i have a boyfriend!!! a wonderful boyfriend!!! hmm? why am i so excited? don't know and don't care. he tells me that he feels a little pressure due to the fact that i haven't been in a committed relationship for 6 years. he is sooo sweet!! we still haven't told my sister but he tells me that he will talk to her as soon as she comes back from mexico. i'm actaully nervous but i'm too happy for her to ruin this!! have i told you how wonderful he is? i hope not to be writing the opposite in a few weeks or months. we are having dinner tonight at my place and i can't wait to see him...damn!!! when did i get to this point?!?!? don't know if i'm liking this!! we were on the phone 'til one o'clock in the morning last night!! fellow bloggers, i must admit that sometimes i wonder...what if i'm just doing this because i don't want to be alone anymore or because i'm scared this opportunity will never come by again or because i'm thinking that i want this man to father my children. hmmm? actually, i think he would be a great dad!! i like the way he talks about his nieces and nephews...
i'm with this man because i like me when i'm around him!! i'm my crazy self and he doesn't seem to mind. he laughs at the goofy things i do and boy does he make me laugh!! we've had really intense conversations and silly conversations. ooohh, i so wish that a few months from now none of this has changed and if it has i wanted to be for the better. i'm so scared!!! last night we were talking about going to spain next year and what "we" needed to do financially to get there. "we"? that "we" scared me. i'm used to just "me". i'm used to doing things by myself, not having to think about anybody other than me...not because i'm selfish but because that's how it has been for the past few years. i'm not at all selfish but i don't want to come off like that to him. he tells me he understands. oh my fellow bloggers, i'm really falling for this guy!!
on a different note, guess who called last night? Mr. K!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that was such a wierd conversation!! he told me he had just gotten back from Africa and was thinking of me and was wondering if he could see me. i was thinking "dude, i know exactly what you are doing!!! and i ain't nobody's booty call!!!" i was JUST thinking it, i didn't tell him that. i did tell him that i was dating someone hoping that it would develop into something serious. he told me he was very happy for me and wished me the best then hung up. oh yeah, life is good at the moment!!
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Monday, April 24, 2006
weekend report...
well my fellow bloggers i had an AWSOME weekend!! Ms. J' b-day party was definetly going on!! i took the fluffman with and he seemed to be enjoying himself just observing how crazy we all got. we left early though because i was already freakin' drunk and i was super tired and sleepy. over all i had fun and it was nice. ms. J seemed to be enjoying herself...happy b-day to ms. j!!
on saturday was my turn to hangout with fluffman's friends. We went to The Empty Bottle and i had the best time. his friends are just as cool as the fluffman...okay now i know i'm really liking this guy!! Anywho, we got to see three bands!! one of the chicks, Shelly Short, rocked!!! Damn, that girl has an awsome voice!!! she definetly left that place with a new fan!!
yesterday, i started volunteering again. i so did not want to go because it was such a beautiful day and i just wanted to go ride my bike down by the lake but i, very hesitantly, decided to go volunteer. AND i'm so glad i did because i had such a great time with the kids!!! i went around passing around the welcoming gifts and i love the kids and parents reactions when i come in the room with all this goodies at hand!!! i truelly do enjoy doing this!! i got home at about 5:30 and i was totally exhausted. i had dinner and tried watching t.v. but i got so sleepy that by 8:30 i was already in bed!!
The fluffman is going out of town this weekend and well i must admit that i am going to miss him. we have plans to see each other on wednesday before he leaves to california and i'm soooo looking forward to it!!
AND 4 more days to Lila Downs performance!!!! i'm sooooo fucken excited!!!! AAAAHHHHHH!!!
on saturday was my turn to hangout with fluffman's friends. We went to The Empty Bottle and i had the best time. his friends are just as cool as the fluffman...okay now i know i'm really liking this guy!! Anywho, we got to see three bands!! one of the chicks, Shelly Short, rocked!!! Damn, that girl has an awsome voice!!! she definetly left that place with a new fan!!
yesterday, i started volunteering again. i so did not want to go because it was such a beautiful day and i just wanted to go ride my bike down by the lake but i, very hesitantly, decided to go volunteer. AND i'm so glad i did because i had such a great time with the kids!!! i went around passing around the welcoming gifts and i love the kids and parents reactions when i come in the room with all this goodies at hand!!! i truelly do enjoy doing this!! i got home at about 5:30 and i was totally exhausted. i had dinner and tried watching t.v. but i got so sleepy that by 8:30 i was already in bed!!
The fluffman is going out of town this weekend and well i must admit that i am going to miss him. we have plans to see each other on wednesday before he leaves to california and i'm soooo looking forward to it!!
AND 4 more days to Lila Downs performance!!!! i'm sooooo fucken excited!!!! AAAAHHHHHH!!!
Thursday, April 20, 2006
i'm counting the days!!!
Lila Downs comes to chicago on the 29th and i can't wait to see her!! one more week to go!!!
Well things with the fluffman are going okay. we are already discussing when and where we will be getting married. we have decided to stay on the northside once we do get married. hehehehee, okay it's not that serious!!! i just thought it would be funny. anywho, there are soooo many things that go through my head when i spend time with him, one of the being that i think his gay!!! maybe i've just spent too much time with my gay friends that i think the whole world is gay. i have talked to santis about this and he reassures me that the fluffman is not gay!! "he is one of the good ones!!" he tells me. oh yeah the three of us went to college at the some time but apparently santis communicated more with the fluffman due to an organization they both belonged to. Anyway, he IS a very sweet guy and we hung out on monday night. i learned so much about the guy!!! he is soooo freakin' smart!! smart guys really turn me on!! AND he is chubby!! how cool is that?!?! i love chubby guys!! he makes me feel soooo special!! anywho, enough of the fluffman.
i'm having such a busy day!!! i really just want to go home and chill.
laters, laters!!!
Well things with the fluffman are going okay. we are already discussing when and where we will be getting married. we have decided to stay on the northside once we do get married. hehehehee, okay it's not that serious!!! i just thought it would be funny. anywho, there are soooo many things that go through my head when i spend time with him, one of the being that i think his gay!!! maybe i've just spent too much time with my gay friends that i think the whole world is gay. i have talked to santis about this and he reassures me that the fluffman is not gay!! "he is one of the good ones!!" he tells me. oh yeah the three of us went to college at the some time but apparently santis communicated more with the fluffman due to an organization they both belonged to. Anyway, he IS a very sweet guy and we hung out on monday night. i learned so much about the guy!!! he is soooo freakin' smart!! smart guys really turn me on!! AND he is chubby!! how cool is that?!?! i love chubby guys!! he makes me feel soooo special!! anywho, enough of the fluffman.
i'm having such a busy day!!! i really just want to go home and chill.
laters, laters!!!
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
up and about!!!
hello fellow bloggers!!!!! it is soooo nice to be back!!! all is well, i'm running like a chicken with it's head cut off!!! my surgery went well!!! have i ever mentioned how much i love my doctor!?!?!! she is the greatest!!! i felt like crap all last week but i'm ready this week!! okay, maybe not that ready...i think i over did it on the weekend that i was in some pain last night. oh yeah, i had some girly things done on me...painful girly things!!!
anywho, i'm so sad to read about joel!!!! joel i will miss you!!!! santis kept me posted. when he told me about joel i was in soo much shock!!! "WHAT?!?!??! BUT I LOVE TO READ HIS BLOG!!!" is what i told him. dude i totally understand though. we all need a break once in a while. i'm sure moe greene will do a good job but please pretty pretty please come back to us soon!!
lets see? what has been going on? i had fun with my nieces and nephews on easter sunday. we had an egg hunt inside the house because it was raining. we hid 118 eggs!!!!! and they found them all!!! my sister numbered them so we then had a raffle. they had soooo much fun!!! the little ones would go up to their parents to show off the prizes!!! they painted eggs!! it was fun. i did feel the tension between my sister and i but i tried to not let it get to me. she was very very quiet and distant towards me but really i feel like i didn't do anything wrong. i did tell her that fluffy and i had been communicating and i think that's why she was acting that way.
speaking of fluffy!!. i went out on a date with him!! i had a nice time. the guy is super sweet!!! while i was recooperating he called every night to ask how i was doing. he is the sweetest guy ever!!! asides from santis of course!!! tonight we will be going to the mexican fine arts museum for a discussion on same sex parents. i'm going because of my job and he is going because according to him he wants to see me. i've been up talking to him on the phone 'til 1 or 2 o'clock in the morning!!! he keeps telling me that i need to break down that wall that i keep putting up. bloggers i'm scared!!! he tells me that he will be patient and that I will see that he is different from all the guys...hmmm? we'll see about that!! after all i did give mr. k a chance and look what happened?!?!? anywho, as i mentioned before he is the sweetest person ever. i told santis that i'm actually excited about the whole thing. oh well, such is life as my jillipooh tells me. he will be coming with me this Friday to ms. j's b-day party. not sure how i'm feeling about that. maybe i'm thinking too much about it. we'll see how it goes, i will most defenitly keep you posted.
santis is on vacation this week and i have missed him soooo much!! okay so it's only tuesday and we talked last night but we usually e-mail each other during the day and well i miss that. is that so wrong?
I'm still volunteering at the hospital and i can't wait to get back this coming sunday!! Oh yeah, did i mention that we saw my sister, the one in the abusive relationship, on sunday!!! her baby is soooo big now!! we, ALL my sisters and brothers, were together!! my parents would have been so proud of us!! speaking of parents, my mommy and daddy are coming in may!!! just for a couple of weeks though but at least i will get to see them again.
well i need some catching up to do so let me get to it....
anywho, i'm so sad to read about joel!!!! joel i will miss you!!!! santis kept me posted. when he told me about joel i was in soo much shock!!! "WHAT?!?!??! BUT I LOVE TO READ HIS BLOG!!!" is what i told him. dude i totally understand though. we all need a break once in a while. i'm sure moe greene will do a good job but please pretty pretty please come back to us soon!!
lets see? what has been going on? i had fun with my nieces and nephews on easter sunday. we had an egg hunt inside the house because it was raining. we hid 118 eggs!!!!! and they found them all!!! my sister numbered them so we then had a raffle. they had soooo much fun!!! the little ones would go up to their parents to show off the prizes!!! they painted eggs!! it was fun. i did feel the tension between my sister and i but i tried to not let it get to me. she was very very quiet and distant towards me but really i feel like i didn't do anything wrong. i did tell her that fluffy and i had been communicating and i think that's why she was acting that way.
speaking of fluffy!!. i went out on a date with him!! i had a nice time. the guy is super sweet!!! while i was recooperating he called every night to ask how i was doing. he is the sweetest guy ever!!! asides from santis of course!!! tonight we will be going to the mexican fine arts museum for a discussion on same sex parents. i'm going because of my job and he is going because according to him he wants to see me. i've been up talking to him on the phone 'til 1 or 2 o'clock in the morning!!! he keeps telling me that i need to break down that wall that i keep putting up. bloggers i'm scared!!! he tells me that he will be patient and that I will see that he is different from all the guys...hmmm? we'll see about that!! after all i did give mr. k a chance and look what happened?!?!? anywho, as i mentioned before he is the sweetest person ever. i told santis that i'm actually excited about the whole thing. oh well, such is life as my jillipooh tells me. he will be coming with me this Friday to ms. j's b-day party. not sure how i'm feeling about that. maybe i'm thinking too much about it. we'll see how it goes, i will most defenitly keep you posted.
santis is on vacation this week and i have missed him soooo much!! okay so it's only tuesday and we talked last night but we usually e-mail each other during the day and well i miss that. is that so wrong?
I'm still volunteering at the hospital and i can't wait to get back this coming sunday!! Oh yeah, did i mention that we saw my sister, the one in the abusive relationship, on sunday!!! her baby is soooo big now!! we, ALL my sisters and brothers, were together!! my parents would have been so proud of us!! speaking of parents, my mommy and daddy are coming in may!!! just for a couple of weeks though but at least i will get to see them again.
well i need some catching up to do so let me get to it....
Monday, April 10, 2006
the day has arrived...
well, i'll be honest with you all. i'm scared as hell!! i'm sure all be okay tomorrow...my surgery is tomorrow. i'm nervous!! anywho, that's what will be happening tomorrow. so you bloggers will probably not be hearing from me for a while...i will most definetly miss you all!!! but i'm sure that on my return i will be reading some awsome adventures from dcn, cc, santis, cincy, coco, mariposa, and dr. v. i can't wait to read dcn's new adventures at his new job, cracked chancla's smelly stories, santis' day with his kids, cincy's meeting his new co-workers!!! and the list goes on!!
AND not much has changed with my dilemma i have my sister and fluffy. i feel real guilty though because i've decided to keep talking to the fluffman. i just don't know when and how to tell my sister. i mean him and i are just friends!!! what the hell!?!? okay i'm feeling guilty even writing about it!! DAMN this catholic guilt!!! DAMN YOU!!!
AND not much has changed with my dilemma i have my sister and fluffy. i feel real guilty though because i've decided to keep talking to the fluffman. i just don't know when and how to tell my sister. i mean him and i are just friends!!! what the hell!?!? okay i'm feeling guilty even writing about it!! DAMN this catholic guilt!!! DAMN YOU!!!
Thursday, April 06, 2006
a little dilemma
so i don't know if you remember me blogging about my sister's surprise party last month. Anywho, at this party i met alot of my sister's friends. My sisters and I don't really hangout with each others friends because "your friends are all to uppity (is this even a word?)" and because they don't want me meeting their friends. According to both of them "it's so easy for you to make friends so why should you meet ours". yeah it doesn't make sense but i got over it along time ago...this has been going on since we were in high school, them not wanting me to meet their friends. it used to bother me alot when we lived with the parents but then i moved out to the northside and well it's been alot better. So back to the party thing, at this party i ran into somebody that i went to college with, who now is really good friends with my sisters. we hadn't seen each other for about 8 years and when we were in college we never really talked or anything like that, we just had mutual friends and so that's how we met. well, this guy whom we will call fluffy, asked for my e-mail address because "you seem to be an interesting person". i gave him the info. as i was doing it i was thinking "this is not a good idea" but i still gave him because i thought that my sister would have grown out of this whole "leave my friends alone" stage. booooy was i wrong!!
My sister is having a huuuuuuuge problem with this!!!! she called me last week to ask me if i had been e-mailing fluffy. I said yes "because he seems to be interested in the same type of readings i am so i e-mailed him some stuff". She was not happy at all!!! "could you please stop communicating with him please!!! it is soooo much easier for you make friends that it is for me so please leave mine alone!!"WHAT?!?! i thought "are we still in high school!?!?!". I must be honest and say that i did get pretty upset but at the same time i was thinking that this guy, or any other guy for that matter, was not worth me getting into an arguement with my sister so i told her that i would stop all communication with this guy. well, this discussion was after i had given him my phone number!! I THOUGHT MY SISTER WAS OVER THIS "LEAVE MY FRIENDS ALONE PHASE!!!". come on we are both in our thirties!!!
The following day fluffy calls and we had a decent conversation. i did mention to him that my sister was having a problem with him and i talking and he tells me "yeah i know, she told me off today. something about leaving her sister alone". i don't know what to do. this guy, whom i am not romantically interested in, seems to be a great guy. we have alot in common and i think we would have a great time if we were ever to hang out. i don't want to upset my sister but at the same time i might be missing out on a good friendship...and yes i have told fluffy about me just wanting to be friends.
so what do you bloggers suggest i do?
My sister is having a huuuuuuuge problem with this!!!! she called me last week to ask me if i had been e-mailing fluffy. I said yes "because he seems to be interested in the same type of readings i am so i e-mailed him some stuff". She was not happy at all!!! "could you please stop communicating with him please!!! it is soooo much easier for you make friends that it is for me so please leave mine alone!!"WHAT?!?! i thought "are we still in high school!?!?!". I must be honest and say that i did get pretty upset but at the same time i was thinking that this guy, or any other guy for that matter, was not worth me getting into an arguement with my sister so i told her that i would stop all communication with this guy. well, this discussion was after i had given him my phone number!! I THOUGHT MY SISTER WAS OVER THIS "LEAVE MY FRIENDS ALONE PHASE!!!". come on we are both in our thirties!!!
The following day fluffy calls and we had a decent conversation. i did mention to him that my sister was having a problem with him and i talking and he tells me "yeah i know, she told me off today. something about leaving her sister alone". i don't know what to do. this guy, whom i am not romantically interested in, seems to be a great guy. we have alot in common and i think we would have a great time if we were ever to hang out. i don't want to upset my sister but at the same time i might be missing out on a good friendship...and yes i have told fluffy about me just wanting to be friends.
so what do you bloggers suggest i do?
Monday, April 03, 2006
this weather sucks!!!
i hate this type of weather!! it's been raining since last night and it doesn't seem to want to stop!! i rode my bike this morning and now i'm wishing i hadn't. i so did not want to get up this morning!! this weather makes me want to do nothing!! okay let me get over it...
my weekend was actually pretty good. i didn't do much!! on friday instead of ordering pizza i ordered mexican...i was in a mood for tacos al pastor!! mmmmm, tacos al pastor!! Saturday i went out to buy two of erika badu's cd's and well it got me in the mood to "chill" therefore called some of my connections to see if mary jane was at their place. turns out that she was therefore my connection brought her along with to my place!! i had sooo much fun on saturday!! i didn't hang out with mr. rico suave after all like i had planned but it all worked out because my crazy friend and ms. mary jane and i had a fabulous time!! have you ever listened to erika badu while mary jane paid you a visit?!?! that music was sounding aite to me!!
yesterday, i went to volunteer. it was a long day!! i saw two little babies whom apparently were not being well supervised by their guarding because one little baby, three years old, had gotten beaten up and a six year old boy had his scull full of stitches. i get so angry with the thought of someone mistreating babies like that!!! i was trying to make the little ones laugh but i was unsuccessful. i wanted to just hug them and take them home with me!! "i'll keep you safe little ones, i will never ever allow anybody else to lay a finger on you!! come home with me and kachito"...that's what i really wanted to say. on my bus ride back home i couldn't stop thinking about those babies!! THEY ARE JUST LITTLE BABIES!!! WHY OR HOW COULD SOMEBODY HURT THEM!! i must find a way to help them...in general... out!!! i must participate some more!! i have to...WANT to do something!!!
my weekend was actually pretty good. i didn't do much!! on friday instead of ordering pizza i ordered mexican...i was in a mood for tacos al pastor!! mmmmm, tacos al pastor!! Saturday i went out to buy two of erika badu's cd's and well it got me in the mood to "chill" therefore called some of my connections to see if mary jane was at their place. turns out that she was therefore my connection brought her along with to my place!! i had sooo much fun on saturday!! i didn't hang out with mr. rico suave after all like i had planned but it all worked out because my crazy friend and ms. mary jane and i had a fabulous time!! have you ever listened to erika badu while mary jane paid you a visit?!?! that music was sounding aite to me!!
yesterday, i went to volunteer. it was a long day!! i saw two little babies whom apparently were not being well supervised by their guarding because one little baby, three years old, had gotten beaten up and a six year old boy had his scull full of stitches. i get so angry with the thought of someone mistreating babies like that!!! i was trying to make the little ones laugh but i was unsuccessful. i wanted to just hug them and take them home with me!! "i'll keep you safe little ones, i will never ever allow anybody else to lay a finger on you!! come home with me and kachito"...that's what i really wanted to say. on my bus ride back home i couldn't stop thinking about those babies!! THEY ARE JUST LITTLE BABIES!!! WHY OR HOW COULD SOMEBODY HURT THEM!! i must find a way to help them...in general... out!!! i must participate some more!! i have to...WANT to do something!!!
Friday, March 31, 2006
plans for this weekend?
i don't really have plans. tonight i'm just going to order a pizza and watch movies. tomorrow i'm having dinner and go watch a movie with mr. rico suave...that's all i can handle with him for the time being. i may not even if i'll end going, i'll see how i feel tomorrow. hmm? maybe i'll call the fabulous trio and see what they are doing tonight, maybe they can come and hangout at my place. hmm? i don't know, i really want some time by myself and kachito. i'm thinking out loud, sorries.
anywho, i hope everybody has a good weekend!!!
anywho, i hope everybody has a good weekend!!!
Thursday, March 30, 2006
scared...
well i'll be having surgery on April 11th!!! i'm actually scared!! my doctor tells me that all will be fine and that i have nothing to worry about...i guess i have to trust her. i'll be staying with my sisters on the southside...waaaay south Burbank!!!...while i recooperate (?).
on a different note, the weather is beautiful!!! i rode my bike to work today!! damn i missed riding my bike!! i will also be watching the new spike lee movie this weekend!! i don't like to go to the movie theaters but for movies like this i make an acception...i like to wait a few weeks after it comes out though. i do not like crowds!! i've heard great reviews but really did i expect any different?!? it's spike lee for crying out loud!!
my volunteering at the hospital is going great!!! i've met soooo many people. i go back this sunday and let me tell you that the long ride to the hospital is sooo worth it!!
and for you cat owners , i have a few questions. kachito has gone back to breaking my blinds. he stopped once i started squirting him with the water bottle but now that's not even helping anymore. last night he broke them!! i was sooo angry!! AND when does he stop being a kitty? when can i start giving him grown up food? not that i want him to grow bigger, my kachito is no longer a kachito anymore now he's a kachote!! i love my baby!!
on a different note, the weather is beautiful!!! i rode my bike to work today!! damn i missed riding my bike!! i will also be watching the new spike lee movie this weekend!! i don't like to go to the movie theaters but for movies like this i make an acception...i like to wait a few weeks after it comes out though. i do not like crowds!! i've heard great reviews but really did i expect any different?!? it's spike lee for crying out loud!!
my volunteering at the hospital is going great!!! i've met soooo many people. i go back this sunday and let me tell you that the long ride to the hospital is sooo worth it!!
and for you cat owners , i have a few questions. kachito has gone back to breaking my blinds. he stopped once i started squirting him with the water bottle but now that's not even helping anymore. last night he broke them!! i was sooo angry!! AND when does he stop being a kitty? when can i start giving him grown up food? not that i want him to grow bigger, my kachito is no longer a kachito anymore now he's a kachote!! i love my baby!!
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
the matrix!!
so this christmas mr. police man gave me the matrix trilogy because he thought i would really enjoy it. i thanked him for the gift but to be honest with you i was bit dissappointed with the gift...until last night that it!!! DAMN!!! the movie is awsome!!!!! i'm just sorry i didn't get to too watch it sooner!! thanks for mr. police man!!!
Monday, March 27, 2006
angry!!
so when i got home last night i called lalo to apologize for not showing up to his surprise b-day. i apologized profusely!!! i honestly felt bad!!! he told me not worry and that as long as i remembered that's all that mattered. i finished talking to him and started watching the news...Channel 2, 5, 7, 9, and 32. Out of all of these channels ONLY channel 2 and 32 took there time to give a FULL report on the immigration issues that we have all been hearing about. After finishing watching the news i turned off the t.v. and started crying!!! i am just in disbelief that someone actually took their time to think about, write, and propose such a law. i started thinking about how i have ALWAYS felt like a sell out working at Howard Brown Health Center. Don't get me wrong, i love my job but this is a place that claims to have diversity yet i see none. I started crying because this law will affect EVERYBODY in so many ways!!! i started crying because i know that i have family members that will probably not be able to get health services or any type of services for that matter if such law is passed. I was crying because i felt HELPLESS!!! HOPELESS!!! I wished there was something i could do. i then started thinking, as my tears continued to roll down my cheecks, about how this world would be if ONLY the mexicans would leave this country. There would be no Little Village, no Pilsen, no Back of the Yards. Do you realize how much profit this city gets from the venues, merchandise, restaurants, and i can go on, that are located on 26th Street? AND i am only talking about Mexicans leaving this country!!! i can't even imagine how the absence of other immigrants such as the chinese, japanese, columbians, dominicanos, the list is endless, can effect these states!!! i woke up this morning with the image of the Channel 32 reporter as she said "Bush has said that he will agree to keep immigrants ONLY if they are willing to take jobs that Americans will not". i'm angry, enraged, sad...i'm a tornado of emotions....
Friday, March 24, 2006
one crazy week!!
i've had the craziest week ever. i'm still going through some health related issues which apparently need to be taken care over night in the hospital. my doctor is to call me to give me the appointment for that.
mr. rico suave is back in the picture and coco for some reason you keep coming to mind when ever he comes over to my place. i am being very careful with this relationship...mr. rico suave has some serious issues that he needs to take care of!! anywho, i would like to think i'm wiser and more mature to fall for his "but i'm the victim" act.
I have also seen a few of my clients that are just not doing too good. yesterday morning i went to go see one of them and i had to call a cab to take her to the hospital because she was not making any sense any more and she couldn't stop shaking and crying. i saw this woman last month and yesterday morning i didn't even recognize her!!! This disease always amazes me!!
i went to take another of my clients to a second hand store so he could get some clothes and kitchen stuff. he was telling me that he was late because he had soiled himself on his way over to the Brown Elephant therefore needed to go back home to change clothes...he is having trouble tolerating the meds.
i also went to see another client who is going off of Fuzeon because it is no longer working for him. Fuzeon is the LAST resort for AIDS/HIV clients!!!! my poor client had cold sores all over his mouth and just did not look good.
that same day on the way to the office i ran into a guy who was looking for a UPS truck, "excuse me, have you seen a UPS truck any where?" ha? what? que? como? "i just saw one on waveland and halsted" he tells me "oh yeah i saw it too but that's not the right one" okay? so he starts running to the next block and i go back to my little world. as i'm approaching wilton and sheridan i see him again. he smiles and tells me "i found my truck" "good, i was starting to worry" i tell him. don't know what the hell that was about but the dude found his UPS truck and that's all that matters.
this morning on my way to work i see a guy that looks like my neighbor. i didn't think it was him though because he works the late shift therefore he sleeps all day. anywho, it turns out it was him and as he walks towards me he says "hey!! i know you!!!" "yeah, i think i know you too" i joke around with him. "what are you doing out here so early in the morning?" i ask him. he tells me "getting drunk!! i didn't work last night so i went over to a friends house" that boy smelled like he had bathed in alcohol!!! he looked so tired and drunk. he then tells me "hey stop by tonight, i'm not working tonight either" i smile and tell him "i'll try to".
on totally different note...my nephew is coming to spend the weekend with me. he calls me last night "tia, i'm going to be downtown tomorrow with some friends and i was wondering if i could then come to your place and spend the weekend with you". I love my nephews!!! "of course you can baby!!! " as usual he asked me if could cook "the shrimp that he likes so much" i tell him "ANYTHING FOR MY FAVORITE NEPHEW, just don't tell the others i told you that"...i tell all of my nieces and nephews the same thing!!! they are growing up sooo fast!!! this nephew whom i will call spikey hair has a girlfriend already!!!! i was over at my sisters place one day and i get a call on my cell phone from a girl looking for spikey hair and tell her that she's got the wrong number, she politely apologizes and hangs up. as she is hanging up i start thinking that spikey hair must have used my cell phone to call her so i call her back and i tell her "i'm sorry you do have the right number let me get him for you". i give the phone to my nephew and tells me "i told her not to call me on this phone" i tell him not to worry about it and leave the room to give him some privacy. i really wanted to stay to listen to their conversation but i'm a mature person... i went to the next room to eavesdrop!!!! i'm just kidding!!! really i am!!! anyway, i just can't believe that my baby has a girlfriend!!! my other nephew is going to college next year!!!! they are ALL growing up soooo fast!!! i remember when they were barely starting to talk!!! to walk!! they would follow me everywhere!!! one of my nieces tells me last week "tia, i can't wait for this years sleep over!!! oh how i love them all!!!
mr. rico suave is back in the picture and coco for some reason you keep coming to mind when ever he comes over to my place. i am being very careful with this relationship...mr. rico suave has some serious issues that he needs to take care of!! anywho, i would like to think i'm wiser and more mature to fall for his "but i'm the victim" act.
I have also seen a few of my clients that are just not doing too good. yesterday morning i went to go see one of them and i had to call a cab to take her to the hospital because she was not making any sense any more and she couldn't stop shaking and crying. i saw this woman last month and yesterday morning i didn't even recognize her!!! This disease always amazes me!!
i went to take another of my clients to a second hand store so he could get some clothes and kitchen stuff. he was telling me that he was late because he had soiled himself on his way over to the Brown Elephant therefore needed to go back home to change clothes...he is having trouble tolerating the meds.
i also went to see another client who is going off of Fuzeon because it is no longer working for him. Fuzeon is the LAST resort for AIDS/HIV clients!!!! my poor client had cold sores all over his mouth and just did not look good.
that same day on the way to the office i ran into a guy who was looking for a UPS truck, "excuse me, have you seen a UPS truck any where?" ha? what? que? como? "i just saw one on waveland and halsted" he tells me "oh yeah i saw it too but that's not the right one" okay? so he starts running to the next block and i go back to my little world. as i'm approaching wilton and sheridan i see him again. he smiles and tells me "i found my truck" "good, i was starting to worry" i tell him. don't know what the hell that was about but the dude found his UPS truck and that's all that matters.
this morning on my way to work i see a guy that looks like my neighbor. i didn't think it was him though because he works the late shift therefore he sleeps all day. anywho, it turns out it was him and as he walks towards me he says "hey!! i know you!!!" "yeah, i think i know you too" i joke around with him. "what are you doing out here so early in the morning?" i ask him. he tells me "getting drunk!! i didn't work last night so i went over to a friends house" that boy smelled like he had bathed in alcohol!!! he looked so tired and drunk. he then tells me "hey stop by tonight, i'm not working tonight either" i smile and tell him "i'll try to".
on totally different note...my nephew is coming to spend the weekend with me. he calls me last night "tia, i'm going to be downtown tomorrow with some friends and i was wondering if i could then come to your place and spend the weekend with you". I love my nephews!!! "of course you can baby!!! " as usual he asked me if could cook "the shrimp that he likes so much" i tell him "ANYTHING FOR MY FAVORITE NEPHEW, just don't tell the others i told you that"...i tell all of my nieces and nephews the same thing!!! they are growing up sooo fast!!! this nephew whom i will call spikey hair has a girlfriend already!!!! i was over at my sisters place one day and i get a call on my cell phone from a girl looking for spikey hair and tell her that she's got the wrong number, she politely apologizes and hangs up. as she is hanging up i start thinking that spikey hair must have used my cell phone to call her so i call her back and i tell her "i'm sorry you do have the right number let me get him for you". i give the phone to my nephew and tells me "i told her not to call me on this phone" i tell him not to worry about it and leave the room to give him some privacy. i really wanted to stay to listen to their conversation but i'm a mature person... i went to the next room to eavesdrop!!!! i'm just kidding!!! really i am!!! anyway, i just can't believe that my baby has a girlfriend!!! my other nephew is going to college next year!!!! they are ALL growing up soooo fast!!! i remember when they were barely starting to talk!!! to walk!! they would follow me everywhere!!! one of my nieces tells me last week "tia, i can't wait for this years sleep over!!! oh how i love them all!!!
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
guess who's coming to chicago!?!?!!!!
LILA DOWNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LILA DOWNS!!!! I'M RUNNING AROUND IN MY OFFICE FROM THE EXCITEMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY CRAP!!! I'VE ALREADY PURCHASED MY TICKETS!!! LILA DOWNS IS COMING TO CHICAGO!!!
okay now that i've calmed down. who is lila downs? well she is one of greatest singers in my book. alot of you may remember her from the movie Frida, if you watched it that is. She was the chick that sang in Frida's wedding and funeral. She has the most amazing voice ever!!! i remember the first time i went to see her perform at the hothouse and i just fell in love with her voice!!! she gives the most amazing performance ever!!! anywho, that's who she is and i can't wait to see her perform again!!
okay now that i've calmed down. who is lila downs? well she is one of greatest singers in my book. alot of you may remember her from the movie Frida, if you watched it that is. She was the chick that sang in Frida's wedding and funeral. She has the most amazing voice ever!!! i remember the first time i went to see her perform at the hothouse and i just fell in love with her voice!!! she gives the most amazing performance ever!!! anywho, that's who she is and i can't wait to see her perform again!!
Monday, March 20, 2006
weekend report...
yeah i don't really have much to say since i already have posted something about my weekend...it was a fun weekend and i promise not to write under the influence anymore.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
howl at the moon...
...that's the name of the place we went to tonight to celebrate Deider's b-day!!! i must admit that i was a little dissappointed with the place but i had sooooo much fun with the gang!!!! ms. deider had soooo much and that's what matters. Howl at the Moon is a bar/piano place. it was fun but the songs they played were soooo funny....by the way i'm soooooo freakin' drunk as i'm typing but ms. deider insisted that i write about tonight so here i am at her place and writing...anywho, this place was fun because i heard some of our favorite songs...prince, sir mix alot, erasure and george micheal...and they sound soooo different when they played on the piano!!! i didn't recognize prince's song and i'm a huuuuuuge fan of prince. anywho, i had fun and ms. deider had fun and that's all that matter. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HER!!!!!! I LOVE MS. DEIDER!!!!!
Saturday, March 18, 2006
confession....
so i am at a friends house, half drunk, getting ready to go out and thinking about cincy!!!! what the hell is that about!?!?!?! i don't even know what the man looks like!!!!
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
work!! work!! work!!
you know it really sucks to take a few days off!!! why? well because it seems like i work extra hard before i take the days off and then i come back to a whole bunch of paperwork!!! AAAAHHHH!! aaawww, i needed to vent....
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
I CANT RESIST....
STRAWBERRIES!!!!! OH MY GOD I LOVE STRAWBERRIES!!!...if you ever want to make me happy just bring me some strawberries!!!!
it's somebody's b-day today and there is strawberry cake in the kitchen!!! fresh strawberries!!!
have i mentioned that i love strawberries!!!
it's somebody's b-day today and there is strawberry cake in the kitchen!!! fresh strawberries!!!
have i mentioned that i love strawberries!!!
never judge a book by its cover...
This morning i met with a new client and let me tell you that he is the sweetes man i have met!!! you would have never guessed it though because of his looks. This man is big and tall, he has a scar on his left cheek and wears these army boots that are like four times bigger than my foot!!!
my boss comes in to tell me that my new client is waiting for me in the reception area "you call me if you need anything, okay?" okay? i was wondering why he told me that. so i walk out and call out my new clients name...this big and tall man walks towards me and i'm thinking "oh that's what mr. boss man meant!!" i introduce myself and he smiles at me with a "nice to meet you too" smile. We did his initial paperwork, applied for rental assistance, told him what i needed him to do for me if he wanted the rent check by the end of this week, he thanked me and was on his merry way. The sweetest man ever!!
This encounter reminded me of when i used to work at Cook County Hospital, now Stroger's Hospital. I use to work at the clinic, my supervisor had given a list of new "spanish" clients...i hate it when people use "spanish" to describe spanish speaking individuals !!! a spanish individual is from spain you idiots!! anyway, i get my list and i start calling out peoples names, one by one they start getting up but as i call out Raul Ramirez (i just made up this name, okay!! that's the first name that came to mind) this gorgeous woman walks towards me!! i'm serious, this lady had the most amazing body, beautiful long blond hair, cheeck bones to die for and it is during the summer so she was wearing one of those tight and tiny floral summer dresses that just seemed to hug every freakin' curve of her gorgeous body!!! I'm thinking as she is walking towards me, she must have heard another name so i say "Raul Ramirez!!"again but she keeps walking towards me and says "esa soy yo, mi'ja". "oh mucho gusto!!" i tell her and ask her to follow me. as i turn to walk to the office, i rolled my eyes in amazement, because this woman was gorgeous!! and whispered "oh my god!!!" to myself. My gorgeous client didn't stay in chicago for long. Once the summer was over she headed back to Florida "porque este frio yo no lo aguanto!!! como lo puedes aguantar tu mi'ja?" she was so nice and very girly too. i could have learned a thing or two from her...she kept inviting me over to her place so that she could make me over "porque tu tienes una cara muy bonita pero necesitas resaltar esos ojos y esa sonrisa" thank you!!! but i think i'll pass on your invitation was my usual response. by the time she was leaving to florida she wasn't doing too good, i hope she is well wherever she may be!!! i will never ever forget that encounter!! taught me a lesson... to never ever judge a book by it's cover.
my boss comes in to tell me that my new client is waiting for me in the reception area "you call me if you need anything, okay?" okay? i was wondering why he told me that. so i walk out and call out my new clients name...this big and tall man walks towards me and i'm thinking "oh that's what mr. boss man meant!!" i introduce myself and he smiles at me with a "nice to meet you too" smile. We did his initial paperwork, applied for rental assistance, told him what i needed him to do for me if he wanted the rent check by the end of this week, he thanked me and was on his merry way. The sweetest man ever!!
This encounter reminded me of when i used to work at Cook County Hospital, now Stroger's Hospital. I use to work at the clinic, my supervisor had given a list of new "spanish" clients...i hate it when people use "spanish" to describe spanish speaking individuals !!! a spanish individual is from spain you idiots!! anyway, i get my list and i start calling out peoples names, one by one they start getting up but as i call out Raul Ramirez (i just made up this name, okay!! that's the first name that came to mind) this gorgeous woman walks towards me!! i'm serious, this lady had the most amazing body, beautiful long blond hair, cheeck bones to die for and it is during the summer so she was wearing one of those tight and tiny floral summer dresses that just seemed to hug every freakin' curve of her gorgeous body!!! I'm thinking as she is walking towards me, she must have heard another name so i say "Raul Ramirez!!"again but she keeps walking towards me and says "esa soy yo, mi'ja". "oh mucho gusto!!" i tell her and ask her to follow me. as i turn to walk to the office, i rolled my eyes in amazement, because this woman was gorgeous!! and whispered "oh my god!!!" to myself. My gorgeous client didn't stay in chicago for long. Once the summer was over she headed back to Florida "porque este frio yo no lo aguanto!!! como lo puedes aguantar tu mi'ja?" she was so nice and very girly too. i could have learned a thing or two from her...she kept inviting me over to her place so that she could make me over "porque tu tienes una cara muy bonita pero necesitas resaltar esos ojos y esa sonrisa" thank you!!! but i think i'll pass on your invitation was my usual response. by the time she was leaving to florida she wasn't doing too good, i hope she is well wherever she may be!!! i will never ever forget that encounter!! taught me a lesson... to never ever judge a book by it's cover.
Friday, March 10, 2006
curly or straight
so this morning i decided to straighten my hair and let me tell you it's alot of freakin' work!!! i don't consider myself a real girl and this morning i realized why!!! holy crap!! i have decided to let my hair grow so i'm having trouble fixing it these days. my hair is wavy and it can get really really curly depending on the weather. my hair is too short for me to put in a pony tail, which is what i usually do when i have it long. i really don't like long hair but i've decided to let grow, don't ask me why. i like short hair because really there's not alot you have to do with it. after my shower all i do is put gel on my hair and a little hairspray here and there and i'm ready to go!! i love short hair!! you can probably do the same with long hair but...oh anyway, i'm letting my hair grow. this morning i straightened it out and it doesn't look bad but it took too much time. god no wonder my sisters take forever to get ready!! the hair, the make up!! the make up!!
i just started wearing make up about 3 years ago and that's only because Tazman wondered what i would like with eye liner and mascara!! and i liked the way it looked so i haven't stop wearing it since. i've always wondered what i would like if i were to go get one of those makeover thingies. like i've i said before i don't consider myself to be a real girl when it comes to make-up and all those other girly things...give me a t-shirt and some jeans and i'm happy!! when i go out with my sisters or friends, i'm usually the first one to finish getting ready. i just never get it!! who are they trying to impress? i mean if a guy is going to like you, he is going to like with or without the make up!! i remember one time i went out with mr. motorcylcle. we went to one of these hip place at the time, La Hacienda, and it was during the winter and yet all i saw were these half naked women!! who would wear a freakin' halter top with a short skirt and those paris hilton shoes in the middle of winter!!! anywho, i was sitting by the bar when mr. motorcycle asks me "que onda?" i told him that i was feeling out of place because i didn't feel as glamouras as these girls. he tells me "sonrisa, there have been only two girls that have caught my eye tonight!! estas mujeres son como los gatos en la noche" ha? what? que? como? "well you see, when you see the cats at night, the first thing you notice are their beautiful eyes but then you see them in the morning and they end up looking like crap!!" WOW!!!! "i knew there was a reason why i hung out with you!!" was my response.
anyway, maybe i'm just too lazy to get up in the morning and fix myself up with all that crap!! or maybe i just feel comfortable being who i am and don't really need any of that crap!! i like the latter. will i keep on straightening my hair? ABSOLUTELY!!! CAUSE I LOOK GOOD DAMN IT!!!
i just started wearing make up about 3 years ago and that's only because Tazman wondered what i would like with eye liner and mascara!! and i liked the way it looked so i haven't stop wearing it since. i've always wondered what i would like if i were to go get one of those makeover thingies. like i've i said before i don't consider myself to be a real girl when it comes to make-up and all those other girly things...give me a t-shirt and some jeans and i'm happy!! when i go out with my sisters or friends, i'm usually the first one to finish getting ready. i just never get it!! who are they trying to impress? i mean if a guy is going to like you, he is going to like with or without the make up!! i remember one time i went out with mr. motorcylcle. we went to one of these hip place at the time, La Hacienda, and it was during the winter and yet all i saw were these half naked women!! who would wear a freakin' halter top with a short skirt and those paris hilton shoes in the middle of winter!!! anywho, i was sitting by the bar when mr. motorcycle asks me "que onda?" i told him that i was feeling out of place because i didn't feel as glamouras as these girls. he tells me "sonrisa, there have been only two girls that have caught my eye tonight!! estas mujeres son como los gatos en la noche" ha? what? que? como? "well you see, when you see the cats at night, the first thing you notice are their beautiful eyes but then you see them in the morning and they end up looking like crap!!" WOW!!!! "i knew there was a reason why i hung out with you!!" was my response.
anyway, maybe i'm just too lazy to get up in the morning and fix myself up with all that crap!! or maybe i just feel comfortable being who i am and don't really need any of that crap!! i like the latter. will i keep on straightening my hair? ABSOLUTELY!!! CAUSE I LOOK GOOD DAMN IT!!!
Thursday, March 09, 2006
i'm tired...
of being tired!!!! i haven't been feeling well for the past few weeks and my doctor seems to not know what's wrong with me. within the last two weeks the nurses have taken more blood than i thought i had!!! i've been to the hospital three times, nurses checking this and that, poking me here and there, and each time they keep on taking more blood!!! "couldn't you just use the same blood you took last time?" i ask the nurse "i'm sorry sweetie" she tells me with a smile shaking her head no. so there she goes poking me again!!! i've been physically tired for these past few weeks. ms. jillipooh tells me "well they keep taking your blood of course your tired!!" well i'm tired of being tired!!! DAMN IT!!! i got a call last week from my doctor and she tells me that everything is okay but that she would like to see again this week. I love my doctor, i think i've mentioned this before. i've been with her ever since i can remember. She calls me mi'ja when ever i go to see her. last week when i went to go see her she was being very straight forward with me "you need to take better care of yourself mi'ja and start doing what i tell you!!" I guess she noticed that i was feeling like i was dissappointing her so she hugs and tells me "i'm telling you this because i care about you". i love her!!! the only thing that kind of frustrates me is that she is waaaay south and everytime she refers me somewhere it's around her neck of the woods and well i don't have car. it takes like four hours to come back and forth which means i end up taking either the day or half of the day off from work. it can be a pain at times, especially when i'm not feeling well. i'm have another appointment in april and let me telling you that i'm not looking forward to it.
on to much brighter news...i have decided that i'm going back to school!!!! nursing school!!! pediatric nurse!!! i have to wait to register until next year though. the program that i want to go to (UIC) is all filled up this year therefore i have a whole year to get used to the idea that i will not have a life for two years!!! how did i come to this decision, you are asking? well i've started volunteering at the University of Chicago Children's Hospital and i love it!!! Ever since i worked at Cook County hospital i've thought about nursing school but i also enjoyed my job at the time so i didn't really give it too much thought. I think i'm ready now though!! i'm actually excited about going back to school!!! could you imagine me assisting with the birth of a baby!!! a brand new life!!! an innocent, defenseless beautiful baby. AND i will be there to welcome him/her into the world!!! "it is my honor to welcome you into the world little one" okay i better stop before i make myself cry...
on to much brighter news...i have decided that i'm going back to school!!!! nursing school!!! pediatric nurse!!! i have to wait to register until next year though. the program that i want to go to (UIC) is all filled up this year therefore i have a whole year to get used to the idea that i will not have a life for two years!!! how did i come to this decision, you are asking? well i've started volunteering at the University of Chicago Children's Hospital and i love it!!! Ever since i worked at Cook County hospital i've thought about nursing school but i also enjoyed my job at the time so i didn't really give it too much thought. I think i'm ready now though!! i'm actually excited about going back to school!!! could you imagine me assisting with the birth of a baby!!! a brand new life!!! an innocent, defenseless beautiful baby. AND i will be there to welcome him/her into the world!!! "it is my honor to welcome you into the world little one" okay i better stop before i make myself cry...
Thursday, March 02, 2006
my body
santis dreaming about nakedness, cincy wanting a girl popping out a tit as a sign of flirtation, dcn writing about cleavage. why are we so obsessed with the human body?
now that i got your attention...last night i went to go see a performance by Eve Ensler, the same lady that wrote The Vigina Monologues. This performance is called The Good Body and i loved it!!! The performance was about Eve's stomache!!! well not exactly. it was about how insecure people are about certain parts of their bodies. We all have them. i sure as hell do!!! Eve had issues with her stomach. she talked to different women, women whom she thought to be beautiful and comfortable with their bodies. turns out that these women would go through alot of surgery, plenty of excersise, be on very strict diets (a grape per day) yet continue to be unhappy with themselves. it just made Eve appreciate and accept her body just the way it was. it was an awsome performance, as in the monologues i cried, i laughed but mostly i accepted. i loved it!!!
last night after the performance i went home and i started thinkg about my insecurities...i think my boobs are too big. it's very annoying to find a shirt that i love, looks good everywhere else except when it comes to my boobies. i always have to wear a safety pin to make sure that nothing pops out!!! it's very annoying, that's why i try not to wear shirts that have buttons. it also irritates me when i'm talking to someone, men usually, and it seems like they are talking to my boobs instead of me!!! But what really irritates is when someone tells me "giirrrl, if you got it you flaunt it!!!" what the fuck!?!?!? i don't want them and i definetly don't want to flaunt them!!! i have forever have had issues with my breasts. i rembember when i was in college, a friend of mine told me "they don't look too bad sonrisa, the rest of your body evens them out" what the fuck does mean? "you've got curves" he tells me and continues with "it would be wierd if your big up there and not have hips you know what i mean? you're evened out" of course all i heard was "your big hips!!!" what?!?!?! now i have to worry about my hips too!?!?! damn!!!!so i started to spend more time in the gym. i would wake up at 6 in the morning, be on the treadmill and stairmaster for about 40 minutes each and then in the evening i would go to the park and run about 8 to 10 miles. yeah!!! i was sooo freakin' determined to get rid off my boobs and my hips!! i lost weight but unfortunetly my boobs and hips were still there "evened out" with the rest of my body. i've gained back the weight but i'm working on it..heheheheh. anyway, i have been soooo close to getting a boob reduction, to the point where my doctor gave me a referral and all but i'm just too scared. the procedure looks too painful. i go through periods in which i'm determined to get it over with but then i start getting scared and i tell myself "sonrisa, they don't look too bad. accept yourself the way you are"...crap crap crap!!! seriously though i started to accept my body, little by little but i'm getting there. now i tell myself "girrrllll, be the mexican that you are!!! don't be ashamed of what you have!!!" i'm not flauning myself but i'm working on it.
now that i got your attention...last night i went to go see a performance by Eve Ensler, the same lady that wrote The Vigina Monologues. This performance is called The Good Body and i loved it!!! The performance was about Eve's stomache!!! well not exactly. it was about how insecure people are about certain parts of their bodies. We all have them. i sure as hell do!!! Eve had issues with her stomach. she talked to different women, women whom she thought to be beautiful and comfortable with their bodies. turns out that these women would go through alot of surgery, plenty of excersise, be on very strict diets (a grape per day) yet continue to be unhappy with themselves. it just made Eve appreciate and accept her body just the way it was. it was an awsome performance, as in the monologues i cried, i laughed but mostly i accepted. i loved it!!!
last night after the performance i went home and i started thinkg about my insecurities...i think my boobs are too big. it's very annoying to find a shirt that i love, looks good everywhere else except when it comes to my boobies. i always have to wear a safety pin to make sure that nothing pops out!!! it's very annoying, that's why i try not to wear shirts that have buttons. it also irritates me when i'm talking to someone, men usually, and it seems like they are talking to my boobs instead of me!!! But what really irritates is when someone tells me "giirrrl, if you got it you flaunt it!!!" what the fuck!?!?!? i don't want them and i definetly don't want to flaunt them!!! i have forever have had issues with my breasts. i rembember when i was in college, a friend of mine told me "they don't look too bad sonrisa, the rest of your body evens them out" what the fuck does mean? "you've got curves" he tells me and continues with "it would be wierd if your big up there and not have hips you know what i mean? you're evened out" of course all i heard was "your big hips!!!" what?!?!?! now i have to worry about my hips too!?!?! damn!!!!so i started to spend more time in the gym. i would wake up at 6 in the morning, be on the treadmill and stairmaster for about 40 minutes each and then in the evening i would go to the park and run about 8 to 10 miles. yeah!!! i was sooo freakin' determined to get rid off my boobs and my hips!! i lost weight but unfortunetly my boobs and hips were still there "evened out" with the rest of my body. i've gained back the weight but i'm working on it..heheheheh. anyway, i have been soooo close to getting a boob reduction, to the point where my doctor gave me a referral and all but i'm just too scared. the procedure looks too painful. i go through periods in which i'm determined to get it over with but then i start getting scared and i tell myself "sonrisa, they don't look too bad. accept yourself the way you are"...crap crap crap!!! seriously though i started to accept my body, little by little but i'm getting there. now i tell myself "girrrllll, be the mexican that you are!!! don't be ashamed of what you have!!!" i'm not flauning myself but i'm working on it.
Friday, February 24, 2006
the unthinkable...
The guild complex had it's annual Iron Poet event. The Iron Poet is like the Iron Chef except that instead of food they use words. So anyway, it turns out that three of the four teams called in sick. The facilitators were walking around looking for volunteers but nobody was up to it. my friend Ms.J asks me to do it and i said "nooooo!!! hell no!!!" but then a guy i had just met last night says, "i'll go up there if you two go with me" Ms.J looks at me and says "i won't go up there but if you keep asking sonrisa she just might do it" anywho, to make a long story short i ended up participating and i had so much fun!!! the words that were given to us were, actually before i say what they were i want to say that it was EROTIC Iron Poet, back to the words, smoke and felching. uhmmm? yeah i don't know if i want to decribe felching but if you don't know what it means ask in your comment and i guess i will. so here's part of last night's poem...
He drops. my legs un-
crossed face down between
my legs uncrossed. my skirt
forced up, my legs uncrossed
my eyes, my legs uncrossed,
numb, his mouth between
my legs (uncrossed) which squeeze,
i scream...
there is waaay more to this poem but it very very EROTIC ;-) don't want to ruin my nice girl image , hehehehehe. i know the two words are not in this part of the poem but trust me i used them. i had sooo much fun last night!!
yep, so much fun that i got home and i just had to call mr.k!!! yes i called him!!! i wanted to share the night with him. i don't know why, i just did!!! i know i shouldn't have but all night i was thinking about him. i was kind of expecting to see him at the event but he didn't go. it was soooo nice to hear his voice, to talk to him, i miss him alot!!! we had a short conversation. he told me the same as before, "i'm behind on my school work and i have to do this and that for work and..." i see not much has changed his procrastinating self. i hung the phone and i was kind of dissappointed that i called him but like i said it was soooo nice to hear his voice. did i do wrong in calling him? i know i shouldn't have but what's done is done...
He drops. my legs un-
crossed face down between
my legs uncrossed. my skirt
forced up, my legs uncrossed
my eyes, my legs uncrossed,
numb, his mouth between
my legs (uncrossed) which squeeze,
i scream...
there is waaay more to this poem but it very very EROTIC ;-) don't want to ruin my nice girl image , hehehehehe. i know the two words are not in this part of the poem but trust me i used them. i had sooo much fun last night!!
yep, so much fun that i got home and i just had to call mr.k!!! yes i called him!!! i wanted to share the night with him. i don't know why, i just did!!! i know i shouldn't have but all night i was thinking about him. i was kind of expecting to see him at the event but he didn't go. it was soooo nice to hear his voice, to talk to him, i miss him alot!!! we had a short conversation. he told me the same as before, "i'm behind on my school work and i have to do this and that for work and..." i see not much has changed his procrastinating self. i hung the phone and i was kind of dissappointed that i called him but like i said it was soooo nice to hear his voice. did i do wrong in calling him? i know i shouldn't have but what's done is done...
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Dear Bus Riders
I am sure that you are aware the night before whether or not you will be riding the bus or not, at least i am. Please please have your money or card ready before you get on the bus. There are a few reasons why the CTA people decided not to give out anymore transfers. One of them was to decrease the traffic when boarding the bus. You standing in front of the rest of us (freezing our asses off) looking for your card is NOT decreasing the traffic!!! You knew you were going to ride the bus so why didn't you get your card/money ready!!! i understand that sometimes we run out of our place in such a hurry therefore we don't have the card/money ready, however please please move to the side or grab a sit in front while looking for your card/money!!! you saying "i changed purses last night so i'm not sure where my card is" does not make things better!! You should have set the fucken' card aside then!! obviously you had time to set your freakin' lipstick aside since that's the first thing that fell out of your purse, if you had time to do that then i am assuming you would have had the time to put the fucken' bus card aside!!!
sincerely,
annoyed and frustrated bus rider
sincerely,
annoyed and frustrated bus rider
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
three day weekend
over all i had a good three day weekend. on friday evening i had dinner with mr. rico suave...yes i know i need to be super careful with this friendship and i was. we had a nice conversation throughout dinner. i found myself saying "i don't want to hear about that" alot. i may have come of as rude but really i need to take care of myself. we talked about work, mutual friends, and cats :-) it was nice to see him...i hadn't seen him a loooong time. saturday, i went to the hospital for a training for volunteers. i had a nice time once i got to the hospital because my way there was brutal!!! the weather was horrible!! it was freezing. in the evening i went to see the "Vigina Monologues". that was intense!! i cried, i laughed and i everything in between. if you haven't seen it, i totally suggest you go see it. I got home and i just started bawling!!! i mean just thinking about all those women that have gone through so much and then i got thinking of women who never really got know their bodies because of religion or because they were scared or embarrassed...you HAVE to go see this performance!!! once i calmed down i sat on my couch and hugged Kachis again, i was asking him how his day had gone and then i started crying again!!! i started thinking about all those homeless individuals out in the freezing weather...don't know what was going on with me that day but i was on an emotional roller coaster. i was glad i was by myself cause otherwise people would have thought i was crazy or something. Sunday i chilled at the Mexican Fine Arts Museum. They have a new and great exhibit on African Mexicans...i loved it!! yesterday, i got to see santis, cracked chancla, and mariposa. you all would have been so proud of me!! i consider myself to be a very shy person and well last night i went up to the stage and read one of santis poems!!! i was sooo nervous but i think just like Dr. Vodka i got hooked. i told santis that next month i was going to read some of my own stuff :-)
AND dudes and dudettes i am loosing weight!!!! yay for me!!!!however if i keep going to cc store i might just gain it all back because i keep ordering that kick ass mexican hot chocolate!!! damn that chocolate is yummy!!
I also went to visit my schizoprenic client this morning. he had me cracking up!!! on his front door he has a sticker that says "re-elect Hillary Clinton for President!!" i just smiled and then knocked on his door."please come in Ms. Sonrisa, please do come in. did you make sure nobody was following you?" i said yes and we sit down. He begins by telling me about his weekend, "i had a good weekend, i stayed in for most of it. you just don't know. i almost had a heart attack yesterday, i was watching t.v. a little girl was getting interviewed and the reporter asked her what she wished for, the little girl said she wanted to meet the president of the united states!!! boy oh boy Ms. Sonrisa i just turned off the t.v. because i didn't care to hear what her two other wishes were!!! what is this world coming to ms. sonrisa?!?!? boy oh boy!!! nearly had a heart attack!!!" i just couldn't laugh!!! i thought it was sooo funny and cute!!! he kept telling me "ms. sonrisa that is no joke!!! really no joke!!!" after a while he started laughing too. i left his place thinking "this was a good way to start my day!!!"...bashing Bush always makes me feel better ;-)
AND dudes and dudettes i am loosing weight!!!! yay for me!!!!however if i keep going to cc store i might just gain it all back because i keep ordering that kick ass mexican hot chocolate!!! damn that chocolate is yummy!!
I also went to visit my schizoprenic client this morning. he had me cracking up!!! on his front door he has a sticker that says "re-elect Hillary Clinton for President!!" i just smiled and then knocked on his door."please come in Ms. Sonrisa, please do come in. did you make sure nobody was following you?" i said yes and we sit down. He begins by telling me about his weekend, "i had a good weekend, i stayed in for most of it. you just don't know. i almost had a heart attack yesterday, i was watching t.v. a little girl was getting interviewed and the reporter asked her what she wished for, the little girl said she wanted to meet the president of the united states!!! boy oh boy Ms. Sonrisa i just turned off the t.v. because i didn't care to hear what her two other wishes were!!! what is this world coming to ms. sonrisa?!?!? boy oh boy!!! nearly had a heart attack!!!" i just couldn't laugh!!! i thought it was sooo funny and cute!!! he kept telling me "ms. sonrisa that is no joke!!! really no joke!!!" after a while he started laughing too. i left his place thinking "this was a good way to start my day!!!"...bashing Bush always makes me feel better ;-)
Friday, February 17, 2006
what's is this about?!?!!?
so last night i was supposed to go see S.E.X-OH again...that's how much i liked this performance. i thought i was only going with mr. bean (i had invited pokey reese and mr. motorcycle but they said they weren't interested) but around 5:30 he calls and tells me that he and mr. motorcyle were going to come and pick me up at at 6:30. as he was telling me this i was thinking DAMN!!! we're not going to the play!!". mr. motorcycle is ALWAYS late!!!! it drives me crazy!!! i usually don't get upset because i'm used to the dude being late but i really wanted to see the performance again!! AND i wanted mr. bean to see it too because out of all of the trio i think he would have enjoyed it the most!!! anywho, at around 6:30 mr. bean calls and tells me "you're probably thinking that were out in front of your place right? but we're not, mr. motorcycle hasn't even come to pick me up!!" i told him "dude there is no way we are going to make it on time!!" we hang up. i was soooo frustrated!!! but i thought, hey it's their loss!!! mr. bean calls me back a few minutes later to tell me that mr. motorcycle was on his way already and that we were going to go out to dinner instead, to be expecting them at around 7:30 and "este guey handa de mal humor, haci que preparate!!" santis came mind... "puta madre!!!".
Mr. motorcycle was in the mood for thai food so we decided to go to Thai Classic. on our way there we picked up two bottles of wine. We had sooo much fun. mr. bean was making comments like "i wonder if i would have liked the show? why didn't we make it to the show?" those two would drive me crazy if i were to take them seriously!! we stayed at the restaurant until they closed, we became friends with the waiter and offered him some wine but he said he couldn't...oh well meant more for us. we then headed down across the street from the restaurant to spot 6 and listened to some live jazz, i was chillin' by then. mr. motorcycle then decided that he wanted to leave because he not "feeling the jazz". on the way to the car, mr. bean asks if i wanted to go the kareoke bar on the southside. i said "sure but are you going to want to drive me back home?" this is the "what fuck was that about?!!!" moment. He tells me "i was thinking that you could stay at my place and i'll drive you back in the morning, is that okay mr. motorcycle?" WHAT?!?!?!?!?!? WHY THE HELL YOU ASKING HIM FOR PERMISSION!?!?!? that's what was going through my mind but i was buzzing big time and i was not in the mood to deal with that crap!! mr. motorcycle, says "si guey" i just got in the car and kept chillin'. i was having a good time and i was didn't want it to be ruined. on our way, to the kareoke bar the guys were singing songs that are originally in spanish but translating them to english. that was funny as hell!!!
once we get to the bar, mr. motorcycles ran into some of his friends. he did the introductions and then signed up for some singing. one of his friends came up to me and tells me "how have you been sonrisa?" i had met him before so we were making small talk. he then asks me "where's your husband?" ha? what? que? como? "i'm not married" i tell him. yet another "what the fuck is this about!?!?!?" moment. he tells me "oh thought you were, mr. motorcycle told me you were. i've always thought you were cute but never really talked to you because he told me you were married?" i just laughed it off and told him "well i'm not married and thank you for the compliment" he asks me if i wanted to go to sing a song with him and i did. we sang "no me vuelve a enamorar" by juan gabriel. mr. motorcycle was cheering us on through out the entire song. good times!!!
we dropped off mr. motorcycle off and mr. bean and i headed to his place. i slept like a baby in mr. beans arms..NOT!!! i slept on the bed and he slept on the couch. i am, however, planning on telling mr. motorcycle that it was the best night of my life!!! hehehehehe, okay i won't. hmmm? maybe just to be mean, i will. no i won't, that's childish.
Mr. motorcycle was in the mood for thai food so we decided to go to Thai Classic. on our way there we picked up two bottles of wine. We had sooo much fun. mr. bean was making comments like "i wonder if i would have liked the show? why didn't we make it to the show?" those two would drive me crazy if i were to take them seriously!! we stayed at the restaurant until they closed, we became friends with the waiter and offered him some wine but he said he couldn't...oh well meant more for us. we then headed down across the street from the restaurant to spot 6 and listened to some live jazz, i was chillin' by then. mr. motorcycle then decided that he wanted to leave because he not "feeling the jazz". on the way to the car, mr. bean asks if i wanted to go the kareoke bar on the southside. i said "sure but are you going to want to drive me back home?" this is the "what fuck was that about?!!!" moment. He tells me "i was thinking that you could stay at my place and i'll drive you back in the morning, is that okay mr. motorcycle?" WHAT?!?!?!?!?!? WHY THE HELL YOU ASKING HIM FOR PERMISSION!?!?!? that's what was going through my mind but i was buzzing big time and i was not in the mood to deal with that crap!! mr. motorcycle, says "si guey" i just got in the car and kept chillin'. i was having a good time and i was didn't want it to be ruined. on our way, to the kareoke bar the guys were singing songs that are originally in spanish but translating them to english. that was funny as hell!!!
once we get to the bar, mr. motorcycles ran into some of his friends. he did the introductions and then signed up for some singing. one of his friends came up to me and tells me "how have you been sonrisa?" i had met him before so we were making small talk. he then asks me "where's your husband?" ha? what? que? como? "i'm not married" i tell him. yet another "what the fuck is this about!?!?!?" moment. he tells me "oh thought you were, mr. motorcycle told me you were. i've always thought you were cute but never really talked to you because he told me you were married?" i just laughed it off and told him "well i'm not married and thank you for the compliment" he asks me if i wanted to go to sing a song with him and i did. we sang "no me vuelve a enamorar" by juan gabriel. mr. motorcycle was cheering us on through out the entire song. good times!!!
we dropped off mr. motorcycle off and mr. bean and i headed to his place. i slept like a baby in mr. beans arms..NOT!!! i slept on the bed and he slept on the couch. i am, however, planning on telling mr. motorcycle that it was the best night of my life!!! hehehehehe, okay i won't. hmmm? maybe just to be mean, i will. no i won't, that's childish.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
i'm in a good mood...
and i don't even know why?!?!? AND i don't care because it's been a loooong time since i have felt happy for no apparent reason!!!
Anywho, let me see what can i write about. Well tonight i meet with the bookclub to discuss "how the garcia girls lost their accent". i must admit that i'm a huuuuge fan of Julia Alvarez but i was kind of dissappointed with this book. Don't me wrong i loved but...yeah i can't even find the words. i think it's because it has been recommended to me so many times and i have been told that i would love it therefore i had the book up on a pedestol and well if you jump that high the fall is going to hurt!!! hehehehee. okay i had laugh at that one. overall i enjoyed the book :-) i am looking forward to tonight's discussion.
i have also realized that i have the greates boss ever!!! no, he does not know i have a blog so i'm not kissing his ass!!...anyway, i usually say "hasta manana bossman" as i pass his office but yesterday there was a bit of drama going on with a client...the client got aggressive with one of my co-workers therefore the police needed to be called. so as i'm walking by his office i noticed he was too busy so i didn't say my usual "hasta manana bossman". i just walked by BUT he saw and says "have a good evening sonrisa!!" i had to smile because i was thinking "holy crap!! this guy has so much going on now and he STILL acknowledges his employees!!" i know it may sound petty but it meant alot to me :-) thanks mr. bossman!!!
i also want to thank mr. policeman for being the sweetest friend ever...besides santis that is. I've mentioned mr. policeman before...he is the one that is getting married but doesn't know it yet(there's a whole story behind that). anywho, i've known him for about 6 years already and every year he has called me on valentine day, just to wish me a happy valentine's. so last night as i was going to bed i realized that he hadn't called me!!! what's up with that?!?!?! see what i mean, people expect certain things on this day and i don't like it!!! anywho, today i check my messages and there was one from mr. policeman!!!! he remembered!!! "sonrisa, i'm sorry i didn't call you yesterday but i was soooo busy. i want to wish a happy valentine's day. i know how you feel about this day but i don't care, i'm still wishing you a happy valentine!! i'll call you later to see how you're doing" HE DOES LOVE ME!!!! HE DOES LOVE ME!!!!!!
Anywho, let me see what can i write about. Well tonight i meet with the bookclub to discuss "how the garcia girls lost their accent". i must admit that i'm a huuuuge fan of Julia Alvarez but i was kind of dissappointed with this book. Don't me wrong i loved but...yeah i can't even find the words. i think it's because it has been recommended to me so many times and i have been told that i would love it therefore i had the book up on a pedestol and well if you jump that high the fall is going to hurt!!! hehehehee. okay i had laugh at that one. overall i enjoyed the book :-) i am looking forward to tonight's discussion.
i have also realized that i have the greates boss ever!!! no, he does not know i have a blog so i'm not kissing his ass!!...anyway, i usually say "hasta manana bossman" as i pass his office but yesterday there was a bit of drama going on with a client...the client got aggressive with one of my co-workers therefore the police needed to be called. so as i'm walking by his office i noticed he was too busy so i didn't say my usual "hasta manana bossman". i just walked by BUT he saw and says "have a good evening sonrisa!!" i had to smile because i was thinking "holy crap!! this guy has so much going on now and he STILL acknowledges his employees!!" i know it may sound petty but it meant alot to me :-) thanks mr. bossman!!!
i also want to thank mr. policeman for being the sweetest friend ever...besides santis that is. I've mentioned mr. policeman before...he is the one that is getting married but doesn't know it yet(there's a whole story behind that). anywho, i've known him for about 6 years already and every year he has called me on valentine day, just to wish me a happy valentine's. so last night as i was going to bed i realized that he hadn't called me!!! what's up with that?!?!?! see what i mean, people expect certain things on this day and i don't like it!!! anywho, today i check my messages and there was one from mr. policeman!!!! he remembered!!! "sonrisa, i'm sorry i didn't call you yesterday but i was soooo busy. i want to wish a happy valentine's day. i know how you feel about this day but i don't care, i'm still wishing you a happy valentine!! i'll call you later to see how you're doing" HE DOES LOVE ME!!!! HE DOES LOVE ME!!!!!!
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
a grade school friend...
so on sunday i went to go see my daddy, he left to mexico. on my way over i saw a girl that looked like someone i had to gone to grade school, high school and college with. She got on the bus with a baby girl following her. When she sat down she looked at me but didn't acknowledge me so i figured it wasn't her so i continued reading my book. We both got off on the same bus stop to transfer over to the bus taking us to the southside. By this time i was sure that was ms. brains (she was one of the top students in grade school and high school) so i went up to her and asked her "is she your little girl?" she turned around and looked at me and then says "oh my god!!! sonrisa!!! how have you been?!?!?! i didn't even recognize you!!!" i don't know if she was being genuine or not...i mean come on i have not changed that much for her not to recognize me... but i was happy to see her, .
anywho, on our way to our parents, her parents live in the hood too, we talked about how we were doing and what we were doing. we asked if we have seen the old gang. once ms. brains and i got to college we kind just went our seperate ways after our second year so there was alot of catching up to do. i had heard stuff about her from mutual friends and vice versa so this was our chance to clarify rumors and truths. She got married five years ago and has a three year old. Turns out she only lives a few blocks from where i live!!! we were both shocked at that!! "como no te eh visto?!?!?" she asked. i told her that was wierd because i'm always walking around the neighborhood. she asked me about Ms. E and i told her she had gotten married a few years ago and now has two kids. I also told her that i lost contact with her after she got married and that i actually felt bad because i was supposed to be a bridesmaid in her wedding but then i got sent to a conference in california. i truelly felt really bad about that especially since i ran into her at another mutual friend's wedding and there i was a bridesmaid!! i was so embarrassed. anywho, ms or rather mrs. brains asked about ms. A and i said "oh she got married too, has two kids as well". at this point i was feeling crappy!!!...worse then i was already feeling. everybody that we both new was married and with kids!!! i'm the only one that isn't married yet!!!! what the fuck?!?!?!..okay sonrisa back to how nice it was to see mrs. brains. we also talked about how and why we ended up on the northside. turns out she teaches at a school on marine drive!!! i told her i too moved due to my job.
once we got off the bus, we exchanged information, gave each other a hug, and said our goodbyes. i doubt that we will continue to keep in touch but it was nice to see her...even though it depressed me to find out that our college friends were all married with kids!!! damn!!! when will it be my turn?!?!!??!
anywho, on our way to our parents, her parents live in the hood too, we talked about how we were doing and what we were doing. we asked if we have seen the old gang. once ms. brains and i got to college we kind just went our seperate ways after our second year so there was alot of catching up to do. i had heard stuff about her from mutual friends and vice versa so this was our chance to clarify rumors and truths. She got married five years ago and has a three year old. Turns out she only lives a few blocks from where i live!!! we were both shocked at that!! "como no te eh visto?!?!?" she asked. i told her that was wierd because i'm always walking around the neighborhood. she asked me about Ms. E and i told her she had gotten married a few years ago and now has two kids. I also told her that i lost contact with her after she got married and that i actually felt bad because i was supposed to be a bridesmaid in her wedding but then i got sent to a conference in california. i truelly felt really bad about that especially since i ran into her at another mutual friend's wedding and there i was a bridesmaid!! i was so embarrassed. anywho, ms or rather mrs. brains asked about ms. A and i said "oh she got married too, has two kids as well". at this point i was feeling crappy!!!...worse then i was already feeling. everybody that we both new was married and with kids!!! i'm the only one that isn't married yet!!!! what the fuck?!?!?!..okay sonrisa back to how nice it was to see mrs. brains. we also talked about how and why we ended up on the northside. turns out she teaches at a school on marine drive!!! i told her i too moved due to my job.
once we got off the bus, we exchanged information, gave each other a hug, and said our goodbyes. i doubt that we will continue to keep in touch but it was nice to see her...even though it depressed me to find out that our college friends were all married with kids!!! damn!!! when will it be my turn?!?!!??!
Monday, February 13, 2006
testing, testing.1...2...3...
i've been having problems with my blog!!! i couldn't get into it!! i tried just about everything!!! i don't know que diablos hice pero i got it to work again. thanks santis for all your suggestions!!
my weekend was an okay weekend. i wasn't feeling good at all. i had planned to go to cc's for open mic but i was in soooo much pain!! sometimes i truelly do not like being a woman!!!! anywho, i guess i was a bit upset for not making to cc's that i even dreamt about it. i dreamt that i was at cc's store and my abuser walked in. i just froze, cc noticed that my mood had changed but didn't understand why. i told her i had to leave. she asked me why but i just got up and left without giving her an explanation. as soon i got out the store i lost it and started to cry. i called cc on her cell and told her. she walked out of the store to give me a hug and told me that i would be okay now that she was around. thanks cc for taking care of me in my dream :-) i will most definetly make it to the next open mic!!! i don't ever want to dream that dream again!!!
my weekend was an okay weekend. i wasn't feeling good at all. i had planned to go to cc's for open mic but i was in soooo much pain!! sometimes i truelly do not like being a woman!!!! anywho, i guess i was a bit upset for not making to cc's that i even dreamt about it. i dreamt that i was at cc's store and my abuser walked in. i just froze, cc noticed that my mood had changed but didn't understand why. i told her i had to leave. she asked me why but i just got up and left without giving her an explanation. as soon i got out the store i lost it and started to cry. i called cc on her cell and told her. she walked out of the store to give me a hug and told me that i would be okay now that she was around. thanks cc for taking care of me in my dream :-) i will most definetly make it to the next open mic!!! i don't ever want to dream that dream again!!!
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
we'll call him mr. rico suave...
because he thinks that's what he is!!! so i have this friend/aquaintance, i don't know what the fuck he is but he drives me crazy!!! i met him fours ago, instantly we became good friends. we told each other EVERYTHING!! we would go out ALL the time!! ...oh yeah, he's gay...i started to drink ALOT!! i'm not saying que era una santita before i met him but even my family noticed a HUUUGE change in me when i started hanging out with mr. rico suave. i went out on weekdays and wouldn't get home until 4 in the morning, one time i actually just went home, took a shower and headed to work, i was STILL buzzing!!! WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING!?!?!?!?
before i met him i would wake up at 6 in the morning, walk to the gym and then go to work. in the summer i would ride my bike from hollywood beach all the way down to hyde park and then back home. after work i would go straight home, fix myself something to eat and then walk down lakeshore drive or ride my bike. Again i'm not saying that i was a saint because on the weekends i would go clubbing with friends and be my wild and crazy self but i would never ever go out on a school night. anywho, once i met mr. rico suave all that changed. i felt safe with him. i mean the guy is gay, so obviously he was not with me because he wanted to get inside my panties. i was able to talk to him about everything and anything, okay so i have this type of relationship with mr. motorcycle but i can't talk to mr. motorcycle about the fact that i feel my boobs are too big and thinking of getting them reduced. mr. motorcycle would probably be like "para que?!?! se te ven bien!!!" where as mr. rico suave asked me "does your back hurt? do you think it will help your self esteem? maybe you should consult with your doctor if they bother you this much?" i would be able to talk about girly stuff without him getting all grossed out. anywho, as mentioned before once i started to go out with mr. rico suave there was no stopping us!!! i stopped going to the gym because hellooo? i would get home at 4 in the morning. i needed some sleep before i went to work. as much as i went out i would never call in sick!! i am after all a responsible person. mr. rico suave on the other hand would call in sick one or twice every week. the supervisor would bring that up to his attention but mr. rico suave wouldn't care. i started to get concerned about him. i noticed mr. rico suave started to drink more than usual and i would ask him if he was doing okay. he would tell me yes and i believed him, afterall we never lied to each other, so i thought. boy was i wrong!! it turns out mr. rico suave had a whole bunch of lovers, which was cool but he was using them for their money and sex...who am to judge? righ? Mr. rico suave never ever had money, 'til this day i don't know what he would do with all his money. i was always "lending" him money, his car would get towed all the time so i would end up paying for that. mind you this is all after we would go home, at least i would go home. mr. rico suave would go some where else and get himself in trouble. i don't know when or what was the turning point for me but i decided that i needed to change things, and if it meant me loosing mr. rico suave then i would so. that's exactly what ended up happening. when he would call me to go out i would say no so he just stopped calling me. i have to admit that it was very difficult at first but i had to do it for me!!! i was drinking waaaay too much and i didn't want to ruin my career, a career that i had worked so hard for!!! mr. rico suave would call me once a week at 3 or 4 o'clock crying asking me to get him from such and such place because he couldn't drive or because his "friend" wouldn't allow him to drive. yo de pendeja hiba por el!!! he would always end up spending the night at my place and right before he would pass out he would tell me "sonrisa, i love you so much. i don't know what i would do without you, promise me you will never leave me" i would just smile and cuddle with him. i was getting tired. i didn't want to keep doing this anymore. it was not good for me and it sure as hell was not good for him, the only thing i was doing was enabling him!!! after one of these episodes, i told him just that, "mr. rico suave, i need to start taking better care of myself and getting you out of trouble is not helping any, either you start changing or you forget about our friendship!!" he promised he would change but the following week i got another phone call, saying no was very difficult for me to say. after i hung up the phone i cried and prayed that he made it home safe. after that night i didn't hear from him for a while until few months later.
i was at my parents, the phone rang, my mommy picked up and told me it was for me. i was surprised because who would call me at my parents? it was mr. rico suave. he was crying uncontrollably, i kept telling him to calm down because he was scaring me. he finally did and tells me "sonrisa, our worst nightmare has come true!!" i felt like somebody had punched me in the stomach,i was having a difficult time breathing. "rico suave, please tell me what you are talking about because you're scaring me!!!" more crying on his side and then the words i will never ever forget "i'm positive sonrisa!!! i'm positive!!!!" i started crying too and then he asks me "can i see you? please i want to see you!!" i tell him that i'm on my way to his place. on my way over there,i kept thinking of the hell i went through with Tazman and here i was about to do it all over again!! i was sooo angry at Rico Suave!!!! we had the safe sex conversation sooooo many times!!!! he is grown man!!! FUCK!!! i was soooo angry!! when i first saw him i wanted to slap him, to hit him but i couldn't because he was crying like a little boy. that night we went out to dinner, went back home and got drunk!!! that's all i knew what to do with him...hence, me not hanging out with anymore. i know that was not the best thing to do but i thought he would just pass out at my place again. he didn't though, he insisted on going out but i told him i wasn't going out and that he shouldn't either. i tried everything to stop him, i even sat on top of him but he just lifted me off him and left. he had been suicidal a few months ago and i was afraid he would end up doing something stupid. i ended up calling sick the following day because i needed to find him. he no longer was answering his cell phone, i was imagining the worse. i called his family, the few friends that i knew he had but nothing. at about 6 in the evening, i get a call from the hospital. apparently mr. rico suave knew he was suicidal and called 911. he was in the hospital for two weeks and every day after work i would head down to go see him. once he got out, he promised me he would change. AND i believe him!!!
he hadn't changed, i started to get the phone calls again in the middle of the night, i would go get him..it had started all over again. i once again had to say no to him and i once again went through the heartbreak. i didn't see him or talk him or hear from him until last summer. his boyfriend at the time called me at 3 in the morning begging to go to mr. rico suave's place because he wasn't doing too well. so i do, only to find mr.rico suave drunk as hell, crying like there is no tomorrow lying down on the floor!!! i'm so fucken' sleepy and tired but i go to him and ask him "what's wrong, what happened?" he hugs me soooooo tight and cries some more. it took me few minutes to untangle him from me and as i'm doing this he cries "SONRISA!!! PLEASE DON'T EVER LEAVE ME!!! PLEASE!! I WANT TO DIE BUT I'M HERE BECAUSE OF YOU!!! PROMISE ME YOU WONT EVER LEAVE ME!!!" any other time, i would have cried with him, stayed with him and console him but not this time. i was tired!! i was exhausted emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. mr. rico suave had drained me and i was not having it anymore!! when i finally untangled myself from him i told him "sweetie i am not always going to be there for you, you need to start taking some responsibility and next time you decide that you want to take you life, call me first so that i make sure you get it right!!! i agree with you when you say you've suffered long enough. so if you want i can go to the kitchen and get the knife, i'll even do it for you!! cause i'm not doing this anymore, so tell me what you want to me to do?" he looked at me like i was crazy!! he stopped crying and started laughing!!! i got up and as i walked to the door i told his boyfriend, "next time you call the police not me!!" and i went home. i allowed myself to cry for a few minutes then i got on my bike and rode until it was time for me to go to work.
i only hear from him via e-mails to tell me he is in trouble but he never ever asks me to help him. i've responded by writing "i hope it all works out for you" i, of course, the stupid person that i am, start worrying about him. i've never helped him out anymore but i do worry about him...ALOT!! to the point where i have a difficult time sleeping. so anyway, i got an e-mail last week from him saying that his current boyfriend is in jail and that he is going through alot and blah blah blah... i find myself worrying about him once again. i keep asking myself why mr. rico suave affects me this much but i can't come up with an answer to that...maybe i never will.
before i met him i would wake up at 6 in the morning, walk to the gym and then go to work. in the summer i would ride my bike from hollywood beach all the way down to hyde park and then back home. after work i would go straight home, fix myself something to eat and then walk down lakeshore drive or ride my bike. Again i'm not saying that i was a saint because on the weekends i would go clubbing with friends and be my wild and crazy self but i would never ever go out on a school night. anywho, once i met mr. rico suave all that changed. i felt safe with him. i mean the guy is gay, so obviously he was not with me because he wanted to get inside my panties. i was able to talk to him about everything and anything, okay so i have this type of relationship with mr. motorcycle but i can't talk to mr. motorcycle about the fact that i feel my boobs are too big and thinking of getting them reduced. mr. motorcycle would probably be like "para que?!?! se te ven bien!!!" where as mr. rico suave asked me "does your back hurt? do you think it will help your self esteem? maybe you should consult with your doctor if they bother you this much?" i would be able to talk about girly stuff without him getting all grossed out. anywho, as mentioned before once i started to go out with mr. rico suave there was no stopping us!!! i stopped going to the gym because hellooo? i would get home at 4 in the morning. i needed some sleep before i went to work. as much as i went out i would never call in sick!! i am after all a responsible person. mr. rico suave on the other hand would call in sick one or twice every week. the supervisor would bring that up to his attention but mr. rico suave wouldn't care. i started to get concerned about him. i noticed mr. rico suave started to drink more than usual and i would ask him if he was doing okay. he would tell me yes and i believed him, afterall we never lied to each other, so i thought. boy was i wrong!! it turns out mr. rico suave had a whole bunch of lovers, which was cool but he was using them for their money and sex...who am to judge? righ? Mr. rico suave never ever had money, 'til this day i don't know what he would do with all his money. i was always "lending" him money, his car would get towed all the time so i would end up paying for that. mind you this is all after we would go home, at least i would go home. mr. rico suave would go some where else and get himself in trouble. i don't know when or what was the turning point for me but i decided that i needed to change things, and if it meant me loosing mr. rico suave then i would so. that's exactly what ended up happening. when he would call me to go out i would say no so he just stopped calling me. i have to admit that it was very difficult at first but i had to do it for me!!! i was drinking waaaay too much and i didn't want to ruin my career, a career that i had worked so hard for!!! mr. rico suave would call me once a week at 3 or 4 o'clock crying asking me to get him from such and such place because he couldn't drive or because his "friend" wouldn't allow him to drive. yo de pendeja hiba por el!!! he would always end up spending the night at my place and right before he would pass out he would tell me "sonrisa, i love you so much. i don't know what i would do without you, promise me you will never leave me" i would just smile and cuddle with him. i was getting tired. i didn't want to keep doing this anymore. it was not good for me and it sure as hell was not good for him, the only thing i was doing was enabling him!!! after one of these episodes, i told him just that, "mr. rico suave, i need to start taking better care of myself and getting you out of trouble is not helping any, either you start changing or you forget about our friendship!!" he promised he would change but the following week i got another phone call, saying no was very difficult for me to say. after i hung up the phone i cried and prayed that he made it home safe. after that night i didn't hear from him for a while until few months later.
i was at my parents, the phone rang, my mommy picked up and told me it was for me. i was surprised because who would call me at my parents? it was mr. rico suave. he was crying uncontrollably, i kept telling him to calm down because he was scaring me. he finally did and tells me "sonrisa, our worst nightmare has come true!!" i felt like somebody had punched me in the stomach,i was having a difficult time breathing. "rico suave, please tell me what you are talking about because you're scaring me!!!" more crying on his side and then the words i will never ever forget "i'm positive sonrisa!!! i'm positive!!!!" i started crying too and then he asks me "can i see you? please i want to see you!!" i tell him that i'm on my way to his place. on my way over there,i kept thinking of the hell i went through with Tazman and here i was about to do it all over again!! i was sooo angry at Rico Suave!!!! we had the safe sex conversation sooooo many times!!!! he is grown man!!! FUCK!!! i was soooo angry!! when i first saw him i wanted to slap him, to hit him but i couldn't because he was crying like a little boy. that night we went out to dinner, went back home and got drunk!!! that's all i knew what to do with him...hence, me not hanging out with anymore. i know that was not the best thing to do but i thought he would just pass out at my place again. he didn't though, he insisted on going out but i told him i wasn't going out and that he shouldn't either. i tried everything to stop him, i even sat on top of him but he just lifted me off him and left. he had been suicidal a few months ago and i was afraid he would end up doing something stupid. i ended up calling sick the following day because i needed to find him. he no longer was answering his cell phone, i was imagining the worse. i called his family, the few friends that i knew he had but nothing. at about 6 in the evening, i get a call from the hospital. apparently mr. rico suave knew he was suicidal and called 911. he was in the hospital for two weeks and every day after work i would head down to go see him. once he got out, he promised me he would change. AND i believe him!!!
he hadn't changed, i started to get the phone calls again in the middle of the night, i would go get him..it had started all over again. i once again had to say no to him and i once again went through the heartbreak. i didn't see him or talk him or hear from him until last summer. his boyfriend at the time called me at 3 in the morning begging to go to mr. rico suave's place because he wasn't doing too well. so i do, only to find mr.rico suave drunk as hell, crying like there is no tomorrow lying down on the floor!!! i'm so fucken' sleepy and tired but i go to him and ask him "what's wrong, what happened?" he hugs me soooooo tight and cries some more. it took me few minutes to untangle him from me and as i'm doing this he cries "SONRISA!!! PLEASE DON'T EVER LEAVE ME!!! PLEASE!! I WANT TO DIE BUT I'M HERE BECAUSE OF YOU!!! PROMISE ME YOU WONT EVER LEAVE ME!!!" any other time, i would have cried with him, stayed with him and console him but not this time. i was tired!! i was exhausted emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. mr. rico suave had drained me and i was not having it anymore!! when i finally untangled myself from him i told him "sweetie i am not always going to be there for you, you need to start taking some responsibility and next time you decide that you want to take you life, call me first so that i make sure you get it right!!! i agree with you when you say you've suffered long enough. so if you want i can go to the kitchen and get the knife, i'll even do it for you!! cause i'm not doing this anymore, so tell me what you want to me to do?" he looked at me like i was crazy!! he stopped crying and started laughing!!! i got up and as i walked to the door i told his boyfriend, "next time you call the police not me!!" and i went home. i allowed myself to cry for a few minutes then i got on my bike and rode until it was time for me to go to work.
i only hear from him via e-mails to tell me he is in trouble but he never ever asks me to help him. i've responded by writing "i hope it all works out for you" i, of course, the stupid person that i am, start worrying about him. i've never helped him out anymore but i do worry about him...ALOT!! to the point where i have a difficult time sleeping. so anyway, i got an e-mail last week from him saying that his current boyfriend is in jail and that he is going through alot and blah blah blah... i find myself worrying about him once again. i keep asking myself why mr. rico suave affects me this much but i can't come up with an answer to that...maybe i never will.
Monday, February 06, 2006
oh yeah, i love you...
i do not like valentine's day!!! i've NEVER liked it!!! even when i had a partner, i didn't like it. why? because i believe people should celebrate their love for each other EVERY day not just on the 14th of February. why bring me the candy and roses on the 14th, why not on may 23rd? i would appreciate the candy and roses more on may 23rd because that's a random day and you didn't have to be reminded that you still love me!!! seriously!!!,another seriously moment, who the hell came up with valentines day?!?!? i don't think i'm bitter..ok maybe just a little, but really love should be an everyday thing AND i'm sure it is for alot of couples but why make it into a big deal ONLY on February 14th!!! i feel the same way about Sweetest Day!!! who came up these days?!?!?
Friday, February 03, 2006
random stuff...
so yesterday i wasn't feeling too good, i left work early went home, took a nap and then met up with Santis at Cracked Chanclas bookstore. i always feel better after talking or seeing santis. i actually went there to see cracked chancla too and was a little disappointed to see her husband...no offense to her husband...at her usual sit. i walked in looking for her but she was no where to be found (hey this sounds like the beginning of a story with a happy ending). anyway, i waited for santis and then he walked in. we saw each other and hugged (dude i miss the old days!!, why do people have to grow up, damn us for maturing!!) Santis and i talked for a while, i told him about my adventure to the strip joint last weekend. "Guys?" he asks me. "noooo girls!!" i tell him. you should have seen the smile on his face. i told him i had fun which i did but i was very very sober so whenever the girls came over to me i got tense and in my head i kept telling them, "go away!!, go away!!" i think it would have been different had i been intoxicated. why did i go there? you're asking. Well my friends thought it would be a good way to distract me from thinking about mr. K. i have to admit that when i was at the place i was like "mr. K? mr K who? who is he?" nothing works better then seeing naked women to forget about a guy..hehehehee. anywho, after spending some time with santis he drove me to la casa del pueblo, a mexican grocery store. i love going to mexican grocery stores!!! i always want to buy everything. anywho, i got some nopalitos,tortillas de trigo (santis, they did have them!!), aguacates, frijoles and rice (i'm planning on having a "healthy" burrito for dinner tonight) it was nice seeing you santis, i wished cc would have been there but oh well, i will use this as an excuse to go back, ehehehe.
So i've decided to volunteer at the University of Chicago Hospital in Hyde Park. i will be working with latino families going through crisis. i start in two weeks!! i'm actually very excited about that!! i'll see how that goes. i'm also looking into volunteering at the DCFS (department for children and family services). my landlord told me that i would be good with the "drug infested babies", my landlord, you gotta love the guy, very sweet old man. anywho, i'll see how that goes as well.
i really don't have plans for this weekend. My friend, the sportscaster, is in town. his in town because he will be working this weekend working for the chicago rush!!! yay!!! indoor arena football season is here!!! the only reason i know about this is because of Mr. sportcaster. he lives in atlanta, works as a dj on a radio station and around this time he comes to chicago whenever chicago rush plays, yay for me!!! how did i meet him, you are asking? i met him at a bar, yes i know not good place to meet guys but i was not looking for anyone so i really didn't care talking to him. he seemed to be a cool guy, we exchanged numbers and have been friends since then, it's been about two years. he's been wanting me to visit him in atlanta and i think i will sometime this summer. anywho, i'll be going out to dinner tonight. Tomorrow i will be having dinner with mr. joe and then we might go out to see a movie down in andersonville. Sunday is superbowl sunday!!!! i'm not at all a football fan but my brothers are so all of la familia is meeting at my parents to watch the game. la familia plays this square thingy game that i totally do not understand but it seems to be quite alot of money that the winner ends up getting. wish me luck!!
So i've decided to volunteer at the University of Chicago Hospital in Hyde Park. i will be working with latino families going through crisis. i start in two weeks!! i'm actually very excited about that!! i'll see how that goes. i'm also looking into volunteering at the DCFS (department for children and family services). my landlord told me that i would be good with the "drug infested babies", my landlord, you gotta love the guy, very sweet old man. anywho, i'll see how that goes as well.
i really don't have plans for this weekend. My friend, the sportscaster, is in town. his in town because he will be working this weekend working for the chicago rush!!! yay!!! indoor arena football season is here!!! the only reason i know about this is because of Mr. sportcaster. he lives in atlanta, works as a dj on a radio station and around this time he comes to chicago whenever chicago rush plays, yay for me!!! how did i meet him, you are asking? i met him at a bar, yes i know not good place to meet guys but i was not looking for anyone so i really didn't care talking to him. he seemed to be a cool guy, we exchanged numbers and have been friends since then, it's been about two years. he's been wanting me to visit him in atlanta and i think i will sometime this summer. anywho, i'll be going out to dinner tonight. Tomorrow i will be having dinner with mr. joe and then we might go out to see a movie down in andersonville. Sunday is superbowl sunday!!!! i'm not at all a football fan but my brothers are so all of la familia is meeting at my parents to watch the game. la familia plays this square thingy game that i totally do not understand but it seems to be quite alot of money that the winner ends up getting. wish me luck!!
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
positive thinking...
i've been trying to keep a positive attitude these past few days so i'm only going to write about positive things that happened to me yesterday....
1) i woke up...i felt like crap but hey i'm still alive so might as well the make the most out of it!!
2) i am able to walk to work...how many people have the luxury to WALK to work!?!?
3) i have a job to walk to...yes some of us complain about our jobs but at least we HAVE a job!!
4)i actually LIKE going to my job!!!...how many people can say that about their place of employment?
5) i've got a great friend/co-worker in jillipooh!!!...same as above!!
6) i've got a very understanding and supportive supervisor!!!....same as above!!!
7) i have home i can walk back to after i get out of work.... :-)
8) i went grocery shopping!!!!...this is actually a negative because i got all HEALTHY crap!!!, i'm supposed to be on diet!!!! blaaahhh!!! positive thinking sonrisa!! positive thinking.
9) i've got a great cat!!!...i love kachito!!
hmmmm? yeah i ran out of things to write about. this whole positive thinking was a crappy idea anyway!!! who came up with it anyway?!?!?!? damn i gotta go to freakin' staff meeting....damn!!!
1) i woke up...i felt like crap but hey i'm still alive so might as well the make the most out of it!!
2) i am able to walk to work...how many people have the luxury to WALK to work!?!?
3) i have a job to walk to...yes some of us complain about our jobs but at least we HAVE a job!!
4)i actually LIKE going to my job!!!...how many people can say that about their place of employment?
5) i've got a great friend/co-worker in jillipooh!!!...same as above!!
6) i've got a very understanding and supportive supervisor!!!....same as above!!!
7) i have home i can walk back to after i get out of work.... :-)
8) i went grocery shopping!!!!...this is actually a negative because i got all HEALTHY crap!!!, i'm supposed to be on diet!!!! blaaahhh!!! positive thinking sonrisa!! positive thinking.
9) i've got a great cat!!!...i love kachito!!
hmmmm? yeah i ran out of things to write about. this whole positive thinking was a crappy idea anyway!!! who came up with it anyway?!?!?!? damn i gotta go to freakin' staff meeting....damn!!!
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
so i've been tagged...
...by Ktrion.
so here it goes...
Three books I can read over and over:
- Bless me, Ultima by Rodolfo Anaya
- Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros
- Something to Declare by Julia Alvarez
Three places I've lived:
(all in Chicago)
- Little Village
- Pilsen
- Cicero
Three TV shows I love:
- Desperate Housewives
- America's Next Top Model
- That 70's Show
Three highly regarded and recommended TV shows that I've never watched a single minute of:
- Alias
- 24
- the oc
Three places I've vacationed:
- Florida
- Mexico
- Spain
Three of my favorite dishes:
- tacos de frijoles con chile de molcajete!!
- guacamole, i know this isn't a dish but i think i should be!!
- homemade caldo de pollo!!! me pueden envenenar con esto!!
Three sites I visit daily:
[hmm, this says “sites” rather than “blogs,“ so I’ll assume “not blogs”]
- i will disagree with ktrion and put blogspot as one of the site..sorries :-( ktrion
- NBC news in chicago
- celebrity gossip...i'm not too proud of this but i need to entertain myself ;-)
Three places I would rather be right now:
- mexico with my mommy
- mexico with my mommy
- AND oh yeah!! mexico with mommy!!!
Three bloggers I am tagging:
-santiago
-cracked chancla
-dcnational...i don't know how to do that link thingy so please forgive me.
so here it goes...
Three books I can read over and over:
- Bless me, Ultima by Rodolfo Anaya
- Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros
- Something to Declare by Julia Alvarez
Three places I've lived:
(all in Chicago)
- Little Village
- Pilsen
- Cicero
Three TV shows I love:
- Desperate Housewives
- America's Next Top Model
- That 70's Show
Three highly regarded and recommended TV shows that I've never watched a single minute of:
- Alias
- 24
- the oc
Three places I've vacationed:
- Florida
- Mexico
- Spain
Three of my favorite dishes:
- tacos de frijoles con chile de molcajete!!
- guacamole, i know this isn't a dish but i think i should be!!
- homemade caldo de pollo!!! me pueden envenenar con esto!!
Three sites I visit daily:
[hmm, this says “sites” rather than “blogs,“ so I’ll assume “not blogs”]
- i will disagree with ktrion and put blogspot as one of the site..sorries :-( ktrion
- NBC news in chicago
- celebrity gossip...i'm not too proud of this but i need to entertain myself ;-)
Three places I would rather be right now:
- mexico with my mommy
- mexico with my mommy
- AND oh yeah!! mexico with mommy!!!
Three bloggers I am tagging:
-santiago
-cracked chancla
-dcnational...i don't know how to do that link thingy so please forgive me.
Monday, January 30, 2006
so what's really going on...
well, it's monday and i usually do my weekend report but not this monday. Today i only want to write about yesterday. Yesterday was a very strange and good mental health day for me...maybe that's why i feel so exhausted this morning. I didn't do anything yesterday, i didn't even go outside my apartment!! I woke up, ate a yogurt and a bowl of cereal and watched some t.v. I then turned off the t.v., listen to music and started knitting. i was not allowing myself to think about anything or anyone. i was preparing myself for what i call "going inside my mind day". i have these type of days once in a while, especially when i seem to find myself in a hole and i can't seem to get out of it. So anyway, i fixed myself something to eat late afternoon, ate and started knitting as i listened to chavela vargas. At around six i turned off my phone, the t.v., the cd player and the lights. i usually clean my apartment too when i do this but my apartment was already clean so i didn't have to do that...hmmm? that explains the extra time i had yesterday. anywho, once i turned off the lights, i went into the living room and sat on my couch with my legs crossed meditation style. i closed my eyes and asked myself "so what's really going on?" i always start with that question when i do this, btw i've been doing this for years,(may sound strange but it has worked for me) so many things came to mind when i asked myself that question. i started thinking about mexico, how much i miss being over there, how much i miss my mom. hmmm? my mom. i miss my mom, i start crying and ask myself "why do i miss her?" i miss her because nobody gives advice like she does, i can't joke around with anybody else like i do with her, i like the way she spoils me. hmmm? spoils me? i like to be spoiled. Mr. K used to spoil me with his affection. mr. k? why am i letting him get to me this way? i do like him alot and i miss him, i miss him making me laugh, i miss his warm hands but there was still so much i needed to learn about mr. k. we never went out to with each other friends, so i wonder how that would have gone. friends? hmmm? dinner last night with my frieds was nice. i couldn't help noticing that i, once again, was surrounded by white individuals. i start thinking about how all my close friends are white and the ones that aren't keep reminding me of it or telling me that i'm "acting too white". what does that really mean? "acting white". i don't know what that means and really i don't care because i like the person that i am. hmmm? but who am i, really? i start thinking about everything i've been through, being sexually molested by my uncle AND my brother, being suicidal because i didn't want to live with that guilt, having to live my entire life not telling my family about it because i didn't my mom to get sick, feeling guilty about not allowing my nieces to be around that brother and not being able to answer their question "but why?", being in a fucked relationship in which the tiny little bit of self esteem that was left in me was dragged through the dirt, the constant guilt that i had for hating my father for not protecting me when i needed him the most even though he had no idea what i was going through. my father? he was the best parent he could be, he was raised the same way he raised us, "la mujer en la casa cuidando a los hijos/hijos y el hombre trabajando y mujeriando!!" i love my father...more tears. i start thinking about how our relationship has changed so much, i start thinking about how lucky i am to have finally MET the man that i call father!! my dad!!! my daddy!!! hmmm? will i ever be a parent? i want to be a mommy!!! damn it i want to be a mommy!!! SO THIS IS WHAT IT'S REALLY ABOUT?!?!!? i'm afraid that i will never have kids. i'm afraid that i will not have someone to spoil with my affection!!! someone to know me!! someone that i WILL protect!!! someone that will feel just as comfortable with me as i do with me my mom!! the reason why Mr. K has affected me so much was because i liked the person that he was, he may not be perfect but who is? i actually thought about getting pregnant by him, y ahora que? he's not around, who is around? am i being selfish for wanting to a mommy without a father? i would be a great mommy, damn it!!! i will do by best not to repeat the bad parenting that my mother and father did with me and my siblings!!! i'm getting old...that's another thing that's been bothering me. I'M GETTING OLD. i've always thought of age as JUST a number but lately...like the saying goes, "my clock is ticking" and big time!!! i bet my mom can hear it all the way in mexico, "yeah mommy that's my clock ticking!! it's all mine!!" at this point my start inhaling, exhaling, inhaling and finally exhaling. i open my eyes slowly and sit in the dark for a few more minutes, then get up and turn on the lights back on. i go back to sit down on the couch and turn on the cd player and continue listening to chavela vargas. i don't know where or what kachis is doing all this time. i completely zone out!! ALL OF THIS JUST TO FIND OUT THAT I'M READY TO BE A MOMMY!!!
Friday, January 27, 2006
how do our pets know!?!?!?
so yesterday i went to visit my client...the one that is not doing too well. We talked about relationships, his love for music, his best friend, his family and his pets. He has a cute little doggie (luther) and a huuuge cat (daisy). it's so funny to see them together actually. so anyway, he was telling me that daisy has probably sensed that he is getting sicker because she comes up to him at night and cuddles with him. He tells me "people don't understand that pets have feelings too and they sense when their owners are sick or in some type of trouble". I totally agree with him!! i went on to telling him about Annie, one of the many dogs i dogsit. Last year when i was dogsitting annie there was a rapist on the loose. i normally don't get paranoid when i hear about these things. I mean i'm ALWAYS cautious to begin with so when i hear these things i get little more cautious but not to the point where i go out to buy some sort of weapon. anway, this particular time though i did get really scared because a young girl had gotten raped three blocks away from where i was dogsitting/housesitting. i got so paranoid that as soon i walked in the house i would check EVERY room there was!!! i would make sure that no one was behind the shower curtain, i got pretty paranoid. i mean three freakin' blocks away!! come on, who wouldn't be scared?!? i guess annie sensed me being paranoid because at night she would sleep by the door. She ALWAYS sleeps with me on the bed, ALWAYS but these particular nights she was sleeping by the door the entire night and would not move until it was time for her walk. i felt to safe with her there. the rapist eventually got caught, he's probably out on the street again though by now!!! they should all get their penises cut off!!! anyway, let me stop because this is supposed to be sweet post dedicated to our loving pets.
this next one is about kachito...you know this one was coming. So on tuesday after work some of my friends called to see if i wanted to go out to dinner. I was really not in the mood, i just wanted to go home and lay down on the couch and cry myself to sleep again. I decided to go though because crying myself to sleep again, well that's just pathetic. so anyway, after dinner i went home and i started to feel depressed again. i turned on the t.v., got my blanket and layed down on the couch. i wanted to cry so bad but i kept telling myself "sonrisa don't be stupid and just get over it!!" after a few minutes of laying down on the couch, kachis come over, gets underneath the blanket with me, stretches out and then gets comfortable on my stomach and rests his head on my chest. At that point i lost it!!! i started crying!! that's exactly what i needed. A HUG!!! i hugged kachito but carefully because he just seemed to be really comfortable. we fell asleep on the couch and later went to bed. i love kachito!!! how do our pets know!?!?!?!? how do they know what we need and when we need it!?!?!?
this next one is about kachito...you know this one was coming. So on tuesday after work some of my friends called to see if i wanted to go out to dinner. I was really not in the mood, i just wanted to go home and lay down on the couch and cry myself to sleep again. I decided to go though because crying myself to sleep again, well that's just pathetic. so anyway, after dinner i went home and i started to feel depressed again. i turned on the t.v., got my blanket and layed down on the couch. i wanted to cry so bad but i kept telling myself "sonrisa don't be stupid and just get over it!!" after a few minutes of laying down on the couch, kachis come over, gets underneath the blanket with me, stretches out and then gets comfortable on my stomach and rests his head on my chest. At that point i lost it!!! i started crying!! that's exactly what i needed. A HUG!!! i hugged kachito but carefully because he just seemed to be really comfortable. we fell asleep on the couch and later went to bed. i love kachito!!! how do our pets know!?!?!?!? how do they know what we need and when we need it!?!?!?
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
about last night...
i had such an interesting evening last night but before i start i want to apologize to cracked chancla and dr. Vodka if my friends, the fabulous trio (cc i'm stilling your words ;-), made you uncomfortable or for some reason you felt insulted. The trio are truelly harmless, they're goofballs, but truelly harmless. i want to also describe the fabulous trio. I've written about all three before and i have a very different relationship with all of them.
First of Mr. motorcycle. You all know that Mr. motorcycle is the love of my life. I love the man!!! I love everything about him!!!his honesty, his sense of humor, the love he has for his family and his friends, the fact that he loves my cooking!!! also helps...hehhehe. of course mr. motorcycle isn't perfect, there is no such thing as perfection in my book. he is human just like the rest of us. he gets sad and depressed and he also gets upset, boy does he get upset. he's the type of person that when he gets angry he lets the entire world know it!!! i stay away from him when he gets angry. he is also the one that i've known the longest from the trio so i pretty much know when to stay away and what to say or what not to say when he gets in his moods. we know each other like the back of our hands...i know i've said this before but i am truelly going to look for him in my next life!!! why not his life you're asking? well because i love mr. motorcycle too much and i don't want to ruin the relationship we have right now. romance and sex and intimacy tend to sometimes get too stressful and once that happens in a relationship it changes everything...at least that's what i think.
Pokey Reese, what can i say about him? hmmm? let me start by saying that he is an only child which should tell you more than enough. The boy is spoiled like there is no tomorrow!!! has a very short temper, is very impatient and the boy ALWAYS has to be right!!! even when he's wrong he is still right!!! i know it makes no sense but that's pokey reese for you. i met him two years after i met mr. motorcycle. he was really quiet when i first met him and when the HOLA gang use to hangout, pokey reese would go straight to me. according to him he felt comfortable with me, he felt he could be himself without being embarrassed or shy about it. we became good friends and he has done things for me that only a true friend would. for instance the first night after i decided to leave the abusive boyfriend i called pokey reese para hablar and then he asks me "do you want me to go spend the night with you?" i didn't even have to ask him!! he spent the first week with me, i did nothing but cry at night and he just held me and kept telling me that everything was going to be okay and that i did the right thing. after that week i moved in with my sisters and he helped me move. i will never ever forget that pokey reese, i will forever love you for that!!!
Mr. Bean!!! i met him two years ago. when i first met him i found him to be a very a attractive guy but then i got to know him..hehhehe just kidding. he truelly is a great person. he is one of the funniest people i have ever met. I've never seen him angry and from what i've heard he doesn't get angry because "it's a waste of energy". We've had really intense conversations about life. the phrase "don't judge a book by it's cover" describes him perfectly. He may act like a child but he is more mature than the other two, no offense to other two. i'm ALWAYS suprised with mr. bean's conversations...when it's a one on one because when there are other people around, well he is the biggest goofball ever!! he is also the proudest mexicano i have i ever met!!! but he is not your typical mexicano, he is a hmm? comtempory mexicano, if that makes sense.
okay so you put mr. motorcylce, pokey reese, and mr. bean together and what do you get? complete CHAOS!!!!!!! mr. bean poking fun at pokey reese, mr. motorcycle trying to be the mediator but ending up upset, mr bean laughing at mr. motorcycle getting upset. aaaayyy!!! me screaming "callense callense porque me desespeeeraaann!!" and then all three start humming the theme song de el chavo del ocho!!! how could i not love these guys?!?!?
so last night all four of us went to cracked chanclas book store for the open mic night. i had alot of fun but these guys were misbehaving!! i'm soooo glad we were sitting at the back because they had me cracking up. i kept telling to them to be quiet!! i finally decided to ignore them and zoned them out because i wanted to enjoy the readings...which by the way i really enjoyed, cc i loved the second poem you read!! AND dr. vodka i hope to one day have the courage to go up there just like you. i love your peoms by the way!!! power to you girls!!!
of course i can't go out with these guys without it being some drama. pokey reese and i decided to go to jumping bean for dinner. while at jumping bean i ask him if mr. motorcycle was coming "i called him on my way over here and he told me he wasn't" he tells me. "what?!? why?" i ask pokey reese. according to pokey reese mr. motorcycle was feeling lazy and was not in the mood to come out. so i decided to call him "hey que no vas salir?" i ask him. "si what's the address? i'll meet you there, did you call mr. bean? no? well i'll call him and we'll see you there" I tell mr. pokey reese "i thought you said he wasn't coming?" "pues eso fue lo que me dijo el guey cuando yo le hable, le tuvo que hablar un par de tetas al guey para que se decidiera!" "heeey, don't be rude!!!" was my response and i just let it go. no se que pleito trarian but i did not want to be in the middle of it!! so anyway, as you've read we all had a great time at cc's store. AND we are all hyped up for next months readings...mr. motorcycle wants me to go up there but i get too nervous and well my spanish isn't good... mr. bean joked around yesterday about it with cc.
my evening doesn't end here. i got home with a smile on my face because i had a really good time at cc's store. i watch a little t.v. and get ready to go to bed when my phone rings. it was mr. k!!! there's a huuuuuge smile on my face as i answer the phone. he asks me what i'm doing and how my day had gone so i told him about work and about the poetry readings. He then starts talking about his work and school work and his performances that are coming up...i told you he was a comedian, right?...anyway, i start getting this sinking feeling in stomache and tears start falling down my cheek. i try so hard not to cry but i couldn't help it. so i ask him "what are you telling me?" he tells me "i want to focus on school and only school, i'm thinking of not performing anymore and i hope to one day be able to not work so that i can go to school full-time, i need to keep focused, i still want to be your friend though" my response was, at this point i was crying uncontrollably, "i respect your decision and i'm glad that you know what you want in regards to your education but i can't be your friend, i don't think i can handle that. i like you too much" i start crying again. he asks me what i want him to do. i tell him "you've made it pretty clear what it is that you want to do and like i told you before i couldn't handle just being your friend" we said our good byes but before he hangs up he asks me to give him a call if i were to ever need anything or to just talk about what he needs to do make things better. i hang up the phone and start crying. a few minutes later the phone rings again and i hoped it would be mr.k changing his mind but it wasn't. it was mr. policeman. "hey are you sick? you sound sick" "no i've been crying" "why?" he asks me "because you guys suck!!!" he starts laughing and tells me "yes we do!! we suck big time" i start laughing and told him i wasn't really mood to talk so we hung up and cried myself to sleep. I HATE MEN!!!!!
First of Mr. motorcycle. You all know that Mr. motorcycle is the love of my life. I love the man!!! I love everything about him!!!his honesty, his sense of humor, the love he has for his family and his friends, the fact that he loves my cooking!!! also helps...hehhehe. of course mr. motorcycle isn't perfect, there is no such thing as perfection in my book. he is human just like the rest of us. he gets sad and depressed and he also gets upset, boy does he get upset. he's the type of person that when he gets angry he lets the entire world know it!!! i stay away from him when he gets angry. he is also the one that i've known the longest from the trio so i pretty much know when to stay away and what to say or what not to say when he gets in his moods. we know each other like the back of our hands...i know i've said this before but i am truelly going to look for him in my next life!!! why not his life you're asking? well because i love mr. motorcycle too much and i don't want to ruin the relationship we have right now. romance and sex and intimacy tend to sometimes get too stressful and once that happens in a relationship it changes everything...at least that's what i think.
Pokey Reese, what can i say about him? hmmm? let me start by saying that he is an only child which should tell you more than enough. The boy is spoiled like there is no tomorrow!!! has a very short temper, is very impatient and the boy ALWAYS has to be right!!! even when he's wrong he is still right!!! i know it makes no sense but that's pokey reese for you. i met him two years after i met mr. motorcycle. he was really quiet when i first met him and when the HOLA gang use to hangout, pokey reese would go straight to me. according to him he felt comfortable with me, he felt he could be himself without being embarrassed or shy about it. we became good friends and he has done things for me that only a true friend would. for instance the first night after i decided to leave the abusive boyfriend i called pokey reese para hablar and then he asks me "do you want me to go spend the night with you?" i didn't even have to ask him!! he spent the first week with me, i did nothing but cry at night and he just held me and kept telling me that everything was going to be okay and that i did the right thing. after that week i moved in with my sisters and he helped me move. i will never ever forget that pokey reese, i will forever love you for that!!!
Mr. Bean!!! i met him two years ago. when i first met him i found him to be a very a attractive guy but then i got to know him..hehhehe just kidding. he truelly is a great person. he is one of the funniest people i have ever met. I've never seen him angry and from what i've heard he doesn't get angry because "it's a waste of energy". We've had really intense conversations about life. the phrase "don't judge a book by it's cover" describes him perfectly. He may act like a child but he is more mature than the other two, no offense to other two. i'm ALWAYS suprised with mr. bean's conversations...when it's a one on one because when there are other people around, well he is the biggest goofball ever!! he is also the proudest mexicano i have i ever met!!! but he is not your typical mexicano, he is a hmm? comtempory mexicano, if that makes sense.
okay so you put mr. motorcylce, pokey reese, and mr. bean together and what do you get? complete CHAOS!!!!!!! mr. bean poking fun at pokey reese, mr. motorcycle trying to be the mediator but ending up upset, mr bean laughing at mr. motorcycle getting upset. aaaayyy!!! me screaming "callense callense porque me desespeeeraaann!!" and then all three start humming the theme song de el chavo del ocho!!! how could i not love these guys?!?!?
so last night all four of us went to cracked chanclas book store for the open mic night. i had alot of fun but these guys were misbehaving!! i'm soooo glad we were sitting at the back because they had me cracking up. i kept telling to them to be quiet!! i finally decided to ignore them and zoned them out because i wanted to enjoy the readings...which by the way i really enjoyed, cc i loved the second poem you read!! AND dr. vodka i hope to one day have the courage to go up there just like you. i love your peoms by the way!!! power to you girls!!!
of course i can't go out with these guys without it being some drama. pokey reese and i decided to go to jumping bean for dinner. while at jumping bean i ask him if mr. motorcycle was coming "i called him on my way over here and he told me he wasn't" he tells me. "what?!? why?" i ask pokey reese. according to pokey reese mr. motorcycle was feeling lazy and was not in the mood to come out. so i decided to call him "hey que no vas salir?" i ask him. "si what's the address? i'll meet you there, did you call mr. bean? no? well i'll call him and we'll see you there" I tell mr. pokey reese "i thought you said he wasn't coming?" "pues eso fue lo que me dijo el guey cuando yo le hable, le tuvo que hablar un par de tetas al guey para que se decidiera!" "heeey, don't be rude!!!" was my response and i just let it go. no se que pleito trarian but i did not want to be in the middle of it!! so anyway, as you've read we all had a great time at cc's store. AND we are all hyped up for next months readings...mr. motorcycle wants me to go up there but i get too nervous and well my spanish isn't good... mr. bean joked around yesterday about it with cc.
my evening doesn't end here. i got home with a smile on my face because i had a really good time at cc's store. i watch a little t.v. and get ready to go to bed when my phone rings. it was mr. k!!! there's a huuuuuge smile on my face as i answer the phone. he asks me what i'm doing and how my day had gone so i told him about work and about the poetry readings. He then starts talking about his work and school work and his performances that are coming up...i told you he was a comedian, right?...anyway, i start getting this sinking feeling in stomache and tears start falling down my cheek. i try so hard not to cry but i couldn't help it. so i ask him "what are you telling me?" he tells me "i want to focus on school and only school, i'm thinking of not performing anymore and i hope to one day be able to not work so that i can go to school full-time, i need to keep focused, i still want to be your friend though" my response was, at this point i was crying uncontrollably, "i respect your decision and i'm glad that you know what you want in regards to your education but i can't be your friend, i don't think i can handle that. i like you too much" i start crying again. he asks me what i want him to do. i tell him "you've made it pretty clear what it is that you want to do and like i told you before i couldn't handle just being your friend" we said our good byes but before he hangs up he asks me to give him a call if i were to ever need anything or to just talk about what he needs to do make things better. i hang up the phone and start crying. a few minutes later the phone rings again and i hoped it would be mr.k changing his mind but it wasn't. it was mr. policeman. "hey are you sick? you sound sick" "no i've been crying" "why?" he asks me "because you guys suck!!!" he starts laughing and tells me "yes we do!! we suck big time" i start laughing and told him i wasn't really mood to talk so we hung up and cried myself to sleep. I HATE MEN!!!!!
Monday, January 23, 2006
mr. bean's conversation....
so mr. bean calls me saturday night to ask me what i was doing. i tell him that i'm hanging out with my 17 year old nephew. "are you the favorite tia?" he asks..."hasta la pregunta es necia!!!" i joke around with him. Mr. Bean never calls me on a saturday night, so i'm thinking to myself "what does he want?". we talked for a while and then asks me "hey what are doing tomorrow evening?" "nada porque?" "oh cause i want to go over and fix that tub of yours" i knew there was a reason why this guy is friend!!! my tub had been leaking for awhile and i've told the landlord but he seems to not be doing anything about it and last time mr. bean was here he noticed it and told me he was going to fix it. once that conversation about the tub was over, he asks me "oye, so que onda contigo?" what? que? como? "what do you mean? don't tell me you think i've changed too?" According to mr. bean i have "solo un poquito" and that's another reason why he called me, to talk about "the change". AAAAAHHHHH!!! what the hell?!?!? I HAVE NOT CHANGED!!! is what i want to scream but because i have a tiny little crush (just a tiny little one) on mr. bean i decide to keep my cool. "so you tell me how i've changed?" i ask him and he sure as hell tells me. Actually that is one of the many reason i like talking to mr. bean, he is so so hmm? analytical (for a lack of a better word) when it comes to friends. Anywho, he tells me that he has noticed me being more pensive and quiet. i tell him "but i've always been that way". "no, you've been quiet but this is different, you seem to be thinking about life and what you want out of it and about your accomplishments and were you wish you could be at now" HOLY SHIT!!!!!! how the hell did he know that?!?!?!?!? that's exactly how i've been feeling!!! i just haven't really told anyone. i've talked to mr. k about some of it but mr. k and mr. bean don't know each other. mr. bean continues by saying "sonrisa, don't think too much. be happy were you're at and enjoy life. you only live once, viva la vida!!!" at this point i wish he were there with me so i could get a hug from him. i still don't know how he figured out all of this, maybe it's all the years we've known each other that he could read me very well.
i just want to thank mr. bean being who he is :-)
i just want to thank mr. bean being who he is :-)
Thursday, January 19, 2006
updates...
i haven't written for a while for many reasons. one being that i've been really busy at work, another because i haven't been really feeling it. I miss my mom and long to be back with her in mexico!!! oh how wish i was back there!!!! another reason is because i can't seem to stop thinking about Mr. K!!! yes mr. k is still in the picture and now more than ever!!!
I know i promised pictures and stories from my trip to mexico but i'm a huge procrastinator when it comes to the whole pictures thing. i have 3..3!!!!...undeveloped disposable camaras from 3 years ago!!! really i'm not a picture person, don't even know why i buy disposables and own a camera!!! anywho, i will not let you down and will post pictures and explanations to each picture posted...it may take 3 years but i will do it!! gosh darn it!!!
Kachito is getting back to his normal self again. he is beginning to sleep on my lap again and he is starting to get happy when i come home from work or any other place for that matter. he is getting sooooo big!!! he jumped on my stomache last night and i was like "dude you can't do that anymore!!! you're too big for that!!" i love kachis. i'm knitting a scarf for mr. motorcycle but kachito won't let me. He keeps on chewing on the yarn and breaking it!! i keep telling him to stop and push him away but then i feel guilty because he is barely getting to trust me again and here i am pushing him away. so i stop knitting and start playing with him. i got him a new toy in the hopes that he be his old self again and i think it's working!!! i don't know what's working but kachis is back to his old self again and i'm very very very happy about that.
I've been soooo busy at work, i think i may need another vacation. my schizophrenic client has once again changed his phone number but will not leave it on my voice mail so there is no way for me to contact him. he keeps telling me that he will come to the office to give it to me but i haven't seen him as of yet. i worry about him. another of my clients is not doing too well. his health has deteriorating since december and i spoke to him today and well he didn't sound so good. his voice is getting that hollow tone...i don't know if anyone has heard of the "dying voice" but i heard it on my client's voice this morning. i'm going to see him tomorrow morning. he's got a nurse coming to his place already. he is such a great individual. young too, he was going to college last year and he was also working on his singing career. he sings jazz and he kept promising me his cd. i kept telling him that i wanted his autograph before he got too famous and forgot about me, "oh sonrisa, I will never forget you!!" that's what he used to tell me. i almost cried when i talked to him this morning. i keep telling myself that it's part of my job but i can't help it.
i went kareokeing(?) last week with mr. motorcycle, pokey reese and mr. bean. that was sooo much fun. i sang a song by jose alfredo jimenez, "la media vuelta". the guys were suprised that i actually got up there to sing. I was surprised at myself as well!! i was so nervous but i did it!!! yay for me!!! i had fun. mr. motorcycle kept telling me that i've changed since our trip to mexico. i kept asking how but he would just tell me "i don't know but you have". he kept telling me that all night and then on tuesday when i saw him again. i don't know how i've changed, really i don't think i have. i just miss my mom and being in mexico and well maybe it has to do with me constantly thinking about mr. k. who knows?!?!? i never mention mr. k though when i'm around mr. motorcycle. oh yeah mr.motorcycle and i have decided to eat healthier...no more greasy foods for us!!! we are supposed to do this for 3 months to see how we feel and also to see if there are any physical changes. we are not on a diet!!! we are just making healthy choices. we'll see what happens.
AND mr. K!! what can i say about mr. k?!?! he missed me while i was gone!!! i was happy to hear that :-) we got together the first weekend i came back from mexico and let me tell you that i felt him actually miss me!!! the way he looked at me, the way he talked to me, the way, yeah i'll stop there. i can't stop thinking about him!!! i saw him again this past weekend and the way he held me in his arms!!! AND the way he he hugged me and lifted me when i left his place. the way he looks at me is what kills me!!! he looks at me like like like, i can't even describe it. he gives me this look and then smiles. oh how i like him. we had soooo much fun this past weekend. he makes me laugh so much!!! AND this is the best part, he actually asks me how I'M doing and actually listens!! i know we are still in the "trying to impress one another" stage but it's really nice. i love talking to him. i actually told him that i might even be able to fall in love with him!!! ME?!?!?! LOVE?!??!? AGAIN?!?!?!? maybe that's what is different about me, maybe mr. motorcycle is right. maybe i've changed... because i may be falling in love!!!
I know i promised pictures and stories from my trip to mexico but i'm a huge procrastinator when it comes to the whole pictures thing. i have 3..3!!!!...undeveloped disposable camaras from 3 years ago!!! really i'm not a picture person, don't even know why i buy disposables and own a camera!!! anywho, i will not let you down and will post pictures and explanations to each picture posted...it may take 3 years but i will do it!! gosh darn it!!!
Kachito is getting back to his normal self again. he is beginning to sleep on my lap again and he is starting to get happy when i come home from work or any other place for that matter. he is getting sooooo big!!! he jumped on my stomache last night and i was like "dude you can't do that anymore!!! you're too big for that!!" i love kachis. i'm knitting a scarf for mr. motorcycle but kachito won't let me. He keeps on chewing on the yarn and breaking it!! i keep telling him to stop and push him away but then i feel guilty because he is barely getting to trust me again and here i am pushing him away. so i stop knitting and start playing with him. i got him a new toy in the hopes that he be his old self again and i think it's working!!! i don't know what's working but kachis is back to his old self again and i'm very very very happy about that.
I've been soooo busy at work, i think i may need another vacation. my schizophrenic client has once again changed his phone number but will not leave it on my voice mail so there is no way for me to contact him. he keeps telling me that he will come to the office to give it to me but i haven't seen him as of yet. i worry about him. another of my clients is not doing too well. his health has deteriorating since december and i spoke to him today and well he didn't sound so good. his voice is getting that hollow tone...i don't know if anyone has heard of the "dying voice" but i heard it on my client's voice this morning. i'm going to see him tomorrow morning. he's got a nurse coming to his place already. he is such a great individual. young too, he was going to college last year and he was also working on his singing career. he sings jazz and he kept promising me his cd. i kept telling him that i wanted his autograph before he got too famous and forgot about me, "oh sonrisa, I will never forget you!!" that's what he used to tell me. i almost cried when i talked to him this morning. i keep telling myself that it's part of my job but i can't help it.
i went kareokeing(?) last week with mr. motorcycle, pokey reese and mr. bean. that was sooo much fun. i sang a song by jose alfredo jimenez, "la media vuelta". the guys were suprised that i actually got up there to sing. I was surprised at myself as well!! i was so nervous but i did it!!! yay for me!!! i had fun. mr. motorcycle kept telling me that i've changed since our trip to mexico. i kept asking how but he would just tell me "i don't know but you have". he kept telling me that all night and then on tuesday when i saw him again. i don't know how i've changed, really i don't think i have. i just miss my mom and being in mexico and well maybe it has to do with me constantly thinking about mr. k. who knows?!?!? i never mention mr. k though when i'm around mr. motorcycle. oh yeah mr.motorcycle and i have decided to eat healthier...no more greasy foods for us!!! we are supposed to do this for 3 months to see how we feel and also to see if there are any physical changes. we are not on a diet!!! we are just making healthy choices. we'll see what happens.
AND mr. K!! what can i say about mr. k?!?! he missed me while i was gone!!! i was happy to hear that :-) we got together the first weekend i came back from mexico and let me tell you that i felt him actually miss me!!! the way he looked at me, the way he talked to me, the way, yeah i'll stop there. i can't stop thinking about him!!! i saw him again this past weekend and the way he held me in his arms!!! AND the way he he hugged me and lifted me when i left his place. the way he looks at me is what kills me!!! he looks at me like like like, i can't even describe it. he gives me this look and then smiles. oh how i like him. we had soooo much fun this past weekend. he makes me laugh so much!!! AND this is the best part, he actually asks me how I'M doing and actually listens!! i know we are still in the "trying to impress one another" stage but it's really nice. i love talking to him. i actually told him that i might even be able to fall in love with him!!! ME?!?!?! LOVE?!??!? AGAIN?!?!?!? maybe that's what is different about me, maybe mr. motorcycle is right. maybe i've changed... because i may be falling in love!!!
Thursday, January 12, 2006
the world revolves around who?
Santis and i went to cracked chancla's bookstore last night and we had sooooo much fun...well at least i did. there is a saying that i like alot "there are three sides to a story; your side, my side and then the real story." why am i saying this? well because i will describe last night through my eyes, my version of the story...hay que dramatica!!!
Anyway, as usual santis calls me last minute to ask if i wanted to go over to cc's, "clarines!!!"... i was planning on taking some colaciones (traditional mexican christmas candy to cc but i didn't have it with me) I tell him that i will meet up with him over there...i'm driving ms. J's car while she's on vacation. I love driving down lakeshore drive...well actually only when there is no traffic porque cuando hay traffico, well lets not even go there. Back to santis and cc. So anyway, santis and i get there and as i walk in i felt right at home. The atmosphere in the coffee shop/bookstore was so welcoming!!!..i've already e-mailed mr. motorcylce about the place and we are supposed to go there on open mike night!!!!...i loved it. it was sooo nice to see cracked chancla again!!!
so santis and i sit down and cc asks if we want something to drink "yo vine por el chocolate so i want un chocolate" santis had coffee, i forgot the name of it but i had a little taste and it was delicious not as delicious as my chocolate but yummy. cc sat with us and we talked about everything!!! of course it would go back to santis...hence the title, ehehehheeh i love you santis you know that. cc suggested that santis and i do a comedy skit, somos payasos o que? just kidding. actually santis and i liked the suggestion so santis came up with a name "SON and SANTIS"...son for sonrisa. we're seriously thinking about it, thanks cc. we also talked about my dates...before i was too afraid to go out on them. I told cc and santis that when it comes to romantic relationships i'm just too stupid, actually i'm just too scared. i don't want to get hurt, literally, again. i enjoyed our conversation last night. oh yeah we also talked about people and things that needed to be "X-ed". santis came up with it...you had to be there. i had never laughed so hard this year...get it? this year? hehehee. i also asked cc about kachis' behavior and she told me that it was natural for him to be the way he has been. i miss my old kachis. on one of my other posts Ktrion commented on how he feels that i abandoned him and therefore needs to feel like he can trust me again. i learned so much last night!!! one of the many things i learned was that cc is very very observant, in a good way :-) thanks for being such a great hostess ms. cc!!! i'll see you soon!!! oh yeah don't forget to send the list of the john cusack(?) movies...i'm not a fan of his but was assured that i would after watching "say anything". hmm? i'll just have see ;-)
Anyway, as usual santis calls me last minute to ask if i wanted to go over to cc's, "clarines!!!"... i was planning on taking some colaciones (traditional mexican christmas candy to cc but i didn't have it with me) I tell him that i will meet up with him over there...i'm driving ms. J's car while she's on vacation. I love driving down lakeshore drive...well actually only when there is no traffic porque cuando hay traffico, well lets not even go there. Back to santis and cc. So anyway, santis and i get there and as i walk in i felt right at home. The atmosphere in the coffee shop/bookstore was so welcoming!!!..i've already e-mailed mr. motorcylce about the place and we are supposed to go there on open mike night!!!!...i loved it. it was sooo nice to see cracked chancla again!!!
so santis and i sit down and cc asks if we want something to drink "yo vine por el chocolate so i want un chocolate" santis had coffee, i forgot the name of it but i had a little taste and it was delicious not as delicious as my chocolate but yummy. cc sat with us and we talked about everything!!! of course it would go back to santis...hence the title, ehehehheeh i love you santis you know that. cc suggested that santis and i do a comedy skit, somos payasos o que? just kidding. actually santis and i liked the suggestion so santis came up with a name "SON and SANTIS"...son for sonrisa. we're seriously thinking about it, thanks cc. we also talked about my dates...before i was too afraid to go out on them. I told cc and santis that when it comes to romantic relationships i'm just too stupid, actually i'm just too scared. i don't want to get hurt, literally, again. i enjoyed our conversation last night. oh yeah we also talked about people and things that needed to be "X-ed". santis came up with it...you had to be there. i had never laughed so hard this year...get it? this year? hehehee. i also asked cc about kachis' behavior and she told me that it was natural for him to be the way he has been. i miss my old kachis. on one of my other posts Ktrion commented on how he feels that i abandoned him and therefore needs to feel like he can trust me again. i learned so much last night!!! one of the many things i learned was that cc is very very observant, in a good way :-) thanks for being such a great hostess ms. cc!!! i'll see you soon!!! oh yeah don't forget to send the list of the john cusack(?) movies...i'm not a fan of his but was assured that i would after watching "say anything". hmm? i'll just have see ;-)
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
my trip to mexico...
there is so much to say!!!! where to begin!!! well i'll start by saying that nothing happened between mr. motorcycle and i. absolutely nothing!!!! we just became better friends...yes i will most definetly look for him in my next life!!! we talked about everything and anything. you know what it felt like? it felt like when he drives me back home and we are so focused on our conversation that sometimes he forgets to get out on my exit so he just keeps driving until we finish our conversation. does that make sense? anywho, it was a nice drive. AND i'm not going to focus on mr. motorcycle because i want to keep all of those nice memories to myself. so i get to my pueblito and to my suprise it had changed sooooo much. i hadn't been there in like ten years!!! the first thing i noticed as i walked into my parents home was that the house had gotten bigger. i had heard talk about my parents remodeling the house but holy shit!!! "HAY GUEEEEYY!!!" was my reaction as i walked into the living room, then to the dining room and finally the kitchen. "PUES PARA QUE QUIEREN LA CASA TAN GRANDE MAMI?" so i go to my room...all nine of us have our own room now, i'm telling it's huge ass house!!...and start getting comfortable when the door bell rings. es mi tia/madrina!!! "hola mi'ja!!! tanto tiempo que no te veo!!!" i got alot of those the first few days. i also got alot of "mira nomas ya estas bien grande!!" and my mommy responding "y de todos lados!!"...yeah my mommy thinks she's funny!! las primas would come to get me to go to las posadas, that was sooo much fun,not the praying part but the little kids just playing around just waiting for the treats!! they are sooo cute!! i got to go to una quincanera too. that was fun as well!!! by the way i plan to write about all of these experiences individually and also add pictures to the posts...this is just a summary. AND ooohhh the food!!! THE FOOD!!!! it was sooooo DELICIOUS!! i got to eat carnitas, menudo, pozole, tamales, caldo de pollo, caldo de rez, nopalitos, chicharon, pampasos, pulque, nieve de limon, paletas de fresa, guayabas,...i ate sooooo much!!! AND everything was soooo delicious. i got to go to different tianguis' de diferentes pueblitos!! i loved it all!!! i so did not want to come back!!!
Monday, January 09, 2006
i'm back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it feels wierd to be back here!!! i need some catching up to do at work so i'm not sure when i will begin writing about my trip...i will most definetly will try my best to write soon.
i missed you bloggeros/bloggeras!!!!!!
i missed you bloggeros/bloggeras!!!!!!
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