy things!!! i got my bike sit stolen....IN FRONT OF THE POLICE STATION!!!! so this isn't happy but its kind of funny and sad at the same time. so yeah, i went to pick up my cases at the police station on california and i figured it was a nice day so i rode my bike. i was only at the station for 10 minutes, maybe less. just went upstairs, said my hello's, grabbed my cases and went back downstairs....less then ten minutes. as i walked toward my bike i realized my sit was gone!!!! BASTARDS!!!! what is the this world coming to!!!! so anywho, i tried riding without a sit but my legs got too tired. i called my daddy to go pick me up and he just laughed. he tells me "alguien lo necesitaba mas que tu". what ever daddy!!! then i told him that last time my bike got stolen but they left me the sit and he tells me "por eso lo hicieron entonces. porque sabian que tenias un extra sit" WHAT EVER DADDY!!!! i'm just outraged that they did it in front of the police station!!!!! GGGGGRRRRR!!!!
so thats my story and i'm stickin' to it!!!!
laters my fellow bloggers!!!
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
holaaaa!!!
hey there my fellow bloggers!!!
i feel like its been forever!!!
well lets see... where to begin? i'm still loving my job!! i'm still looking for a romantic partner!!! and i still love kachito!!! even if he is evil!!! ehehehe
seriously, i had a really good weekend!!! my birthday/housewarming party was this weekend. i had soooo much fun!!! many of the people that said were coming didn't make it...but thats okay. i still had an awsome time and i hope my guest did too. chanclita and mr. chancla stopped by as well as santis!!! i wished santis would have stayed longer but oh well there is always next year. i had an impersonator who did a great job imitating pablo montero and rogelio martin!!! and then i did my gloria trevi dance!!! i had a blast!! chanclita and mr. chancla won the "pimp my 40" contest!!!! great job chanclita!!! they got to take a bottle of jimadores tequila home...santis and i will be waiting for an invitation soon ;-) i had so much fun!!!!
must get going...laters
i feel like its been forever!!!
well lets see... where to begin? i'm still loving my job!! i'm still looking for a romantic partner!!! and i still love kachito!!! even if he is evil!!! ehehehe
seriously, i had a really good weekend!!! my birthday/housewarming party was this weekend. i had soooo much fun!!! many of the people that said were coming didn't make it...but thats okay. i still had an awsome time and i hope my guest did too. chanclita and mr. chancla stopped by as well as santis!!! i wished santis would have stayed longer but oh well there is always next year. i had an impersonator who did a great job imitating pablo montero and rogelio martin!!! and then i did my gloria trevi dance!!! i had a blast!! chanclita and mr. chancla won the "pimp my 40" contest!!!! great job chanclita!!! they got to take a bottle of jimadores tequila home...santis and i will be waiting for an invitation soon ;-) i had so much fun!!!!
must get going...laters
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
can't breathe...
i've been having the wierdest dreams...maybe chanclita can help me out? its been three times in a row that i have dreamt that i can't breathe!!! i'm in a room realizing that its getting harder and harder for me to breathe. i start walking towards the door but the more i can't breathe. it seems like when ever i tried the to walk towards the door the less oxygen there was so i felt stuck in that room. on three occasions i woke up scared...seriously its scary of just thinking of dying that way.
what does that mean? anybody?
what does that mean? anybody?
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
hey there!!!
well, i love my new job!!!! i get to work from home, got a cell phone and a laptop!! what else can i ask for??!?!?! seriously, thats not why i love my job. i love my job because of the kids i have on my case load. AWESOME kids who just need a little guidance and are longing for that feeling that someone actually cares what happens to them. I must be honest that unfortunetly some of these kids are a lost cause....i'm very very sad to say this. There is only so much i can say and do to such kids. I work with the family as well and let me tell what turmoil these families go through because the kids are in gangs!!! Moms crying, dads angry and screaming, grandmas "just giving up and letting you handle it"!!! AND my co-workers are GREAT!!! They are really nice people...well at least they are when i see them, which is once a week...when i turn in my paperwork.
well thats it for now...hopefully i will get to write some laters.
take care my fellow bloggers!!!
ooooh i almost forgot!!! I'LL BE CELEBRATING MY BIRTHDAY THIS WEEKEND!!!!! COME AND HAVE SOME DRINKS WITH ME THIS FRIDAY AT THE SPOT ON BROADWAY!!!! YAY!!!!!
well thats it for now...hopefully i will get to write some laters.
take care my fellow bloggers!!!
ooooh i almost forgot!!! I'LL BE CELEBRATING MY BIRTHDAY THIS WEEKEND!!!!! COME AND HAVE SOME DRINKS WITH ME THIS FRIDAY AT THE SPOT ON BROADWAY!!!! YAY!!!!!
Saturday, June 30, 2007
kareoke....
I had the best time ever last night!!!! I went to china town, had me some delicious chinese food then headed over to the kareoke place!!! i went with mr. HK, Mr. Chef, Ms. Windy. I met Ms Windy last week and i had mentioned to her that Mr. HK kept talking about going to a kareaoke place in china town but we never got around to it. Ms. Windy took charge and set everything up for last night!!! Mr. HK and Mr. Windy are Chinese and by the looks of it they are regulars at this place.
So after dinner we went to what i thought was a restaurant but apparently it wasn't. Mr. HK and Ms Windy spoke to the bartender...don't know what they were saying because they were speaking chinese but it must have been something about either wanting to stay at the big bar or wanting a room because he then led us to a room. The place had alot of these little rooms. Groups of people rent them for a couple of hours and sing all night!! I liked it because it was just the four of us which made it alot less stressful to sing...i need to be drinking in order for me to sing in a bar full of people. anywho, we sang all night!!! they had alot of choices and obviously alot of chinese songs. i sang madonna and whitney houston and other songs but my favorite song that i sang last night was "total eclipse of the heart"....i love that song!!!! "once upon a time i was falling in love and now i'm only falling apart, nothing i can do, a total of eclipse of the heart" I LOVE IT!!!! anywho, Mr. HK really surprised me!!! he sang some english songs but the ones that got to me were the chinese songs he sang. I had no idea what he was singing about but the way he sang got me all emotional. He has the most beautiful voice and he sang with such emotion...i was very very impressed mostly because when he is around people he is super shy and doesn't really say much. He's not shy with me though but i still didn't expect him to sing sooooo beautifully!!
I had fun last night...AND i want to go back for some more chinese kereoke!!! anyone care to join me?!?!?
So after dinner we went to what i thought was a restaurant but apparently it wasn't. Mr. HK and Ms Windy spoke to the bartender...don't know what they were saying because they were speaking chinese but it must have been something about either wanting to stay at the big bar or wanting a room because he then led us to a room. The place had alot of these little rooms. Groups of people rent them for a couple of hours and sing all night!! I liked it because it was just the four of us which made it alot less stressful to sing...i need to be drinking in order for me to sing in a bar full of people. anywho, we sang all night!!! they had alot of choices and obviously alot of chinese songs. i sang madonna and whitney houston and other songs but my favorite song that i sang last night was "total eclipse of the heart"....i love that song!!!! "once upon a time i was falling in love and now i'm only falling apart, nothing i can do, a total of eclipse of the heart" I LOVE IT!!!! anywho, Mr. HK really surprised me!!! he sang some english songs but the ones that got to me were the chinese songs he sang. I had no idea what he was singing about but the way he sang got me all emotional. He has the most beautiful voice and he sang with such emotion...i was very very impressed mostly because when he is around people he is super shy and doesn't really say much. He's not shy with me though but i still didn't expect him to sing sooooo beautifully!!
I had fun last night...AND i want to go back for some more chinese kereoke!!! anyone care to join me?!?!?
Saturday, June 23, 2007
no answer...
This morning I woke up and went upstairs to my sister's. She wasn't there...her apartment was empty. I noticed that the flowers in the kitchen table were dead so I decided to throw them out but then I realized that the trash can had no bag so I went to the pantry to get a bag. As I was putting the bag on the trash can I realized how EMPTY my sister's home felt. I looked at where my brother-in-law sat all the time and I started to cry. I walked over to get the dead flowers to throw them away. As I poured the water down the sink, I had to grab the sink because at this point I was sobbing uncontrollably. I walked towards the dining room and the image of my brother- in -law with the oxygen tank sitting at the end of the table came to mind. I sat at the other end crying asking him "why did you have to leave us so soon? why?!?!?!" no answer...I got up and walked to the living room to open the shades so that some light could come in but only got as far as the chair next to the living room door. I sat there crying and the image of my brother-in-law lying down on the couch with the oxygen tank next to him came to mind. I asked him once again "why did you have to leave us soon? why?!?!?" no answer...
I started thinking about all the things that he will be missing out on...he already missed out on seeing my nephew Rocker graduate high school. Rocker will be going to UIC and he tells me he is scared...I can hear my brother-in-law telling Rocker "mi'jo usted no tengo miedo, usted hechele ganas y si no la hace pues si quiera el intento hizo". He was so good to his kids, so good to my sister. Why did have to leave us so soon?...
I started thinking about all the things that he will be missing out on...he already missed out on seeing my nephew Rocker graduate high school. Rocker will be going to UIC and he tells me he is scared...I can hear my brother-in-law telling Rocker "mi'jo usted no tengo miedo, usted hechele ganas y si no la hace pues si quiera el intento hizo". He was so good to his kids, so good to my sister. Why did have to leave us so soon?...
Sunday, June 17, 2007
i quit!!!!
yes my dear bloggers i quit my job at the unemployment office!!!! i just couldn't take it. i didn't like my co-workers and it was getting to the point where i dreaded to get up in the morning to go to work. i would get this really weird headache once i got to work...it just wasn't good. Anywho, my last day is this coming Thursday.
I'll be starting my new job in July. I'll be working at Mt. Sinai Hospital and the Juvenile Court. My population will be 10-18 year old kids that have been arrested for minor offenses. We'll see how that goes...I'll be making my own schedule so that's a big plus for me!!! i won't be in the office all day because I'll be making home visits and visiting the kids' schools. my new boss seems to be cool and am looking forward to working with her. we'll see how it goes.
so lets see what else is going on? so Mr. Colombian and I don't talk anymore...i guess i was too far for him to visit so he decided just to stop talking all together. okay so this is what really happened...apparently he didn't like me hanging out with Mr. Rico Suave because he thinks that Mr. Rico Suave is a bad influence so he told me "either you stop hanging out with him or stop hanging out with me" what?!?!? oh hell no!!! you just didn't ask me that!??!??! so can you guess who i chose? yes i stuck with Mr. Rico Suave...so he's a little mess up, okay alot messed up, but he is also a friend who wouldn't make me choose between him and another person!!! so anywho, Mr. Colombian and i don't talk anymore. do i miss him? not really.
i am totally loving living in The Village!!! I've gain so much weight though...its all this good food my sister cooks!!! she is an awesome cook!!! but i need to stop eating it because I've gain weight like there is no tomorrow!! according to Santis the weight looks good on me...thanks dude but when I'm trying to fit in last summer clothes i get a bit depressed. MUST LOOSE WEIGHT!!!
ooooohhh, i went to Maxwell Street today!!!! i haven't been there in ages!!! i had soooo much fun!!! i had forgotten all the goodies you can find there!!! it's not like the old days but none the less i still enjoyed myself. Maxwell Street is a flea market, by the way.
i also found out when my parents will be coming back from Mexico!!! July 24th!!!! two days after my birthday!!! yay!!! i miss my parents, especially my mommy! yes i said mommy!!! do you have a problem with that?!!???! that's what i thought!!
I'm already starting preparations for my birthday/housewarming party...it won't be until august 11th but it doesn't hurt to start now. i'm soooo excited!!!
well my dear bloggers that is it for now...laters alligators
I'll be starting my new job in July. I'll be working at Mt. Sinai Hospital and the Juvenile Court. My population will be 10-18 year old kids that have been arrested for minor offenses. We'll see how that goes...I'll be making my own schedule so that's a big plus for me!!! i won't be in the office all day because I'll be making home visits and visiting the kids' schools. my new boss seems to be cool and am looking forward to working with her. we'll see how it goes.
so lets see what else is going on? so Mr. Colombian and I don't talk anymore...i guess i was too far for him to visit so he decided just to stop talking all together. okay so this is what really happened...apparently he didn't like me hanging out with Mr. Rico Suave because he thinks that Mr. Rico Suave is a bad influence so he told me "either you stop hanging out with him or stop hanging out with me" what?!?!? oh hell no!!! you just didn't ask me that!??!??! so can you guess who i chose? yes i stuck with Mr. Rico Suave...so he's a little mess up, okay alot messed up, but he is also a friend who wouldn't make me choose between him and another person!!! so anywho, Mr. Colombian and i don't talk anymore. do i miss him? not really.
i am totally loving living in The Village!!! I've gain so much weight though...its all this good food my sister cooks!!! she is an awesome cook!!! but i need to stop eating it because I've gain weight like there is no tomorrow!! according to Santis the weight looks good on me...thanks dude but when I'm trying to fit in last summer clothes i get a bit depressed. MUST LOOSE WEIGHT!!!
ooooohhh, i went to Maxwell Street today!!!! i haven't been there in ages!!! i had soooo much fun!!! i had forgotten all the goodies you can find there!!! it's not like the old days but none the less i still enjoyed myself. Maxwell Street is a flea market, by the way.
i also found out when my parents will be coming back from Mexico!!! July 24th!!!! two days after my birthday!!! yay!!! i miss my parents, especially my mommy! yes i said mommy!!! do you have a problem with that?!!???! that's what i thought!!
I'm already starting preparations for my birthday/housewarming party...it won't be until august 11th but it doesn't hurt to start now. i'm soooo excited!!!
well my dear bloggers that is it for now...laters alligators
Monday, April 30, 2007
hello there...
well it's my third week at work. i have come to the conclusion that i'm going to have a difficult time with my co-workers!!! i HATE their attitudes towards the clients!!!! last week i was really upset because clients walk in the office nervous, scared, and anxious...who wouldn't be?!?!! i mean you are unemployed for crying out loud, some of these people don't know how or when they will be able to pay the bills...and then to have these people, my co-workers, intimidate them!!!! that really pissed me off!!!! i left the office close to tears because i was soooo angry!!! i wanted to tell my co-workers off but i can't do that...at least not yet. i want to learn more before i start opening my mouth!! i dont want these people telling me "your new!!! you don't know shit so shut up!!" and trust me they WOULD say something like that but the day they do they will really know who Sonrisa is!!! motha fuckers!!!!! ggrrrr!!! it just makes me sooo angry!!! i swear i will advocate for my peeps for as long as i can!!! the co-workers have no right treating them the way they do!!!! when will some people understand that just because you are behind the desk does not make you any better then anyone!!!! aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
well on to much nicer things. i had a very lovely weekend!!! i went out to dinner with some friends here at the village on saturday and on sunday la familia and i had a cookout. i LOVE cookouts!!! good times!!
i went to springfield on wednesday through friday to attend a training. let me tell you that springfield is boring!!!!! damn!! there's nothing to do over there!!!! i was bored out of my mind!! i can't really complain though because everything was paid for. however, i have decided that next time i will take a friend!!! damn that place was boring!!!
when i returned from springfield i came home to a very lonely kachito. i hugged him and kissed him and told him how much i missed him. i thought all was well until my friends came over on saturday evening. kachito is back to his old self!!! he started hissing and trying to scratch them!!! he wasn't doing that anymore when we first moved to the new apartment...he was being super freindly up until saturday. what's going on?!?!? is it because i left him for three days!??!?! somebody explain to me why kachito is aggressive again!!! he is super nice when we are alone though. it's just when people come to my apartment. he even hissed at my niece!!! he hadn't done that since we moved here...haaay, don't know what to think anymore. none the less i love kachito no matter what mood he is in!!
well on to much nicer things. i had a very lovely weekend!!! i went out to dinner with some friends here at the village on saturday and on sunday la familia and i had a cookout. i LOVE cookouts!!! good times!!
i went to springfield on wednesday through friday to attend a training. let me tell you that springfield is boring!!!!! damn!! there's nothing to do over there!!!! i was bored out of my mind!! i can't really complain though because everything was paid for. however, i have decided that next time i will take a friend!!! damn that place was boring!!!
when i returned from springfield i came home to a very lonely kachito. i hugged him and kissed him and told him how much i missed him. i thought all was well until my friends came over on saturday evening. kachito is back to his old self!!! he started hissing and trying to scratch them!!! he wasn't doing that anymore when we first moved to the new apartment...he was being super freindly up until saturday. what's going on?!?!? is it because i left him for three days!??!?! somebody explain to me why kachito is aggressive again!!! he is super nice when we are alone though. it's just when people come to my apartment. he even hissed at my niece!!! he hadn't done that since we moved here...haaay, don't know what to think anymore. none the less i love kachito no matter what mood he is in!!
Saturday, April 14, 2007
mmmm pizza!!!!!
so i just had the best pizza ever!!! yes my chicagoan bloggers i just had homerun inn pizza!!!!!! the best pizza ever!!! one of the many perks of living in the village.
so lets see what's going on with my life...hmmmm? oh yeah have i mentioned i move to the village!!! my sister tells me that i'm happy and excited for now but once summer comes things will change for me. "loud music every where you go, eloteros every 5 minutes, las campanitas de los paleteros every 5 minutes...it's all going to get on your nerves and it's going to make you run back to the northside" i don't think so. i'm embracing la villita!!! haaay ya parece que naci en el northside...hehehehhe.
i'm super excited about starting my new job. i'm so ready to have a stable schedule!!! 9-5:00 schedule here i come. i'm sure i'll be complaining about my new job soon but for the time being let me enjoy :-)
i miss my colombiano friend!!! he is super busy with school...he is taking 5 classes and apparently they all turned out to be more difficult then he thought. he calls me everyday though...which i find a little odd but none the less makes me happy. hmmm? am i starting to like mr. colombian???! noooooo!!!! i am in love with mr. motorcycle and if all goes to plan, him and i should be a couple by this summer...mmmwuhhahahhahaha. yes!!! i've decided that i have waited long enough therefore i will make my move this summer....okay i must be high on the pizza because there is nooooo way i'm making anything happen with mr. motorcycle.
anywho, things are well at this end. hope all is well with you...
so lets see what's going on with my life...hmmmm? oh yeah have i mentioned i move to the village!!! my sister tells me that i'm happy and excited for now but once summer comes things will change for me. "loud music every where you go, eloteros every 5 minutes, las campanitas de los paleteros every 5 minutes...it's all going to get on your nerves and it's going to make you run back to the northside" i don't think so. i'm embracing la villita!!! haaay ya parece que naci en el northside...hehehehhe.
i'm super excited about starting my new job. i'm so ready to have a stable schedule!!! 9-5:00 schedule here i come. i'm sure i'll be complaining about my new job soon but for the time being let me enjoy :-)
i miss my colombiano friend!!! he is super busy with school...he is taking 5 classes and apparently they all turned out to be more difficult then he thought. he calls me everyday though...which i find a little odd but none the less makes me happy. hmmm? am i starting to like mr. colombian???! noooooo!!!! i am in love with mr. motorcycle and if all goes to plan, him and i should be a couple by this summer...mmmwuhhahahhahaha. yes!!! i've decided that i have waited long enough therefore i will make my move this summer....okay i must be high on the pizza because there is nooooo way i'm making anything happen with mr. motorcycle.
anywho, things are well at this end. hope all is well with you...
Thursday, April 05, 2007
back to the village!!!
well i moved back to little village!!!! yay!!! it is sooooo much sooner then i had origanilly planned but it all worked out. i was in sooooo much pain on monday from the move. my place is coming along.
mr. colombian is sad that i left but hey if he really wants to see me he can come over anytime. rico suave is also sad that i "left him". i'm a bit confused as to how i feel about the move...i'm sooo much closer to my family...a good thing but can also be a bad thing. for the most part i'm happy.
kachis? holy crap!!! he was going crazy on sunday night but by monday he was super chilled. he's even friendly to people who come to visit me!!! he totally is loving the new place.
mr. motorcycle is super happy as well. he has called me all this week to "see what i'm doing". he helped me out on monday with some picture frames. he took me to home depot to get some stuff i needed for my new place, "you just let me know when you need to go again" is what he told me.
i must admit that i miss the north side...there are no borders bookstores over here!!!! somebody's gotta work on that!!! ehehehhehee. i crack myself up!!
laters....
mr. colombian is sad that i left but hey if he really wants to see me he can come over anytime. rico suave is also sad that i "left him". i'm a bit confused as to how i feel about the move...i'm sooo much closer to my family...a good thing but can also be a bad thing. for the most part i'm happy.
kachis? holy crap!!! he was going crazy on sunday night but by monday he was super chilled. he's even friendly to people who come to visit me!!! he totally is loving the new place.
mr. motorcycle is super happy as well. he has called me all this week to "see what i'm doing". he helped me out on monday with some picture frames. he took me to home depot to get some stuff i needed for my new place, "you just let me know when you need to go again" is what he told me.
i must admit that i miss the north side...there are no borders bookstores over here!!!! somebody's gotta work on that!!! ehehehhehee. i crack myself up!!
laters....
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
where to start?....
well i have been hired at the unemployment office in Pilsen!!!! YAY!!!! for me!! i will be officially working for the government starting April 16th!!! i will also be moving back to the village in july. i will be having my b-day/housewarming party then. you are all invited!!! dc you must come over with morena, cincy bring your favorite book and we'll read it together ;-), Todd i await your arrrival as well!!! enemy of the republic come visit your old home, and coco bring along your husband and doggies during summer break. the chicagoan bloggers have no excuse for not showing up!!! i know it's still a few months away but i'm sooo excited. i haven't been this excited and happy for a while.
lets see what else...oh yeah. some things never change. this past weekend i went to a gay bar...i haven't been to a gay bar in like forever!! anyway, i stopped going about two years ago so i figured things might be different. nope!! things haven't changed. there was still the creepy "straight" guy floating around looking for the fag hags. this guy just creeped me out. i use to see him ALL the time at all this different gay bars in boys town. he tried talking to me a few times 'till he figured out i was on to him. i ALWAYS saw him leaving with a poor drunk girl once the bar was closing. i just think that's kind of pathetic...guy going to gay bars looking for girls. hmmm? but if it's been working for him power to him...i guess.
hmmm? oh yeah, mr. colombian, whom by the way is NOT my boyfriend, keeps insisting on moving in with me once i move to the village. "HELL!!! NOOO!", is what i told him. "but it's a three bedroom apartment!! what will you be doing with a three bedroom apartment?" "one room will be my bedroom, the other will be kachito's bedroom, and i'm using the third as my walk in closet" i told him. he gave me his "whoooot?!?!!? what do you mean the cat is going to have his own room!??" THE CAT WILL HAVE HIS OWN ROOM!!!! HELLO?!?!? WHICH PART OF THAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND!!! he said that i still have a few more months to change my mind but really i don't want a roommate. i'm used to living by myself, yes sometimes i get lonely but most of the time i like being alone. we'll see what happens. i will most definetly keep you informed.
laters for now
lets see what else...oh yeah. some things never change. this past weekend i went to a gay bar...i haven't been to a gay bar in like forever!! anyway, i stopped going about two years ago so i figured things might be different. nope!! things haven't changed. there was still the creepy "straight" guy floating around looking for the fag hags. this guy just creeped me out. i use to see him ALL the time at all this different gay bars in boys town. he tried talking to me a few times 'till he figured out i was on to him. i ALWAYS saw him leaving with a poor drunk girl once the bar was closing. i just think that's kind of pathetic...guy going to gay bars looking for girls. hmmm? but if it's been working for him power to him...i guess.
hmmm? oh yeah, mr. colombian, whom by the way is NOT my boyfriend, keeps insisting on moving in with me once i move to the village. "HELL!!! NOOO!", is what i told him. "but it's a three bedroom apartment!! what will you be doing with a three bedroom apartment?" "one room will be my bedroom, the other will be kachito's bedroom, and i'm using the third as my walk in closet" i told him. he gave me his "whoooot?!?!!? what do you mean the cat is going to have his own room!??" THE CAT WILL HAVE HIS OWN ROOM!!!! HELLO?!?!? WHICH PART OF THAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND!!! he said that i still have a few more months to change my mind but really i don't want a roommate. i'm used to living by myself, yes sometimes i get lonely but most of the time i like being alone. we'll see what happens. i will most definetly keep you informed.
laters for now
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
on the bus ride to work or home...
why do people have this need to tell me their problems while i'm on the bus!! sometimes i dont really mind. i've met really nice people...mostly older ladies. they tell me about their aches and pains and about their diets and about "how things were when they were younger". BUT than there are those annoying one's that just don't get the hint. i ignore them, take out my book to read, roll my eyes at them...yet they can't seem to get it!!! I don't want to hear about how much money you are sueing your "friend" because he did you wrong!!! I don't want to hear about how people just don't understand rap!!! or why Prince WAS a slave after all. Yes my dear friends these are the kind of conversations people strike up with me!!!! sometimes i'm just sooo tired that i just a peaceful ride back home. aaayyy, i gotta work on getting a car!!!
don't kids go to school anymore!??!
so this morning i went with my mom to get her mexican passport. everything was cool...now you have to make an appointment so the wait isn't that long, where as before you would have to get to the place at 6 in the morning in order for you get out at 2 in the afternoon, if you were that lucky!! anywho, while i was filling out the application for mom they asked for an emergency contact and that person's information. i decided to put my older sister's info but i couldn't remember her address so i call her at home. my little niece answers, "what the hell are you doing there??!?!?" i asked her as soon i heard her voice. "oh it's half a day at school" she tells me. "don't you kids ever go to school anymore!?!?!?" i ask. i reacted this way because on Monday i went to visit my sister and my niece opens the door. "are you sick? why aren't you at school?" i ask her. she tells me "it's pulaski's day" who the hell is pulaski?!!! why are we celebrating him!?!! this was monday!!! today is wednesday!!!! two days in one week!!!!! what the hell?!!? i think i've decided to send my kids to private schools!!!...that's if i do end up having kids.
Monday, March 05, 2007
nice weekend
i had a nice weekend.
Lets starts with thursday though... on thursday i got to hangout with hk and his partner. i hadn't seen them in a long time. Friday i hungout with chuckaroon. he came from st. louis. he brought a freind with...very sweet guy. we had dinner at the little mexican cafe. the food is awsome!!! they make the guacamole in a molacajete right in front of you!!! the food was great!! i also had strawberries with cajeta for dessert!! yummy yummy!! on saturday i hung out with the hola gang. we laughed all night!!! mostly just making fun of each other. we also went to krispy kreme in memory of tazman...it's been four years. we played cards...mr. policeman won all the money!!! we all think he was cheating but he swears he wasn't!!! whatever is what i have to say to that. on sunday i had dinner with my parents and my two sisters. we went to my favorite thia restaurant. my parents loved the food and i loved the coconut icecream!! damn i ate sooooo much this weekend.
i have to go see santis new baby this weekend!!! i saw some pictures already and the baby is sooooo cute!! looks nothing like santis...hehehehe just kidding dude, you know i love!!
talk to your laters peoples
Lets starts with thursday though... on thursday i got to hangout with hk and his partner. i hadn't seen them in a long time. Friday i hungout with chuckaroon. he came from st. louis. he brought a freind with...very sweet guy. we had dinner at the little mexican cafe. the food is awsome!!! they make the guacamole in a molacajete right in front of you!!! the food was great!! i also had strawberries with cajeta for dessert!! yummy yummy!! on saturday i hung out with the hola gang. we laughed all night!!! mostly just making fun of each other. we also went to krispy kreme in memory of tazman...it's been four years. we played cards...mr. policeman won all the money!!! we all think he was cheating but he swears he wasn't!!! whatever is what i have to say to that. on sunday i had dinner with my parents and my two sisters. we went to my favorite thia restaurant. my parents loved the food and i loved the coconut icecream!! damn i ate sooooo much this weekend.
i have to go see santis new baby this weekend!!! i saw some pictures already and the baby is sooooo cute!! looks nothing like santis...hehehehe just kidding dude, you know i love!!
talk to your laters peoples
Monday, February 19, 2007
i'm back!!!
well things seem to be going okay. i'm currently on the search for either a full-time or part-time job...damn i didn't think it was going to be this difficult!! okay i just started sending my resume to different places last week...i guess i must be patient.
i just finished talking to my second mom...i'm planning on moving back to the hood. why? because i want to be closer to my family. my sister/second mom seems to be holding on pretty good. i was talking to my niece last week and she told me that my sister cries at night and my niece tries to console her by telling her that my brother-in-law wouldn't like seeing her cry anymore. when my sister is with us though she seems okay...i guess we all have our moments and i know that this will take time.
my daddy is doing good too as well. he is getting surgery in march. it turns out they found something wrong with his spinal cord so they want to take care of it before it becomes to be a problem. my daddy and mom are going to back to mexico as soon as the surgery is over. they were supposed to go back at the end of this month but they decided to put the trip on hold until daddy's health gets better. i'm just glad that my dad is doing alot better.
mr. colombian is still around. have i mentioned that he said the "L" word? yes he told me he LOVED me!!!!! i totally freaked and asked if he was okay? anywho, things were a bit uncomfortable for a while there but they are back to normal again. the guy makes me laugh!!! he is such a dork!!!
Oh yeah, i almost forgot!!! my family was t.v.!!!! they were in the spanish version of Family Feud!!! it's called "que dice la gente?" it was soooo funny to watch!!! my dad recorded it so we are planning on getting together this weekend at the parents to watch it together. mr. motorcycle asked why i didn't participate and i told him because my spanish was not that good. the familia played at home to see who would go to the show and well i was first one out!!!
i have missed you bloggers!!! i saw most of you a few days ago, that totally made me smile. i do think about the ones i don't get see like cincy, todd, coco, dc, and cruel virgin. i want to thank all of you for sending good vibes down my way :-) thanks!!!
hasta laters!!!
i just finished talking to my second mom...i'm planning on moving back to the hood. why? because i want to be closer to my family. my sister/second mom seems to be holding on pretty good. i was talking to my niece last week and she told me that my sister cries at night and my niece tries to console her by telling her that my brother-in-law wouldn't like seeing her cry anymore. when my sister is with us though she seems okay...i guess we all have our moments and i know that this will take time.
my daddy is doing good too as well. he is getting surgery in march. it turns out they found something wrong with his spinal cord so they want to take care of it before it becomes to be a problem. my daddy and mom are going to back to mexico as soon as the surgery is over. they were supposed to go back at the end of this month but they decided to put the trip on hold until daddy's health gets better. i'm just glad that my dad is doing alot better.
mr. colombian is still around. have i mentioned that he said the "L" word? yes he told me he LOVED me!!!!! i totally freaked and asked if he was okay? anywho, things were a bit uncomfortable for a while there but they are back to normal again. the guy makes me laugh!!! he is such a dork!!!
Oh yeah, i almost forgot!!! my family was t.v.!!!! they were in the spanish version of Family Feud!!! it's called "que dice la gente?" it was soooo funny to watch!!! my dad recorded it so we are planning on getting together this weekend at the parents to watch it together. mr. motorcycle asked why i didn't participate and i told him because my spanish was not that good. the familia played at home to see who would go to the show and well i was first one out!!!
i have missed you bloggers!!! i saw most of you a few days ago, that totally made me smile. i do think about the ones i don't get see like cincy, todd, coco, dc, and cruel virgin. i want to thank all of you for sending good vibes down my way :-) thanks!!!
hasta laters!!!
Thursday, January 25, 2007
i'm okay...
i'm hanging on in there. i've talked to a few bloggers and well i'll tell you what i've told them. at this point in my life i feel really lost!! don't know what to do. continue to question whether i want to keep on doing social services.
my daddy had a mini heart attack...he is doing alot better now...and let me tell you that it was a few scary days for me and my family. he is back at home being daddy again.
i continue to do my part-time gig as a research assistant.
i'm hanging on in there...like mr. colombian says "i have no choice but to hang on in there"
take care my fellow bloggers and i hope all is well in your worlds. i will try my bestest to me again...i hope its soon.
my daddy had a mini heart attack...he is doing alot better now...and let me tell you that it was a few scary days for me and my family. he is back at home being daddy again.
i continue to do my part-time gig as a research assistant.
i'm hanging on in there...like mr. colombian says "i have no choice but to hang on in there"
take care my fellow bloggers and i hope all is well in your worlds. i will try my bestest to me again...i hope its soon.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
life...
has been challenging these past few weeks!!!
Friday, December 22 was my last day at my AIDS/HIV job. i'm really sad about leaving my job but happy leaving the agency...does this make sense? i'm going to miss my clients alot...especially my schizoprenic client. I actually cried as i was saying my goodbye to him..."who is going to check up on me, sonrisa? who am i going to talk to now? i don't think i want to continue coming to this agency if you're not here anymore?" yes i cried!!! i'm going to miss him the most.
i got a phone call from a doctor at Rush hospital because he was informed that i was a spanish speaking research assistant. this project will have me working with the latino individuals that are having heart problems. i hope i get this job!!! the doctor is supposed to call me this week to talk about my salary..."i hope i can afford you" he says. DAMN!!! at this point i'll take anything...okay, not anything. i have been seriously thinking about not doing social work anymore. i'm tired. i'm....i want to focus on me!!! it's time i start focusing on me. not that i haven't but i've just been feeling lost ever since my brother-in-law died. he was only 42 years old!!!! he was young!!! he was a great person who loved my sister and his children alot!!! he didn't drink, he didn't smoke...i'm just so angry!!!! he was soooo young!!!
the night he died, my younger sister called me to let me know that he wanted to see me. i was working at Rush that evening and practically ran to Stoger's Hospital. i was crying all the way to the hospital because even though dork hadn't mentioned anything about him dying i just knew he was leaving us that night. when i got to Stroger's, dork was waiting for me downstairs. i looked at her and hugged her. i cried uncontrollably as dork told me "the doctors said he only has a couple of more hours". as i took the elevator upstairs i tried to calm myself down but as soon as i saw him i lost it again. one hour later he was gone. there are so many things i want to forget about that night...him being in so much pain, me asking my frida to take him because i couldn't stand him being in pain!!! my sister crying asking him not to leave her. i want to forget so many things about that night!!!
my sister, my second mom...what can i say about her. i can't even imagine what she is going through right now. it's christmas eve and we are all supposed to be happy...but we are not. my second mom is the most amazing woman...aside from my mommy...ever.
today as i got off the bus, i started walking towards her house and i kept telling myself "you're not going cry!!! you have to be strong for her!!! you're not going to cry!!" but i couldn't. i walked in the house and saw her cooking some taquitos, i hugged her and went to the living room to cry by myself. she later came in and tells me "sonrisa, ya no llores que todo va estar bien"
he was only 42 years old damn it!!!!!
Friday, December 22 was my last day at my AIDS/HIV job. i'm really sad about leaving my job but happy leaving the agency...does this make sense? i'm going to miss my clients alot...especially my schizoprenic client. I actually cried as i was saying my goodbye to him..."who is going to check up on me, sonrisa? who am i going to talk to now? i don't think i want to continue coming to this agency if you're not here anymore?" yes i cried!!! i'm going to miss him the most.
i got a phone call from a doctor at Rush hospital because he was informed that i was a spanish speaking research assistant. this project will have me working with the latino individuals that are having heart problems. i hope i get this job!!! the doctor is supposed to call me this week to talk about my salary..."i hope i can afford you" he says. DAMN!!! at this point i'll take anything...okay, not anything. i have been seriously thinking about not doing social work anymore. i'm tired. i'm....i want to focus on me!!! it's time i start focusing on me. not that i haven't but i've just been feeling lost ever since my brother-in-law died. he was only 42 years old!!!! he was young!!! he was a great person who loved my sister and his children alot!!! he didn't drink, he didn't smoke...i'm just so angry!!!! he was soooo young!!!
the night he died, my younger sister called me to let me know that he wanted to see me. i was working at Rush that evening and practically ran to Stoger's Hospital. i was crying all the way to the hospital because even though dork hadn't mentioned anything about him dying i just knew he was leaving us that night. when i got to Stroger's, dork was waiting for me downstairs. i looked at her and hugged her. i cried uncontrollably as dork told me "the doctors said he only has a couple of more hours". as i took the elevator upstairs i tried to calm myself down but as soon as i saw him i lost it again. one hour later he was gone. there are so many things i want to forget about that night...him being in so much pain, me asking my frida to take him because i couldn't stand him being in pain!!! my sister crying asking him not to leave her. i want to forget so many things about that night!!!
my sister, my second mom...what can i say about her. i can't even imagine what she is going through right now. it's christmas eve and we are all supposed to be happy...but we are not. my second mom is the most amazing woman...aside from my mommy...ever.
today as i got off the bus, i started walking towards her house and i kept telling myself "you're not going cry!!! you have to be strong for her!!! you're not going to cry!!" but i couldn't. i walked in the house and saw her cooking some taquitos, i hugged her and went to the living room to cry by myself. she later came in and tells me "sonrisa, ya no llores que todo va estar bien"
he was only 42 years old damn it!!!!!
Thursday, December 14, 2006
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