where to start?....

well i have been hired at the unemployment office in Pilsen!!!! YAY!!!! for me!! i will be officially working for the government starting April 16th!!! i will also be moving back to the village in july. i will be having my b-day/housewarming party then. you are all invited!!! dc you must come over with morena, cincy bring your favorite book and we'll read it together ;-), Todd i await your arrrival as well!!! enemy of the republic come visit your old home, and coco bring along your husband and doggies during summer break. the chicagoan bloggers have no excuse for not showing up!!! i know it's still a few months away but i'm sooo excited. i haven't been this excited and happy for a while.

lets see what else...oh yeah. some things never change. this past weekend i went to a gay bar...i haven't been to a gay bar in like forever!! anyway, i stopped going about two years ago so i figured things might be different. nope!! things haven't changed. there was still the creepy "straight" guy floating around looking for the fag hags. this guy just creeped me out. i use to see him ALL the time at all this different gay bars in boys town. he tried talking to me a few times 'till he figured out i was on to him. i ALWAYS saw him leaving with a poor drunk girl once the bar was closing. i just think that's kind of pathetic...guy going to gay bars looking for girls. hmmm? but if it's been working for him power to him...i guess.

hmmm? oh yeah, mr. colombian, whom by the way is NOT my boyfriend, keeps insisting on moving in with me once i move to the village. "HELL!!! NOOO!", is what i told him. "but it's a three bedroom apartment!! what will you be doing with a three bedroom apartment?" "one room will be my bedroom, the other will be kachito's bedroom, and i'm using the third as my walk in closet" i told him. he gave me his "whoooot?!?!!? what do you mean the cat is going to have his own room!??" THE CAT WILL HAVE HIS OWN ROOM!!!! HELLO?!?!? WHICH PART OF THAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND!!! he said that i still have a few more months to change my mind but really i don't want a roommate. i'm used to living by myself, yes sometimes i get lonely but most of the time i like being alone. we'll see what happens. i will most definetly keep you informed.

laters for now

on the bus ride to work or home...

why do people have this need to tell me their problems while i'm on the bus!! sometimes i dont really mind. i've met really nice people...mostly older ladies. they tell me about their aches and pains and about their diets and about "how things were when they were younger". BUT than there are those annoying one's that just don't get the hint. i ignore them, take out my book to read, roll my eyes at them...yet they can't seem to get it!!! I don't want to hear about how much money you are sueing your "friend" because he did you wrong!!! I don't want to hear about how people just don't understand rap!!! or why Prince WAS a slave after all. Yes my dear friends these are the kind of conversations people strike up with me!!!! sometimes i'm just sooo tired that i just a peaceful ride back home. aaayyy, i gotta work on getting a car!!!

don't kids go to school anymore!??!

so this morning i went with my mom to get her mexican passport. everything was cool...now you have to make an appointment so the wait isn't that long, where as before you would have to get to the place at 6 in the morning in order for you get out at 2 in the afternoon, if you were that lucky!! anywho, while i was filling out the application for mom they asked for an emergency contact and that person's information. i decided to put my older sister's info but i couldn't remember her address so i call her at home. my little niece answers, "what the hell are you doing there??!?!?" i asked her as soon i heard her voice. "oh it's half a day at school" she tells me. "don't you kids ever go to school anymore!?!?!?" i ask. i reacted this way because on Monday i went to visit my sister and my niece opens the door. "are you sick? why aren't you at school?" i ask her. she tells me "it's pulaski's day" who the hell is pulaski?!!! why are we celebrating him!?!! this was monday!!! today is wednesday!!!! two days in one week!!!!! what the hell?!!? i think i've decided to send my kids to private schools!!!...that's if i do end up having kids.

nice weekend

i had a nice weekend.

Lets starts with thursday though... on thursday i got to hangout with hk and his partner. i hadn't seen them in a long time. Friday i hungout with chuckaroon. he came from st. louis. he brought a freind with...very sweet guy. we had dinner at the little mexican cafe. the food is awsome!!! they make the guacamole in a molacajete right in front of you!!! the food was great!! i also had strawberries with cajeta for dessert!! yummy yummy!! on saturday i hung out with the hola gang. we laughed all night!!! mostly just making fun of each other. we also went to krispy kreme in memory of tazman...it's been four years. we played cards...mr. policeman won all the money!!! we all think he was cheating but he swears he wasn't!!! whatever is what i have to say to that. on sunday i had dinner with my parents and my two sisters. we went to my favorite thia restaurant. my parents loved the food and i loved the coconut icecream!! damn i ate sooooo much this weekend.

i have to go see santis new baby this weekend!!! i saw some pictures already and the baby is sooooo cute!! looks nothing like santis...hehehehe just kidding dude, you know i love!!

talk to your laters peoples

i'm back!!!

well things seem to be going okay. i'm currently on the search for either a full-time or part-time job...damn i didn't think it was going to be this difficult!! okay i just started sending my resume to different places last week...i guess i must be patient.

i just finished talking to my second mom...i'm planning on moving back to the hood. why? because i want to be closer to my family. my sister/second mom seems to be holding on pretty good. i was talking to my niece last week and she told me that my sister cries at night and my niece tries to console her by telling her that my brother-in-law wouldn't like seeing her cry anymore. when my sister is with us though she seems okay...i guess we all have our moments and i know that this will take time.

my daddy is doing good too as well. he is getting surgery in march. it turns out they found something wrong with his spinal cord so they want to take care of it before it becomes to be a problem. my daddy and mom are going to back to mexico as soon as the surgery is over. they were supposed to go back at the end of this month but they decided to put the trip on hold until daddy's health gets better. i'm just glad that my dad is doing alot better.

mr. colombian is still around. have i mentioned that he said the "L" word? yes he told me he LOVED me!!!!! i totally freaked and asked if he was okay? anywho, things were a bit uncomfortable for a while there but they are back to normal again. the guy makes me laugh!!! he is such a dork!!!

Oh yeah, i almost forgot!!! my family was t.v.!!!! they were in the spanish version of Family Feud!!! it's called "que dice la gente?" it was soooo funny to watch!!! my dad recorded it so we are planning on getting together this weekend at the parents to watch it together. mr. motorcycle asked why i didn't participate and i told him because my spanish was not that good. the familia played at home to see who would go to the show and well i was first one out!!!

i have missed you bloggers!!! i saw most of you a few days ago, that totally made me smile. i do think about the ones i don't get see like cincy, todd, coco, dc, and cruel virgin. i want to thank all of you for sending good vibes down my way :-) thanks!!!

hasta laters!!!

i'm okay...

i'm hanging on in there. i've talked to a few bloggers and well i'll tell you what i've told them. at this point in my life i feel really lost!! don't know what to do. continue to question whether i want to keep on doing social services.

my daddy had a mini heart attack...he is doing alot better now...and let me tell you that it was a few scary days for me and my family. he is back at home being daddy again.

i continue to do my part-time gig as a research assistant.

i'm hanging on in there...like mr. colombian says "i have no choice but to hang on in there"

take care my fellow bloggers and i hope all is well in your worlds. i will try my bestest to me again...i hope its soon.

life...

has been challenging these past few weeks!!!

Friday, December 22 was my last day at my AIDS/HIV job. i'm really sad about leaving my job but happy leaving the agency...does this make sense? i'm going to miss my clients alot...especially my schizoprenic client. I actually cried as i was saying my goodbye to him..."who is going to check up on me, sonrisa? who am i going to talk to now? i don't think i want to continue coming to this agency if you're not here anymore?" yes i cried!!! i'm going to miss him the most.

i got a phone call from a doctor at Rush hospital because he was informed that i was a spanish speaking research assistant. this project will have me working with the latino individuals that are having heart problems. i hope i get this job!!! the doctor is supposed to call me this week to talk about my salary..."i hope i can afford you" he says. DAMN!!! at this point i'll take anything...okay, not anything. i have been seriously thinking about not doing social work anymore. i'm tired. i'm....i want to focus on me!!! it's time i start focusing on me. not that i haven't but i've just been feeling lost ever since my brother-in-law died. he was only 42 years old!!!! he was young!!! he was a great person who loved my sister and his children alot!!! he didn't drink, he didn't smoke...i'm just so angry!!!! he was soooo young!!!

the night he died, my younger sister called me to let me know that he wanted to see me. i was working at Rush that evening and practically ran to Stoger's Hospital. i was crying all the way to the hospital because even though dork hadn't mentioned anything about him dying i just knew he was leaving us that night. when i got to Stroger's, dork was waiting for me downstairs. i looked at her and hugged her. i cried uncontrollably as dork told me "the doctors said he only has a couple of more hours". as i took the elevator upstairs i tried to calm myself down but as soon as i saw him i lost it again. one hour later he was gone. there are so many things i want to forget about that night...him being in so much pain, me asking my frida to take him because i couldn't stand him being in pain!!! my sister crying asking him not to leave her. i want to forget so many things about that night!!!

my sister, my second mom...what can i say about her. i can't even imagine what she is going through right now. it's christmas eve and we are all supposed to be happy...but we are not. my second mom is the most amazing woman...aside from my mommy...ever.

today as i got off the bus, i started walking towards her house and i kept telling myself "you're not going cry!!! you have to be strong for her!!! you're not going to cry!!" but i couldn't. i walked in the house and saw her cooking some taquitos, i hugged her and went to the living room to cry by myself. she later came in and tells me "sonrisa, ya no llores que todo va estar bien"

he was only 42 years old damn it!!!!!

my brother-in-law is no longer with us. he died on December 12, 2006 at 9:40 p.m.

update..

well, i have quit my job!!!! the AIDS/HIV jobs. i'm still at my part-time job though. i'm nervous as hell because i don't hava another job lined up but we'll see how it goes. too much going on that i decided i had enough yesterday so i gave my resignation this morning!!! ooooh my Frida, what am i doing? i'm soooooo going to miss my clients!!! don't know what the next chapter will be about but i will keep you posted.

my daddy is doing waaaay better. my brother-in-law is not. he is still in the hospital and will most likely be for christmas :-(

mr. colombian is still around. i truly am glad that i decided to keep him around. he has been such a great friend. we've become soooo close these past few weeks. he keeps reminding me not too forget "what a strong woman" i am. it's difficult at times to be strong though.

anywho, have a good weekend bloggers.

i want it to be like it was...

well this thanksgiving sucked and i think things will continue to suck for a while..ours thanksgiving was not at all festive.

my daddy was in the hospital. he had his gall bladder removed and had to spend extra days in the hospital for precautinary reasons due to his age. it got really scared. my dad and i have not had the greatest relationship however lately it's been getting alot better. we actually hug and i kiss him good bye whereas before we couldn't be in the same room without us getting into an arguement. when i went to go see him in the hospital we both started crying. the surgery wasn't that serious but to see my daddy in the hospital bed scared me!!! i've known for a while that he is not the strong scary man he once was. he looked old and scared to me in that bed. it just made think about too much!!

that same week my brother in law went back to the hospital. it's not looking too good for him. we had post poned our thanksgiving dinner for this saturday but my mom doesn't feel too comfortable having it with my brother in law in such bad shape...he needs a heart transplant SOON!!!. i already hated these holidays, this is just make it worse. i'm trying really hard to keep strong...since i'm the freakin' social worker i keep being asked to talk to the family. it keeps getting harder though because i can't tell them that "things will be okay" when i know they won't be okay and they won't be okay for a while. i just want things to be the way they use to be.

other than that things are okay with me. i've been really depressed but that's normal and i know it will pass. mr. colombian has been awsome. he continues to be a jerk though but he has been good to me latetly...frienshipwise. he makes me laugh when i most need it. i'm still working my two jobs. i need to start my christmas shopping...it will be very short list this year. i'm not really sure if there will be a christmas for us...

kachito is still being a punk to other people but he loves me and that's all that matters to me!!!

have a good weekend my fellow bloggers and please take care of yourselves...

HAPPY THANKSGIVING....

JUST WANTED TO WISH YOU ALL A HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

MAY WARM THOUGHTS AND BEST WISHES ALWAYS BE WITH YOU!!!

i'm tired...

going crazy!!

i'm am going crazy with these two jobs!! i love doing what i'm doing but really i leave my apartment at 8:50 a.m. and don't get home until 10-ish!!!! well at least i can work from home too!! that really does make a huuuge difference. i need some rest though. i feel like i haven't gotten enough sleep in like forever!! i'm also exhausted because i have been helping my sister with my brother in law!!! that is driving me insane as well. it is soooo difficult. i have been trying to get a nurse to go to my brother in laws but because he speaks no english it has become a challenge!!! i'm tired, sleepy and exhausted.

i'm going to help mr. motorcycle with his paper tonight which means i probably will not get home 'til 1-ish. i shouldn't really complain because i'm doing this to myself. i could just tell mr. motorcylce that he needs to find someone else to help him out but i'm choosing not to do that.

oh yeah, things with the colombian are pretty wierd. have i mentioned that i had dinner with his parents!!! yes i met the parents!!! we still see each other every day or if we don't see each other we talk on the phone. it really is wierd but such is life!! he keeps me entertained.

gotta go!!

it's friday...

well so far i've been having a good day. i went to kohl's during my lunch hour and bought myself a purse for 6 buckaroos!!! from 38 dollars it went down to 6!!! that totally made my day!!

anywho, i don't have any plans for this weekend. i work tomorrow and then i plan to go home and chill!! i need some "me time"!!!

update on mr. colombian. we are talking again. he kept calling me and i kept avoiding his phone calls. i finally called him back and he kept apologizing...blah blah blah. i must say that the incident changed the entire relationship... i can't help but laugh at this because "hell!! it better have!!". i do enjoy his company and he does make me laugh... so we won't be romantically involved, nothing wrong with that.

have a good weekend my fellow bloggers

dinner with the santis man....

so last night i hung out with santis. we went to a local bar and had bar food...i totally love bar food!!! we ate like there was no tomorrow!!! well at least i did. we had a few beers...awww yes good times good times. afterwards he took me shopping...i need to somewhat dress up for my new job. i have no dress up clothes!!! all i own are jeans...really does a person need anything else? any way, it was somewhat depressing for me because i realized that i'm no longer the size i thought i was!!! what?!?! que?!?!? como?!?! i'm a much larger size!!!! what?!??! que?!?!? como?!?!? i was really depressed...okay no i wasn't..hehehehe. i'm actually okay with it but i MUST do something about it!!!! i have decided to go on a diet!!!! salads and water for me from now on...starting after the holidays..heheheheh

just for you cincy...

1. One book that changed your life: women hollering creek by sandra cisneros. the first book i read written by a latina writter...i felt empowered.

2. One book that you've read more than once: house on mango street by sandra cisneros. she writes about the neighborhood i grew up!! how cool is that?

3. One book you'd want on a desert island: The Daily Show with Jon Stewart presents America (the book); a citizen's guid to democracy inaction. hmmm? you know so when i start longing to be with civilization all i need to do is open Jon Stewart's book...i'm sure i'll keep wanting to be bymyself.

4. One book that made you laugh: bridget jones diary by helen fielding. this book had me cracking up!!! people would stare at me if i was reading it while i was on the train or bus.

5. One book that made you cry: Bless me, Ultima by Rudolofo Anaya. i couldn't stop crying 15 minutes after i had finished reading the book.

6. One book you wish had been written: the story of my life...hey, i think my life is interesting!!

7. One book you wish had never been written: those ann coulter books...need i say more?!?!

8. One book you're currently reading: the red tent by Anita Diament. it's been on my list forever!!! i'm finally getting to it.

9. One book you've been meaning to read: there's actually more than one. i have a huuuuge
list...the next one on that list is Wicked: the life and times of the wicked witch of the west.

10. Six people to tag: who ever wants to do this.

men are idiots!!!!

that's it!!!! i've decided to give up on men completely!!! COMPLETELY!!!

so this weekend started out being fun. i went to the parties with mr. Colombian...really i was having loads of fun. But then at the very last party that we went to i saw him making out with a girl!!! so okay we are not in a relationship but still i got really upset so i went home with a complete stranger!!! okay i didn't but that crossed my mind. anywho, i went home...took a cab...and the following morning mr. colombian calls me to make sure that i got home okay. i said "of course i did, i just saw you getting cozy with that girl so i thought we weren't going home together" he then proceeds by asking me to go over his place to have breakfast and adds "btw i invited the girl that i met last night" WHAT?!?!?!? again we have not established a romantic relationship but we do have some kind of relationship!!! so i asked "does this girl know that i'll be there?" and he says "no" WHAT?!?!?!?!? really i just hung up the phone at that point. He later calls me to apologize and says that he made a mistake and called the girl to cancel on her. he also tells me that he will come over to my place to cook breakfast for me. what do i do? i tell him "whatever!!" and hung up on him again. i was sooooo angry!!! mostly at myself for allowing this idiot to get to me. he later text messages me saying "i'm sorry for being a jerk". why oh why do i keep getting involved with jerks!!! i haven't responded to his text message.

it's friday...

yes it's friday!!! lets see what are my plans for this weekend? HALLOWEEN PARTIES!!!!!! i will be party hopping this weekend. not sure where the first 3 are but we...mr. colombian and i...will end up at ms. deiders annual halloween party!! she makes the best killer punch ever!!! i totally love her halloween parties!! i will dress up as a french maid and mr. colombian has been very secretive about his costumes...yes costumes because he plans to wear 3 different costumes!! the man is crazy!!!i'm sooo looking forward to this weekend.

oh yeah, i've started my new job!!!...'member i got hired part-time as a research assistant at a hospital. i totally love it!! my new co-workers are totally awsome!! i'm really excited!!! i will work on saturdays though which means my ass better stay at home on friday nights so i can get a good night's sleep!! i will be trained on how to draw blood and take the blood pressure. have i mentioned that i will be working with the latino diabetic community, well that's my new population. i have to admit that i was very nervous my first day because there is so much new terminology that i need to learn but by the time i was going home i had a huge smile on my face because i knew that i was going to be okay!! i love it! i'm so looking forward to it.

things with mr. colombian have been a bit odd...in a good way. we have been seeing each other almost everyday. he took me to this really nice and cozy italian restaurant on wednesday night. we had a very intense conversation, not about our relationship though, i think we are both trying to avoid that conversation, but about life and what makes us happy and what gets us upset. it was a nice and intense conversation. yeah, we are definetly getting along. he surprised me on tuesday night. i was not having a good day at all and so in order to relax myself i cook...yes i love to cook because it relaxes me. anyway, some how he got inside the building and i was all in my own little world when i hear a knock on the back door. i literally jumped!! it was a nice surprise to see him there!! i asked him how he got in and he says "i used my magic fingers" hmmmm? i wonder what else those magic fingers of his can do ;-) anywho, he asked if i knew he was coming over because i was cooking... i said "oh but of course!! i can sense anything you do!!" anywho, we had a nice dinner. you know what i totally like about mr. colombian? he keeps on insisting that i'm too thin and that i need to gain weight!!! what? i'm not at all skinny !!! i may be falling in love with the man!!...just for that reason alone..hehehehehe

well, as usually i will write about my weekend adventures. you bloggers have a good weekend and if you are going out to party...which i really hope you are...have fun and be careful!!

i couldn't stop crying...

last night i went over to see my mommy and we had a conversation that has left me numb.

so everybody thinks that they have the greatest mom in the world...if they don't they should think that. i know i do!! my mommy had 10 kids!! TEN!! and she knows each one of us so well!! we all have very different personalities yet she knew and knows exactly when something is bothering us. she knows how to talk to us, she knows what our favorite things, knows what to say to make us feel better. she claims that she has a bad memory yet she remembers EVERYTHING about each one of us like when we said our first word, our first step, the first time we talked back to her, our first day at school...she remembers EVERYTHING. she makes us our favorite food...if one of us is visiting her and we tell her that we are in the mood for tamales, pozole, or mole on our next visit she will have that for us!! she claims not to speak or understand english yet when my younger sister and i are having a conversation in english about planning on doing something that we know she would not approve she tell us "entendi todo lo que dijieron y si lo hacen se las van a ver conmigo!!" i love my mom!!! i love having converstions with her about "los viejos tiempos"...she has the most awsome stories!! or about how when daddy used to make her cry and now she is strong to defend herself and how daddy freaks out when she does it. i've always admired my mom for everything she has had to put up with my dad and with us.

i'm very very close to my mom. i consider her to be my best friend. growing up my sisters were very very mean to me, they allienated me and 'til this day i don't know why. i would go ask my mommy why my sisters would treat that way...they would completely ignore me, call me names, make fun of body (i've had big boobs since i was 11 years old and according to them my lips were to thick so they called me fish lips, they also made fun of my hips). they never wanted to go out to play with me and as we got older they never wanted to go out with me ('til this day they still don't like to go out with and i don't understand why). when i got kicked out of my house it was because my sisters told on me...i spent a weekend with the boyfriend (big huuuuuuge no no for us mexicans!!) anyway, because i felt like my sisters didn't love me or want me around i always went to my mom. i would tell her about boys i met, about my day in school, my day at work or if i needed to vent about anything i would do it with my mommy. she is such a great listener....of course i wouldn't and still dont' tell her everything because there are some things a daughter should never tell her mother. i developed a great relationship with my mom...my sisters then began saying that i was my mom's favorite!!...they still say that but really i don't care anymore!

Lately i have noticed that my mommy is getting old...her hands are wrinkled, her hair is no longer gray but white, she seems sooo much smaller now to me. she has a difficult time walking and carrying things around. she no longer is able to climb up the chair to put the tamales en la olla, now she asks one of us to do it. she is no longer able to go up and down the stairs without one of us helping her. as mentioned before, last night i was over at my parents and my mom mentioned my brother in law and how sometimes he wants to just give up. i told her that i believe that everybody has a purpose in this world how everybody needs to find that purpose. she then says "yo no se porque yo estoy aqui" and i tell her that she is here for us!! her nine kids...one of my sisters passed away at the age of 2...and go on by telling her that i don't know what my life would have been without her. she then gets really quiet and her eyes get really watery and says "ya quiero que te vayas acustumbrande a que yo no este aqui para siempre" at that point i started crying and hugged her and told her that the day she leaves me is the day i leave too. i didn't know what else to say. we have never talked about anything like this...i went home and i couldn't stop crying. i can't stop thinking about it...AND seriously i want to not think about anymore.

the missing bottle of tequila...

so it's almost friday and thank my frida for that!!! i need sleep!!! sleep i say!!

well my housewarming was nice. alot of people that i expected to come didn't make it and people that i didn't think were actually going to make it made it!! the party didn't end 'til 6 o'clock in the morning!! the first crowd started to come at around 7 and left at about 10:30. the second crowd came at around 10:30 and didn't leave at around 6!!! i had fun though. mr. colombian was there, the cop was there, and the 23 year old was there as well. i really like all these guys. the fabulous trio (minus one) were also there!! they stopped by later and left so much later!! chanclita also stopped by!!! yay!! it was nice to see her and mr. cc. She brought a beautiful martini glass...sorry you didn't win chanclita but you have to admit the orange one was gorgeous. There were three glasses in the contest and mr. p took the prize!!! what was the prize, you ask? well it was bottle of tequila...that got lost 'til yesterday that is!!! we couldn't find it!!! i thought mr. p had taken but he told me he didn't, that it had to be somewhere in my apartment. so last night i was putting something in the freezer and what do i find?!?!? the bottle of tequila!!! don't know how it got there but there it was!!! it was a great time!!

i haven't been getting much sleep lately. after everyone left on sunday morning i finally went to bed at 7 o'clock but my freakin' phone kept ringing!!! i finally turned it off!! then i keep on making plans to go out!! monday i went to go see my brother in law...don't want to talk about that now. afterwards i went to see mr. ray ray, he broke his ankle 'member, and i was there for quite some time. yesterday i went to go see a late movie, The Science of Sleep with Gael Garcia Bernal!!! the movie was great!!! i totally recommend it!!! i fell in love all over again with Gael Garcia!!! i totally adore that guy!! you MUST go watch it. Tonight i will be celebrating Mr. Ed's b-day and then i will be going to a puerto rican performance with mr. colombian!!! why oh why do i do this to myself!?!?! that was me being dramatic..hehehhehe

gggrrrrrr!!!

why do some people take themselves too fucken serious!!!! your shit smells just as bad as the rest of ours does!!!!! bastards!!!!